The Eiger Sanction

Year 2, Day 316 - 11/12/10 - Movie #682

BEFORE: Time to check in with our old buddy Clint Eastwood - and I better get an explanation of who or what an "Eiger" is, and why it's being sanctioned.

THE PLOT: An classical art professor and collector, who doubles as a professional assassin, is coerced out of retirement to avenge the murder of an old friend.

AFTER: Clint Eastwood (last seen in "The Rookie") plays Professor Jonathan Hemlock (great name!) who seems to be an odd mix of James Bond, Indiana Jones and Thomas Crown - an ex-spy and assassin for hire who has an appreciation for fine art. (and the ladies - aw, yeah...)

He's also an experienced mountain climber, so when "Eiger" turns out to be a mountain, he's the only choice for an agent to join an international climbing team to figure out which member is an agent for the "other side" (Russians) who has been killing other agents on "our side".

The problem is, the mountain is essentially un-climbable, and it's already kicked Hemlock's ass twice. But really, climbing the mountain isn't the mission, it's just a framing device for finding the enemy agent.

On paper, this one really should have worked - we've got a squinty, tough guy assassin/hero, a mystery man/precious commodity to search for, lots of great scenery, plus we're surrounded by danger at every turn - the mountain, ice-axes, those really sharp pointy things on the climbers' boots...

But I ended up feeling let down. There are some plot elements that never really get resolved (microfilm? what microfilm?) and the reveal of the enemy agent also failed to thrill. Plus, I know dick about mountain-climbing, and even I spotted some head-scratching goofs.

As for Eastwood playing a Bond-type, he sleeps with two women of color (an African-American and a Native American), which seems sort of progressive for 1975, but his girlfriend's name, Jemima Brown, seems like a step backwards. Plus, one of Hemlock's old rivals is such a flaming gay stereotype (his dog is named "Faggot"? Seriously?), it's pretty embarrassing.

And Hemlock's old boss, Dragon, seems like a weird combination of Bond's M and Blofeld - he's an albino ex-Nazi with a speech impediment that needs to get his blood changed regularly. What exactly was the point of all that?

This movie couldn't decide whether to play it straight, or to go over the top. The James Bond franchise often goes to one extreme or the other - if they play it too straight, you get "The Living Daylights", but if they go too campy, you get "Moonraker" or "Octopussy". This one tried to aim right down the middle.

Also starring George Kennedy (last seen in "The Flight of the Phoenix"), Vonetta McGee, and Jack Cassidy.

RATING: 5 out of 10 pitons

The Manchurian Candidate (1962)

Year 2, Day 315 - 11/11/10 - Movie #681

BEFORE: Something for Veterans Day - a true classic set after the Korean War (made before that war was a sitcom), and at the height of Cold War communist paranoia.

THE PLOT: A former Korean War POW is brainwashed by Communists into becoming a political assassin. But another former prisoner may know how to save him.

AFTER: I remember this was a semi-common sitcom plot, on everything from "Gilligan's Island" to "Laverne & Shirley" - some character would proclaim to be immune to hypnotism, and of course they were really VERY susceptible, and before long they'd be acting like a programmed assassin. It was about as common as the "locked in the bank vault/freezer" plot, or the "serving on the deadlocked jury" concept.

I've also been reminded that this concept has been parodied in everything from "Naked Gun" to "Zoolander"...

To buy this, you have to believe in brainwashing, to the extent that a man can be programmed to do something immoral, or that betrays his conscious service to his country. The common knowledge is that one won't do anything while hypnotized that is against their moral code. But this film dispenses with that by having the programmers say, "Oh, we found a way around that..." Thanks for clearing that up, and sparing us the details, guys... Have we ever seen this, in the real world? Maybe that American kid from a few years ago that was working for the Taliban - but he seemed pretty sincere about it, and he wasn't committing acts subconsciously.

This film has a very exciting opening, and a thrilling climax, with a LOT of filler material in-between. And we, the audience, know all the specifics of the brainwashing a long time before anyone else figures it out - so it seems like an agonizing wait.

There's a flaw in logic near the end (which I can't fully describe here without spoilers), but if you found out that your Communist overlords had pulled a fast one on you, why on earth would you follow through with the plan? I must be missing something.
Plus, what happens if the queen of diamonds never comes up in the game of solitaire? It could be buried under a few cards, that's all I'm sayin'.

Also, we've got another accent problem tonight. Laurence Harvey plays a decorated American serviceman, but he's got a British accent that seems to come and go. Or did he just go to a prep school or something?

I keep thinking there will be a movie where Angela Lansbury looks young, but nope, I guess she was just born old. This film will be 50 years old soon, so either she was too young to play a mother of an adult male then, or she's wicked old now... EDIT: Lansbury was 37 when this film was released, but didn't look a day over 50. Now, of course, she's 85.

What I find most interesting is the fact that reactionary politics haven't really changed in 50 years. Back in the early 60's, anyone who didn't agree with certain conservative values was a commie, a pinko, a lefty. Today anyone who doesn't watch Fox News and toe the GOP line is called a liberal, socialist nutbag. (or if you are a liberal nutbag, then the people on the other side are Nazi, right-wing scum-suckers. And you wonder why I don't vote?) Either way, the rhetoric always implies that whoever doesn't agree with the speaker is somehow "un-American", ignoring the fact that American politics is all about the free exchange of ideas, not just one set of them. I may not agree with what a pundit is saying, but I'll defend his or her right to be an idiot.

There was a remake version a few years ago with Denzel Washington, I wouldn't mind watching that to see if they improved it any...

Also starring Frank Sinatra (last seen in "From Here to Eternity"), Janet Leigh (mother of Jamie Lee Curtis from "The Tailor of Panama"), James Gregory (who I remember from "M*A*S*H" and "Barney Miller") and John McGiver (another famous sitcom actor, well-known for his "stuffed-shirt" roles)

RATING: 4 out of 10 Congressional Medals

The Fourth Protocol

Year 2, Day 314 - 11/10/10 - Movie #680

BEFORE: Pierce Brosnan carries over from last night's film. All I really want from this film is for it to combine the action of "Taken" with the political intrigue of "The Tailor of Panama" - is that too much to ask? Oh, and I expect an explanation of what the Fourth Protocol is. That should go without saying, but you never know.

THE PLOT: A senior British administrator who is part of the intelligence establishment is reassigned to a customs post. While there he finds odd things showing up, which might well be parts of a small nuclear device.

AFTER: A well-made spy film should have some good "How To" elements, explaining the mechanics of espionage for those of us not in the business. This film starts with a lesson in safecracking from British agent John Preston, played by Michael Caine (last seen in "Blood and Wine"). And then we learn the best way to deal with a government employee who's been leaking NATO secrets to Communists. (more on Commies coming later this week)

Preston has a falling out with his superiors, though, and gets demoted to supervising security at "airports and ports" - which is where he stumbles onto couriers bringing bomb parts into the U.K. So then we get a handy step-by-step guide to assembling a nuclear weapon, which is pretty ill-advised if anyone's playing along at home.

Tonight we've got something of an accent problem - Brosnan plays a Soviet agent, but doesn't sound Russian at all. I suppose you could put forward the theory that he'd been trained for deep cover in the U.K., so he adopted a heavy Irish accent. But another character, a Russian general played by Ned Beatty, doesn't sound Russian either, he sounds like Ned Beatty (go figure!)

Action, check - intrigue, check - but no explanation of what the Fourth Protocol is - so two out of three goals achieved. According to the interwebs, the Fourth Protocol is an agreement between nuclear powers that nuclear bombs will only be delivered by conventional means, like aircraft or missiles, and not smuggled in or delivered by courier. Hmmm....

Also starring Ned Beatty (last seen in "1941"), Joanna Cassidy, Michael Gough (this film features BOTH actors who have played Batman's butler on the big screen, Gough and Caine) plus cameos from TWO Star Wars actors from my wall of fame - Julian Glover (aka General Veers from "The Empire Strikes Back"), and Caroline Blakiston (aka Mon Mothma from "Return of the Jedi"), plus Matt Frewer (aka Max Headroom, last seen in "Watchmen").

RATING: 6 out of 10 Russian nesting dolls

The Tailor of Panama

Year 2, Day 313 - 11/9/10 - Movie #679

BEFORE: Enough of France, let's head to a sunnier climate. Last night's film featured an ex-spy that I compared to James Bond, so tonight here's an ex-James Bond, Pierce Brosnan (last seen in "Dante's Peak"). While the James Bond series is not on my list (I've seen a few of the older ones), when I'm done with this project, I would like to watch the Bond films in the "proper" order - story order, not the order in which they were filmed.

THE PLOT: A tailor living in Panama reluctantly becomes a spy for a British agent.

AFTER: I'm not sure I understood this film - it's a bad sign when I have to check the internet after watching a film to see what exactly took place.

I realize that the tailor was a bit off, and he was essentially making up false intel (tonight's precious commodity appears to be information), and I get that the ex-spy was using the intel as if it were real. Though I know WHAT happened, I'm quite unclear on the WHY. Another bad sign.

The tailor also appeared to be having hallucinations - talking to his uncle, who wasn't really there. I hate when one of the characters on the screen isn't real...

So, essentially, this was a big confusing mess. Besides, wasn't control of the Panama Canal given over to Panama, starting in the year 2000? This film came out in 2001, so it seems kind of unnecessary.

EDIT: I found out later this was based on a novel by John Le Carré, (which in turn was based on a story by Graham Greene), and while the book was set in the mid-1990's, when the U.S. had control over the Panama Canal, for some reason, the film was set in 2001, after sovereignty had been restored to Panama. So I'm right, the premise then made no sense. I suppose you could posit that the Panamanian president was considering selling the Canal to Russia or China, but that just seems silly. The ruling stands.

Also starring Geoffrey Rush (last seen in "Munich"), Jamie Lee Curtis (last seen in "Blue Steel"), Brendan Gleeson (last seen in "Turbulence"), and a young Daniel Radcliffe (last seen in "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"), Plus character actors Mark Margolis (last seen in "Flawless"), Martin Ferrero (last seen in "Heat"), Dylan Baker (last seen in "Delirious") and Jon Polito (last seen in "The Hudsucker Proxy")

RATING: 3 out of 10 pancakes

Taken

Year 2, Day 312 - 11/8/10 - Movie #678

BEFORE: Already a common theme is developing in my spy-film chain - the pursuit of some precious commodity, whether it's diamonds or a mysterious suitcase. Tonight an ex-spy goes in pursuit of a precious commodity, his kidnapped daughter.

THE PLOT: A former spy relies on his old skills to save his estranged daughter, who has been forced into the slave trade.

AFTER: In "Marathon Man", it was tough to watch Dustin Hoffman undergo unwanted (and quite unnecessary) dental surgery as a form of torture - and tonight it was just as tough to watch as Liam Neeson's character had to listen via cell phone as his daughter was kidnapped. And in a neat bit of symmetry, he travels to Paris, finds some of the men responsible, straps one to a chair and performs a bit of torture himself. Tonight, however, I was rooting for the torturer!

Neeson's character becomes a one-man vigilante army, working his way up (and down) the European underworld power structure, which seems to be full of Albanians, and he makes a royal mess of things while searching for his daughter. He's got moves here that would put James Bond to shame. There's another car chase through the streets of Paris (a city making its third appearance in a row tonight, quite by accident) and he even pursues a suspect by driving the wrong way down a highway, just like they did in "Ronin".

Of course, as a father, he was against his 17-year-old daughter traveling on her own, because of his background as a spy, he knew what a dangerous world it is. Many people do disappear every year and are never found, after all. Now I'm not disputing how much a man would do to save his daughter, but it's a lot of effort just to be able to say "I told you so!" to his ex-wife.

Also starring Famke Janssen (last seen in "Made"), Maggie Grace, Xander Berkeley (last seen in "Heat"), and Leland Orser (last seen in "Alien: Resurrection")

RATING: 7 out of 10 bulldozers

Marathon Man

Year 2, Day 311 - 11/7/10 - Movie #677

BEFORE: Yes, it's the day of the NYC Marathon, and I've already watched "Run, Fatboy, Run", so this is the next best thing.

THE PLOT: A graduate history student is unwittingly caught in the middle of an international conspiracy involving stolen diamonds, an exiled Nazi war criminal, and a rogue government agent.

AFTER: Dustin Hoffman (last seen in "Finding Neverland") plays the every-man caught up in international affairs - he thinks his brother is a jet-setting oil company executive, but he's actually an agent for some shadow government division that cleans up after the FBI and the CIA. His father was linked to the McCarthy hearings somehow, possibly committing suicide after being named as a Communist sympathizer.

And the main villain, played by Laurence Olivier (last seen in "The Jazz Singer") is a wanted ex-Nazi who moonlights as a dentist - OK, so he uses dentistry as torture (who doesn't?), which makes an odd sense, if he used to pull the gold teeth from the mouths of concentration camp victims.

At least in tonight's film we find out what everyone is after - a safe-deposit box full of diamonds. Last night's film left the contents of the MacGuffin Box a total mystery. However, for all the intrigue, there wasn't TOO much action - knowing that Hoffman's character was a marathon runner did help explain his ability to run away from danger, however.

NITPICK POINT: How plausible is it that anyone would recognize a Nazi war criminal in 1976? I mean, it would be at least 30 years since anyone had seen him - for Szell to be recognized on the streets of NYC by a former concentration camp inmate seems a bit of a stretch. The movie even points out that he used to have a full head of hair, and then was bald 30 years later - I'm sure he made an impression on people, but wouldn't they remember him the way he looked in the 1940's?

Also starring Roy Scheider (last seen in "The French Connection"), William Devane (last seen in "Space Cowboys"), Marthe Keller and Fritz Weaver (last seen in "The Thomas Crown Affair").

RATING: 5 out of 10 cavities

Ronin

Year 2, Day 310 - 11/6/10 - Movie #676

BEFORE: De Niro carries over from last night's film, but I'm starting a new chain, all about spies and secret agents, which should take me to the end of the month. It's one of the biggest topics I have left, along with war films, which I'll tackle in December (as in "Merry Christmas, War Is Over")

THE PLOT: A freelancing former US intelligence agent tries to track down a mysterious package that is wanted by both the Irish and the Russians.

AFTER: This was a quite exciting film, lots of reversals and double-crosses, as there should be in a good spy film. And plenty of gun battles, explosions, and of course car chases. My favorite moment - in the middle of a prolonged car chase, the pursued car goes up a highway exit ramp, and into oncoming traffic - suddenly the man in the passenger seat decides it's a good idea to put his seatbelt on - hilarious! Now he'll be perfectly safe!

The car chases are so frantic, through the streets of Paris and Nice, it's like Midnight Club: the movie, or a French version of Grand Theft Auto. But the plot is deceptively simple - a team of mercenary ex-spies is assembled to retrieve a case. What's in the case? Doesn't matter - in fact it's better if you don't know, it would only distract you. What's important is that these guys need to nab it, in classic style.

And it turns out that the French police are just about as effective as those small-town sheriffs from the Stephen King films. Sirens are frequently heard during the shout-outs or after an explosion, but the gendarmes just never seem to arrive...

Also starring Jean Reno (last seen in "Just Visiting"), Jonathan Pryce (last seen in "De-Lovely"), Sean Bean, Stellan Skarsgard, Natascha McElhone, Skipp Sudduth (also carrying over from "Flawless"), and a cameo from ice skater Katarina Witt.

RATING: 7 out of 10 sniper rifles