Saturday, October 3, 2009

The Omen (2006)

Day 276 - 10/3/09 - Movie #276

BEFORE: I watched some of the "Omen" movies when I was a kid, particularly "Omen III: Final Conflict", because at the time I dug Nostradamus and the Book of Revelations (I didn't read the whole Bible, I just peeked at the end to find out the Anti-Christ did it...) but eventually I wised up. However, when I saw a box set of all FIVE "Omen" movies in the discount DVD store, I had to buy it. The first four are a faint memory, so I suppose I should add them to my list for next Halloween. Or maybe save the original for movie #666, if I make it that far. Anyway, this is the 2006 remake version - cool, back-to-back Mia Farrow appearances!

THE PLOT: An American official realizes that his young son may be the devil incarnate.

AFTER: Let's get a few things straight. First, I doubt that there's an observatory or even a telescope in the Vatican. It seems to me that an organization that denied Galileo and heliocentrist theories for so long wouldn't have much interest in astronomy. Next, using a slideshow of images from 9/11, Hurricane Katrina and the Thailand tsunami to prove that we're entering the End Times is just really low-class exploitation. And how does a paparazzi photographer know so much about the Book of Revelation and what it all means?

Now, a lot of parents probably think that their kids are "demonic" when they act up. But Damien is the real deal - of course his adoptive parents don't want to believe it, even when hell-hounds show up at the door looking for table scraps and the bodies of nannies start piling up. But since the parents don't want to believe it, they end up paying the price. Didn't we tell you not to ride your razor-scooter in the house, Damien?

Damien's father (Liev Schreiber) goes on a "DaVinci Code"-like quest with the photographer, to uncover the truth about Damien's origin. I did like that their trip took them to Megiddo, a battle site in Israel which begat the word "Armageddon", meaning "Mount of Megiddo". But the other links to the Bible and interpretations of the Revelations were a lot more tenuous. "The beast shall rise from the sea." Oh, that must refer to the "sea of politics" - huh? How do you get from the ocean to politics?

In addition to being influenced by the works of Dan Brown, the movie has some elaborate Rube Goldberg-style death sequences that would probably feel right at home in one of those "Final Destination" movies. That sort of cheapened the experience for me.

RATING: 5 out of 10 stained-glass windows

SPOOK-O-METER: 5 out of 10 (for explicit gorey deaths)

Friday, October 2, 2009

Rosemary's Baby

Day 275 - 10/2/09 - Movie #275

BEFORE: A classic film about a young couple moving into a vintage NYC building - so I assume it's mainly about their house-hunting and redecorating, right? Directed by Roman Polanski, who's been in the news this week, for all the wrong reasons...(my boss goes to film festivals all the time, why doesn't somebody arrest him?)

THE PLOT: A young couple move into a new apartment, only to be surrounded by peculiar neighbors and occurrences. When the wife becomes pregnant, paranoia over the safety of her unborn child begins controlling her life.

AFTER: I don't know what exactly happened between Polanski and that teen girl 30 years ago, but the crime I'd like him arrested for is bad pacing. This film is over 2 hours long, and 2/3 of that is a long, slow, boring set up. Rosemary (Mia Farrow) goes to obstetricians, takes vitamins, is told to drink these mysterious beverages (or are they...potions?)

Come on, where's the sexy part of living next to a devil cult? Where are all the young, nubile witches and the blood-soaked orgies? Then, when we finally get to the juicy stuff, it's a bunch of naked senior citizens like Ruth Gordon and Ralph Bellamy! (shudder...) OK, so Mia Farrow was naked in a dream sequence - I bet it was a body double, since her head was out of the frame....

The reason the movie works, though, is that you're never really sure who to believe. Is there really a coven in this posh Manhattan apartment complex? (It's called the Bramford, but the exteriors were obviously shot at the Dakota.) Or is it all in Rosemary's pre-partum imagination, a fascination with witchcraft based on the building's gruesome history? It's nice and ambiguous.

I watched the ending of the film at the office after 5 pm - an animator friend came by to ask my advice about film festivals. (if only Polanski had done the same...) Our conversation reminded me that I've got a good original screenplay idea, based on my life in NYC in the early 90's - I don't want to reveal the idea here, but I've been sitting on it for years and not developing it. Just like Rosemary, I've got to give birth to it and take care of it, even if it turns out to be a demon baby - it's still my baby.

RATING: 6 out of 10 scrabble tiles

SPOOK-O-METER: 3 out of 10 (a little creepy but not outright scary)

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Little Nicky

Day 274 - 10/1/09 - Movie #274

BEFORE: So this will be the last Adam Sandler film for now - I've got one more to watch, but I'll save it for November 1, to kick off another themed chain. Instead I'm interrupting the flow to watch a month of horror films. Horror is actually my least-favorite genre, because in general, I don't like to be scared. I'm already not getting enough sleep, so I need to know that at 2 or 3 am, when my head hits the pillow, I won't be bothered by ghosts, ghoulies or things that go bump in the night.

My original plan was to watch a very innocuous film like "Casper" and sort of ease into this, but my back-to-school chain led me into Adam Sandler films, so instead I'm starting with the top dog, devil-in-charge, Satan (ok, Satan's son...). So here's how the month is going to shake down: first, films about the devil, then lesser demons, then vampires, Frankenstein's monster, mummies, and then ghosts and misc. phantoms/spirits. Monster films like the new "King Kong" will have to wait, and I'll get to serial killers if there's time, but in general I want to avoid slasher films like "Halloween", "Friday the 13th", "Nightmare on Elm Street" and anything with "Saw" or "Chainsaw" in the title. I met Eli Roth a couple years ago at Comic-Con, and he seemed like a nice enough fellow, but I'm going to avoid "Hostel" as well. Watching people get tortured and cut up is not my idea of entertainment, sorry if that makes me old-school. Today's special-effects make these things a little too realistic-looking, if you ask me. Not my scene.

I'd like to work in some films by M. Night Shimalayan (is that how you spell it?) but I think I might need to put off films of Stephen King stories until next year. I just got "Misery" and "Firestarter", but I want some time to track down "The Shining" and a few others and give his works the analysis they deserve. Oh, and for the month of "Shocktober" I'll be giving each film 2 ratings - the first is for the film's entertainment value as always, and the second will be based on how scary it is (to me, of course - it's all subjective).

THE PLOT: A movie about the independent minded son of Beelzebub and the mischief he creates.

AFTER: This whole film just sort of comes out of left-field. When you're dealing with hell, and the Devil, anything is possible, so the storyline just sort of goes off on these tangents to show how crazy it would be if a denizen of Hell came to New York City. He's got to figure out how to eat, sleep, and interact with the hu-mans, so it's a fish out of water story, combined with the common Sandler plot-line of needing to compete with others to inherit Daddy's business (in this case, the throne of Hell).

I'm sort of reminded of "The Wizard of Oz", which probably had a few people scratching their heads when it first came out in 1939 - today we see a magical trip to a land over the rainbow full of talking scarecrows, lions and flying monkeys and we take it for granted - but the first time you saw it, you had to figure out how the rules work in this strange land of Oz, and who all the characters are. Similarly, the first time you see "Little Nicky" with all these odd demons and a talking bulldog, it seems a little weird. The TV show "Reaper" is maybe a better exploration of the devil and how he interacts with humans - but that show took about a half-season to explain the rules of how the underworld "works", how souls escape and need to be put back.

And if Nicky is the son of the devil and truly "evil", it would be hard for the audience to root for him as a character. So instead he's "half-evil" and we never really see him do anything that counts as evil. Really, do you want to see Adam Sandler causing wars, famine and pestilence? Instead he's sent to Earth to track down his brothers, who truly have evil intent, because they want to claim the throne of Hell. I think this was a great concept for a film, that just sort of fell flat in the execution, choosing instead to go for cheap effects and even cheaper jokes. (For a better storyline showing the transfer of power in Hell, check out the Sandman comic "Season of the Mists" trade paperback)

But you can't fault the casting of Harvey Keitel as the Devil, though you see less and less of him as the film continues. Rodney Dangerfield has a small role as Lucifer, the Devil's father and ex-ruler of Hell (even in Hell, he gets no respect...), with Reese Witherspoon as an angel and Patricia Arquette as Nicky's love interest on Earth. Cameos from a large number of SNL vets, including Jon Lovitz, Kevin Nealon, Dana Carvey, Michael McKean, Rob Schneider, Ellen Cleghorne, even Robert Smigel voicing a dog (other than Triumph). Even Quentin Tarantino appears as a blind street preacher, and of course, Clint Howard as "Nipples".

RATING: 5 out of 10 fried chicken legs

SPOOK-O-METER: 1 out of 10 (it is a comedy, after all...)

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Bedtime Stories

Day 273 - 9/30/09 - Movie #273

BEFORE: The last movie in September, so I'm 3/4 of the way through the year, and I still have over 400 films on my viewing list, with fewer than 100 days left in 2009. So there's no way I can finish this in one year - maybe by the end of 2010 if I'm lucky.

The Starz channel just started running this film 2 weeks ago, so again, it's nice when the movie channels get on board and run movies that fit in with my theme weeks.

THE PLOT: A family comedy about a hotel handyman whose life changes when the lavish bedtime stories he tells his niece and nephew start to magically come true.

AFTER: Unlike DeNiroFest, this week was never meant to encompass the actor's entire body of work - remember, I'm only killing a couple days before Shocktober, or FrightFest, or whatever I decide to call my month of horror films. There are a number of Adam Sandler films I simply have no interest in, like "Spanglish" or "Anger Management" or "I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry".

That said, I did notice that "Bedtime Stories" seemed to be a mish-mash of elements from the Adam Sandler films that I already have seen - it's got the underachiever who likes 80's songs ("The Wedding Singer") and has to compete to inherit his father's business ("Billy Madison") against a rich, powerful douchebag ("Happy Gilmore") - meanwhile, it seems like he has the power to change reality ("Click") and he romances a woman even though he has poor personal skills ("Punch-Drunk Love"). Throw all that in a blender with two kids and a guinea pig, and you've got "Bedtime Stories".

As for the fantasy sequences, yeah, there were some interesting coincidences, and parallels with the main storyline - which is a tradition that goes as least as far back as "Hamlet" - the play within a play. (Jeez, did I just reference Shakespeare while discussing an Adam Sandler film? Sorry...) But I didn't find the bedtime fantasy stories to be all that entertaining on their own - most of them didn't even follow basic story structures, they're just there to be silly and goofy. Maybe you have to be a kid (or have the mind of a child) to really appreciate them.

However, I found the film to be (mostly) charming...as someone who recently became an uncle for the first time, I may have bedtime storytelling-time in my future, once my niece and nephew learn some language skills and are receptive to tales, I'll need to brush up on my skills. More likely, I'll get to introduce them to cartoons and "Star Wars" films someday.

Co-starring Courteney Cox, Keri Russell, Guy Pearce ("Memento", "Ravenous"), Jonathan Pryce ("Brazil"), and Russell Brand (who actually wasn't overly annoying here) in the best friend role. And Lucy Lawless was in there as the mean desk-clerk, but I didn't even recognize her. Plus there was a hotel heiress/celebutante character named Violet Nottingham, but they might as well have named her Schmaris Schmilton...

RATING: 6 out of 10 angry midgets

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Happy Gilmore

Day 272 - 9/29/09 - Movie #272

BEFORE: Back-to-school week is over, and I've got just enough time for a couple more Adam Sandler pics before I start my month of horror films, leading up to Halloween. ("Billy Madison" was almost horrific enough to qualify)

THE PLOT: A rejected hockey player puts his skills to the golf course to save his grandmother's house.

AFTER: This was a vast improvement over "Billy Madison" - Sandler dialed down the stupid and turned up the charm. The motivation to get his grandmother's house back by playing golf tournaments made him a much more sympathetic character (instead of just pathetic). It's a great idea, poking fun at pro golfers and the pro tour, which I'm sure needed to be made fun of.

I actually laughed out loud a few times, and not just during the fight with Bob Barker - and after the last few films, I really needed to laugh.

Co-starring Julie Bowen (I sort of wondered where her career started) and Christopher McDonald (so good at playing smug, smarmy assholes) with Ben Stiller in a small role as an evil nursing-home attendant, Carl Weathers and Kevin Nealon as golf pros - oh yeah, and Richard "Jaws" Kiel, Joe Flaherty (as the "jackass!" guy) and Robert Smigel (voice of Triumph the Insult Comic Dog) as an IRS agent.

RATING: 7 out of 10 water hazards

Monday, September 28, 2009

Billy Madison

Day 271 - 9/28/09 - Movie #271

BEFORE: To finish off movies about school, I'm cycling back to grade school - or a man forced to go back to grade school, anyway. Watching movies about college reminded me that I lived in the same dorm as Adam Sandler at NYU. I think he was a junior when I was a freshman (1986-87) because I remember him having seniority in the housing lottery, and choosing the penthouse suite in the building. He was kicking off his career at the time, appearing on "The Cosby Show" as Theo's token white high-school friend. This was a couple years before he was on SNL, which led to him making movies like this one.

THE PLOT: In order to inherit his fed up father's hotel empire, an immature and lazy man must repeat grades 1-12 all over again.

AFTER: I avoided this movie for years because I thought it would be stupid - so I'm glad to see I was right. Sandler began playing his trademark "retarded man-child" roles with this film, and only later did he figure out a way to make them seem sympathetic, like in "Punch-Drunk Love" or "Click", both of which I enjoyed. So I know he's capable of better, and it hurts to see him always going for the cheapest possible laugh, by talking gibberish or just cursing.

There are a lot of jokes in this film that didn't land for me, like the giant imaginary penguin. That's just a head-scratcher, as far as I'm concerned. There's silly and then there's stupid, and this film is just stupid.

As the high-school principal says in the final showdown scene, "At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now DUMBER for having listened to it." I can say the exact same thing about this movie.

Co-starring Norm MacDonald, Chris Farley, Bradley Whitford (last seen by me in "Young Guns II") Darren McGavin, and Josh Mostel with a cameo by Steve Buscemi (again? last seen by me in "Art School Confidential")

RATING: 3 out of 10 beer cans

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Bee Season

Day 270 - 9/27/09 - Movie #270

BEFORE: I taped this movie a while back and used it to fill up a DVD containing "Spellbound", the documentary about the National Spelling Bee finals. Seemed like it would make a good companion piece. I didn't realize until seeing the opening credits that the film stars Max Minghella, who was in "Art School Confidential" - or else I would have watched the two films back-to-back.

THE PLOT: A wife and mother begins a downward emotional spiral, as her husband avoids their collapsing marriage by immersing himself in his 11 year-old daughter's quest to become a spelling bee champion.

AFTER: I found this film to be quite baffling - on one level, it's just about a young girl who excels at spelling, as she wins her school's spelling bee and moves on to the district and state finals. But on another level, it's about the girl's whole family, which seems normal on the surface, but is actually fracturing. Dad Saul (Richard Gere) notices his daughter, perhaps for the first time, when she comes home with the school trophy - he tends to be overly controlling, but in a passive-aggressive way, so he takes over her training for the next bee. He also turns her on to the Kabbalah when he realizes she has a gift for words - but how is that going to help her with the next spelling bee (he does know it's in English, not Hebrew, right?)

Big brother Aaron (Minghella) seems to have discovered girls and started dating, but it's actually a cover for sneaking out and worshipping with the Hare Krishnas - or maybe he's doing both, it's tough to say...either way, it's an act of teen rebellion. And Mom? (Juliette Binoche) Something's definitely up with her, but I couldn't tell if she was having an affair, trying to get over her parents' death, or breaking into other people's houses... Anyway, the family members are all moving in different directions, seeking their own enlightenments, while keeping secrets from each other.

As for the spelling bee, I've seen "Spellbound", and I know that the kids who make the finals are sometimes quirky, to say the least (one...talks...like...a...musical...robot...) This girl, Eliza (Flora Cross) is extremely mopey - I don't think she smiled once in the entire film. I appreciate casting someone who isn't Abigail Breslin or Dakota Fanning, but this is maybe too far in the other direction. Instead of spelling with her fingers, she closes her eyes and visualizes the words, which we the audience see through various effects and animations - but I don't see how her visualizing an origami bird, for example, leads her to the correct spelling of "origami".

The main issue raised by the film, I think, regards raising children - how should a parent encourage a child's interests and hobbies, without living vicariously through them? And how can a parent encourage a child to practice religion, or develop a system of beliefs, in a nurturing way, without merely forcing their own beliefs on the child? Ultimately, I think it means walking a fine line. A good topic for discussion, but not really an entertaining subject for a film.

RATING: 3 out of 10 vocabulary words