How the Grinch Stole Christmas

Day 360 - 12/26/09 - Movie 360

BEFORE: Another silly holiday movie that I don't want to carry into the New Year... Of course, I'm already familiar with the old animated TV special, which contains some of my favorite TV trivia. The original Grinch special was narrated by Boris Karloff (most famous for playing the Frankenstein Monster and appearing in other horror films) and the famous song "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" was sung by Thurl Ravenscroft, who also provided the voice for Tony the Tiger in all those old Kellogg's Frosted Flakes ads...

THE PLOT: The Grinch is a nasty creature who hates Christmas, and plots to steal it away from the citizens of Whoville.

AFTER: There's something that makes this version interesting, and it's not just Jim Carrey's mugging as the Grinch. In the old TV special, Whoville is portrayed as something of a perfect society, with perfect little Whos celebrating Christmas in a perfect little fashion. The live-action film takes a bit of a risk by showing that Whoville is overly commercialized and materialistic, plus not all of the Whos are perfect. There's a competition for who has the best Christmas light display, and the contestants undercut each other, and are jealous of each other's success -plus the mayor fixes the competition because he's got a crush on Martha Whovier (I suppose calling her Jackie Whovier would have been a little too on-the-nose?)

So the Whos seem to have lost the true meaning of Christmas, and the Grinch hates Christmas because of the way he was treated during Christmastime when he lived in Whoville - yes, the Grinch now has more of a back-story, probably because the filmmakers had almost two hours to fill, and had to stretch out a 5-minute children's book and a 30-minute TV special into the space provided.

Fortunately, a little girl named Cindy Lou questions the mores of society (atta girl!) and nominates the Grinch as the Whoville "Cheermaster", pointing out an obscure rule that says that the Cheermaster should be the person who needs Christmas spirit the most. This seems like a nod to "The Hunchback of Notre Dame", in which Quasimodo is nominated as the King of Fools, and the one person who lives outside of society is temporarily made part of it. And at first it seems to work, with the Grinch participating in holiday sack-races, egg-nog drinking contests, and so on.

However, the Mayor proposes to the Grinch's old love interest in the middle of the ceremonies, and that sets the Grinch off. All the progress is undone, and he's back to his old ways. This sub-plot leads back into the familiar scenario where the Grinch steals all the presents, decorations and holiday food, leaving the town bereft of Christmas cheer.

Or so it seems - when the Whos celebrate anyway, both the Grinch and the townspeople are reminded that true celebration and spirit comes from within, and that the outward trappings of the holiday are just window-dressing (so why is it such a big deal when he returns them?)

From my perspective, we didn't have the time this year to put up a decorated tree at my parent's house, and (much to the chagrin of my aunt) the holiday dinner wasn't perfect. But so what? Maybe you didn't get everything on your Christmas list, or were bombarded with holiday music, or your holiday wasn't everything you hoped it would be. If you spent some time with family and friends, I say you're ahead of the game.

Also starring Jeffrey Tambor, Christine Baranski, Bill Irwin, Molly Shannon, and Clint Howard. Personally, I thought the best actor in the whole film was the dog.

RATING: 5 out of 10 cans of hash

The Polar Express

Day 359 - 12/25/09 - Movie #359

BEFORE: Merry Christmas to all! We hit two family celebrations today - my mother's family (formal, full turkey dinner), followed by my father's family (more casual, cold cut sandwiches) - then back to my parents' house for dessert and coffee, and now a late movie. I never got around to watching this Christmas film before, but I really should have...

THE PLOT: On Christmas Eve, a doubting boy boards a magical train that's headed to the North Pole.

AFTER: From a technical standpoint, simply amazing. I work in the animation industry, and I can't even imagine the computing firepower that it took to make this film. I know that motion-capture is something of a short-cut, but even so, this probably took YEARS to develop, animate and process.

The one thing I remember people in the animation community talking about was the "dead-eye" effect, caused by these blank stares that the CGI human characters seem to have, which some people also interpreted as a lack of soul. I think this effect could have been lessened a great deal just by making the characters blink a little more often.

And while I'm dazzled by the technical wizardry of it all, I'm left wondering if it was a little TOO dazzling - there were at least three sequences in the film based on a "roller-coaster"-like series of up-and-down train tracks, or slides in Santa's workshop. But, I guess if you're going to create a whiz-bang trip to and through the North Pole, you might as well go all out.

The film plays off the average's child's attempt to reconcile the story of Santa Claus and his method of delivering presents all around the world at midnight on Christmas Eve with an awareness of geography and basic physics, which suggests that Santa Claus cannot possibly live in the North Pole, and travel at faster-than-light speeds in a flying sleigh. The unnamed central boy character has begun to doubt the existence of Santa, and that's when he is visited by the Polar Express, and offered a ride to the North Pole to see for himself what takes place there.

Magic is a wonderful concept for children, and a handy one for screenwriters as well. All issues of unlikeliness, impossibilies and continuity mistakes are negated - "How does the train stay on the tracks at such a high speed?" "How do the tracks travel over an icy lake?" "How can kids spend hours on a magic train, and then return home 5 minutes after they left?" Because it's a MAGIC train, that's how... After watching this movie, kids won't be asking how a fat Santa comes down a skinny chimney, because it won't seem so outlandish by comparison.

Starring Tom Hanks, Tom Hanks, and oh yeah, Tom Hanks. He plays at least 6 different roles in the film, some of which facially resemble him and sound like him. Similar tech is used in the version of "A Christmas Carol" that was released this year, with Jim Carrey playing most of the characters. But the few characters here that are NOT played by Tom Hanks are acted or voiced by Peter Scolari (Hanks' ex-co-star from "Bosom Buddies"), Michael Jeter and the prolific nerdy character actor Eddie Deezen.

And now I know where this Josh Groban Christmas song "Believe" originated. It's really caught on in the last 2 years on those Lite radio stations that switch over to Christmas music in December.

It's very entertaining, and certainly a thrill-ride. But another gripe is the overly-fantastical nature of it all, and in attempting to explain the existence of Santa Claus, the story seems to raise many more questions than it answers. But again, Magic of Christmas and all that....this is the time of year where NORAD pretends to track Santa's sleigh, and the local weathermen and TV bimbos play along. So we grant an exemption on reality for one day - for the KIDS, man...

RATING: 7 out of 10 gift tags

Jingle All the Way

Day 358 - 12/24/09 - Movie #358

BEFORE: It's early morning on Christmas Eve, and there's time for one more movie, before I pack for Massachusetts - we're driving up for Christmas at my parents' house. (Got to remember to pack a few DVDs...) I left this film out of my Schwarzenegger chain earlier this year, with tonight in mind, apparently.

THE PLOT: A harried father decides to dream the impossible dream, to get that year's hot toy for his son just before Christmas Day.

AFTER: Well, the whole movie takes place on Christmas Eve, so what could be more appropriate? I'm not expecting a great storyline, this is another one of those films that I don't want to carry over into the next calendar year, so I'm anxious to clear it off my list...

This movie shows just how far a parent is willing to sink to get his son the unobtainable toy - here it's an action figure named Turboman, but it could just as easily be a Cabbage Patch Kid, or a Tickle-Me-Elmo, or...geez, what is this year's hot toy? It's some kind of robot hamster, right? Boy, I'm out of touch. With a 1 year-old niece and nephew, I have to start thinking about this sort of thing.

Anyway, Arnold Schwarzenegger plays Howard Langston, a furniture dealer who doesn't spend much time with his son, but he's willing to lie, cheat, steal, and trample toy-store employees to get a Turboman figure - since he apparently doesn't possess the necessary skill to read his son a story, or toss a baseball back and forth. Really, when the kid says "I want this toy," what he means is, "I want YOU to get this for me," which is just an extension of "Love me, daddy." So under all the craziness and the silly stunts, there is something of a message, but the father just doesn't pick up on it.

Like "Christmas Vacation", the movie relies mostly on slapstick - Arnold punching out a reindeer should have been a career low. And like last night's film, it features a number of SNL veterans, like Phil Hartman, Jim Belushi, and (future SNL star) Chris Parnell. Also, like last night's film, I've met one of the stars in person - Jake Lloyd, who autographed an 8x10 photo of himself as Anakin Skywalker in "Star Wars: Episode I", which is hanging in my basement collection (70 Star Wars autographs and counting...)

Also starring Sinbad (as another father looking for the same toy) and Rita Wilson, with cameos from Robert Conrad, Martin Mull, Harvey Korman, Phil Morris (Jackie Childs from "Seinfeld") and Curtis "Booger" Armstrong. And was that wrestler "Big Show" as the giant Santa? Why, yes it was - very few people could tower over Schwarzenegger...

RATING: 5 out of 10 traffic tickets (Bad acting makes it a 4, but I'm adding one for having a mostly positive message - spend time with your kids, not money on toys)

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Day 357 - 12/23/09 - Movie #357

BEFORE: See, I told you we'd get there...Chevy Chase was my link to Christmas movies. Very appropriate since I just finished wrapping gifts last night, and my own vacation/time off starts this afternoon. (I love it when a plan comes together...)

THE PLOT: The Griswold family's plans for a big family Christmas predictably turn into a big disaster.

AFTER: Ah, slapstick! Last resort of desperate comedians everywhere. The lowest rung on the comedy ladder - which Clark Griswold is always either falling off of, or getting smacked in the face with... Plus there are Christmas trees that catch on fire, cats getting electrocuted, exploding sewers, dry holiday turkey, and a large number of breaking windows.

Then we have the many, many, continuity mistakes listed on the IMDB. Such as - how come one electocuted cat trips the house's circuit breaker, but the 25,000 Christmas lights on the roof doesn't? Or how come the grandparents arrive at the house in the week before Christmas, and watch the Macy's parade on TV, which takes place on Thanksgiving?

But you know what, I'm in a holiday mood, and this is the season of giving...I'm going to go easy on this one because they broke the "road trip" stereotypes of the other "Vacation" movies. I'm even going to ignore the fact that the Griswold kids get randomly older and younger in each film - Rusty was clearly a teen in the first film, seemed about 24 or 25 in "European Vacation", and in this one he's back to being a kid...

While I'm reminiscing about people I've met, I did have the pleasure of meeting Beverly D'Angelo a few years ago, she came in to a sound studio and recorded a voice for a character in one of my boss's animated features. She told some great stories... For that matter, I also sort-of met Johnny Galecki (Rusty) at a party at the Sundance Festival a year or two later...

Lots of great acting talent wasted here, though - Galecki and Juliette Lewis aren't given much to do as the Grisworld children, with appearances by E.G. Marshall, Diane Ladd, Doris Roberts and John Randolph as Clark and Ellen's parents, plus William Hickey, Mae Questel (her last movie role...), Brian Doyle-Murray, Sam McMurray, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus (getting attacked by a squirrel AND a dog in a slapstick two-fer...). Plus, what's a "Vacation" film without Randy Quaid? (I guess that would be "European Vacation"...)

Written and produced by John Hughes (aww...)

RATING: 5 out of 10 extension cords

Deal of the Century

Day 356 - 12/22/09 - Movie #356

BEFORE: Another Chevy Chase comedy, which will lead me into Christmas movies tomorrow... Most of the cable channels have given up on running new movies, at least until January 1, so this week is a great chance for me to lower the number of movies on my list and make some progress - oh, yeah, and celebrate Christmas and stuff.

THE PLOT: Arms dealers vie to sell the most expensive and highest tech weapons to a South American dictator.

AFTER: Wow, this one's even more outdated than "Spies Like Us". The U.S. selling arms to South America is just so 80's, man...

Chevy Chase plays Eddie Muntz, an arms dealer who doesn't seem to have any conscience at all - but depends on his partner, Ray, (Gregory Hines), who wants to get out of the arms business and become a preacher of some kind. Muntz meets Harold DeVoto (Wallace Shawn), another arms dealer who's trying to sell the Peacekeeper drone planes, and when this guy kills himself, Muntz takes over to try and make the sale (because that's how these things work, apparently...) with the help of DeVoto's widow (Sigourney Weaver).

I guess this was supposed to be a satire of the weapons industry, and the U.S. military-industrial complex, but it doesn't really go far enough. Yeah, so the dictators are corrupt, and the arms dealers are unscrupulous, and the military unloads its inferior technology to other countries - so freakin' what?

The funniest part in the whole film is watching Gregory Hines lose his cool after a traffic accident with another man who won't let it go - when the other man starts trashing Hines' car, he pulls out a flamethrower from the trunk and torches the other car...

But other than that, there's not much to discuss. The film hasn't really aged well, and Chase is essentially playing the same smug character he played in "Caddyshack", only less effectively.

RATING: 3 out of 10 bazookas

Spies Like Us

Day 355 - 12/21/09 - Movie #355

BEFORE: Speaking of soundtracks, one of the only things I know about this film is that Paul McCartney wrote an original song for it, if memory serves. It may seem weird to waste one of the last few movie slots of the year on a silly 80's spy comedy - but I'm going to re-organize and re-prioritize my list in January, assuming I continue the project, so it's just as well that I get this film off the list now.

THE PLOT: Two bumbling government employees think they are U.S. spies, only to discover that they are actually decoys for Nuclear War.

AFTER: I had the opportunity to meet the great John Landis, this film's director, at the San Diego Comic-Con this past July. He was extremely cool, and just as happy to meet my boss as we all were to meet him. Oddly enough, this film has cameos from two other living legends who I've met - stop-motion animator Ray Harryhausen and Monty Python alum Terry Gilliam...

I just wish the movie delivered on other fronts - yes, it's a variation on the old "Road to" buddy films of the silver screen (Bob Hope also makes a cameo here) - but Hope and Crosby never made "Road to Pakistan"...Anyway, it's like someone just forgot to make this comedy, you know, funny.

Dan Aykroyd and Chevy Chase play two wanna-be spies who are also total screw-ups - well, OK, Emmett Fitz-Hume (Chase) is the incompetent screw-up and Austin Millbarge (Aykroyd) is more of a bookworm nerd. But the point is, they're expendable, and they're sent to Pakistan and then the U.S.S.R. as decoys, so the real spies can get their mission done. The mission specs are on a need-to-know basis, and these guys don't even need to know. They just need to be visible, and incompetent.

The mission is apparently to set off a Soviet missile, so the U.S. can test their "Star Wars" missile defense systems, which are designed to shoot down the nuke. But since our heroes don't know this - they think the world's about to end, so they naturally all decide to get in one last roll in the hay, with Donna Dixon (who was and still is married to Aykroyd) and a cute Soviet (Vanessa Angel)

Also starring Bruce Davison and Frank Oz, with cameos by Sam Raimi, Joel Coen (co-director of "Burn After Reading"), and B.B. King.

RATING: 5 out of 10 launch codes

Pineapple Express

Day 354 - 12/20/09 - Movie #354

BEFORE: Similar to last night's movie, about regular people who get caught up in a mess of espionage (I think) - and James Franco was hosting SNL last night in an act of synchronicity (for me).

THE PLOT: A stoner and his dealer are forced to go on the run from the police after the pothead witnesses a cop commit a murder.

AFTER: OK, I was wrong. This has nothing to do with spies, I don't know what I was thinking...this is just about a couple of stoners who get caught up in a drug war.

It's one notch above "Harold & Kumar", I'll give it that, but in the end that's not saying much. I guess I don't find the antics of stoned people to be good enough fodder for a movie plot. I just kept cringing as these two morons kept getting into deeper and deeper trouble.

Seth Rogen plays Dale, a process server who accidentally watches a drug kingpin (Gary Cole) and a cop (Rosie Perez) waste a member of a rival cartel, and he gets traced (through a particular strain of weed) back to his drug dealer, Saul (James Franco). So they both have to go on the run - but since they're constantly stoned, they're always either panicking, acting irresponsibly, or smoking more weed to calm down.

They hook up with Saul's connection, Red (Danny McBride) and they're chased by two hitmen (Kevin Corrigan and Craig Robinson) but there's no plan, at least not a good one, for getting out of trouble, so the situation just keeps getting worse and worse. It's hard for me to find a point, or a message, or a reason for this all to be happening...

Cameos by Ed Begley, Jr., Nora Dunn, Joe LoTruglio (from "Reno 911" and "The State") and SNL's Bill Hader.

The story is really a "5" but I'm adding 1 point for the soundtrack - starting with "Electric Avenue", one of the best songs of the 80's (or any decade), and ending with an original song by Huey Lewis over the end credits. (whatever happened to Huey Lewis & the News, anyway?)

RATING: 6 out of 10 dimebags