Ginger Snaps

Year 2, Day 282 - 10/9/10 - Movie #648

BEFORE: Ah, a delightful movie about cookies...what, another female werewolf? Oh, right.

I went back to New York Comic-Con today for another attempt, but my pain was still with me, and was stronger than the Percoset - so I left around 2 pm, only putting in a half-day at the booth, and without getting many of the great pictures of costumed geeks that I usually get. But at least when I got home I got some sleep, after the pain subsided - and since 6:30 pm I've been both pain-free and drug-free.

THE PLOT: One of the Fitzgerald sisters, suburban goth girl outcasts, gets bitten by something in the woods (and it ain't a neighborhood dog).

AFTER: Ah, moody teen girls filled with suburban angst - I didn't understand them in high school, and I sure don't understand them now. In this film, lycanthropy is a metaphor for puberty - shortly after a teen girl gets her monthly "curse", she also gets the curse of the werewolf. Actually, the two conditions have a lot in common - mood swings, extra body hair, and both the moon cycle and the menstrual cycle are 28 days (or so) long. You could say that Ginger develops PMS - that's post-moon savageness.

As the bodies start piling up, the film develops a sort of black humor similar to that seen in "Heathers". But there are too many unbelievable elements, even for a horror film - no one noticed a dead dog in the middle of a hockey field? Ginger's parents don't notice scratches on the bedroom door, or a bathroom covered in blood? And, once you've found a cure for your sister's savage killing spree, why not, you know, use it?

The movie does get some extra points for some genuinely shocking moments - plus this is the goriest movie so far for me (this October, anyway) But points off for having semi-regular unnecessary fadeouts, which made this feel like a TV movie with the commercial breaks removed.

Starring Emily Perkins (last seen in "Juno"), Katharine Isabelle, and Mimi Rogers (last seen in "The Mighty Quinn")

RATING: 6 out of 10 hockey sticks

SPOOK-O-METER: 7 out of 10. What's more terrifying than high-school goth chicks? And that werewolf at the end is seriously bad-ass.

An American Werewolf in Paris

Year 2, Day 281 - 6/8/10 - Movie #647

BEFORE: Today was Day 1 of New York Comic-Con, and before traveling in to Manhattan to set up a booth, I started experiencing back pain, which I thought came from loading boxes of merchandise in to the Javits Convention Center yesterday - but the pain kept getting worse, and by the time I made it to the booth this morning, I was doubled over in pain, and I realized that I was experiencing the pain of a kidney stone. The first aid station at the convention was practically non-existent, so my choices were to do nothing, or be removed by ambulance to a hospital. I was in so much pain that I chose the ambulance, I rode to St. Luke's hospital, feeling every bump along the way, and (eventually) got some morphine for the pain. My wife got a ride in from Brooklyn to make sure I was OK, and that I got home OK. I was given Percoset to take after the morphine wore off, so I've spent most of the day watching TV while on painkillers. I'll try to make it to Day 2 of NY Comic-Con tomorrow.

Still more werewolf movies to watch - and unlike Comic-Con, my movie chain is a "Twilight"-free zone...

THE PLOT: An American man unwittingly gets involved with werewolves who have developed a serum allowing them to transform at will.

AFTER: This is a loose sequel to last night's film, with some of the plot elements the same - American college students traveling in Europe, one ends up bitten by a werewolf and haunted by images of his dead friend. But this time the main character has to battle an organized group of French werewolves that prey on tourists by hosting organized parties.

I gather from the film's IMDB page that the main female werewolf in this film is implied to be the daughter of the main character from "American Werewolf in London", but I didn't pick up on that directly from the film.

The transformation effects were much slicker, and mostly improved, however too much CGI also tended to make them look fakier, maybe a little TOO polished. Also, I found that most of the werewolves looked similar in wolf form, so it was hard to tell which character was which during the action scenes.

Starring Tom Everett Scott (last seen in "That Thing You Do"), Julie Delpy, and Julie Bowen (last seen in "Happy Gilmore").

RATING: 4 out of 10 graveyards

SPOOK-O-METER: 6 out of 10. Werewolves are tougher in France, even the ones that are hot chicks.

An American Werewolf in London

Year 2, Day 280 - 10/7/10 - Movie #646

BEFORE: Well, I guess in some circles this would be considered a classic. Let's talk about synchronicity for a second. My friend Andy is in town for the New York Comic-Con, which starts tomorrow, and at dinner we were talking about the old Dr. Demento radio show from the 80's and 90's (a syndicated show that played mostly novelty records). The host frequently interviewed comedy guests, such as George Carlin, Terry Gilliam, and John Landis, the director of this film. I'm proud to say I later met all three of those men - I met Mr. Landis last year at the San Diego Comic-Con, when he happened to walk by our booth.

THE PLOT: Two American students are on a walking tour of Britain and are attacked by a Werewolf. One is killed, the other is mauled. The surviving student begins to have nightmares...

AFTER: And in another bit of synchronicity, the pub seen at the start of the film is called The Slaughtered Lamb, and Andy and I spent an evening, years ago, in a NYC pub of the same name, with a couple of comic-book writers, who were working on "Iron Man" comics at the time, if memory serves.

While the werewolf transformation effects in this film were considered groundbreaking at the time (thanks to FX man Rick Baker, "Monster Maker"), the film takes much too much time in getting to them - almost 2/3 of the film passes before the first transformation.

And David's (imagined?) conversations with his dead friend make up an innovative way to advance the plot, but are also something of a narrative cop-out.

Someone had fun with the soundtrack - "Blue Moon", "Moondance", and "Bad Moon Rising" feature prominently, but unfortunately not Warren Zevon's "Werewolves of London", probably because it doesn't have "moon" in the title.

Starring James Naughton (perhaps most famous for his Dr. Pepper ads in the 70's). Griffin Dunne (last seen in "Johnny Dangerously"), Jenny Agutter (last seen in "Darkman"), with cameos from Frank Oz (last seen in "Spies Like Us"), and Rik Mayall (seen playing chess in the pub)

RATING: 6 out of 10 pints of Guinness

SPOOK-O-METER: 8 out of 10. The English moors are genuinely spooky, and those transformations look genuinely painful.

Teen Wolf Too

Year 2, Day 279 - 10/6/10 - Movie #645

BEFORE: Lots of characters carry over into tonight's sequel - even though Michael J. Fox was replaced as the lead actor. Jason Bateman (last seen in "Extract") plays Todd Howard, Scott's cousin. Harold Howard is now "Uncle" Howard, Chubby and Stiles are back (with a different actor playing Stiles), and high-school basketball coach Finstock is now a college boxing coach - because we all know that werewolves are famous for their ability to box.

THE PLOT: Todd Howard is a struggling teenager. Nothing seems to be going very well for him, until he turns into a wolf.

AFTER: So I've got this new pair of sneakers - and they hurt my feet at first, I figured they just needed to be broken in. But as time wore on, and the sneakers gave me blisters, I figured I needed to act - so I added these cushioned insoles, and the situation has improved. But it raises the question - if we have comfort-based technology, why couldn't the sneakers have been made comfortable in the first place? I was clearly willing to spend the extra money to keep my feet from hurting, so why cheap out on the insoles?

It's sort of the same with cheap werewolf movies - you have the technology to make the special effects better on the transition scenes, so why not go for it? And you have the ability to make good movies, so why aren't all werewolf movies (and, by extension, all movies...) better?

In this film, the main character learns that the hot chicks on campus aren't worth pursuing, but the plain geeky girl with low self-esteem is, and that in order to succeed, he has to win at his sport without the benefit of his werewolf powers. Seems to me I've seen those lessons somewhere before...

And for all that's holy, WHERE was the obligatory shot of a referee holding a rule book, saying, "Gee, there's nothing in here that says that a werewolf CAN'T compete..."?

Man, now I really want to see some werewolf movies with some high-quality eye-popping transformation effects...

Also starring (and I use the word loosely...) James Hampton (again), John Astin, Paul Sand (last seen in "The Hot Rock") and Kim Darby.

RATING: 3 out of 10 live frogs (and shouldn't they be dead frogs, for bio class? I'm just sayin'...)

SPOOK-O-METER: 1 out of 10. A boxing werewolf is just ridiculous, not scary at all.

Teen Wolf

Year 2, Day 278 - 10/5/10 - Movie #644

BEFORE: I'm still easing into the werewolf films - I'll save the gory ones for later in the week. This is more of a live-action cartoon - I remember as a kid I watched an old black + white film from the 1950's called "I Was a Teenage Werewolf", starring Michael Landon, this seems like it might be an extension of that idea.

THE PLOT: A highschooler discovers that he is a werewolf.

AFTER: This represents the use of lycanthropy as high-school wish-fulfillment - and as a symbol for puberty/entering manhood. Michael J. Fox (last seen in "The American President") plays Scott Howard, who inherits the family curse after making out with a girl at a party - and in addition to body hair and fangs, he gets increased balance, coordination and senses that make him a whiz on the basketball court. The negative effects, like bloodlust and animalistic tendencies, are conveniently absent - he tears another teen's shirt at a dance, but that's not such a big deal. And the chicks seem to did the werewolf persona - years before "Twilight" came along!

There is a downside, but it seems sort of contrived - the school bombshell is only attracted to the wolf, not the man - the vice-principal is out to get him, and the other team members get sick of his ball-hogging and grandstanding. So, he sets out to play the regional championship in human form to prove a point - but the message to the kids at home then gets a little muddled. First they're told to be proud of their special talents (lycanthropy being a stand-in for homosexuality, or nerdiness, or whatever...) but then at the end, Scott chooses to hide his special gift - well, which is it?

Maybe not the best werewolf movie (or the best high-school movie), but far from the worst...

Also starring James Hampton (last seen in "The Longest Yard")

RATING: 6 out of 10 beer kegs

SPOOK-O-METER: 1 out of 10. Ain't being a werewolf great?

The Wolf Man (1941)

Year 2, Day 277 - 10/4/10 - Movie #643

BEFORE: I'm going back to the source - for werewolf films, it doesn't get any more classic than this one. Last year I watched the original "Frankenstein" film, so let's see if this one holds up by comparison.

THE PLOT: A practical man returns to his homeland, is attacked by a creature of folklore, and infected with a horrific disease his disciplined mind tells him can not possibly exist.

AFTER: Hmmm...I'm not sure I'm buying into this plot. The simple fact is that the original "Dracula" and "Frankenstein" movies were based on novels, and the Wolf Man story is pure Hollywood, it seems like an attempt to capitalize on the success of the other two franchises. (Yes, I realize there might be an old folk tale or two about lycanthropy, but nothing as fleshed out as a Gothic novel.)

So, as a result, this film's not really sure what it wants to be. Is it Talbot Castle that's cursed, or the Talbot family, or is it a Gypsy curse, and Lawrence Talbot just in the wrong place at the wrong time? He inherits the curse after being bitten by Bela, an old gypsy in wolf form. From then on, the movie is filled with little inconsistencies. Bela was in 4-legged wolf form, for example, but we never see Talbot go "full wolf", just in a weird in-between stage, like a very hairy man, which seems to be necessitated by the lack of movie magic.

So the make-up and the effects are laughable by today's standards - it's hard to imagine audiences being truly scared by this one. Kids today would just watch this and think, "But that's just a guy with fur on his face, right?" When I watched movies as a kid, I didn't buy into those time-lapse transitions from man to werewolf and back, which are just about as fake as it gets.

It gets worse - we see Talbot transform and he's wearing an undershirt - but then in wolf form he's got a dark shirt over it. So, the mindless werewolf took the time to get fully dressed before heading out to the moors? Talbot gets bitten, but there's no scar, then later in the film he shows people his scar - huh? How did the scar come back?

Also, they hadn't even established the connection to the full moon in this film, they just say that the cursed people turn into werewolves as "certain times of year", like when the wolfsbane is in bloom - when the heck is that? And the "rule" about only shooting a werewolf with a silver bullet comes from this film - it's a true fact that the screenwriter just made up, probably to keep the character alive until the third reel...

Jeez, you're making up a whole new horror genre, and you can't even get your story straight...and why was it so important to tell us that Talbot was good with electronics, and had been working at an observatory - that's a plotline that went absolutely nowhere.

Also starring Bela Lugosi (last seen in "Son of Frankenstein"), Claude Rains (last seen in "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington"), and Ralph Bellamy (last seen in "Rosemary's Baby", but this guy was old back in 1941...)

RATING: 4 out of 10 pentagrams

SPOOK-O-METER: 2 out of 10. This might have been genuinely scary back in the day, but it doesn't hold a candle to the current crop of monster films.

Wolf

Year 2, Day 276 - 10/3/10 - Movie #642

BEFORE: This is the end of the Nicholson chain - I didn't get to films like "Anger Management", "The Postman Always Rings Twice", "The Pledge", "The Border", or "Heartburn", but I'm OK with that - I think I did a pretty good job covering his films. This is also the start of a week of werewolf movies.

THE PLOT: Publisher Will Randall becomes a werewolf and has to fight to keep his job.

AFTER: And Michelle Pfeiffer carries over from last night's film as well...here she plays a woman who is so jaded, when a man tells her he is turning into a werewolf, she's barely even fazed, like she's seen it all before.

Nicholson plays a book editor here (wasn't he in publishing in "As Good As It Gets"? I guess he was an author in that one...) who's portrayed as something of an industry shark - yet he's also described as somewhat timid, which seems like a contradiction.

Anyway, when he gets bitten by a wolf that he struck with his car, it brings out his animal instincts (and some extra body hair) that actually seem to help him succeed at his job. He becomes more ruthless by day, and at night he leaps around Central Park looking for muggers to tear into.

The transformation effects were relatively low-budget, compared to some films coming up later this week, anyway...but the story was relatively strong, with some nice surprises in it later on.

Enhanced strength, heightened senses, increased sex drive - geez, it almost seems like there's no downside to this werewolf curse!

Also starring James Spader (last seen in "Wall Street"), Christopher Plummer (last seen in "Inside Man"), Richard Jenkins (last seen in "The Witches of Eastwick"), and David Hyde Pierce (last heard in "Hellboy"), with cameos from Ron Rifkin (last seen in "The Majestic"), Allison Janney (last seen in "Hairspray"), and David Schwimmer (last heard in "Madagascar 2").

RATING: 7 out of 10 peanut butter sandwiches.

JACK-O-METER: 7 out of 10. A bit more restrained than last night, at least when in human form. In wolf form, he's got that same evil "look" that he wore in "The Shining" and "The Witches of Eastwick".

SPOOK-O-METER: 4 out of 10. Hard to take Nicholson seriously as a werewolf.

The Witches of Eastwick

Year 2, Day 275 - 10/2/10 - Movie #641

BEFORE: From stone-cold crazy killer to Jack playing the Devil himself...

THE PLOT: Three single women in a picturesque village have their wishes granted - at a cost - when a mysterious and flamboyant man arrives in their lives.

AFTER: Well, I didn't really see the point of this film at all. It was sort of all over the place, as if it couldn't decide on a decent plot or even a direction to go in. Was this an attempt to satirize witchcraft, the God/Devil dynamic, or religion in small-town America? Even by asking the question, I think I'm giving the movie too much credit.

The idea is that these three women "conjure" up the perfect man - who isn't really perfect at all, because how can the devil be considered perfect? But the women aren't really "witches", at least not at first - they only take up witchcraft late in the film to try and get rid of the Devil. So how did they call on the devil to appear, if they weren't witches to begin with? The whole premise is flawed - the only power they seemed to have at the start of the film was the ability to predict rain. But if that's witchcraft, then my weatherman is a warlock.

And using simple witchcraft to defeat the devil - that should be like using a blow-dryer fan to counter a tornado...

I didn't really understand why only one woman in town knew that the devil had come to town - was she the most religious woman in town? Was she blessed with a special type of insight? Why did the devil target her and get rid of her - and why didn't the other women in town realize that the devil was living in their town and seducing them?

This was based on a novel by John Updike, and from reading the book plot on-line, it seems like a lot of stuff got lost in the translation to film. And a lot of vomiting scenes were added, which just seems gratuitous.

Also starring Cher, Michelle Pfeiffer (last seen in "I Am Sam"), Susan Sarandon (last seen in "Enchanted"), Veronica Cartwright (last seen in "Man Trouble"), Richard Jenkins (last seen in "Me, Myself and Irene"), and Carel Struycken.

RATING: 3 out of 10 tennis rackets

JACK-O-METER: 8 out of 10 - Jack's true to form, though, playing a horny devil with plans to propagate. Then when the women give him the cold shoulder, he's hell-bent for revenge.

SPOOK-O-METER: 2 out of 10. More gross-out than scare-out. The devil never gets around to doing anything truly terrifying, either. I realize the devil needs to be charming, but he also needs to be evil.