BEFORE: I went and had that toenail removed today, the process was not as painful as you might think thanks to novocaine and ibuprofen, but if those wear off, I may be in some trouble. Turns out that you don't need your big toe toenail, at least I don't, so I'm hoping that it doesn't grow back. I had the other big toe toenail removed 30 or so years ago, so my feet finally match again.
Tonight's film covers some of the same events as last night's film, the conflict between Queen Elizabeth I and Mary, Queen of Scots. House of Tudor vs. House of Stuart - who will win? Oh, that's right, we already know. Linking from "Elizabeth: The Golden Age", Cate Blanchett was also in "Hot Fuzz" with Timothy Dalton (last heard in "Toy Story 3"), who appears tonight.
THE PLOT: Mary Stuart, who was named Queen of Scotland when she was only six days old, is the last Roman Catholic ruler of Scotland. She is imprisoned at he age of 23 by her cousin Elizabeth Tudor, the English Queen and her arch adversary.
AFTER: Let me fill in the backstory here on Mary, Q.O.S. - she was the only surviving legitimate child of James V of Scotland, and she was crowned Queen at just nine months old. She married Francis, who became King Francis II of France, when she was 16, but he died when she was 18. Francis' mother (Catherine de Medici) took the throne of France, so she returned to Scotland.
Her claim to the British throne came due to this whole Protestant/Catholic thing that Henry VIII stirred up. The Pope didn't like Henry's penchant for divorcing and/or beheading his wives, so the Catholics didn't consider Elizabeth I to be legitimate. Remove her from the picture, and the throne would belong to Henry VIII's sister, or her descendant, Mary Stuart, aka Mary, Queen of Scots.
Again we see that anyone who doesn't share the same religious beliefs is called a "heretic", and anyone who doesn't share the same political beliefs was called a "traitor". So in the eyes of the Catholics, Elizabeth I was a heretic, but to the Catholics in Scotland, the Protestant Mary was sort of called the same. Everyone's so convinced that their religion is the "one, true religion" - jeez, they can't all be right, so it just seems plain to me to assume that they're all wrong. (except the Mormons, duh)
The film seems to follow the history pretty well - including Elizabeth's reaction to having another claimant to the throne living to the North, which was to suggest a marriage between Mary and Robert Dudley (after his own wife's death). Dudley was rumored to be the queen's "favorite" (and we know what that means - virgin queen my ass), thereby solving two problems, making peace with Mary and getting rid of her own rumored boyfriend. But this was something of a dodge - according to this film, she also sent Henry, Lord Darnley along to return some horses, thinking that Mary might fall for Henry instead. She did, but the film conveniently fails to mention that this Henry was also Mary's first cousin. Eww.
What follows I won't reveal here (more info available on Wikipedia) but it's like a real-life soap opera set in the 16th century - infidelity, bisexuality, divorce, treason and murder. It sounds very exciting, but unfortunately this film is mostly talky-talky, and not enough stabby-stabby (or choppy-choppy). It came off mostly like a stage play, since it was so driven by dialogue, and not so much by action. I say it so often - show, don't tell.
I'm starting to form a theory that the royalty of the 15th/16th century were a lot like the rock stars of the 1970s/1980s. Actually back to Jerry Lee Lewis, who also famously married his cousin - but think of the Beatles in Hamburg in the 1960's, how much backstage tail they got. Then in the 1980's, the gay rights movement might not have gained as much ground as it did without Boy George, George Michael, Elton John living and loving (relatively) publicly. Rock stars get a pass, as long as they keep putting out great music, who cares about their sex lives? (Well, actually we do, as they are probably very interesting.) Even rock royalty like Bruce Springsteen, who got divorced and then married his back-up singer - I can easily draw a connection to Prince Charles, or even Henry VIII.
We went out last Friday and saw one of the biggest rock duos of the 80's, still touring after 37 years (no, not Hall + Oates, and not Wham! - the other one). We've sometimes found it odd listening to this group's love ballads, which featured two men singing, ostensibly to each other. Yeah, maybe they were singing simultaneously to two lady loves, but who knows? It's not hard to imagine them singing the songs to each other. Again, who cares, but it's sometimes fun to speculate. We've seen them in concert twice, and both times got a vibe from them that was much larger than any possible rumor or speculation.
At one point in the concert, the lead singer clarified that despite 37 years on the road together, he and his songwriting/singing partner had never been lovers. Which seemed odd - why bring it up, if it was never an issue? Then he further clarified by saying they just liked to kiss each other a lot. Great, now I'm more confused than ever. But again, if you're a famous rock star, this sort of thing almost doesn't matter. David Bowie, Elton John, Mick Jagger - I just get the feeling they were leading the sexual revolution in the 1970's, with all that entails. By contrast, the British royalty was into all kinds of crazy stuff, and this was 300 or 400 years before the sexual revolution!
NITPICK POINT: When we first see Mary, Queen of Scots in this film, she's supposed to be 18. And she lived until the age of 45. She looked too old to be 18 at the beginning of the film, and she also looked older than 45 at the end. Though, to be fair, the real Mary had gray hair at 45. But she was imprisoned by Elizabeth for 19 years, and the movie just sort of skips over those years, so as a result I didn't feel the impact of her long time in captivity.
Also starring Vanessa Redgrave (last heard in "Cars 2"), Glenda Jackson, Patrick McGoohan (last seen in "The Phantom"), Ian Holm (last seen in "The Aviator"), Trevor Howard, Daniel Massey, and a bit part near the end played by Jeremy "Boba Fett" Bulloch.
RATING: 4 out of 10 bagpipes
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