Saturday, October 10, 2009

30 Days of Night

Day 283 - 10/10/09 - Movie #282

BEFORE: Yep, more vampires, and another film based on a comic book. When I first heard about the comic book's concept, I thought it was a great idea - vampires in Alaska, where they could exist for a month without any sunlight. Let's see if the movie maintained that cleverness.

THE PLOT: After an Alaskan town is plunged into darkness for a month, it is attacked by a bloodthirsty gang of vampires.

AFTER: Yes, it's a clever starting point, but eventually it becomes just another vampire movie with a few fresh ideas. The vampires seal off the town, which pretty much closes down for a month of darkness anyway, and start picking off the humans one by one. Some of the survivors of the attack band together to find the best hiding place, but eventually they have to leave to replenish their supplies - so some people choose to sacrifice themselves, distracting the flock of vampires so that the other humans can move from place to place.

These are some seriously scary vampires - they look creepy, they move creepy and they communicate in a combination of shrill screams and a creepy foreign language (is that Russian? Hungarian?) I didn't recognize any of the actors except for Josh Hartnett, and Ben Foster as a mysterious drifter.

RATING: 5 out of 10 snowplows

SPOOK-O-METER: 9 out of 10, for gore, violence, vampires killing people, and people killing vampires (well over my threshold of 7, I didn't go to sleep until the sun came up)

Friday, October 9, 2009

Blade

Day 281 + 282 - 10/8 + 10/9/09 - Movie #281

BEFORE: Yeah, I'm slipping again. I fell behind again, since my body decided, for the second time this week, that it would rather fall asleep at 11:30 pm than allow me to stay up and watch a movie. I did run out of Mountain Dew, and I forgot to stock up last night on the way home. So now I'm playing catch-up again, thankfully the weekend is here. I'm continuing with the theme of horror movies based on comic books, and kicking off my vampire chain with this film based on the Marvel vampire comic "Blade". Horror was big in Marvel Comics in the 1970's, with Blade, Morbius, Werewolf by Night, and even Dracula himself, all starring in their own monthly books. This film was actually one of Marvel's earliest movie successes, predating both the "X-Men" and "Spider-Man" series. And it's one of the few Marvel movies where Stan Lee does NOT make a cameo, as it was reportedly shot but cut from the film.

THE PLOT: A half-vampire, half-mortal man becomes a protector of the mortal race, while slaying evil vampires.

AFTER: At the core of this film is the notion that vampires have already infiltrated society, with a blood bank (for withdrawals, not deposits...) in every city, underground nightclubs all over, and a network of associates that reaches into the police and government, like a version of organized crime, based on a currency of blood. Just like "Constantine", Blade (Wesley Snipes) is trying to affect the balance between two forces - here it's the uneasy alliance between vampires and humans. The vampires can't destroy humanity, of course, or they'd be without a food source, so instead they lure them into the club scene to either feed on them or recruit them.

At the same time, a vampire named Deacon Frost is trying to decipher some ancient vampire texts, a sort of Un-Dead Sea Scrolls, or Da-Vampi Code. As readers of the comic know, Blade is unique, having been born to a woman who had been bitten by a vampire, but not yet turned into one. So he's not fully human, nor is he a vampire, he's somewhere in-between, with a thirst for both blood and vengeance. The movie makes things more difficult by taking away the usual movie conventions of crosses and holy water, leaving him with only silver, garlic, and of course sunlight in his arsenal.

I actually liked this one, despite the abundance of gore, and maybe a bit too many martial-arts battles. I guess the vampires eat the weak and turn the strong black-belt experts into more vampires? And of course, a lot of action sequences means a lot of continuity mistakes, like a blood-stain on Frost's face that keeps switching from the left side to the right...

With Stephen Dorff (whatever happened to him after "Backbeat"?) as Deacon Frost, Kris Kristofferson as Blade's mentor Whistler, and Donal Logue in an odd non-comedic role as Quinn, another vampire. And a cameo by Traci Lords.

RATING: 6 out of 10 throwing stars (damn, now I have to add the two sequels to my list...)

SPOOK-O-METER: 5 out of 10 (for graphic blood-letting and exploding vampires)

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Constantine

Day 280 - 10/7/09 - Movie #280

BEFORE: Another day, another demonic horror flick based on a comic book. This one's based on the DC/Vertigo comic "Hellblazer", featuring John Constantine. I don't know why someone thought the character's last name was more marketable than the name of a comic with a built-in audience. It would be like calling the Spider-Man movie "Parker" or the Hulk movie "Banner".

THE PLOT: The story of irreverent supernatural detective John Constantine, who has literally been to hell and back.

AFTER: If you crossed "The Exorcist" and "The Matrix" (the first one), you might get something like this film (The Matrixorcist?). Keanu Reeves plays Constantine, the only man who can both see possessions AND battle demons - demons, of course, are playing games with angels over the souls of humans. Angels, apparently, are gender-neutral Goth types who wear suits, enjoy nightclubs and (presumably) long walks on the beach, nights by the fire... There's a delicate balance between angels and demons, and the demons are trying to tip the scales by bringing the Devil's son into the world (it's more complicated here than it was in "The Omen" or "Rosemary's Baby"...) Constantine is trying to tip the scales of eternal justice the other way by banishing the demons back to hell, in the hopes that this will clean his own slate - he's got lung cancer, and would rather end up in heaven than hell (which is full of demons that he personally sent back there).

Even though this film covers some of the same territory as other films ("Spawn") and TV shows ("Reaper", "Brimstone") it feels like a new spin. However, there are a lot of little rules about how to fight demons, how to visit Hell (and come back), how to bring Satan into the world - but the audience isn't told any of the rules until they're necessary to the plot, which makes it seem like someone's making it up as they go along.

Remember, kids, smoking's not cool just because you see it in a movie. Did we mention enough times that our hero has untreatable lung cancer? Same goes for suicide, not cool - anyway, Constantine, when you slit your wrists, remember its "down the highway", not "across the street". Hollywood almost always gets that wrong...or maybe they don't want to encourage people to do it the "right" way. Oh, and this movie also suggests that if you stay under water in a bathtub long enough, you'll be able to see demons. Probably not recommended - kids, don't try this at home either.

Co-starring Rachel Weisz (who apparently didn't get her fill of the supernatural from all those "Mummy" movies...), Shia LaBeouf, Djimon Hounsou, Tilda Swinton as a male/female angel (great casting...) and Peter Stormare as "Lou", aka Lucifer (even better casting!). I'm still not sure that Keanu Reeves was the best choice for Constantine - I mean, I understand he puts asses in the seats, but someone with more gravitas, like Daniel Craig or even Ewan MacGregor, might have suited the character better. Also I think the DC character was British, and this version isn't British at all. I'll have to deduct a point.

On the whole, though, very clever-clever. This is everything the "Spawn" film wasn't - see, it's possible to give characters some clear motivations for WHY they do what they do!

RATING: 7 out of 10 coffin-nails (again, it could have been an 8 with a different actor...)

SPOOK-O-METER: 8 out of 10 (for graphic depictions of Hell and demonic possession - really, I don't want to see movies any scarier than this...I know, I'm a wimp)

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Spawn

Day 279 - 10/6/09 - Movie #279

BEFORE: Six days into Shocktober, and so far, no ill effects. I did have one dream with bats in it, but it wasn't all that scary. This is another movie based on a comic book, created by Todd Macfarlane. I tried to watch this a few years ago, but I lost interest in it (or fell asleep) since it's based on a comic I haven't read - I stopped paying attention to Macfarlane's work when he stopped working on Spider-Man comics. I'm much more interested in the movies in the Marvel and DC franchises.

THE PLOT: A mercenary is killed, but comes back from Hell as a reluctant soldier of the Devil.

AFTER: Problem #1 - the main character is a mercenary soldier, seen taking out a target at the start of the film, but also (accidentally) killing some innocent people. It's hard to feel sympathy for this character after he dies and is sent to hell. Isn't that what he "deserves" after killing innocent people?

Problem #2 - John Leguizamo's character, Clown, is incredibly obnoxious and annoying. I realize the character is supposed to be this way, but that doesn't excuse it, or make him any less unbearable to watch.

Problem #3 - I couldn't tell what any character's motivations were. Spawn wants revenge on the man who killed him, sure. But Jason Wynn (Martin Sheen) and the Clown seem to be on the same side, committing evil acts in the world. So why does Clown want Spawn to kill Wynn? And using a lethal virus to "take over the world" - why would you want to rule a world that's been infected with a virus? This doesn't seem to make much sense...

Problem #4 - I still find the movie loud, flashy and ultimately pointless. Something got lost in the translation between comic book and film, I think. Yeah, some of the giant demon FX are cool, but it ends up like cotton candy - tasty but completely unnutritious.

RATING: 3 out of 10 tombstones.

SHOCK-O-METER: 6 out of 10 (for graphic depictions of hell + giant demons)

Monday, October 5, 2009

Hellboy II: The Golden Army

Day 278 - 10/5/09 - Movie #278

BEFORE: It's late night on Sunday (early morning Monday), I've taken a shower and I have my glass of Mountain Dew - I want to pay proper attention to this movie, because I want it to be good. Or if it's not good, I don't want that to be due to my lack of awareness.

THE PLOT: The mythical world starts a rebellion against humanity in order to rule the Earth, so Hellboy and his team must save the world from the rebellious creatures.

AFTER: I tried to stay awake, I really did, but I still dozed off twice during this film and I had to rewind back and pick up where I left off. Either the film just didn't interest me very much, or I'm more sleep-deprived than I thought.

I think I figured out what's been bugging me about the "Hellboy" films - it's the same problem I had with "Pan's Labyrinth", which was also directed by Guillermo Del Toro. There are simply too many characters who communicate telepathically, or don't have a physical body, or exist as ectoplasm or something - so they don't have moving mouths, which is very convenient when it comes to special effects. No lip-synching is necessary for at least two of the major characters in this film, which makes it look like a puppet show. A very expensive, elaborate puppet show, but it still seems simplistic somehow. Of course, all special effects derive from the earliest stop-motion figures used in films like "King Kong", but with today's technology I expect more than just characters that bob their heads while a voice plays on the soundtrack.

Sure, there are times when the special effects are incredibly elaborate - Hellboy's final battle with metal-armored warriors and the Elven Prince, while standing atop a series of moving gears and cogs was visually dynamic - so why can't the whole movie look that good? It just makes the puppeteered parts stand out more. Think of the movies "Labyrinth" and "Dark Crystal", and how obvious it was that you were watching Henson-style Muppets...I just think that the Hellboy films should have aspired to be better than that.

I did like that there was more variety in the creatures than in the previous film. No Nazis or "Predator"-like demons, but instead an army of little "tooth fairies". No, not the kind that leaves money under your pillow, these are little fairy demons who like to EAT YOUR TEETH, (and bones, and flesh, but they really love teeth).

No David Hyde-Pierce this time, but there was a new character, voiced by Seth MacFarlane of "Family Guy" fame....

RATING: 7 out of 10 Cuban cigars

SPOOK-O-METER: 4 out of 10 (for those creepy tooth-fairies)

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Hellboy

Day 277 - 10/4/09 - Movie #277

BEFORE: I've been meaning to watch this one for a while - it's based on the Dark Horse comic book of the same name by Mike Mignola, who I've met several times at various Comic-Cons. I've read a few issues of the comic over the years, but not from the beginning, so I've always felt a little out of the loop, perhaps that will change tonight.

THE PLOT: A demon, raised from infancy after being conjured by and rescued from the Nazis, grows up to become a defender against the forces of darkness.

AFTER: No, I still feel like I didn't fully grok this one. Now I'm wishing I had read more issues of the comic book before watching the movie. I get that Hellboy is a demon, and that he doesn't act like a typical demon, since he was raised on Earth. But the stuff with the villain trying to summon the Elder Gods (which look like giant squids floating in space) was way over my head.

Hellboy works for the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense, an FBI-type organization created at the time of World War II in response to Hitler's interest in the occult. So it's like "X-Files" crossed with "Raiders of the Lost Ark", except the main character is a demon. And in addition to the seemingly-ageless Rasputin and a few leftover Nazis, the other villains are straight out of the movie "Predator".

It's really tough for me to judge this film, since it's such a mish-mash of other movies and ideas - it's visually striking, sure - and Ron Perlman is perfectly cast as the square-jawed Hellboy. But I don't know if there was enough storyline (that which I understood, anyway). I'd like to reserve most of my comments until I watch the sequel tomorrow night - maybe they just had to spend time introducing the characters in this film, and the story suffered a little.

With Selma Blair, John Hurt, and Jeffrey Tambor - and that HAD to be David Hyde-Pierce as the voice of Abe Sapien, even though he wasn't listed in the credits. Yep, IMDB confirms it. He's another actor who I met years ago, back when I was a young production assistant - and he was in a short video (made in 1990, in the early days of Hi-Def) that was a relationship farce set completely in an elevator. At the time he was starring in "The Heidi Chronicles" on Broadway - and though I have no proof of this, I do recall mentioning to someone on the set how much he resembled Kelsey Grammer. I said that if they were ever casting for Frasier's brother on "Cheers", he would be the one to call. I guess I wasn't the only one who saw the resemblance, because obviously he was cast in that exact role on the "Frasier" show a few years later.

RATING: 6 out of 10 Baby Ruth bars

SPOOK-O-METER: 2 out of 10 (a couple demon-fights, but nothing outrageously scary)