Miracle on 34th St. (1994)

Year 2, Day 358 - 12/24/10 - Movie #723

BEFORE: We drove up to Massachusetts today, and helped my mother select ornaments and decorate her tree - had pizza and beer instead of the usual Christmas Eve chinese food. Now I thought I had a copy of the original 1947 film, but it looks like I outsmarted myself and got a copy of the remake instead.

THE PLOT: Six-year-old Susan has doubts about childhood's most enduring miracle - Santa Claus.

AFTER: The hook here is that the "real" Santa accidentally ends up working for Cole's department store, instead of the usual hired "fake" Santa - they call the store Cole's here because apparently Macy's wanted too much money, or didn't want free publicity, and it would have been too obvious to call the store "Schmacy's".

The central issue is a child's belief (or disbelief) in Santa - which is a favorite topic of debate between me and parents I know - when should a child be told the truth? What would be the harm in raising a kid to appreciate that Santa is just a symbol, and his or her parents have been working extra hard to deliver something special during the holiday season? For me, at the age of 5 or 6 I approached my grandmother, demanding to know if fairy tales were real or not - I needed to get it straight in my head and separate fantasy from reality.

Of course, Santa is just an allegorical Supreme Being - God Lite, if you will. Both live up above, one at the top of the world and one in the heavens, both can monitor our activities 24/7, both work in "mysterious ways", and both are keeping track of our sins, supposedly. But even though kids eventually figure out the skinny on Santa, many seem to not be able to make the next leap in logic and apply the same principles to the man upstairs. I'll be delving into religion-based films to finish out the year, so this is a good time to transition to that topic.

NITPICK POINT #1: Wouldn't Kriss Kringle need a valid Social Security Number and fill out a W-2 to work for a major department store? Wouldn't listing his legal residence as "North Pole" raise a red flag with the H.R. department?

NITPICK POINT #2: If Kringle is the real Santa, shouldn't he be up at the North Pole supervising his workshop?

NITPICK POINT #3: Santa tells customers in this film that they can shop in other stores to get lower prices than Cole's, and instead of firing him, the store creates a service to get people items from the other stores. But why not just lower their own prices? Wouldn't they make up for the loss in added sales volume?

NITPICK POINT #4: I've seen enough episodes of "Law & Order" to recognize that there is some really bad lawyering going on in this film's trial. The prosecuting attorney rests its case after about 5 seconds, then demands more time once he realizes that he's actually got to work to prove his point. Umm, you had your chance to call witnesses, and you blew it! Later the judge meets with the defense attorney about the case, without the prosecution present. Even I know you can't do that...

Starring Richard Attenborough, Elizabeth Perkins, Dylan McDermott, Mara Wilson, Robert Prosky (last seen in "Rudy"), Jane Leeves, William Windom, and the late great J.T. Walsh as the prosecuting attorney. Cameos from Allison Janney, Jack McGee.

RATING: 4 out of 10 parade balloons

Fred Claus

Year 2, Day 357 - 12/23/10 - Movie #722

BEFORE: I spent last night wrapping gifts, so in a way I'm behind again. I'll knock this one out tonight, then pack for Massachusetts. I should have some more time at my parents' house, except for the partying and the feasting and the gift exchange, and I'll probably want to get together with friends, so actually there goes that idea.

THE PLOT: Fred Claus, Santa's bitter older brother, is forced to move to the North Pole.

AFTER: Vince Vaughn carries over from last night's film - this is an update to the Santa Claus story that adds a shifty big brother character, and then it makes the necessary changes to the Santa mythology to properly tell his story. Sorry, but in order to be a saint, you've got to be dead - people seem inclined to let "St. Nicholas" slide on that one, but I think the church rules are pretty strict on this. According to this film, a saint becomes immortal, and so do all the members of his immediate family. (?)

But, really, the Santa Claus story is always changing, thanks to the same Hollywood jackholes who need to update James Bond or Batman or Spider-Man just to keep them fresh for each new generation of movie-goers. And no one studio "owns" the Santa story, so we get Dudley Moore and Tim Allen and Will Ferrell and Tom Hanks thrown into the Santa/Elf/North Pole matrix every couple years, hoping today's kids have a short attention span, and don't point out all the discrepancies between the Santa films.

Santa Claus is like the Mercedes of characters - changes to the design should be made with great thought and care, and then only when they improve his story, rather than just add to it. This is a film that tells us not to "Drink the Kool-Aid" where Santa is concerned, and then pours us three pitchers of the stuff.

I've now realized that Vince Vaughn is still playing the same chattery wheeler-dealer that he played in "Swingers" - maybe he's like this in all his films? Kevin Spacey (last seen in "The Men Who Stare at Goats") has a nice turn here as an efficiency expert trying to shut the North Pole down (umm...and he was hired by who, exactly?).

Y'know, I hate to be a cynic, but wouldn't it be more efficient for Santa's sleigh to work its way across the globe just once, instead of criss-crossing and backtracking, as seen in this film? Scratch that, I'm proud to be a cynic - and you know who's fault that is? Santa's - because as a kid I never understood how Santa got to every kid's house. It was not physically possible, and don't drop that "elfin magic" crap on me, because that's as bad as saying that "God works in mysterious ways." Like every kid, I was sold a bill of goods on Santa that turned to disappointment.

Still, I did get a dose of the post-modern warm + fuzzies from this film, which is why its rating is not scraping the bottom of the barrel.

Also starring Paul Giamatti (last seen in "The Negotiator"), Rachel Weisz (last seen in "The Fountain"), Kathy Bates (last seen in "Misery"), John Michael Higgins (last seen in "Blade: Trinity"), Elizabeth Banks (last seen in "Meet Dave"), Miranda Richardson (last seen in "The Phantom of the Opera"), Ludacris, and cameos from Stephen Baldwin, Frank Stallone and Roger Clinton (in a sibling-rivalry therapy session!)

RATING: 3 out of 10 conveyor belts

Four Christmases

Year 2, Day 356 - 12/22/10 - Movie #721

BEFORE: Finally starting my Christmas movies - I know I'm late, with just three days to go. At this point I have to hope that my family's presents will come to life and wrap themselves...who the heck put Christmas Eve on a Friday this year?

And I wish I'd known that both Vince Vaughn and Jon Favreau were in the film "Rudy" - I would have scheduled that film to transition to this one. Let's just say I did that, OK?

THE PLOT: A couple struggles to visit all four of their divorced parents on Christmas Day.

AFTER: This film is about how your family is able to get under your skin and push your emotional buttons during the holidays, but as my ex-mother-in-law used to say, "You don't have to like your family, but you do have to love them."

The central couple in this film has chosen for years to avoid their families, and take a vacation together - which doesn't really address the problem. But when fog prevents their plane from taking off, and they're caught on TV, they're forced to come clean and spend the day with all four parents. Slapstick ensues as each parent's celebration puts them through the physical and emotional wringer, from wrestling matches to baby vomit to dredging up childhood insecurities.

There were a few chuckles, like an appearance in a revivalist Christmas pageant and a frustrating game of Taboo, but for the most part, this is designed to make your own Christmas journey seem like a cake-walk by comparison.

I suppose this is somewhat innovative, and timely for its portrayal of the holidays as they are celebrated by people with failed marriages and broken homes, and all of the lingering effects, but wait, isn't this supposed to be a comedy, and aren't comedies supposed to be, you know, funny?

The moral seems to be, "Don't get married", because all of the married and divorced people seem messed up in their own individual ways. Actually, that's the moral of a lot of films, and it's funny when you apply it to a movie on a different subject (i.e. "Saving Private Ryan").

I'll fall short of calling this film contemptible, since it is the spirit of giving - perhaps "misguided" is a better word...

My wife and I have our own holiday tradition - one evening after our jobs have essentially shut down for the holidays, and before we drive up to see my family, we go treat ourselves to dinner at the best restaurant we can think of. That happens tonight, and then I've got to go home and wrap gifts like crazy. But again, perfect timing.

Also starring Reese Witherspoon (last seen in "Pleasantville"), Robert Duvall (last seen in "Thank You For Smoking"), Sissy Spacek, Jon Voight (last seen in "Heat"), Mary Steenburgen (last seen in "I Am Sam"), Kristin Chenoweth (last seen in "Stranger than Fiction"), Tim McGraw, Dwight Yoakam (last seen in "Hollywood Homicide"), cameos from Colleen Camp, Peter Billingsley, Cedric Yarbough (from "Reno 911") and Brian Baumgartner (from "The Office").

RATING: 4 out of 10 photo albums

Big Fan

Year 2, Day 355 - 12/21/10 - Movie #720

BEFORE: I watched a bunch of football films last year, so tonight's film is more about the pro football fans, so tangentially related to the game itself.

THE PLOT: A hardcore New York Giants football fan struggles to deal with the consequences when he is beaten up by his favorite player.

AFTER: This film seems to delight in putting its main character into the most difficult situation possible - a man's fandom is put to the test when he sees behind the pigskin curtain and follows his favorite player to a Manhattan strip-club. He tries to express his fandom, but accidentally causes an altercation which ends with him beaten up and lying in a heap on the club floor.

He then faces a terrible choice - give an account of the situation to the police, which would likely result in his favorite player being suspended, or remain silent, and deal with the physical (and emotional) injuries on his own. Filing a personal injury lawsuit and cashing in on the situation would also result in other fans learning his name, which would also put him at risk.

It's a dark character study, which begins and ends with the movie's star, Patton Oswalt (last seen in "Blade: Trinity"). I happen to be a fan of Oswalt's stand-up, which we only see a small hint of here. This character is right in his sweet-spot too, bearing more than a passing resemblance to Spence, the character he played for years on TV's "The King of Queens" - you just need to change Queens to Staten Island, the Mets to the Giants, and his job as a subway token-booth clerk to one as a parking lot cashier.

This works as a look inside the world of fans - remember, the word is short for "Fanatic". This could just as easily be about fans of actors, authors, politicians, etc. - I for one have my own set of rules for encountering famous people at Comic-Con - it just happens to be about a fan of a football player named Quantrell Bishop (though throughout the movie I thought his name was "Cointreaux"). And if you think it's far off the mark, you don't need to look any further than the real-life stories of football players like Michael Vick or Plaxico Burress (and I'm sure there are others...).

The real NFL season is coming to a close (as is Movie Year #2), just two games left on the schedule. This film hits my schedule quite coincidentally two days after a massive Giants tanking, blowing a 21-point lead and losing to the Eagles. I simply could not have planned this schedule any better...

It's funny, through this whole process I've rarely noticed great soundtrack cuts, maybe because so many of them are NOT great, just the same songs used again and again - but tonight I did notice the song playing during the end credits. It sounded like Bob Dylan, very similar to "The Man in Me" (heard in "The Big Lebowski") but it turned out to be "Sweet Revenge" by John Prine. It sounds to me like the best song Dylan never recorded - I'll have to check it out. Thanks, IMDB.

NITPICK POINT: Throughout the film, the main character makes late-night phone calls to a sports talk-radio show - constantly being yelled at by his mother, whom he lives with, to keep his voice down. And the reason he doesn't call from another location via his cell phone is...?

Also starring Kevin Corrigan (last seen in "American Gangster"), Michael Rapaport (last seen in "Lucky Numbers"), Matt Servitto (famous for playing the FBI agent on "The Sopranos")

RATING: 6 out of 10 parking spaces

Rudy

Year 2, Day 354 - 12/20/10 - Movie #719

BEFORE: Moving up to college-level ball tonight - happy Bowl Week, everyone!

Last year we had Thanksgiving dinner at the home of my brother-in-law's future in-laws, out on Long Island, and after dinner they watched this film. I'd eaten so much deep-fried turkey, with all the trimmings (God, but I love trimmings...) that I slept right through it. So let me make up for that mis-step now.

THE PLOT: Rudy is determined to overcome the odds and fulfill his dream of playing for Notre Dame.

AFTER: Another Hollywood sports film - one that shows that with enough pluck, determination and hard work, a person can fall just short of their goals. I kid - Rudy knows that he's five-foot nothing, and 100 pounds soaking wet, so he really has no shot at playing football for Notre Dame. But regardless of that fickle mistress reality, that is still his dream. So he's (mostly) content to work as an assistant groundskeeper, and then later as a part of their practice squad, essentially as a human tackling dummy.

But we're led to believe he's got this quality called "heart", or "pluck", or "spunk". (As Lou Grant famously said, "I hate spunk.") He wants it more than some of the actual team members, probably because he can't have it. And in the end he achieves his dream, just not in a way that he could have predicted, plus he accidentally gains the benefit of a college education, and learns some valuable life lessons.

And this film can function as a metaphor for anyone's career path - how many of us have achieved our goals, but in an unpredictable fashion? Doesn't everyone, on some level, have to learn to balance getting what they want with wanting what they get?

I connected with this film in an odd way - because it reminded me of my first few years in the film business. I've spent years working for an animator/director whose name many people recognize, and many times I've found myself being envied by people who are just starting out in animation - they ask me how I got where I am, and how they can do the same thing. I always try to discourage anyone from walking the path that I took, and not just because I don't need the competition - no, it's because that experience was unique, and they have to find their own way to their own pipe dream.

One day in high-school I was told that I needed to pick a direction, so I said I'd go into the film business - I was told that with my grades I could choose anything, but that still raised a few eyebrows. Even my guidance-counselor's career-choosing computer advised against it, saying I didn't have the personality required to pull it off. But I forged ahead anyway, since it seemed like it would be interesting at the very least, and possibly fun on some level too.

So this film reminded me of the lean years, the times that I had to bring home food that was leftover from craft services, or the times I worked back-to-back studio shoots so that I didn't see sunlight for three days. Mostly these experiences are now my "war stories", which I tell to entertain the interns - like the time I spent 12 hours looking for the right stool for an Apollonia music video (it appeared on camera for about 3 seconds), or the time I'd been driving the production van for so long that I was dozing off at red lights, or the time I overslept and delayed an entire shoot from driving to Philadelphia, since I had the keys to the van. Or the time my van ran out of gas in the middle of traffic on 23rd St., and I had to figure out how to get some gas in the tank and get to the film lab before it closed.

See? Nothing to be envied there. Nostalgia is fine, but I have no desire to get back into live-action production on any level. If I've got any pipe dream now, it's to be a contestant on Jeopardy! - but if game shows and reality shows have taught me anything, it's that for every person who makes it, there are 10 other competitors vying for that same title, and 100 (or more) others who never even make it to the show. This goes for athletes, chefs, writers, actors, you name it.

So kudos, Rudy, for being the one-in-the-million who made it to the show, and then was able to excel. Everyone else, go out and find your own pipe dream - mine's taken.

Starring Sean Astin, Ned Beatty (last seen in "Charlie Wilson's War"), Robert Prosky (last seen in "Christine"), Charles S. Dutton (last seen in "Secret Window"), John Favreau (last seen in "Iron Man"), Lili Taylor (last seen in "Born on the Fourth of July"), and a cameo from then-unknown Vince Vaughn (last seen in "Mr. & Mrs. Smith").

RATING: 7 out of 10 rejection letters

Remember the Titans

Year 2, Day 353 - 12/19/10 - Movie #718

BEFORE: Sticking with high-school football, before moving on to College level. I noticed that Bowl games started this weekend, which seems a bit early, but also a nice coincidence. My co-worker keeps recommending this one to me, so I figure I've got to give it a shot - I got a copy too late to make Denzel Washington week, so I'll work it in here.

THE PLOT: The true story of a newly appointed African-American coach and his high school team on their first season as a racially integrated unit.

AFTER: Yeah, this was a pretty good one - again, I'm not up on all the mechanics of football, so I couldn't always follow what makes one play better than another, or what makes one team's offense or defense better than another's. I suppose all those signals they're calling mean something to someone, but I'm clueless. At least this film dumbed it down a little bit - THIS guy runs faster than THAT guy, so I can pick up on that.

But to have a little 9-year-old girl who understands all the plays, when I don't? Well, thanks, now I really feel dumb. But then I remember, I was a bookworm in high-school and a film geek in college - heck, I don't even think NYU had a football team, did they?

Then we've got the theme of race relations - the film takes place in 1971 Virginia, when two high-schools were combined to make an integrated one, and the white football coach was demoted to assistant coach, under a new black one (Denzel Washington, last seen in "Inside Man"). Coach Boone forces the team members to overcome their prejudices and work together, and then the spirit of racial harmony (eventually) extends to the entire town.

So football (and a little soul music) puts an end to racism - the cynic in me wants to point out that WINNING puts an end to racism, and one wonders whether there would be race riots if the team failed to come together, or failed on the field. Also, there's a fair amount of sugared sentiment here, everything's shiny/happy/winny once the races start to work together - which makes the issue of racism fairly black and white, if you'll pardon the pun.

Also, the movie's pretty formulaic - all football training movie sequences are fairly interchangeable. And success is pretty much guaranteed - since it's filtered through Hollywood, and movies tend to be made about the winners, and not the losers. But these are actually minor criticisms - it might be a classic formula, but it's a great, uplifting example of one.

Also starring Will Patton (last seen in "The Postman"), Donald Faison (most famous for "Scrubs"), Ethan Suplee (last seen in "Blow"), Ryan Gosling (last seen in "Half Nelson"), Wood Harris (last seen in "The Siege"), Ryan Hurst (also last seen in "The Postman"), Kip Pardue, Hayden Panettiere (last seen in "Racing Stripes"), and Kate Bosworth (last seen in "Superman Returns").

RATING: 8 out of 10 field goals