The Heartbreak Kid (2007)

Year 2, Day 43 - 2/12/10 - Movie #408

BEFORE: So far we've seen the right people fall in love at the right time, and then the wrong people fall in love at the right time - so what about the right people falling in love at the wrong time? I've sort of stumbled into a couple movies about new relationships dealing with exes, so I'm going to run with it.

THE PLOT: A newlywed man who believes he's just gotten hitched to the perfect woman encounters another lady on his honeymoon.

AFTER: It's the story of a man who meets the girl of his dreams and gets married - but unfortunately those things don't happen in that order.

This movie sort of reinforces my point about actors who know their strengths, and tend to play the same sort of character again and again, because they're good at it. Ben Stiller's character here is similar to his roles in "There's Something About Mary" and "Flirting With Disaster", sort of a likable everyman who doesn't have everything about relationships figured out yet, but he's trying. And we the audience want him to succeed. And Jerry Stiller plays Ben Stiller's father, which is a role that seems like a very good fit for him...

This is based on a Neil Simon play, and I admit I've never seen the original movie with Charles Grodin, but I gather this is a re-worked version, since it's directed by the Farrelly Brothers (who also directed "There's Something About Mary").

The plot is sort of an exaggeration of a phenomenon that happens with many relationships - when two people start dating, they tend to focus on all the things they have in common, which reinforces the belief that they're "perfect" for each other. However, over time, we know that two people can start to annoy each other, and people who are looking to separate tend to focus on their differences, as justification for splitting up.

Stiller's character Eddie, after attending an ex-girlfriend's wedding, meets an attractive lady, Lila, while trying to stop a man who's stolen her purse. After a short 6-week relationship, a miscommunication (and the encouragement of his father and best friend) convince him to propose. He's focused on their similarities, and ignores their differences, and also neglects to ask about her background.

It's on the honeymoon that her quirky habits start to annoy him - like singing along with terrible songs on the car radio, plus she seems to be into some real freaky sex stuff. She's also immature, combative, and has a lot of baggage - the emotional kind, not the luggage she packed for the honeymoon resort. But it's at the resort that Eddie meets another girl, Miranda, who seems to be his perfect match.

Now, destiny is a tricky thing - can two people be perfect for each other, or do people make their own destiny by sticking with the people they like? Is Eddie's attraction to Miranda genuine, or does the grass just seem to be greener on the other side of the fence? Is his dissatisfaction with Lila causing the attraction to Lila, or is it the other way around? (Discuss amongst yourselves...)

No matter how you slice it, going on a date with one woman while on a honeymoon with another is pretty low. Eddie does pay a price for his deceptions, but it would have been nice if he had actually learned something along the way - no, the filmmakers chose to go for cheap jokes in the end instead.

Also starring Malin Akerman (last seen in "Watchmen"), Michelle Monaghan (last seen in "Mission: Impossible III"), Danny McBride (last seen in "Tropic Thunder"), Rob Corddry (last seen in...ummm..."Harold and Kumar 2"?) and Carlos Mencia.

RATING: 5 out of 10 sombreros

The Baxter

Year 2, Day 42 - 2/11/10 - Movie #407

BEFORE: A romance film about nice guys, exploring whether they do indeed "finish last".

THE PLOT: The twists and turns of a young man's life during the two weeks before his wedding.

AFTER: Written, directed by, and starring Michael Showalter, this film explores a certain type of man, called a "Baxter", who is generally a sort of simple, old-fashioned, quirky guy who is constantly getting dumped as his girlfriends fall for more dynamic and exciting men. The type of guy that women settle for, when they can't get the guy they really want.

You've seen it many times - a wedding scene at the end of a movie, when the minister asks for anyone in the crowd who has any reason why the couple shouldn't get married to "Speak now, or forever hold their peace." Of course, in a movie, this is when the ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend bursts in and declares their love, derailing the wedding. But this movie STARTS with that scene, then backtracks to show the history of the characters. The question becomes - are the couple in question destined to be together, or with other people - and what is destiny, anyway? And if a wedding gets derailed, is that automatically a bad thing?

Like last night's movie, this is the story of two people meeting and falling in love - but the presence of an ex-boyfriend threatens their relationship. There's something of a "domino effect" in this film - one break-up causes a person to go back to their ex, which prompts another break-up, and so on down the line. There's a love triangle, or maybe it's really a love quadrangle, or a hexagon if you include all the players in the chain...we can only hope that our hero ends up in a relationship when all the dust settles.

It's a little simplistic and maybe a little predictable, but at least the situation is something of an original one.

I met Michael Showalter a few years ago, after casting him to do a voice in an animated film - and not only is a great, quirky actor, he seems to play a consistent type of role, similar to the Baxter seen here. I think it's important for an actor to be familiar with the type of role they're best suited to portray.

Actually, I used to watch a comedy troupe at NYU that eventually became the cast of "The State" on MTV, and a good portion of that sketch show's cast is featured in this movie - Michael Ian Black, David Wain, with cameos from Joe LoTruglio and Ken Marino.

Also starring Elizabeth Banks, Michelle Williams, Zak Orth, Peter Dinklage, Paul Rudd, and Justin Theroux (one of my least favorite actors...)

In a bit of synchronicity, I watched "30 Rock" earlier tonight, which guest-starred Elizabeth Banks, and also "Parks & Recreation", which guest-starred Justin Theroux. Neato...

RATING: 6 out of 10 tuxedos

Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist

Year 2, Day 41 - 2/10/10 - Movie #406

BEFORE: I sort of failed to give Valentine's Day its due last year - "Sea of Love"? "Waitress"? C'mon, I was reaching. And on V-Day itself, I watched "The Dark Knight" - true, I watched it with my wife, but it wasn't thematically appropriate. So, I've selected a dozen or so movies about romance from my list, and all that music in "Dirty Dancing" means that this is as good a place to start as any.

THE PLOT: High school student Nick O'Leary, member of the band The Jerk Offs, meets college-bound Norah Silverberg and she asks him to be her boyfriend for five minutes.

AFTER: Ugh, I had such high hopes for this one, thinking it might be another "Superbad", or even another "Juno" - but it starts with an unbelievable coincidence, and goes downhill from there. You know what a coincidence is? It's a shortcut used by a lazy screenwriter who doesn't know how to get there from here.

After Nick & Norah meet cute and discover they like the same band, they and their friends have to drive all over NYC in a van, looking for Norah's drunk friend, who seems incapable of answering the simple question "Where are you?" on a cell phone. It's just a lame way to turn a 5-minute plot into a feature film.

There's also this mysterious band called "Where's Fluffy", which performs in secret locations - but how does the band become more popular by giving only cryptic clues to there location. Why make it hard to figure out, don't you want people to attend the show? I don't get it - I might be too old for this film.

And what sort of high-school kids are allowed to perform in a band, when they're not even old enough to get into that club? And they're allowed to stay out all night, in New York City, bouncing from club to club? Where are their parents? Yep, I'm definitely too old.

The movie does visit some great NYC hot-spots, like Bowery Ballroom, Crash Mansion, Veselka Restaurant, and of course Gray's Papaya (NYC hot dogs should only be grilled, and purchased from places with "Papaya" in the name, you can keep those "dirty water" push-cart dogs...). But since I know those places, and we've established that I'm old, how hip could those places be? Plus they get the geography wrong - there's no way that the Empire State Building would look that big from 5th Ave. and 65th St. - it would be 30 blocks away!

The movie does manage to capture the cuteness and awkwardness of teen love - and the difficulties in dealing with ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends - but it's still an aimless movie about a bunch of aimless kids on an aimless night.

Starring Michael Cera, with cameos from Jay Baruchel (last seen in "Tropic Thunder"), John Cho and Eddie Kaye Thomas (from "Harold & Kumar"), indie-film star Kevin Corrigan, and Seth Meyers and Andy Samberg from SNL.

RATING: 3 out of 10 mix CDs

Dirty Dancing

Year 2, Day 40 - 2/9/10 - Movie #405

BEFORE: I put this on the list with a little hesitation - I mean, come on, I've seen this, right? Hasn't everyone seen this? But it's a big blank in my memory, so maybe I haven't? If I did, it sure didn't stick with me. Anyway, I need it as a transition from dance movies to romance movies, with Valentine's Day coming up.

THE PLOT: Spending the summer in a holiday camp with her family, Frances ('Baby') falls in love with the camp's dancing teacher.

AFTER: Hmmm, I guess I hadn't seen this after all. I knew some of the bits, but not the way they all fit together. Years ago, I used to work for a production company that made the music videos for the songs "Yes" and "Do You Love Me"... (I just found out that Merry Clayton, who sang "Yes", was also the famous lead back-up singer on the song "Gimme Shelter" by the Rolling Stones...)

Anyway, if "Flashdance" was a big male fantasy, then this film is a big female fantasy - it's porn for girls! Doesn't every woman wish her "first time" took place at a moutain resort, after being forced to learn steps with a hunky shirtless dance instructor?

My wife and I have been to these sort of resorts before, twice in the Poconos and once in the Catskills - and the Catskills have fallen pretty far from their heyday in the 1950's and 60's. We stayed at a German-themed resort, which was really a cross between a Bavarian beer hall and a gulag, with a mean-spirited old lady who ran the place. I didn't mind so much, since she reminded me of my grandmother, but my wife wasn't used to being given the third degree about our whereabouts after returning late in the evening. And the food was good, but there wasn't much choice - unless you count not eating, which is sort of like a choice...

The first time we went to the Poconos, we stayed in a resort similar to the one in this movie - there was nightly entertainment, and bingo, plus outdoor stuff like archery and lawn bowling. But when we asked about activities in the nearby towns, the staff asked us why we wanted to leave the resort, when everything we could want was on site. Then they started chanting "One of us, one of us..." so we bolted out of there.

Do I need to say it? Starring Swayze, Jennifer Grey, my birthday-twin Jerry Orbach, with a cameo by Wayne Knight as the resort comedian (not his first film, but darn close) and that annoying WCBS-FM DJ "Cousin" Brucie - God, I hate him.

Again, it's not my kind of film, but at least I got it off my list.

RATING 4 out of 10 bungalow bunnies

Flashdance

Year 2, Day 39 - 2/8/10 - Movie #404

BEFORE: I've come to the end of my movie chain about the Quest for Fame - and I think I've proven, overall that while it has its upside, Fame is also, in fact, a bitch.

This is another 80's classic that I've never seen all the way through - I probably just fast-forwarded to the juicy bits when I was a teen.

THE PLOT: A Pittsburgh woman with two jobs as a welder and an exotic dancer wants to get into ballet school.

AFTER: My generation, the 80's kids, has a lot to answer for. Someday we will have to explain to our children things like Boy George, Q-Bert, and why women's legs seemed to be excessively cold in the 80's, prompting the invention of leg-warmers, little sweaters made just for lady legs. Also, we'll have to explain the concept of "flashdancing", which apparently was the forerunner of strip clubs, only without the blatant nudity and full-contact lap dances.

This movie clearly features a man's version of feminism, where "having it all" meant holding down two jobs, as both a welder and an exotic dancer, while still having time to look great and be a total tigress in bed. In other words, a statistical impossibility. What appears to be feminism is actually a male stripper fantasy, setting the women's movement back by a couple of decades.

A modern woman shouldn't claim "I never date my boss" while ON A DATE with that very same boss, meanwhile sticking her foot under the table into his private area! Additionally, she shouldn't claim that "the man" is holding her back if she can't seem to drag her ass across town and fill out an application for dance school. Either study ballet, or don't, but please quit whining about it! And ladies, if your boyfriend makes a call to his friend on the Arts Council to get you an dance audition, either take advantage of it, or resent his meddling in your affairs, but you can't do both!

Anyway, it's a cheat to have the main character get into ballet school just because she mixes some break-dancing moves into her audition. She probably got kicked out a week later when they realized she couldn't do a plié.

This film just hasn't stood the test of time - it's perhaps most notable for being the first 90-minute film whose entire plot could be summed up in two 3-minute videos on the MTV. (And yes, we'll have to explain to our kids that MTV used to show music videos, too...)

RATING: 3 out of 10 cheeseburgers (hold the cockroaches)

A Chorus Line

Year 2, Day 38 - 2/7/10 - Movie #403

BEFORE: Today was the airing of an annual sports classic, a time when young athletes take the field, and Americans gather around their televisions to watch the brutal action. Of course, I'm talking about The Puppy Bowl VI on Animal Planet. What, there was a football game, too? Oh yeah...well, I guess we're more into the counter-programming. If you missed the Puppy Bowl, you missed a great competition - and a really fantastic Kitty Half-time show.

Dipping into my wife's VHS collection again tonight - she said I'll probably hate this movie, but what can I do? It's on the list by virtue of being community property...

THE PLOT: Hopefuls try out before a demanding director for a part in a new musical.

AFTER: Yeah, it's definitely not my cup of tea, but it's not a horrible film. Pitched as "the ultimate backstage musical", it features a group of dancers auditioning, and for the final cut, the director asks them to reveal their inner personalities and back-stories, which we see in various individual musical numbers.

What's interesting to me is the short-shrift given to certain characters - some of them have extensive back-stories, then other dancers just mention being gay, or Asian, or old (30), and that seems to be enough of a characterization. The film is really a product of the 1970's, when it was a Broadway show, and apparently there was no desire to explore further into the deeper meanings of these archetypes. By contrast, the story of a girl who's had plastic surgery is so shocking that she gets a whole song about it - but she just had a boob job! Compare her to some of the plotlines on "Nip/Tuck" and you'll realize how tame her story actually is...

This film may not tie in to the Super Bowl, but it definitely ties in with American Idol's Hollywood Week. There are so many similarities - hundreds of people take the stage, they each have just a few minutes to perform, and then they're lined up like cattle and asked to step forward or back - "A Chorus Line" originated that fake-out where the people step forward, thinking they've passed the audition, then it turns out that the BACK line is accepted, and the front line's going home. Psych-out!

What I don't understand is - why did the director need to know so much about their personal stories and backgrounds, if they were vying for spots in a musical where their roles are in the chorus, and virtually indistinct? Why does he need to know so many details if they're just going to be part of an ensemble?

It's also strange that the film doesn't feature many big-name actors - I know, primarily they're dancers, and not actors - but other than Michael Douglas, the only other name actor is Audrey Landers, and that's not a good sign. I kept thinking I might have recognized a character actor or two among the dancers, but looking them up on the IMDB produced nothing of any recognition.

RATING: 5 out of 10 stage names

Noises Off

Year 2, Day 37 - 2/6/10 - Movie #402

BEFORE: Just a couple more films about stage-work, then I'm on to a new topic. I feel qualified to judge this film, since in another life (commonly known as "high school") I had speaking roles in a number of community theater productions - I played Uncle Max in "The Sound of Music", Lazar Wolfe in "Fiddler on the Roof", the town mayor in "Bye Bye Birdie", and the factory owner in "The Pajama Game". My toughest challenge was probably playing Chief Sitting Bull in "Annie Get Your Gun", since I had to do that without my glasses, and was blind as a bat the whole time.

THE PLOT: A travelling theater group find so much action going on behind-the-scenes, they almost ruin the performances.

AFTER: Well, it's clearly meant to be the ultimate "play-within-a-play" storyline. The movie shows us Act 1 of a bedroom farce titled "Nothing On", and we learn a bit about the backstage antics of the cast and crew - who's in a relationship with who, who tends to drink a little too much, and who has trouble memorizing their lines and stage directions. The play's director (Michael Caine) runs the cast through their final tech rehearsal, stopping the action whenever someone flubs a line or mishandles a prop.

Then it's on to opening night, and things go relatively smoothly, but it's just the calm before the storm - the two-act play is set in the central room of a British country-house, with many doors leading to other rooms and the outside. The story involves a lot of slamming doors, mistaken identities, and carefully placed props, and the timing of everything is absolutely critical.

The action cuts to a week later, and the play is on tour, as the director makes a surprise visit to the production in Miami, and all heck breaks loose. By now a number of mishaps have insured that all of the love affairs among the cast and crew are in jeopardy, and people aren't talking to each other, except on stage. The cast members with drinking problems are overindulging, feelings are getting hurt, and the production's starting to get a little sloppy.

The key to the movie (and one presumes, the stage play this is based on), is that we never actually get to see the second act of the play - we just see Act 1 again and again, and since we saw the tech rehearsal, we the audience know the play by heart already. So the third time we see it, it's mainly from the rear of the set-piece, and from the back we see the actors waiting for their cues - by now they're literally at each other's throats, whacking each other with props, in between belts from a liquor bottle, nearly ruining the on-stage action several times. Since the actors need to remain quiet backstage, the action devolves into a loose silent slapstick, which of course is the lowest rung on the comedy ladder.

By the time the production hits Cleveland, it's an outright disaster. A drunk actress misplaces a prop-plate of sardines and a prop phone, and from there it's a domino effect, causing flubbed lines that cast members can't recover from, props that end up in the wrong place, leading to lines and ultimately scenes that make absolutely no sense. So really it's a double-farce.

Starring Carol Burnett, John Ritter, Christopher Reeve, Marilu Henner, Nicolette Sheridan, Denholm Elliott, Mark-Linn Baker and Julie Hagerty. It's good for a few chuckles, but tempered by the chilling fact that a number of the cast members are deceased - I had the good fortune to meet John Ritter at the Sundance Festival in 1998, he came to our screening and was nice enough to pose for a picture with me.

RATING: 5 out of 10 whiskey bottles