Rocky III

Year 2, Day 147 - 5/28/10 - Movie #515

BEFORE: By now, it's a formula - start with a 5-minute recap of the previous film's bout, fart around for an hour or so, then cut to the training montage and climactic fight. After losing and regaining some jungle cat's optical appendage...

THE PLOT: When Rocky is defeated by a brutal challenger, Apollo Creed offers to retrain him in order to regain his fighting spirit.

AFTER: Some quick thoughts before I hit the road on a tour of Delaware's outlet malls and brewpubs...

Rocky faces off against Hulk Hogan as "Thunderlips", a character I perceive to be a dig at Randy "Macho Man" Savage and/or Jesse "The Body" Ventura. It's interesting, not only because you never see a boxer fight a wrestler, but because in the final match against Clubber Lang, Rocky seems to borrow Hulk's wrestling script - namely to get hit in the face so many times that "Hulk-amania" starts running wild. When Hulk would get that look in his face, you just knew that he was going to come back and win - the other guy had lost at that point, it was a done deal...

During the training montage, they cut from Apollo running at top speed to Rocky running in slow-motion. Then back to Apollo at top speed - it hardly seemed fair to make Rocky run in slow-mo! I half expected him to complain about that...

Apollo seemed in pretty good shape while he was training Rocky - and why, exactly, couldn't Apollo fight Clubber Lang? And what kind of a name is "Clubber", anyway - some sort of family name?

This was the film that made a household name out of Mr. T - and may be the first film in which a fool was, in fact, pitied. I think people might tend to forget that...

This film had much more action than "Rocky 2" - does that make it a better film? Hmmm...

I'm out for three days - I'll continue with "Rocky 4" on Monday...something patriotic for Memorial Day...

RATING: 5 out of 10 "Exlax" watches

Rocky II

Year 2, Day 146 - 5/26/10 - Movie #514

BEFORE: Of course, I've seen "Rocky". Who hasn't seen "Rocky"? Everyone's seen it, right? But the sequels - I'm not so sure. So, let's make sure...

THE PLOT: Rocky struggles in family life after his bout with Apollo Creed, while the embarrassed champ insistently goads him to accept a challenge for a rematch.

AFTER: I'm honestly surprised I didn't fall asleep during this one. After clips from the Balboa/Creed fight repeated from the first film, Rocky then spends the next hour and a half doing everything BUT boxing. Who the heck structured this film? Who thought it would be exciting for us to watch Rocky give his dog a bath, work in a meat-packing plant (not even using a side of beef as a training bag...), get married, and buy a house?

Yes, I understand the concept of a "story arc". Yes, I understand that Rocky has been medically advised not to box (nice tie-in with last night's film...). But it's a BOXING movie, dammit. A wrestler wrestles, and a boxer boxes. That's why we're tuning in to the film, to see a boxing match!

And Stallone as Rocky can't really support a movie when he's not boxing. The dialogue is painful and laughably simple, and other than watching Rocky flub his way through a cologne commercial, there's not much entertaining going on in the first 2/3 of this film.

Then again, maybe the goal was to bore the audience, so when the inevitable training montage comes along, it's really exciting, by comparison! Finally, something is happening! Yay, Rocky's doing one-arm push-ups and running up the stairs!

Which leads into the rematch with Apollo Creed - damn, what a fight! Another 15 rounds of pure punishment, occasionally punctuated by slow-motion shots of a boxing glove pounding into Rocky's face. Creed's combination punches are pure artistry, and apparently Rocky's too numb to feel anything, or too dumb to quit when he's behind...

It's a thrilling ending, but I sort of feel like I got sucker-punched by the rest of the movie. Like Randy "The Ram", Rocky only comes alive inside the ring.

With Talia Shire, Burgess Meredith, Burt Young, with cameos by Roberto Duran and Brent Musberger.

RATING: 5 out of 10 bags of hate-mail.

The Wrestler

Year 2, Day 145 - 5/25/10 - Movie #513

BEFORE: Clearing my list of sports movies this week. Continuing last night's theme of an aging athlete seeking a second chance or a shot at redemption...

THE PLOT: A faded professional wrestler must retire, but finds his quest for a new life outside the ring a dispiriting struggle.

AFTER: A similar idea, but last night's film and tonight's couldn't be more different in tone. "The Rookie" left me with such a feeling of hope, and this film makes me feel like we're all just circling the cosmic drain. Perhaps the real truth lies somewhere in-between...

Mickey Rourke is perfectly cast as an aging wrestler who's been damaging his body for years, and then medically advised to stop. I liked the scene where he spoke to his doctor and said, "But I'm a professional wrestler!". And the doctor replied, "Well, THAT'S not a good idea." (My other favorite line, concerning his hatred for 90's music: "That Cobain pussy had to come around and ruin everything..." Amen, brother.)

Perhaps the casting was a little TOO spot-on, as Rourke didn't win an Oscar for what is really, in the end, a powerful performance. But since I haven't seen Sean Penn in "Milk" yet, I have to reserve my idle speculation. Maybe Rourke's inability to move his face also hurt his chances, in that it's harder for him to express himself.

Wrestling fans will probably enjoy the action scenes between Randy "The Ram" and various colorful opponents, like the Ayatollah, coaxed out of retirement for a 20th anniversary rematch (clearly a reference to the Iron Sheik...). Yes, I know a few things about wrestling, but there's probably a ton of things I don't know. I found most of it OK to watch, except for the barbed-wire and staple-gun matches...

Randy Robinson tries to put his life outside the ring back together, but has a challenging time of it. His years of absence in his daughter's life are a difficult hurdle, and he has a Catch-22 type relationship with a stripper, played by Marisa Tomei. (Unlike Natalie Portman in "Closer", Tomei's willing to do the work)
He can't see her unless he goes to the club, but she won't enter into a relationship with a customer. He also works at a supermarket deli counter, which presents its own set of challenges.

If you've seen Darren Aronofsky's other films, like "Pi" or "Requiem for a Dream", you might have an indication what direction the film is eventually going to go. As the Doors once sang, "The future's uncertain, and the end is always near."

Also starring Evan Rachel Wood, stand-up comic Todd Barry and (my one-time college roommate) Judah Friedlander.

RATING: 6 out of 10 turnbuckles

The Rookie (2002)

Year 2, Day 144 - 5/24/10 - Movie #512

BEFORE: Continuing with the baseball theme - like last night's film, this is also based on a true story.

THE PLOT: A Texas baseball coach makes the major league after agreeing to try out if his high school team made the playoffs.

AFTER: This is a great baseball movie that's about so much more than baseball. It's sort of like "The Bad News Bears" meets "Bull Durham" meets "Field of Dreams". With similarities to "Up", in that the central character is an older guy whose dreams almost pass him by. Aw, heck, I've got to throw "It's a Wonderful Life" into the mix too, because of the uplifting, community-rallies-together parts.

Baseball is just a metaphor, a conduit to tell the story of a high-school coach who motivates his players by promising to give his baseball career one last shot, so it's about the way that students learn from teachers (and vice versa), and the way that different people can come together as a team, plus it's about not giving up on one's crazy dreams, about a man trying to gain his father's respect (and re-gain his own self-respect), and a spouse who loves her husband enough to let him take a chance with his career. I can't describe it without using a lot of clichés, but these concepts all really work within the film.

Against all odds, and rational career advice, Jimmy Morris's fastball gets him a try-out with the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, and he works his way up through the farm system, in places like Orlando and Durham, spending months on the road away from his family. There's a nice contrast between the young 20-year old players and Morris - the kids are party-loving hotshots, but nothing shuts them up like a 98-mph pitch, as Morris slowly gains their respect. It's a great, rich inner conflict as well, as Morris has to balance his dreams with his responsibility to his family - in essence he has to allow himself to succeed in order to make it to the show.

I never thought about the inherent irony of a relief pitcher before. Here's a player who wants his team to win, but also he wants them to fail, so that they need to put him in the game. But fail only by a little, so he's not put into a situation that he can't pitch his way out of. Now that's sort of interesting...

I often joke around that I play minor-league baseball in a sense - I've got two jobs for small companies in a corner of the entertainment industry, and I sometimes wonder if I've got what it takes to work for a larger company like Disney or Marvel. I haven't made anything like a career move in 16 years, but I figure some guys spend their whole career in the "minors", and that's OK. So I really understand the sort of indecision that Morris faces in this film. My father spent decades running a small family-owned trucking company - and he only went to work for one of the big guys, New Penn, when he was in his 50's and needed to build up a pension.

What if I move up to a larger company, and find out that I can't cut it - then I become just some faceless, self-hating cog in the entertainment machine? Worse yet, what if I'm metaphorically in the majors now, right where I should be, and I don't realize it? If that's the case, I should stay where I am as long as possible - certainly I've met enough people over the years that dream of being in my position...it's maddening.

Anyway, I'm projecting. This film really got to me, I admit I teared up a few times. Go out and have a catch with your dad (or son), everyone...

Starring Dennis Quaid, Rachel Griffiths, Brian Cox, Alex Gonzalez (who was later great on the short-lived CW show "Reaper") and Angus T. Jones (yeah, the cute kid from "Two and a Half Men", back when he actually was a cute kid)

RATING: 8 out of 10 radar guns

The Babe

Year 2, Day 143 - 5/23/10 - Movie #511

BEFORE: Just a few days ago, the final bits of the old Yankee Stadium, "The House That Ruth Built" were demolished. The stadium, and Ruth's records, lasted a good long time, much to the chagrin of Red Sox fans such as myself...

THE PLOT: Babe Ruth becomes a baseball legend but is unheroic to those who know him.

AFTER: Well, I don't know too much about the man's personal life, but based on what I just read on Wikipedia, the film got most of the baseball stuff right. Of course we all know that Babe Ruth was a drunkard, a womanizer, an overeater, and generally a contemptible human being - but he was also the first celebrity who could get away with all of that and still be respected. Because he produced on the ballfield, and nothing shuts people up like the crack of the bat on a home-run hit.

See, kids, if you excel at something and you're at the top of your game, you can cheat on your wife, or drink illegal beer during Prohibition, and if you have enough money, you can just buy your way out of any trouble you get into. Is that the lesson here?

Ruth was also the first player to be traded for what seemed like an obscene amount of money (at the time) - $125,000, reportedly so that the Red Sox owner could produce the play "No, No, Nanette" on Broadway. Not much is mentioned in this film about the "Curse of the Bambino", since the Red Sox didn't win another series after he was traded in 1919, until 2004 of course.

The movie touches on the famous baseball moments like Ruth's "called shot" in the 1932 World Series, and his visiting a sick boy in the hospital, and promising to hit two home-runs for him in the next day's game. I'm guessing that he must have visited a lot of kids in the hospital, and odds are that he promised a lot of home runs to sick kids - and there were probably days where he didn't deliver. But this was just one of the more publicized home-run promises.

We're just days away from the 75th Anniversary of Babe Ruth's last home-runs, the day he hit 3 homers in Forbes Field in Pittsburgh in 1935. As depicted in the movie, he was the first player to hit a home run in that park - but he was in failing health, and he had a pinch-runner take over for him once he reached first base.

He tried for years to get a manager's job in the majors, but was unsuccessful. Though he was the greatest home-run hitter of his day, his social skills were lacking, and you've got to kiss ass if you want to get ahead. The team owners figured - how could he manage a team if he couldn't seem to manage his own life? Maybe that should be the real lesson of the film...

The Yankees owner offered him a job managing the Newark Bears, but Ruth apparently was too proud to manage in the minors. Did he not realize that this was probably a test, and that if he managed the Bears well, they might give him a shot managing the Yanks?

This is a tour-de-force for John Goodman, as the baseball player who grew old but never really grew up. I didn't buy Goodman as a 19-year-old, they really should have found a young look-alike to play Ruth at 19, but he seemed like a dead ringer for Ruth in the later years.

Also starring Kelly McGillis, Trini Alvarado, Bruce Boxleitner, James Cromwell.

RATING: 5 out of 10 stolen bases

Everyone's Hero

Year 2, Day 142 - 5/22/10 - Movie #510

BEFORE: It's a beautiful day, so let's play two...I'm a little late getting to baseball films this year, I watched a bunch of them last April, like "Fever Pitch", "Mr. Baseball", and "The Natural" - but since the Mets and Yankees are playing each other this weekend in interleague games, let's tie in with that.

THE PLOT: The story of a young boy's thousand-mile journey to help Babe Ruth and the New York Yankees win the World Series.

AFTER: So, Babe Ruth is everyone's hero? Not mine... Damn traitor to the Red Sox, and he kicked off this "trade-happy" mentality that's kept the best baseball players bouncing around the country ever since, with everyone in search of the biggest contracts.

I suppose things were different back in the 1920's, when baseball players were the biggest entertainers in America. Apparently things were so different back then that baseballs and bats could talk to kids...

See, I'm at a loss again with one of these animated films for kids - I have to either accept a talking ball and bat, or make up some excuse, like this kid has an overactive imagination, or has delusions about talking baseball equipment. The story has Babe Ruth's favorite bat, "Darlin'", being stolen by a Chicago Cubs pitcher, in the belief that without this bat, Ruth won't hit and the Yankees will lose the series.

The main character, Yankee Irving, is blamed for the loss of the bat, since his father was a security guard at Yankee Stadium who let him into the team's locker room that night. So his father gets fired, and Yankee goes on a quest to find the bat, re-steal it, and deliver it to Babe Ruth in Chicago.

Along the way, he learns a few life lessons, and some baseball tips as well. Heck, even the talking ball and bat learn some life lessons. So it's probably a fine movie for kids, but if you ask me to believe that a 10-year old kid could be dropped in to bat in a World Series game, well, then, I have to call "shenanigans". Everyone knows that a team's post-season roster has to be submitted and approved by Major League Baseball, and you can't just send in a pinch-hitter in a World Series game who hasn't been cleared. Yeah, the guy who ran the Cubs back in the day pulled all kinds of stunts like letting a midget bat (he had no strike zone, see...) but not in a World Series game, for chrissakes.

And today's twi-night double-header...er, double-feature, puts me three ahead on the count. So I can take a few days off for Memorial Day Weekend, and still be on track.

Starring the voices of Rob Reiner (as the baseball), Whoopi Goldberg (as the bat), William H. Macy, Richard Kind, Raven-Symone, Robert Wagner, Forest Whitaker, Mandy Patinkin, and Robin Williams (uncredited as the Chicago Cubs coach, but it was definitely him...)

RATING: 3 out of 10 bobble-head dolls