Extinction

Year 15, Day 217 - 8/5/23 - Movie #4,512

BEFORE: Huh, haven't watched an alien invasion film in a while - not since "The Tomorrow War" last year, I think.  But I've got two more scheduled for this year, it looks like, so maybe this will be a recurring theme this year after all. 

Michael Peña carries over again from "Secret Headquarters". 

THE PLOT: A father has a recurring dream of losing his family. His nightmare turns into reality when the planet is invaded by a force bent on destruction. Fighting for their lives, he comes to realize an unknown strength to keep them safe from harm. 

AFTER: OK, third film in a row where the central character is a father who's got a failed or failing relationship with his wife and child (or children).  But here the prevailing cause is not his job or his side-gig as a superhero, it's because he's having recurring nightmares of an alien invasion.  Maybe he's just got a stressful job, and his brain is working some stuff out at night, and I know what that feels like - or maybe he's somehow having precognitions about what's about to happen.  He's got Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder, in other words. 

When he finally agrees to see a professional about this, after a few blackouts that make him miss out on spending quality time with his daughters, he realizes that another patient at the clinic is having similar dreams, and that guy keeps coming to the clinic to have them erased.  So what's going on here?  Good to know that in the future there will be some kind of mind-wiping technology, only is that really a good thing?  

Of course, the next night, when Peter and his wife Alice FINALLY get together with work friends for the first time in forever, that's when the aliens invade for real.  And then Peter, who decided not to get his mind wiped after all, really has a chance to shine, because he remembers from his dreams how to fight the aliens, and who survives the initial attack, which gives him a clue about where to bring his family so they'll be safe.  But then, are the visions accurate or just a hint about possible outcomes?  

(The alien soldiers, by the way, have biometric locks on their weapons, so only individual users can fire them.  Which seems like a shame, like this tech has been discussed in the U.S., but never got put into play, because of the NRA.  Think about that for a moment, the ALIENS have better gun control policies than we do.  We should be ashamed...I bet they have extensive background checks and reasonable waiting periods, too.)

On their way through the underground tunnels to the factory where Peter works, Alice is injured from a bomb blast, and they're found by the same alien who invaded their apartment, who was able to trace them via the alien rifle they're carrying.  There's a twist here that changes the entire game, but I'm not going to get into it because it's a major spoiler. I'll just say it's one that I haven't seen before, and it elevates this beyond being any kind of simple invasion movie, which it sure seemed like from the jump.  But it's not. 

I'm surprised I haven't heard more about this movie over the last few years, I mean it has been on Netflix since 2018, so people may have watched it and then forgot about it, but this twist means that it could become more and more relevant as time goes by.  (Man, you know a film is very difficult to link to if it's been on my list for THIS long...five years?)

But people way back in the pre-pandemic era apparently also found this plot to be quite confusing and muddled - so the world wasn't ready for this film back then, but maybe one day its time will come.  And how can you call something "formulaic" if it ends up in a completely different place from any other film that came before?  Sure, it started with a tried-and-true formula of events that you've seen in everything from "Independence Day" to "Captive State" - but then it goes off in a completely new direction. Kudos for that, I guess. 

NITPICK POINT: If the aliens have mastered the ability to get to Earth from another planet, why the heck would Peter and Alice think they could hold them off just by barricading their apartment door with the couch?

Maybe it's the fact that Michael Peña and Owen Wilson co-starred in yesterday's movie, but to me "Extinction" felt like almost the exact same movie as "No Escape", just with hostile aliens replacing Asians.  Just me? 

Also starring Lizzy Caplan (last seen in "My Best Friend's Girl"), Mike Colter (last seen in "Girls Trip"), Amelia Crouch (last seen in "Kate"), Erica Tremblay, Israel Broussard (last seen in "The Bling Ring"), Lex Shrapnel (last seen in "Flyboys"), Emma Booth (last seen in "Gods of Egypt"), Lilly Aspell (last seen in "Wonder Woman 1984"), Tom Riley, Michael Absalom, Mina Obradovic, Nikola Kent (last seen in "Papillon" (2017)), Dan Cade (last seen in "The Family").

RATING: 6 out of 10 oddly-shaped apartment buildings

Secret Headquarters

Year 15, Day 216 - 8/4/23 - Movie #4,511

BEFORE: OK, I sort of see what this week wants to be now - two films about contact sports (boxing & MMA), two films about superheroes, two sci-fi films with aliens in them, and, umm, two other films with Halle Berry as traumatized women (one famous, the other not so much).  Wait, that adds up to eight films in a week, I guess I'm counting both Saturdays this way.  Well, it's a mixed bag of stuff, no matter how you slice it.  That's typical for August, where summer blockbusters meet biopics, sci-fi meets sports, and I'm clearing house by watching whatever's going to get me to Labor Day and/or the start of Halloween month. 

Next week looks like another mixed bag, but then the week after that is like ALL sci-fi and fantasy (but it's a short week) and then after that, a little bit of everything until Sept. 1 - sci-fi, weird sports, another bio-pic, another bio-pic and a few indie dramas.  I'm really looking forward to the full theme month in October, it tends to be less confusing, but more spooky at the same time. 

Michael Peña carries over from "Moonfall". 

THE PLOT: While hanging out after school, Charlie and his friends discover the headquarters of the world's most powerful superhero hidden beneath his father's home.  When villains attack, they must team up to defend the headquarters and save the world. 

AFTER: Damn, I wish I'd known this was going to be a "kids" movie, I would have considered skipping it. I've never watched the "Spy Kids" movies, and there's a reason - though who knows, maybe I'd like those, as long as they aim a bit higher than this one did. Like this one feels like it was made for the Disney Channel, and I don't mean that as a compliment.  I used to see promos for superhero shows on Disney, like "The Thundermans" and "LabRats" and "Mighty Med" and they just all looked bloody awful.  I'd never let my kids watch shows I found to be stupid, but maybe all kids shows look a bit stupid to adults.  Worse, the acting was always so over-the-top that I couldn't believe anything any of the characters said - so I curse all the acting coaches working over there at Disney who've trained all child actors to over-emote. It always seems like every character played by a kid is constantly exasperated and talking much too fast.  Like, you kids are at a "10" and I need you to be at a "2".

What's worse, this film isn't even really about the main superhero, The Guard.  We see him get his powers in the opening scenes of the film, and then he's called away to do superhero stuff for most of the film, and we see him again in the last 15 minutes of the film.  Jeez, Owen Wilson is front and center on the poster, but he's barely in the film, and HE'S THE STAR!  instead the movie focuses on his neglected son and his son's friends as they accidentally discover the secret headquarters far below his house, and all the cool gadgets there.  Naturally the kids take some of the gadgets out of the HQ and try to win junior high (?) with them, but that's not really playing fair, is it?  Do we want to send the message to our kids that's it's OK to use high-tech gadgets to cheat on tests, cheat at baseball and drive before they are of legal age?  Wow, that all sounds really bad, and it is. 

Look, I get Jack SEEMS like a neglectful father, but whenever he claims he has to go to "work", he's really saving lives around the world, only he hasn't confided in his son that he doesn't have an office job, but he's a superhero who got his hero suit and power source from an alien spaceship.  They never say it outright, but it feels like either being a superhero broke up Jack's marriage, or else he chose to isolate himself from his wife and son for their own protection.  Or maybe he's just too busy to spend time with them, and he is really a dick about it, it's tough to say.  But surely there must be some superheroes who can balance work and family, like, umm, well there's Hawkeye, he had a wife and kids in the MCU, just not in the comics.  Superman's got Lois Lane and has a teenage son in the most recent comics incarnation, two sons in the latest TV show.  

Yeah, but that's about it. I can't name another major superhero with a long-term relationship AND kids.  Spider-Man was married for a while and I think there was a baby, but the next writer retconned all that away.  Batman?  One son who was the 4th or 5th Robin, but he's not married to the baby mama, and the recent planned wedding to Catwoman got called off.  Scarlet Witch and Vision couldn't make it work in either comics or TV, I guess a witch and a robot are just too different to get along.  Really, I blame the comic-book writers, who choose to keep their hero characters eternally single, because it's just easier to write them that way, they can focus more on their heroic deeds than their private lives, plus your average comic book writer probably knows very little about relationships.  Just saying.  Captain America, Iron Man, She-Hulk, they've all had long-term relationships but have avoided being tied down - gotta keep those options open.

But it doesn't HAVE to be this way, there's nothing that says a superhero can't be married, but I guess the main audience is still kids, and they may not understand the repercussions of long-term relationships.  Plus when you do see Wolverine or Deadpool or Daredevil get married in the comics, you just know the next writer's going to kill off the spouse, you can practically set your watch by it.  So maybe "Secret Headquarters" is referencing this fact, or perhaps I'm over-thinking it, like I tend to do with everything. 

Anyway, once the kids learn that Charlie's dad is The Guard, they take a bunch of the high-tech gadgets to school and they also go for a ride in the battle van.  Umm, HOW is this a good idea?  They go WAY over the speed limit, and in doing so they alert The Guard's enemies to the location of his headquarters, and that means a visit from some very BAD people, one of whom feels that HE should have been given the super-powers from the spaceship, not Jack. Ugh, then this film basically turns into "Home Alone: Superhero Edition" as the kids try to use the gadgets to defeat the tech businessman (Luthor-type) who leads the excursion into the secret headquarters.  

What's worse is that when The Guard finally gets back, and not.a moment too soon, the bad guys start the timers on all the explosives they've placed around the HQ, and the kids and The Guard have to evacuate and take the fight to school, and wouldn't you know it, it's the night of the big school dance.  And I actually didn't see the ending because my DVR didn't record the last 10 minutes of the film, but you know, I can probably guess what happens.  Good wins over evil because it's nicer, and Jack vows to be a better father now that his son knows his secret.  I will watch the last 10 minutes tonight, just to confirm, but it's probably not necessary. 

I just think there were probably better ways to get from the beginning of this film to the end, that's all - without so much silly kids-playing-with-gadgets stuff in between.  Seeing these kids acting out gets tiresome very, very quickly.  It also reminds me of all the goofy gadgets seen in "The Goonies", and those just never really looked like they would work in real life.  There is a through-line from "Moonfall", however, as that film had a central character whose marriage broke up because he was an astronaut, and his relationship with his son was damaged.  Same thing tonight, only the cause is being a superhero - sure, because it couldn't possibly be the father's fault, in either case, so by all means, blame their jobs.

Also starring Owen Wilson (last seen in "Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania"), Walker Scobell (last seen in "The Adam Project"), Jesse Williams (last seen in "The Cabin in the Woods"), Keith L. Williams (last seen in "Good Boys"), Momona Tamada, Charles Melton (last seen in "Bad Boys for Life"), Abby James Witherspoon (last seen in "Hot Pursuit"), Kezii Curtis (last seen in "Dolemite Is My Name"), Jessie Mueller (last seen in "Adrienne"), Dustin Ingram (last seen in "Sky High"), Levy Tran (last seen in "The First Purge"), Michael Anthony, Dayna Beilenson (last seen in "The Mule"), David Lengel (last seen in "Shazam! Fury of the Gods"), Forrest Deal, DK Metcalf, Lav Luv, Aiden Malik (last seen in "The Florida Project"), Lucius Baston (last seen in "The Best of Enemies"), Mick Daily, Ninja N. Devoe (last seen in "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks"), Louie Chaplin Moss, Labrandon Shead (last seen in "Triple 9"), Constance McCracklin.

RATING: 4 out of 10 Nintendo Switch games

Moonfall

Year 15, Day 215 - 8/3/23 - Movie #4,510

BEFORE: Halle Berry carries over again from "Introducing Dorothy Dandridge".  This film's been on my DVR since last October, I was eager to watch it when I recorded it, of course, but my linking path took me to other movies like "Don't Look Up" that seemed more important.  Still, I found a place for it, eventually, and it's going to help me get through the summer, so there's that - but my enthusiasm seems to have dampened quite a bit.  Also, I've never heard anyone talk about this movie, like nobody I know ever said "Hey, did you watch 'Moonfall'?" which is a bad sign. Oh, well, let's clear some space on the movie DVR!

FOLLOW-UP TO: "Don't Look Up" (Movie #4,286)

THE PLOT: A mysterious force knocks the moon from its orbit and sends it hurtling on a collision course toward Earth. 

AFTER: So many questionable decisions here - it's a bit like that KFC bowl that Patton Oswalt once did a comedy routine about, where he called it a "failure pile in a sadness bowl".  You might think hey, I like chicken, I Iove mashed potatoes and corn and gravy, so what could be wrong with putting them all together in one bowl - screw having things arranged on a plate like you're an adult with self-respect and dignity.  No, by all means, have the restaurant put all of your food in one big bowl, like you're a dog.  So you order it because the price is right, and if you like all those things separately, you'll like them together, right?  Then before the meal is over, you're questioning all of your life choices that led you to where you now find yourself. 

In a similar manner, this is a movie that takes bits and pieces of what Hollywood thinks you loved about "Armageddon", "Deep Impact", "The Day After Tomorrow" and let's say "2001: A Space Odyssey" and "Contact" and puts them together in a big bowl for you, knowing you're going to chow down on it, but then not doing anything to help with the shame and regret that you're going to feel after.  Hey, you liked that part in "Armageddon" where the heroes had a big fight over who's going to sacrifice themself to save the world, right?  And you liked watching meteors hit the earth in "Deep Impact", because it made you feel more alive and thankful that wasn't happening in real life, right?  And you loved those bits in "The Day After Tomorrow" where people walked across the country while it was snowing and they eventually found each other again, right?  So come on, it's a no-brainer, you're gonna LOVE this one. 

And all you have to enjoy it is to unlearn everything you were ever told by science about the Earth and the moon and how life started.  That's right, you were told that life started on earth, molecules came together in the primordial soup of the still-forming planet, then they got struck by lightning or something, and eventually there was DNA and consciousness and carbon-based one-celled organisms got together and made multi-celled beings, protozoa evolved into worms, then into fish, then walking fish, then animals, primates and eventually cavemen, it just took a REALLY long time, but that's OK because an asteroid killed the dinosaurs and history belongs to the winners, after all.  Meanwhile a bunch of space debris formed a ring around the planet because gravity, and those pieces kept colliding into each other and eventually they formed a big satellite we call the moon, which is perfectly round because again, gravity and friction, and it's perfectly situated in a spot where it doesn't get any closer to the earth, and it also doesn't fly off into space and do it's own thing.  

(Or maybe you believe God snapped his fingers and created the heavens and the earth in 6 days, then went on break.  Your choice, but science chooses method A.  Either way, forget all that because they're about to put every conspiracy theory ever together and blow your freakin' mind...)

So, here's a SPOILER ALERT because here comes the new theory on how everything started - the first beings lived a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away (no, not that one) and they filled up their planet and they outlawed war and then they turned their attention to building giant rings in space and colonizing the galaxy.  They created a giant factory that harnessed white dwarf stars for power, and built these big round vessels for those stars, ones that looked exactly like little planetoids, like the moon.  These were really mega-structures, containing spaceships, people, computers, electronics - essentially the opposite of the Death Stars from "Star Wars" - they were designed to go out into the galaxy to find ideal planets to colonize, and then remain in orbit to monitor the progress of the new worlds.  And apparently if they couldn't FIND appropriate planets, then they would help them form.  (This bit is quite unclear, did the moon FIND the earth, or did it CREATE the earth.  Or a little bit of both?)

The problem was, this society that overcame war and poverty and all bad nastiness also created artificial intelligence, and then something went wrong (this bit is also unclear...) and the AI formed nanotech that decided to turn on the Great Society that created it, and eliminate all human life.  Yes, the great society that had it all somehow made a bad calculation and created EVIL A.I. - if you're looking for a greater metaphor here, like the climate change one in "Don't Look Up", I'm afraid this is it.  A.I. = bad, which is exactly what the actors and writers in Hollywood are on strike for right now.  Look, I'm not saying studio executives are looking into A.I. for the right reasons, clearly they just want to push a button and have a script written for them and take humans out of the process all together - we've seen where that ends, and it's called "Skynet" and an army of Terminator robots.  So we don't want that - but surely there could be SOME noble use for A.I. in the future?  Maybe A.I. could figure out an answer for climate change, for example, because right now we humans can't seem to do dick about it. 

So yeah, the Apollo 11 mission learned the truth about the moon, but they kept that quiet for years.  And then shuttle astronauts in 2011 saw the nanotech swarm, but instead of being honest about it, they blamed one of the astronauts for the death of another, while the third was conveniently unconscious.  And instead of being thanked for saving the life of his "work wife", Jocinda Fowler, Commander Brian Harper was put on trial and thrown out of NASA, which led to the break-up of his marriage and turned his son into a juvenile delinquent.  Things have repercussions, after all.  

Meanwhile, there's a non-astronaut who keeps calling NASA to check on the moon's orbit, because he's convinced that it's getting closer to the planet, and wouldn't you know, he's right.  Then he impersonates Brian Harper to tell a bunch of kids all his crazy theories, how the moon is a mega-structure built by aliens, and yet somehow he doesn't get in trouble for it.  Then he breaks the news to everyone via social media that the moon's going to crash into the Earth in three weeks, and he doesn't get in trouble for THAT either.  Go figure.  Instead he connects with the maverick shuttle pilot and Jocinda Fowler, who just became the head of NASA, and they all set off on a broken-down, graffiti-covered space shuttle to fly to the moon and, you know, fix it with a bomb, because that makes sense.  

They only have a limited amount of time, because Fowler's ex-husband is a military general who's going to help send missiles to the moon once it gets too close, even though they KNOW that blowing up the moon isn't going to fix things, it's only going to make things worse, once you factor in all the radiation from the missiles and the fallout from all the pieces of the broken moon.  Blowing up the moon when it gets closer is basically a death sentence for the planet, so for God's sake, WHY is this seen as the solution to the problem?  When all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail, so I guess when all you have is missiles, everything is just something to be blowed up.  Still, this is just stupid on top of stupid.  Who the hell wrote this?

Also meanwhile, Harper's no-good son is for some reason put in charge of making sure that Fowler's younger son gets to the military shelter in time, also protecting the kid's exchange-student live-in caregiver.  They keep failing, though, because of all the rioting and looting that's going on because some idiot told the world that the moon was going to crash into the earth.  Yeah, that seems about right.  So instead they strike out for Aspen and hook up with Harper's ex-wife and her second husband and their two daughters, so the whole damn blended and extended family can face the end together.  They have to evacuate because as the moon gets closer, it's sucking away all the oxygen and also causing "gravity waves" that somehow make tanker trucks float, and I think science will back me up here, this is absolutely 100% ass-backwards, because if the moon can create the tides in the ocean, then as it gets closer to the planet, it's going to INCREASE gravity rather than decrease it.  Right?  Or is the moon pulling cars and trucks and people towards itself?  That doesn't really work, either, it's just more junk science on top of other junk science. 

So we keep cutting between the team of three people in the shuttle who make it to the moon in record time (well, it is getting closer...) with a bomb to "fix" things, the families of those two astronauts who are trying to find a way to survive, and the team of army generals who are safe but are waiting for the right moment to fire all the missiles at the moon and blow it up, which would still kill everyone.  Got it?  Did I miss something, or is that all the stupid in one complete sentence?  Man, I've got NITPICK POINTS for all of these situations, and I hardly know where to start. Here we go...

NP: They only had like HOURS to find the shuttle, get the shuttle into position, checked out, fueled, loaded with both a lander AND a rover, and ready for take-off.  Ideally, this is a process that takes MONTHS, and they somehow do it in hours, at a time when all the NASA techs and crew members are either running for their lives, resigning or being dismissed for their own safety.  Nope, not possible, not under these conditions.  End of story. 

NP: The shuttle can't use any "electronics" because doing that will alert the nano-storm, which can sense electronics being used by humans.  OK, but you know the shuttle is full of electronics, right?  Every single system on board, from navigation to climate control to deploying the lander is some form of electronics.  What did they do, install some kind of hydraulic system or power the shuttle flight with a crank?  This made zero sense.  Even if they get to the moon and "power down", then at that point the shuttle would just be a floating piece of space junk, they wouldn't be able to DO anything without turning something on.  And they're worried that the nanotech swarm can sense their cel phones?  Ridiculous.  Even the BOMB is powered by electronics, so if they have to keep the bomb turned on, the swarm will sense it, and if they turn the bomb off, then it won't work.  Meanwhile, the solution to the cel phone?  Just break it, because you can't possibly turn a cel phone OFF.

NP: Out of all the generals in that bunker, only ONE of them, Fowler's ex-husband, is against turning the key and launching the missiles that will blow up the moon and also destroy Earth in the long run. Really?  Just one?  And he only feels this way because his son is not safe in the bunker yet and his ex-wife is up on the moon, trying to fix things with a bomb?  Yeah, this feels like a stretch.  He draws his gun and holds the other generals at gunpoint to prevent them from firing the missiles - but this subverts the chain of command and seems a bit like treason, plus there are 12 other generals who could shoot back at him, so why is he suddenly in charge of determining the planet's fate?  The first guy who draws a gun wins the argument?  Also doesn't really work at all. 

Then we've really got to get into the physics of this all.  Sure, I understand a bit about the orbit of the moon - as I said before, the moon's in that gravity "sweet spot" where it's not too close to the Earth, and not too far away, either.  (You can read all you want into the fact that when there's a solar eclipse, the moon appears almost exactly the same size as the sun, but maybe in the end this is just a coincidence.). Would you believe that the moon could get so close to the earth as to scrape off the atmosphere, maybe even knock off the tops of a few skyscrapers, and then somehow, against all logic and everything we know about momentum, RETURN to its natural orbit?  No freaking way.  At that point it would be so close to the planet that an impact would be inevitable, because that's how gravity works - they mention this at the beginning of the film, and then this fact gets casually ignored, or explained away because the moon really isn't a natural satellite, remember, it's more like a Death Star.  Give me a freakin' break. 

So I thought this one was going to be a cool film - but it was just a waste of time.  Now I know why nobody was really talking about this film, it's just a bunch of nonsense and visual effects making the impossible possible.  Did you ever get to where you were trying to go and then wonder why you thought that would be a good place to be?  I guess we learn something from going on that journey, even if it seems pointless after the arrival.  

Also starring Patrick Wilson (last seen in "Midway"), John Bradley (last seen in "The Brothers Grimsby"), Michael Peña (last seen in "Tom & Jerry"), Charlie Plummer (last seen in "All the Money in the World"), Kelly Yu, Donald Sutherland (last seen in "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"), Eme Ikwuakor (last seen in "The Gray Man"), Carolina Bartczak (last seen in "X-Men: Apocalypse"), Maxim Roy, Frank Schorpion (last seen in "The Hummingbird Project"), Christian Jadah (ditto), Stephen Bogaert (last seen in "It: Chapter Two"), Andreas Apergis (last seen in "Birthmarked"), Tyrone Benskin (ditto), Kathleen Fee (last seen in "The Words"), Zayn Maloney, Ava Weiss, Hazel Nugent, Chris Sandiford, Jonathan Maxwell Silver, Ryan Bommarito, Frank Fiola (last seen in "Bad Santa 2"), Katy Breier (last seen in "The Calling"), Josh Cruddas, Kyle Gatehouse (last seen in "The Man from Toronto"), Andre Bedard (last seen in "X-Men: Dark Phoenix"), Zachary Amzallag, Michael Czyz, Randy Thomas, Azriel Dalman, André Lacoste. 

RATING: 3 out of 10 free bagels

Introducing Dorothy Dandridge

Year 15, Day 214 - 8/2/23 - Movie #4,509

BEFORE: Well, it's great to be back on a movie-a-day schedule, even if it's just for the next two weeks.  I at least FEEL like I'm making progress, even if the list never seems to get any shorter, because I'm always adding to it.  But I'm getting closer to... well, something, though it's probably just the end of the year.  And just three weeks left in my staycation. 

Halle Berry carries over from "Bruised", and I'm jumping way back for this one, 21 years before yesterday's film and while this film certainly wasn't her first feature, more like her 17th, it was still pre-X-Men and pre-"Monster's Ball" and pre-Bond girl and pre-Catwoman. Jeez, she's nearly had as many lives AS a cat, no?  

It would have been great if I could have bookended the month with this and "The U.S. vs. Billie Holiday", but I'm not that lucky.  Though that film is scheduled for the last week in August, but I guess I'll have to draw all my connections together at the end of the year, as per usual. 

THE PLOT: Dorothy Dandridge's way to fame and fortune as a dancer, singer and actress. 

AFTER: Sure, it probably seems like I'm all over the place with this Halle Berry chain - a psychological mystery, a sports film and now a biopic of a 1950's Hollywood actress. But there are some things in common, which is odd - all three characters played by Halle Berry are entertainers of a sort - a go-go dancer, a MMA fighter and a singer/actress.  All three also had problems and issues with their mother - sure, that's common enough but I'm trying to draw some connections here, and for that to pop up THREE times in a row, well, maybe there's something there. 

The problem here is this film is SO cheesy - it's all talky-talk, for one thing, with very little action, except for the stage performances by Halle Berry singing 1950's standards (but pepping them up QUITE a bit) and maybe two action scenes where she gets beaten up by various husbands.  Yes, this was set back in the time where it was sort of OK for a man to beat his wife if she expressed an opinion about something.  I'm not saying it was right, because it wasn't, but it was acceptable THEN.  Now, not so much.

Sure, I have to wonder if this biopic took some liberties, or if this is all 100% accurate events in the life of Dorothy Dandridge, the first black actress nominated for an Oscar for Best Actress.  She was up against Grace Kelly, Audrey Hepburn, Judy Garland and Jane Wyman. Yeah, she lost to Grace Kelly, she really never had a chance, because it was 1955. Hey, take the nomination as a win, every little blow against racism helps... and shortly after playing Dorothy Dandridge, Halle Berry became the first African-American to WIN the Best Actress Oscar. 

Her relationships were...well, apparently very complicated.  She married Harold Nicholas, one of the Nicholas Brothers, after they played the Cotton Club together and co-starred in the 1941 musical "Sun Valley Serenade", you might recognize the song "Chattanooga Choo-Choo".  According to this HBO movie, they had relationship problems because Dorothy had been sexually abused, and could not relax during intimate moments - but according to Wikipedia, things went south because of HIS infidelity and inattentiveness.  They had one daughter, who was born with brain damage and required constant care and eventually was put in an institution. 

Dandridge started a long affair with director Otto Preminger on the set of "Carmen Jones", but she ended things when he would not leave his wife to marry her. (Again, it was 1955.). But there's no mention here of her becoming pregnant and having an abortion - man, Wikipedia is thorough sometimes.  Then she had trouble with her second husband, Jack Denison, they were together only three years but there were allegations of domestic violence, while at the same time, whoever was handing Dandridge's money swindled her out of $150,000 and also, she owed back taxes on the money that she HAD earned, before she lost it.  

There's no mention in her official bio of her having a relationship with her music manager, Earl Mills, so I wonder if he was just a character created for this movie.  Here he claimed to be in love with her, but was also seen in this movie escorting her sister around, so who knows...  Perhaps the film just needed a character that would find her the night she died - whether her overdose was intentional or a by-product of a recent foot fracture is apparently still a matter of debate.  Did she go out like the black Marilyn Monroe or not?  

Her nightclub act was apparently very impressive, and her tour of clubs in the south probably looked a lot like the movie "Green Book", only more so.  She didn't record much on album, but perhaps that was a personal choice to ensure that people wouldn't stop going to see her sing live.  After filing for bankruptcy in 1963, she played lounges in Vegas to raise money to pay off her debts from lawsuits and back taxes.  And she was trying to revive her acting career when she died - c'est la vie, I suppose. 

Also starring Brent Spiner (last seen in "Miss Firecracker", Klaus Maria Brandauer (last seen in "Never Say Never Again"), Obba Babatundé (last seen in "After the Sunset"), Loretta Devine (last seen in "Sierra Burgess Is a Loser"), Cynda Williams (last seen in "Mo' Better Blues"), LaTanya Richardson (last seen in "Malcolm X"), Tamara Taylor (last seen in "Serenity"), William Atherton (last seen in "Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie"), D.B. Sweeney (last seen in "Extraction" (2015)), Don Gettinger, Nicholas Hormann (last seen in "The Incredible Shrinking Woman"), Sharon Brown (last seen in "For Keeps?"), Darrian C. Ford, Joanne Baron (last seen in "Frankie & Alice"), Margaret Easley, Clinton Derricks-Carroll,  Kerri Randles, Jon Mack (last seen in "After Earth"), Ken Michelman (last seen in "Vegas Vacation"), Tom Virtue (last seen in "The Ugly Truth"), Larry Poindexter (last seen in "S.W.A.T."), Irene Roseen (last seen in "The Family Man"), Mark Bramhall (last seen in "Vice" (2018)), André Carthen, Raphael Sbarge (last seen in "Vision Quest"), Benjamin Brown (last seen in "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer"), Brian Hatton, Clement von Franckenstein (last seen in "Take Me Home Tonight"), F. William Parker (last seen in "Lost Highway"), Jon Lindstrom (last seen in "Must Love Dogs"), Mik Scriba, Tyrone Wade, Alysha Sinclair, Chaz Monet, Alexis Carrington. 

RATING: 4 out of 10 virginity checks from Momma's "special friend"

Bruised

Year 15, Day 213 - 8/1/23 - Movie #4,508

BEFORE: Halle Berry carries over from "Frankie & Alice", and here are the actor links that should get me through the month of August: 

Halle Berry (2 more), Michael Peña, Lizzy Caplan, Karan Soni (again), Nik Dodani, Kaitlyn Dever, Edie Falco, Chloe Coleman, Bradley Cooper, Judy Greer, Steve Zissis, Jennifer Lafleur, Devon Graye, Christine Woods, Natasha Lyonne, Da'Vine Joy Randolph and Antonio Banderas.  

Yeah, that's only 17 people, but it's 26 films covered this month.  And I'm planning to get to "Avatar, the Way of Water", "Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves", "Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3" and the "Puss in Boots" sequel, plus a whole lot more.  Then by Sept. 1 I should be very close to fitting in "Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny", which has Antonio Banderas in it. This month's going to just fly by, I can feel it. 

AFTER: A disgraced MMA fighter finds redemption in the cage and the courage to face her demons when the son she had given up as an infant unexpectedly reenters her life. 

I'm late getting this review up, because I fell asleep watching this movie, with about half an hour to go until the end.  Which means that I missed the big fight - the whole reason to watch the movie in the first place!  Now, normally I'd just rewind (or I guess we say "scan back" now, it we're watching the Netflix) and drink some more Diet Mountain Dew and stay up for 30 more minutes, but I had a job interview this morning, and I didn't want to oversleep.  So I had to wait until AFTER I got home this afternoon - after the job interview and a trip to the AMC Empire 25 - to watch that last 30 minutes of movie.  Very disappointed in myself, but I did get a job offer out of it.  However, I probably won't take the job, it's a bit of a step backwards in my career, a non-management theater job, although the theater is VERY famous. Look, I've got just three more weeks left then my life returns to semi-normal, the theater re-opens and I get a little bump in pay, so I'm thinking I should just stay the course, keep doing what's been working for me for the last two years and see if I can progress at that job or somewhere else, not take a step back.

It's embarrassing - I wonder if caffeine is losing its effectiveness on me.  You'd think with my second job on hold, I'd be able to get more sleep than usual, as I'm not currently working late nights at the theater, and I can sleep later four days a week now.  But I can't let myself get used to this lazy summer lifestyle, as it's coming to an end in three weeks, when I have to report for duty at 7 am (!) to open the theater for the school-wide staff meeting. I worked this event last year, and the breakfast catering was pretty good, also an endless supply of iced coffee.  But I drank so many to stay awake that I crashed around 1 pm and they sent me home to take a nap, which I did.  

Anyway, this film is about a female MMA fighter - we had a boxing film just two days ago, and now mixed martial arts.  But I'll admit I know even less about MMA than I do boxing, and that's saying something.  She fights under the name "Jackie Justice" and at the start of the film, she's got a job cleaning for a rich family, but she gets fired after breaking the phone of a teen boy who tried to get video of her changing clothes.  Then her live-in boyfriend, who is also her fight manager, convinces her she's got to get back into MMA fighting.  This relationship is rather complicated and borderline (actually well OVER the border) abusive, though she can't really see it, or she chooses to ignore it. Also, I'm pretty sure it's a bad idea to be in a relationship with your manager.  Just saying.  

He takes her to an underground MMA "Fight Club" kind of event, and she gets recognized, and before you know it, she's encouraged to mix it up with another female fighter, The Werewolf.  This leads her to start training again, but at the absolute worst possible time, her baby daddy's girlfriend shows up and drops off Manny, the son she abandoned 10 years ago.  The kid is shy and withdrawn and doesn't talk, and also she has no experience being a mother, but she and her boyfriend take him in.  (What could POSSIBLY go wrong?)

She has trouble getting him into school, she has trouble getting to the gym on time, she has more friction with her boyfriend because the kid has special needs.  They don't really say if he's got autism or is just shy or is recovering from some trauma, but it doesn't really matter, and anyway she probably wouldn't even know enough about it to ask these questions.  The kid needs attention and time, and she's got neither to give.  Before long tensions between her and her boyfriend escalate, and she moves back in with her mother, who at least knows how to take care of a child.  

Cue the "Rocky" (or "Creed") style training montage, and it's not long before she's back doing professional matches and gets a shot against the reigning female champion, Lady Killer.  The good news is that she'll get paid either way, win or lose, it's just more if she wins.  But just being in the fight should allow Jackie a shot at getting a new apartment for her and Manny.  But as I keep telling my boss, $10K just doesn't go as far as it used to, not these days.  So there's still no real long-term plan, except to keep fighting, I guess.  She also starts a new relationship with her female trainer, and I'm pretty sure it's also a bad idea to be in a relationship with your trainer.  But I guess some things just don't change, she's fallen into the same routine, just with a different gender, so I guess she gets a pass for that?  Well, at least she's not drinking as much, so there's that. 

The other connection to "Creed III" is that Michael B. Jordan made his directorial debut with that film, and Halle Berry did the same with "Bruised" in 2020.  

Also starring Danny Boyd Jr., Shamier Anderson (last seen in "Endings, Beginnings"), Adan Canto (last seen in "X-Men: Days of Future Past"), Sheila Atim (last seen in "Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness"), Stephen McKinley Henderson (last seen in "Dune" (2021)), Adriane Lenox (last seen in "The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks"), Valentina Shevchenko, Lela Loren (last seen in "The Man from Toronto"), Gabi Garcia, Yves Edwards (last seen in "Warrior"), Julie Kedzie, Jacob Crespo, Denny Dillon (last seen in "United 93"), Nikolai Nikolaeff, Jennifer Dugwen Chieng, Shawna Hamic, Robert D. Constance, Matan Gavish, Keith Peterson, Mark Fratto

RATING: 5 out of 10 rear naked chokes

Frankie & Alice

Year 15, Day 212 - 7/31/23 - Movie #4,507

BEFORE: OK, last film for July tonight, so here's the format breakdown for the month: 

7 Movies watched on cable (saved to DVD): The Devil's Double, The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent, The Green Knight, Salmon Fishing in the Yemen, Easy Virtue, Creed III, Frankie & Alice

7 Movies watched on cable (not saved): Bulletproof Monk, Barely Lethal, Reasonable Doubt, Arsenal, Blue Bayou, Son of a Gun, Conspiracy

6 watched on Netflix: Worth, The Bubble, Unicorn Store, Beckett, Earthquake Bird, Rebecca

1 watched on iTunes: American Assassin
2 watched on Amazon Prime: The Protégé, Vengeance

1 watched on Disney+: Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania

2 watched in theaters: The Flash, Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

26 TOTAL

Cable still dominates my life, over half of my movies are still coming to me by way of my DVR, whether I can dub them to DVDs or not.  If not, these movies may turn up later on a lesser channel with ads, like TNT on Demand or TBS on Demand, and I can always dub them later.  Also took another big chunk out of my Netflix list this month, and also went out to the movies, not once but TWICE for superhero movies.  Three superhero movies this month, that's what progress looks like to me, finally catching up on outstanding Marvel AND DC movies. 

Phylicia Rashad carries over from "Creed III" and I'll list my August actor links tomorrow. 

THE PLOT: A go-go dancer with multiple personality disorder struggles to remain her true self and begins working with a psychotherapist to uncover the mystery of the inner ghosts that haunt her. 

AFTER: You know, I recorded this one back last year, I want to say - and put it on DVD, and now for the life of me, I can't really remember why.  I guess I wanted to put something on the DVD with "Things We Lost in the Fire", I love making little double-bills like that on one disc, but was I really that interested in this story?  The synopsis seems so ho-hum now, it's just a simple story about a woman with multiple personality disorder.  Like, first off, who cares, and secondly, hasn't this been debunked over the last few years as a misdiagnosis, not a real psycological condition?  I've got to check that out before I go any further, excuse me.  

OK, so Wikipedia now calls it "dissociative identity disorder" and that sounds a little more specific than "multiple personality disorder" or "split personality".  If I read between the lines, the name now suggests that two different personalities don't necessarily exist, it's that the patient has become disassociated from knowing who they are, right?  The other term they toss around these days is "neuro-divergent", meaning the person thinks differently than most people, so I'm honestly surpised they didn't rename MPD as "identity-divergent", but then I suppose that sounds a bit perjorative, like the person really doesn't understand who they are AT ALL.  Well, you say tomato, I say to-mah-to, I guess. 

This is still a controversial diagnosis, so that means they either haven't studied it enough or found enough prime examples of it taking place, or maybe the psychiatrists in the world just can't come to some kind of consensus on what exactly this condition IS.  The people with this condition also seem to have memory gaps, and are also more likely to have PTSD, borderline personality disorder, depression, substance use, OCD, eating disorders, sleep disorders, and then don't forget amnesia, seizures, anxiety disorders, and an urge to self-harm.  Great, that's the whole ball of wax, isn't it?  How is anyone supposed to get treated for DID if they've got all that other stuff going on, too?  I suppose you have to start with the self-harm and the eating disorders and work backwards from there. 

Still, this film claims to be "based on true events", which has become something of a meaningless phrase by now - a film needs to be either non-fiction or fiction, to either showcase true things that happened, or not.  "Based on true events" could mean anything, because that's just admitting that you're telling a story that was kind of inspired by something that happened, and who's going to say otherwise, the movie police?  To date nobody has ever gotten in trouble for changing around a couple of facts when making a non-documentary movie, and they probably never will.  But somebody should be held accountable if they're taking on psychological conditions that don't really exist, or if they do, they end up portraying them incorrectly.  

The story is set in 1973, when a dancer named Frankie Murdoch starts behaving in an odd way, she takes home the club DJ, who she seems to have a thing goin' on with, and then all of a sudden, she starts acting puritanical and starts calling him a sinner, and beats him over the head with a lamp.  She also finds out her rent check has bounced because SOMEONE else wrote a check from her account for a fancy new dress and a wig, which are in her walk-in closet.  The other dancers in the club also notice that Frankie's been doing the newspaper crossword, but with her other hand, and Frankie claims to have no memory of doing that. 

Frankie loses her job at the club because she beat up the DJ, but this frees her up to be examined by Dr. Oz - no, not that one....this is Dr. Joseph Oswald. During psychotherapy and hypnosis, he learns she was two alter egos - a seven-year-old child named Genius and a southern white racist woman named Alice.  So the rest of the film is putting together the traumatic events in Frankie's life that might have triggered her personality to split, or for her to become dissociated from her identity, or neuro-divergent or whatever you want to call it.  

Really, who cares, I sure didn't, I mean I guess it's a good thing if a woman i able to get in touch with her past trauma and this prevents her from interrupting another woman's wedding or lying down in the middle of an intersection.  More likely it seems like a big excuse to both cast Halle Berry as a go-go dancer AND give her a shot at another Oscar at the same time.  Yeah, the first part worked but the second never really had a chance. Her character here just wasn't the slightest bit interesting until she started talking like a young girl.  I mean, THAT was almost good enough to convince me that dissociative identity disorder exists, but yet deep in my heart I know it's just a movie, and I shouldn't completely believe this condition exists just because a movie says it does, right? 

Also, does it make sense for a black woman to have an alter who is a white racist woman?  How does that work?  When Alice takes over and looks in the mirror, what does she see?  Apparently when this happens, Alice tries to put on white make-up, and now I'm not sure if I should be offended by that.  If it's offensive for a white person to put on blackface, then a black woman putting on white make-up should also be offensive, or else there's a double standard.  And so what does Alice think, does she hate herself for being in the body of a black woman, or is the whole Alice personality just a symptom of Frankie's insecurity or self-hatred?  Just asking, I have no idea how this is all supposed to work.

Then what exactly happened to Frankie?  Did she HAVE a baby, or just imagine that she had a baby?  And then what happened to the baby - because if it's wrong for a white family to disown a young woman who had a baby with a black man, then it's JUST as wrong for a black family to do the same to someone who had a baby with a white man.  But it was so hard for me to tell what really happened in this movie, and what was just in Frankie's imagination.

Also starring Halle Berry (last seen in "Things We Lost in the Fire"), Stellan Skarsgard (last seen in "Thor: Love and Thunder"), Chandra Wilson (last seen in "Head of State"), Alex Diakun (last seen in "The X Files: I Want to Believe"), Joanne Baron (last seen in "This Is 40"), Brian Markinson (last seen in "Godzilla" (2014)), Matt Frewer (last seen in "The BFG"), Rosalyn Coleman (last seen in "Music of the Heart"), Melanie Papalia (last seen in "Hell or High Water"), Kira Clavell, Joey Bothwell, Adrian Holmes (last seen in "The Cabin in the Woods"), James Kirk (last seen in "Needle in a Timestack"), Andrew Francis (last seen in "The Unforgivable"), Vanessa Morgan, Michayla McKenzie, Megan Charpentier (last seen in "It: Chapter Two"), Katharine Isabelle (last seen in "Bad Times at the El Royale"), Kenneth W. Yanko, Emily Tennant (last seen in "Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed"), Scott Lyster, Anne Marie DeLuise, Benjamin Cole, Rod Conway, Alexis Ioannidis, Xantha Radley (last seen in "Tully"), Colin Foo, Christina Schild (last seen in "Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian"), William J. Phillips, Daniella Evangelista. 

RATING: 4 out of 10 crossword clues

Creed III

Year 15, Day 211 - 7/30/23 - Movie #4,506

BEFORE: This week one of my 2023 documentary subjects passed away, Sinead O'Connor.  Certainly she had some troubles, not the least of which was her son's suicide about a year ago.  Now I'm trying not to take this as a bad luck thing, because eventually this will happen to everyone, and if you think about it, if you're at the point in life when someone has made a documentary about you, that probably means you've had a long and (ideally) successful career, or are getting up there in years, so in a way, maybe it's all just par for the course.  

Many of this year's DocBloc subjects, of course, have already passed - Muhammed Ali, Jimmy Breslin and Denis Hamill, Arthur Ashe, Miles Davis, Nina Simone, Roy Cohn, Kurt Vonnegut and Natalie Wood are also no longer with us - but the flip side of that is that Venus and Serena Williams, Idina Menzel (52), Sheryl Crow (61), Val Kilmer (63), John McEnroe (64), Dionne Warwick (83), Buddy Guy (87), Willie Mays (92) and Norman Lear (101) are all still with us.  So that's good news, only 1/2 of this year's subjects are deceased. Phew. 

Jonathan Majors carries over from "Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania". 

FOLLOW-UP TO: "Creed II" (Movie #3,360)

THE PLOT: Adonis Creed has been thriving in both his career and family life, but when a childhood friend and former boxing prodigy resurfaces, the face-off is more than just a fight.

AFTER: Well, I thought I could maybe coast a bit in July and August, but now I realize that if I want my September chain to line up the way I want, I can't skip more than 5 days in August if I want my film that references 9/11 to land on 9/11.  Since I might be going up to Massachusetts for 4 days in the middle of the month, and I need to get up super early on my first day back at the theater, well, there are the 5 days.  So every other night in August, I need to watch a movie.  OK, bring it on, that will help the Dog Days of Summer pass more quickly.  (And really, why didn't I think to schedule any movies about DOGS during August?  The movie "Dog" was RIGHT THERE, as was DC League of Super-Pets, but I stupidly went ahead and watched those. Instead, I've got "Puss and Boots: The Last Wish" coming up, and that's about a CAT.  Oh, well.)

Anyway, I think there's something kind of "off" about this third "Creed" movie, I don't know if the connections to the "Rocky" franchise are just fading away, or what.  The first two "Creed" films had Sylvester Stallone in them, to train his rival/friend Apollo Creed's son, and then the second one also had Dolph Lundgren come back as Ivan Drago, as the trainer of HIS son, Viktor Drago.  Now, logically, "Creed III" should have Adonis fighting Clubber Lang's son, wouldn't that make some kind of symmetry to it?  But I guess if "Creed II" referenced "Rocky IV" then the sequel franchise doesn't need to align itself numerically with the originals. 

Instead they reverse-engineered a backstory for Adonis where he snuck out at night to watch his best friend, Damian Anderson, in underground boxing matches.  And then we (eventually) come to find out that one night they stopped at a convenience store on the way home, and Adonis saw some guy he knew and had a beef with (we never really learn why) and then started a fight with him.  Damian backed Adonis up with a gun, just before the cops showed up, and Adonis took off running, leaving Damian to face charges - and with prior arrests, this meant doing years of prison for the gun possession.  

In the present, Damian gets out of prison and reconnects with Creed and wants to re-start his boxing career, and wouldn't you know it, Donnie is retired from fighting himself, but seems to be some kind of Don King-like manager now, with his own gym and fighters that he's training for possible title shots, particularly Felix Chavez.  Damian thinks he deserves a shot at the WBC title, even though he's never had a professional match - but since he served time for Donnie, he figures that Donnie owes him a big favor.  Creed decides to take him on as a sparring partner for his own boxers, but he claims a title shot for an unknown in such short time would be impossible to arrange.  

Here's where the rest of the film becomes extremely predictable - somebody attacks Viktor Drago, Tonya Harding style, leaving him with a broken hand and needing at least six months recovery time.  But Chavez needs to defend his title, so whaddaya know, that leaves an opening for Damian to get his shot, even though this really isn't how the boxing world works, and also Creed had previously said this was impossible.  I knew immediately that Damian would get the match, cripple or even kill Chavez, and this would force Creed back out of retirement to win the championship back from the unseeded, unprofessional guy who came out of nowhere.  

Now, this is justified in the film by referring back to Rocky Balboa, who was also a boxing nobody when Apollo Creed picked him as somebody easy to beat.  (And he was right, remember, Rocky didn't win the fight in the first movie, he just went the distance.). But here it plays out just like you'd think, Damian easily takes down Chavez because, well, he's a brutal guy and also somehow he's like a foot taller, which doesn't seem at all fair.  NITPICK POINT: How are these two guys possibly in the same weight class, when one is so much bigger than the other?

The film never follows up on that "unknown assailant" who attacked Viktor Drago.  Is it possible that (like in the Tonya Harding case) Damian hired that guy to bust up Drago's hand?  I guess if nobody ever looks into it, then we're not really sure how much of a villain Damian is - but I would be money that he hired the guy, like his own personal Jeff Gillooly (look it up).  It's a rather glaring omission, if you ask me - but it would make sense if Damian was the one who benefited by Drago's injury. 

Donnie's adoptive mother, his father's widow, had kept all the letters that Damian wrote from prison, but never delivered them to Adonis, because she reasoned that Damian was a bad influence on him.  I was going to call another N.P. here about Adonis' experience in group homes, like why did he live in group homes instead of with his father?  Ah, but Adonis was illegitimate and I forgot that Mary Anne Creed is NOT his biological mother, but adopted him later in life, as he was her husband's son.  Suddenly it all fits together, but this is a really roundabout way to explain why Adonis never got his friend's letters from prison. Mary Anne Creed is this franchise's version of Cassie Lang, she's been played by three different actresses over six films in total. 

At least there's clearly somebody out there who keeps track of all of these fictional characters and maintains their backstories, since I sure didn't remember what I learned about Adonis Creed in the first film, how he left his financial securities job to train as a boxer with Rocky Balboa, and his adoptive mother wasn't crazy about the idea.  But everything about this movie is so formulaic, right down to the required insane training montage, with Adonis flipping tires and then pulling a small aircraft down a runway by himself. Now, logically in "Creed IV" we should pick up the storyline with Adonis' deaf daughter training to become a boxer, and maybe she can fight Clubber Lang's granddaughter or something. 

At least there was a lot of good high-speed cinematography during the fights, so you can really see those punches land and the skin rippling on impact.  Yeah, more of that please - also more of the "checkmate" stuff where Adonis is holding back while he figures out his opponent's combinations and then dodges and counters with one of his own. That's what I like to see. 

Also starring Michael B. Jordan (last seen in "Space Jam: A New Legacy"), Wood Harris (ditto), Tessa Thompson (last seen in "Thor: Love and Thunder"), Phylicia Rashad (last seen in "Tick, Tick... BOOM!"), Mila Davis-Kent, Jose Benavidez, Selenis Leyva (last seen in "Spider-Man: Homecoming"), Florian Munteanu (last seen in "The Contractor"), Thaddeus J. Mixson, Spence Moore II, Anthony Bellew (last seen in "Creed"), Patrice Harris, Ann Najjar, Jacob "Stitch" Duran (last seen in "Creed II"), Kenny Bayless (ditto), Terence Crawford, Bobby Hernandez, Yahya McClain, Lamont Lankford, Todd Grisham, Jessica McCaskill, Jimmy Lennon Jr. (last seen in "Southpaw"), David Diamante (ditto), Tony Weeks (ditto), Russell Mora, Al Bernstein (last seen in "Bleed for This"), Mauro Ranallo, Chris Mannix, Stephen A. Smith (last seen in "I Think I Love My Wife"), Jessica Holmes, Canelo Alvarez, Fernanda Gomez, Kehlani, Aaron D. Alexander (last seen in "One Night in Miami..."), Jude Wells, with a cameo from James Harden and the voice of Barry Pepper (last seen in "Snitch").

RATING: 6 out of 10 teeth knocked out