The Thomas Crown Affair (1968)

Day 325 - 11/21/09 - Movie #325

BEFORE: Which film wins the side-by-side comparison? The original or the remake? Quien es mas macho? - Brosnan or McQueen?

THE PLOT: A debonair, adventuresome bank executive believes he has pulled off the perfect multi-million dollar heist, only to match wits with a sexy insurance investigator who will do anything to get her man.

AFTER: This Thomas Crown also likes golfing and expensive gliders - but he doesn't like to get his hands dirty pulling the heist. He just enjoys planning them, down to the last detail, and paying others to carry them out. And he's not interested in art, just cold, hard cash. And he lives in Boston (not NYC), where he plays polo and trades currency.

I dunno, Steve McQueen just seems a little too rugged for this - I prefer to remember him jumping over a Nazi barbed-wire fence on a stolen motorcycle, or riding a coconut raft off of an island prison. Late in this film, we see him driving a very expensive dune buggy around a beach at high speed - now THAT'S the McQueen I like!

There's an innovative use of multi-split screens during the heist, but there's also a long sequence where Thomas Crown and Vicki (Faye Dunaway) play chess. I realize it's a metaphor for their relationship, but it also represents 10 minutes of silent, boring screen time.

I think the Brosnan version edges out the McQueen film on the basis of action and overall suaveness.

RATING: 4 out of 10 smoke bombs

The Thomas Crown Affair (1999)

Day 324 - 11/20/09 - Movie #324

BEFORE: Another heist film, this is the 1999 remake, with Pierce Brosnan and Rene Russo, of a film first made with Steve McQueen and Faye Dunaway... Last night we were in the Brooklyn Museum, now we're moving uptown to the Metropolitan...

THE PLOT: A very rich and successful playboy amuses himself by stealing artwork, but may have met his match in a seductive detective.

AFTER: Pierce Brosnan is pretty well-cast as Thomas Crown - like Redford, I think it's in Brosnan's contract that his character has to be both the cleverest and the prettiest person in the film. Rene Russo plays Catherine Banning, the sexy insurance agent who investigates the theft of a Monet from the Met. Much was written about Russo's age (45) when the film was made, but she still manages to rock a see-through dress at a gala ball and a number of nude scenes with Brosnan. Denis Leary (with a bad haircut) plays a police detective, and Faye Dunaway (who also appeared in the original version) has a cameo as Thomas Crown's shrink.

There are a couple of very clever sequences here, particularly in the way the art gets stolen from the museum. And there's another exciting action sequence at the end - the problem comes in needing to watch all the stuff in-between. I don't know how they made an illicit romance with a billionaire art thief boring, but they found a way.

We're led to believe that a corporate executive would eventually get bored with golf, traveling to the Caribbean, dating super-models and flying ultra-light glider planes, and the next logical step would be to plan elaborate art heists. I'm not sold on this idea - especially since Crown could probably afford to buy the paintings outright, and avoid all the fuss. I may not collect expensive art - I stick to comic books, novelty t-shirts and Star Wars autographs, and I don't see how being a collector leads to a life of crime, since there's always another little something to add to my collections the legal way.

Banning gets a little too close to Thomas Crown - to the point where I wasn't sure where her job as an investigator ended and her romance with a billionaire started. I guess maybe that's the point - she didn't know either.

I'm going to try something different, and watch the remake film and the original back-to-back, something I wasn't able to do with "The Taking of Pelham 1,2,3", "The Omen", "The Longest Yard" or even "3:10 to Yuma". So my rating for this film will be considered temporary, and revisable tomorrow when compared to the Steve McQueen version.

RATING: 5 out of 10 electric-eye beams

The Hot Rock

Day 323 - 11/19/09 - Movie #323

BEFORE: I think I might have seen most of this one before - at one point my ex was trying to see every Redford film - but I don't recall most of the details, except that it involves the theft of a gem from the Brooklyn Museum.

THE PLOT: Dortmunder and his pals plan to steal a huge diamond from a museum. But this turns out to be only the first time they have to steal it...

AFTER: Yeah, I'm glad I (re)watched this one, since I forgot much more than I remembered about it. This film shows how twisty a good caper film should be - even with the best planner, the best locksmith, the best explosives expert and best getaway driver, things can still go wrong during a heist. Such as when one team member gets caught by museum guards, and his only way of hiding the gem is to swallow it.

The other crooks get away, but then have to break their teammate out of prison - this is just the first of several plot twists, and I don't want to spoil the rest if you haven't seen the film. But seeing a helicopter land on a police station sure made me want to start playing "Grand Theft Auto" again.

Redford plays Dortmunder, one of the best named characters ever, with George Segal as Kelp and Ron Liebman as Murch, the driver, and there's a great scene-stealing performance by Zero Mostel as a shady lawyer. Also a quick cameo from future "Facts of Life" star Charlotte Rae...

Speaking of capers, I finally started watching "The Amazing Race" from this season - thanks to my jobs and my movie-watching, I generally run about 3 months behind on most episodic TV (with exceptions made for "Top Chef", "Survivor" and "American Idol", of course) so I tend to just dub shows like "Amazing Race" to VHS so my DVR doesn't get too filled up. I just don't have time for viewing more than 2 hours of TV on a weeknight - and as the season winds down, I'm in a race of my own to catch up before the winning team is announced in the news. So I've watched the first 4 hours, and I'll watch another 2 hours on Thurs. so I'll only be 3 or 4 episodes behind. I'm rooting for the team from Salem, MA - they've got the best Bah-ston accents and the best chance for an on-screen relationship meltdown - but for all I know, they've already been eliminated on a show that aired but I haven't watched yet. Please, if you know, don't tell me...

RATING: 6 out of 10 molotov cocktails (could have been a 7, but I'm deducting 1 for a very outlandish plot device in the final act)

Money Train

Day 322 - 11/18/09 - Movie #322

BEFORE: Well, as long as we're down in the NYC subways...

THE PLOT: A vengeful New York transit cop decides to steal a trainload of subway fares; his foster brother, a fellow cop, tries to protect him.

AFTER: I suppose if you can believe Woody Harrelson and Wesley Snipes playing brothers (OK, foster brothers...) then you can believe in a magical "money train" that travels from station to station, collecting the money from the token booths. Of course, this was made back in the day when the NYC subway system used tokens (it's all farecards now) and when there were token booth clerks (something of a rare sight these days, they've been mostly replaced by farecard dispensers)

I remember when this movie came out, it caused major headaches for the NYC transit cops, since it gave people bad ideas - there's a character that sprays flammable liquid through the small hole in the token booth in an attempt to burn token clerks, and for a while there was a real concern about copycats. There's also parts in the film where our heroes ride on top of a subway train, another practice that the MTA didn't like to encourage.

This was the second team-up for Harrelson and Snipes, after "White Men Can't Jump", and they do work well together. Jennifer Lopez (before she was J-Lo) completes the love triangle, she starts out by flirting with Harrelson's character but ultimately has more of an attraction to Snipes' character. Also appearing is Robert Blake (before he was a murder suspect) and Chris Cooper (before he was at all famous) as the creepy token-booth firebug. Also cameos from two "Sopranos" stars - Vincent "Big Pussy" Pastore as a gambler's thug (what else?) and Aida Turturro as a woman who tries to take an undercover cop (pretending to be drunk) home for some fun...

Obviously I can't speak for the authenticity of the action sequences, but they are spectacular, more exciting than anything seen in last night's film. IMDB has a sizable list of continuity errors, plotholes and factual mistakes, but it's not much larger than for any other film. But wouldn't a fired transit cop lead the list of suspects after a robbery of the "money train"? In "Pelham 1, 2, 3" the cops went right to work compiling a list of disgruntled ex-transit workers as possible suspects. And an ex-cop assaulting an officer is still against the law - even if he deserved it.

RATING: 6 out of 10 turnstiles

The Taking of Pelham One, Two, Three (1974)

Day 321 - 11/17/09 - Movie #321

BEFORE: I could have waited for the remake to hit pay cable (instead of pay-per-view, where it is now) but I couldn't resist the temptation to watch this as movie number 3-2-1... Ya see what I did there?

THE PLOT: In New York, armed men hijack a subway car and demand a ransom for the passengers. Even if it's paid, how could they get away?

AFTER: Yes, this is the original film, not the remake with Denzel Washington and John Travolta. Though I will consider watching the remake down the line for comparison purposes. This features less attractive actors like Walter Matthau and Martin Balsam. But in terms of casting, it's spot on. Everyone (except for Robert Shaw) has these great authentic NYC accents, the older Yiddish type.

A subway train is hijacked - this was a practice more commonly seen with airplanes in the 1970's - by 4 gunmen, who refer to themselves as Mr. Blue (Shaw), Mr. Green (Balsam), Mr. Gray (Hector Elizondo) and Mr. Brown (Earl Hindman, who you probably know as Wilson from "Home Improvement") They hold one car of 17 hostages, and threaten to kill them, one by one, if their demands are not met.

They ask for 1 million dollars (remember, this was 1974 money...) and their other demands are no doubt linked to their planned getaway. But where can you go with a subway car, since it's on a fixed track? That's what Lt. Garber (Matthau) and Lt. Patrone (Jerry Stiller) need to figure out before the money gets delivered.

Jeez, we've got terrorism, a cash-strapped city, disgruntled transit workers, a mayor that is reviled by most of the people, and a flu epidemic striking the city. Are you sure this was made in 1974? Seems pretty timely to me...

This movie looks very low-rent, the special effects budget was obviously very low, even by 1970's standards, but it's still a tight, tense little thriller. (Note the influence on Tarantino's "Reservoir Dogs", which also featured criminals referring to themselves by colors as aliases...) It's also a nice little glimpse into the NYC transit system in the 70's, and as someone who rides the 6 train several times a week, I enjoyed seeing glimpses of Grand Central Station and Union Square, even though they were filmed over a decade before I started living here.

And I can't help but note some similarities to "Treasure of the Sierra Madre" - about man's greed and his ability to turn on his compatriots when large amounts of cash are involved.

Always good to see Tony Roberts outside of a Woody Allen film - here he plays a deputy mayor. Also, don't blink or you'll miss a young(ish) Doris Roberts as the Mayor's wife.

RATING: 6 out of 10 trenchcoats

Point Break

Day 320 - 11/16/09 - Movie #320

BEFORE: So much has been written about this film - including several episodes of "Mythbusters" about the impossibilities of its stunt sequences. That's all I really know about the film, but I will judge for myself...

THE PLOT: An FBI agent goes undercover to catch a gang of bank robbers who may be surfers.

AFTER: Action-packed but very, very improbable. Where do I start?

First off, someone who played quarterback in a Rose Bowl game would probably be of no use as an undercover FBI agent, which is confirmed by the fact that Bodhi (Patrick Swayze) recognizes him BY NAME during their first meeting!

Next, we're led to believe that a gang of surfers would also rob banks, for the adrenaline rush, and presumably to finance their "endless summer" surfing trips around the world.

But what can I say about a pair of FBI agents who witness a bank robbery, pursue the robbers in a car, and never call it in or ask for backup? Also, if said FBI agents knew that a particular bank would be robbed on a particular day, don't you think maybe they should, like, TELL someone? Or how about increase security at the bank?

And let's not even talk about the stupidity of jumping out of a plane without a parachute, on purpose. Great plan - or is that more like half a plan?

The list of improbables and impossibles is a mile long - but adrenaline junkies probably eat this all up and don't care. It kept me entertained until the end, though...

With Keanu Reeves, Gary Busey and John C. McGinley as FBI agents, James LeGros and Lee "Beecher" Tergesen as part of the surf gang, and Anthony Kiedis from the Red Hot Chili Peppers as a member of another surf gang...

RATING: 6 out of 10 exploding dye-packs

Outrageous Fortune

Day 319 - 11/15/09 - Movie #319

BEFORE: Well, as long as we're already out in the desert...

THE PLOT: Lauren and Sandy are total opposites who end up in the same acting class and who don't know they are sharing a lover. When he disappears under mysterious circumstances they search for him across several states and discover he had other interests as they find their lives in danger.

AFTER: This film is a strange step-child of the 80's. Time was, you could just take two different actors, like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jim Belushi, make up some secret-agent story, and figure that the movie would pretty much write itself.

This one features Bette Midler and Shelley Long - Long made an entire career out of playing upper-class twits after appearing as Diane Chambers on "Cheers". I see the attraction - when she first hit the scene on TV, who didn't want to defrost that ice queen? But by the late 80's the novelty had sort of worn off.

Here she plays Lauren, a New York actress whose goal is to play "Hamlet" - apparently she's never seen it done in the West Village... I think at NYU I saw every possible variation on "Hamlet", including 10 people playing "Hamlet" at a time - so a woman playing the part seems like no big deal. Long's upper class character ends up in an acting class with Bette Midler's Sandy, a downtown broad, and they inadvertently start dating the same man (Peter Coyote).

The man appears to die in an explosion, the acting class is more than it seems, the CIA chases them all the way to New Mexico, and the macguffin is some sort of stolen defoliant that could de-green California. This qualifies as a caper film since there's a team-up, a chase across the country, and a suitcase full of cash.

If you can take Robert Prosky as a KGB agent, then this might be an OK film for you. But he appears several times in the film in a number of very flimsy disguises, so it's not too hard to track him through the film. And Lauren's training in fencing and ballet comes in very handy in the final battle in the New Mexico desert - so the story is actually very well organized, but it's just not very intelligent or entertaining.

George Carlin is the standout, as a non-Indian tracker who acts very stoned...

And the film's title comes straight from "Hamlet" - as in "the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune" from the "To be or not to be" soliloquy. That's actually one of the most intelligent things about the whole film...

RATING: 4 out of 10 suitcases