The Mask

Year 2, Day 163 - 6/12/10 - Movie #528

BEFORE: I suppose I could keep with the "Fantasy Worlds" idea, and watch "Jumanji" or "Night at the Museum 2", but I'm desperate to get to my superhero movies. I intended to start with "Fantastic Four 2", but I just noticed the connection between "Inkheart" and this film - with a man able to bring fantasy to life.

I've also got a bunch of Jim Carrey films on the list, but I'll save the rest for later on...

THE PLOT: Bank clerk Stanley Ipkiss is transformed into a manic super-hero when he wears a mysterious mask.

AFTER: I avoided this film for years, because I wasn't really a Jim Carrey fan when this came out - I had only known him from "In Living Color" and ads for "Dumb & Dumber", and he just seemed like a moron to me. Of course, this was before "The Truman Show" and "The Man in the Moon".

There's not much for me to say about this film that hasn't been said before - it's sort of hard for me to judge it when it's so over-the-top and impossibly ridiculous. Plus the movie is constantly breaking the fourth wall, with the Mask mugging for the camera and cracking jokes right to the audience.

So, how do I judge something like this? I can't go by believability, since the concept and all the gags are so outrageous. I have to fall back on how entertained I was, overall. I liked the Tex Avery-style gags, and the dog was a great performer. Carrey was only about half as much of a moron as I thought he'd be in this one.

In some ways, though, this should be regarded as a "classic" of the comic-book movie genre, since it was released prior to all the big-ticket movies like "Spider-Man", "X-Men", "Hulk" and "Iron Man". Maybe it's appropriate that I started the chain with this film after all, since it sort of jump-started the trend back in 1994, or at least got the movie industry to think outside the Superman & Batman box.

Also starring Cameron Diaz, Peter Riegert, Richard Jeni, Amy Yasbeck, with cameos from Ben Stein, and Reg E. Cathey (aka Querns from "Oz", and my wife is currently watching him on "The Wire")

RATING: 5 out of 10 moneybags

Inkheart

Year 2, Day 162 - 6/11/10 - Movie #527

BEFORE: Ah, the best laid plans...I was supposed to start comic-book movies today, but my downstairs TV does not like store-bought DVDs, just ones that I made myself. The bought ones skip around - I keep meaning to replace the TV, but that would involve taking everything off the basement entertainment center and strengthening it with some nails or something, so it can hold a heavier TV. It's sort of falling apart...

Fortunately, I've got a back-up plan, and I'll continue the Brendan Fraser/fantasy world connection.

THE PLOT: A young girl discovers her father has an amazing talent to bring characters out of their books and must try to stop a freed villain from destroying them all, with the help of her father, her aunt, and a storybook's hero.

AFTER: This got kind of confusing, since the movie contains refers to a book titled "Inkheart", but it's also BASED on a book named "Inkheart", which features people looking for a book-within-a-book, also titled "Inkheart". So, what, exactly, is the plot of the book "Inkheart"? Is it the book, or the book-within-a-book?

Either way, there wasn't much here to hold my attention. I ended up falling asleep mid-way through, and not waking up until after it was over. I had to bring the DVD with me to work and finish watching it there (after 5 pm, of course...)

Essentially, Brendan Fraser's character has the ability to bring ficitonal characters into the real world while reading a book. Unfortunately, for every character he brings out, a real person gets sucked in. But this is confusing - do they just live in the fictional world, do they get added to the plot, can they change the fictional world? The movie is very short on details...

So Fraser's character travels around Europe's bookstores with his daughter, looking for a copy of this rare book, so he can read his wife OUT of the book. Again, unless she somehow becomes part of the plot, I don't see how this is possible. Well, I don't see how ANY of this is possible, but I'm willing to go along with it, up to a point.

Or maybe not - in the end I didn't find it all that entertaining or even interesting. Yeah, there are references to other books like "The Wizard of Oz", which are stories the audience actually cares about. "Inkheart", not so much - since we never find out exactly what happens in that damn book!

There's a villain from the book, named Capricorn, who was freed from the book many years ago, and he's amassed a power base in his castle - but what are his evil plans, exactly? Again, not too many details other than getting people to read the treasure out of stories like "Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves".

But why did Capricorn need to get the flying monkeys from "The Wizard of Oz", a minotaur, the crocodile from "Peter Pan", etc. What the heck was he going to do with all these characters?

At least in movies like "The Never-Ending Story", we learned a little bit about the story mentioned in the title! It's a sort of a cute idea - but it was done better in films like "Bedtime Stories". I realize it's mainly a movie for kids, but it was so confusing and hard to swallow - I can't see kids enjoying this.

Also starring Paul Bettany, Andy Serkis, Helen Mirren, Jim Broadbent, with a cameo from Jennifer Connelly.

RATING: 3 out of 10 fireballs

Journey to the Center of the Earth (2008)

Year 2, Day 161 - 6/10/10 - Movie #526

BEFORE: Continuing with the "Lost World" theme - I was very partial to the 1959 version with James Mason and Pat Boone when I was a kid. But the FX in that film were probably comparable to the 1970's "Land of the Lost" - plus I always wondered how it could be so bright underground, that the film cameras could capture everything.

I'm not risking falling asleep during this film - so I took a pre-movie shower, popped a couple of chocolate-covered espresso beans, and poured a glass of Dew.

THE PLOT: On a quest to find out what happened to his missing brother, a scientist, his nephew and their mountain guide discover a fantastic and dangerous lost world in the center of the earth.

AFTER: Of course we all know that once you get down below a certain level in the earth, there's nothing but rock, right? There's no underground rivers, or lost worlds, or dinosaur colonies...but you kind of just have to go with the flow here and accept some incredibly impossible things, otherwise we'd just be watching a movie about some dark tunnels. Again, the underground world is very bright and colorful, which is explained with a line or two about "bio-luminescence".

And no one really comes near the "center" of the Earth, which would be a giant ball of liquid magma, or so science tells us. There, now that THAT'S out of the way, the bigger question is, was the film entertaining? For the most part, yes.

This was one of those films that kicked off the current wave of 3-D films, so a lot of the shots are flares being thrown at the camera, or birds flying at the camera, or hurtling rocks, etc. So I should probably take into consideration that I watched this in glorious Non-3D on a (relatively) small screen - but this still came off like a thrill-ride. Some of it is obviously forced, though, like the roller-coaster ride on the mine carts (an homage/rip-off of "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom"?)

However, you can't get an internet connection with a PSP when on an airplane at 30,000 feet, and you simply can't get a cell phone call when you're miles beneath the earth's surface - didn't anyone research that? And yeah, I've got a bone to pick with those floating "magnetic" rocks, too...things would float if you were AT the earth's center, but as stated above, the characters were probably nowhere near that point.

Still, I felt entertained - it's just difficult for me to switch off the disbelief software, or maybe I'm just used to being nitpicky. I have found that screenwriters don't mind me pointing out plotholes, provided I do it with enough notice for them to be fixed, or if I provide alternative solutions.

Starring Brendan Fraser (last seen by me in "The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor") and Josh Hutcherson (last seen by me last week in "Kicking & Screaming"), with a cameo by Seth Meyers (last seen by me in ummm...the SNL finale?)

RATING: 6 out of 10 dinosaur skulls

There are a few directions I could go from here - "Inkheart" for the Brendan Fraser connection, or the "King Kong" remake for the monster connection, but I'm anxious to link to my comic-book/superhero films. I'll do my best to explain the connection tomorrow...

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs

Year 2, Day 160 - 6/9/10 - Movie #525

BEFORE: I want to link to my superhero movies, but it's going to take a couple days. I'll continue with the dinosaur theme.

THE PLOT: When Sid the Sloth's attempt to adopt three dinosaur eggs gets him abducted by their real mother to an underground lost world, his friends attempt to rescue him.

AFTER: I found out last week, I've got ex-co-worker friends who work at Blue Sky, so I'll try to be kind here, but it's going to be tough. I fell asleep about 1/3 of the way through this, and again 2/3 of the way through - my wife found me this morning sacked out in the basement.

I enjoyed the first "Ice Age" film, then I tolerated the second one because the Meltdown in the title could be taken as a metaphor for global warming. But there's not much of a story here, or anything really that held my attention. So the sloth gets kidnapped by a dinosaur - which is very dangerous, since I was rooting for the T.Rex to eat him, and put him out of my misery...

So once again we're in the position of watching prehistoric animals go on a journey, lumbering across the plains at an uninteresting pace - with many unfortunate slapsticky moments along the way - until they discover the "lost world". (It's populated by hundreds of dinosaurs, so how "lost" can it be?) Do I need to point out here that all of Western science agrees that the dinosaurs died out millions of years before the development of mammals was even possible? Yeah, yeah, lost world, yada yada yada...

The cultural references don't always land either - it's weird to see characters reference "The Christmas Song" sung by Alvin and the Chipmunks, when the entire movie is set millions of years before Christmas was a concept, or Jesus for that matter...

The one bright spot, however, was the new character of Buck, voiced by Simon Pegg (star of "Hot Fuzz" and "Run Fatboy Run") - he's a one-eyed adventuring weasel who's wild, insane, and who gets all the best lines of dialogue. He also performs the best stunts, like riding on a pterodactyl. If there's any explanation as to why this is the 2nd highest grossing animated film ever, it's got to be because of Buck.

But the running gag with the acorn - come on, enough already. It's been three whole films, and I don't understand why Scrat doesn't just eat the acorn already, during one of the many times where it ends up in his possession, before he loses it again.

I'm scratching my head wondering how "Land of the Lost" can be regarded as a commercial flop, while this film is considered to be a box-office success. By all rights, it should be the other way around...

Also starring the voices of Ray Romano, Denis Leary, John Leguizamo, Queen Latifah, Seann William Scott, with cameos by Bill Hader, Jane Lynch, Kristen Wiig, and my friend Karen as Scratte.

RATING: 4 out of 10 rockslides (again, I'm being kind...)

Land of the Lost

Year 2, Day 159 - 6/8/10 - Movie #524

BEFORE: Wrapping up my Will Ferrell chain (for now - until I can get a copy of "Old School"), this is a 21st-century version of a cheezy Saturday-morning show that I used to watch as a kid in the 70's. I remember a lot of fake-looking plants, people in very rubbery lizard-man costumes, and the lead actor being replaced at the start of the third season. (after a salary dispute, his character was "accidentally" returned home, at the same moment his brother came looking for him...)

THE PLOT: Dr. Rick Marshall is sucked into a space-time vortex alongside his research assistant and a redneck survivalist, to a world full of dinosaurs and primitive primates.

AFTER: I enjoyed this one quite a bit, which just goes to show that you can take an old show and give it some new life. Turns out the initial story idea was solid, and it just needed to be dressed up with some modern special effects and a good dose of humor. This movie didn't take itself too seriously, and I admire that.

However, Will Ferrell is much funnier when he acts serious - his character, Rick Marshall, takes science very seriously, which leads to comic situations like an on-air fight with Matt Lauer on the "Today" show. When Ferrell acts goofy, like in "Zoolander", it's not nearly as funny. His characters in "Anchorman", "Blades of Glory" and "Semi-Pro" work because they're serious. Serious idiots, but in a serious goofy way. Does that make sense?

By removing the familial connection between Rick, Holly and Will, the story possibilities open up, like a potential love connection between Rick and Holly - and Danny McBride is great as Will, the redneck who runs a tourist trap that turns out to be a tachyon gateway to the "Lost" dimension.

(Side note: In "Jay and Bob Strike Back", Ferrell's character is named "Marshal Willenholly", a reference to the three characters from "Land of the Lost". I just learned that, and that's a pretty neat coincidence.)

The Sleestaks get an upgrade, like animated mouths with teeth instead of just rubbery masks, and the dinosaurs get a HUGE upgrade - the T. Rex seen here rivals anything from "Jurassic Park", both effects-wise, and as a character.

Between the dinosaurs, lizard-men, primates, and the random things that get dropped into the other dimension from Earth, there's plenty of comic potential, and I think they really made the most of it. I know I felt very entertained. This was generally regarded as one of last year's commercial flops, which seems like a shame. It's got the same tone as other remakes like "Starsky & Hutch" and "Dragnet", where they pay tribute to the TV show, but also mine it for humor.

EDIT: My co-worker scared me by mentioning that she also grew up watching "Land of the Lost", even though she's 15 years younger than I am. Turns out that I was fondly (?) recalling the 1970's version, and she was referring to the 1990's version. If you watch the opening sequences on YouTube, you'll clearly see the difference in special effects...the 1970's effects are just plain laughable.

RATING: 8 out of 10 pterodactyl eggs

Zoolander

Year 2, Day 158 - 6/7/10 - Movie #523

BEFORE: From club kids to male models - I realize this is considered more of a Ben Stiller movie, but I know Will Ferrell plays the villain...

THE PLOT: At the end of his career, a clueless fashion model is brainwashed to kill the Prime Minister of Malaysia.

AFTER: It was a little hard to get a read on this film (and also a little hard to stay awake during it...), it just came off as ridiculous to me, without many redeeming qualities.

I guess it qualifies as a spoof of spy films, but it didn't go far enough into either homage or parody, like an "Austin Powers" film would. There were a few funny moments, mostly confusions resulting from the dumbness of the male model characters, but not enough to really be a laugh riot. I guess I liked the sequences that spoofed "2001" and "The Godfather", but there were just as many attempts at humor that fell flat.

We're supposed to believe that every major political assassination since Lincoln was carried out by a male model...yeah, that's a bit of a stretch. Supposedly they make the best assassins since they're in top physical form, and essentially brain-dead upstairs. It's a cute idea, with almost nothing to back it up.

Also starring (and directed by) Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Christine Taylor, Jerry Stiller, Milla Jovovich, and David Duchovny, with cameos from Jon Voight, Judah Friedlander, Vince Vaughn, Fabio, David Bowie, Natalie Portman, Patton Oswalt, Billy Zane, Winona Ryder, Andy Dick, Garry Shandling, Fred Durst, Lance Bass, and many more...and yes, that was James Marsden as John Wilkes Booth!

RATING: 4 out of 10 bodyguards

A Night at the Roxbury

Year 2, Day 157 - 6/6/10 - Movie #522

BEFORE: A busy Saturday today - we drove to N.J. for my wife's junior-high reunion (sponsored by Facebook) where it took me all day to realize that the 80's music being played was in alphabetical order (Girls Just Want to Have Fun, Hot For Teacher, I Want to Know What Love Is, Jump...) Then after a quick nap, I met my friend Amy at Barcade in Williamsburg, which is a place I've been trying to get to for years. They've got a great beer selection and two rows of classic arcade games, not just the expected like Robotron and Tempest, but also games like Moon Patrol, Tapper and Smash TV. It was a tough call for me between Ladybug and Qbert, but I've been bemoaning the fact that Qbert doesn't seem to be available for Playstation or GameCube, so I had to rock that game. Sure enough, my old cube-jumping patterns came back to me. Knowing that a bar with microbrews and a working Qbert machine is just a few subway stops away is very dangerous for me...

I'm not expecting much from a film based on a "Saturday Night Live" skit that was just about 2 idiots bobbing their heads in a club to the world's worst song...

THE PLOT: The Roxbury Guys, Steve and Doug Butabi, want to get into the best club in town, and also hope to open their own club...

AFTER: Yes, this was a fairly horrible film. They didn't really expand the characters or the plot beyond what was seen in the short skits on SNL - a fairly common fate, based on the recent reviews of "MacGruber".

This was probably Chris Kattan's largest screen role, before he became the Peter Scolari of the late 90's, and Will Ferrell's career took off...

And for the third film in a row, idiot slackers get rewarded for having pie-in-the-sky dreams of success. Just what message are you sending to America's youth, Will Ferrell?

Also starring Dan Hedaya, Molly Shannon, Loni Anderson, with cameos from Richard Grieco, Jennifer Coolidge, Michael Clarke Duncan, Mark McKinney, Colin Quinn and Chazz Palminteri (uncredited as an oddball nightclub owner)

RATING: 3 out of 10 plastic plants