BEFORE: It's worth getting in a plug for Turner Classic Movies here, since I just saw their schedule for this year's "31 Days of Oscar" programming, beginning on Feb. 1. Last year's programming was simple genius, with each film linked by a common actor to the film before it AND the film after it. (And to show they were in on the joke, the chain began AND ended with a Kevin Bacon film.) They're still finding new ways to organize the same old films, so I have to give it up to them - this year the 300 Oscar-worthy films are organized by LOCATION - films set in New York, say, will screen on Feb. 11 + 12, and some of the other 46 locations include Greece, the U.K., Austria, Mexico, India, Italy, the Caribbean - and the program wraps up on Feb. 2 with a screening of "Around the World in 80 Days", followed by films set in heaven and outer space.
I'm all set to record a solid 25 films, 18 of which will probably make it to the list, assuming I can get the cable box fixed this weekend so TCM comes in again. I mention this in connection with tonight's pirate-based film since I'm planning to pick up the Errol Flynn films "The Sea Hawk" and "Captain Blood", along with 2 versions of "Mutiny on the Bounty". You can probably find a few dozen films on the list that are must-sees - for me that will likely include "Gandhi", "A Passage to India", "A Room With a View", "All the King's Men", "In the Heat of the Night", "Gone With the Wind", "Kiss of the Spider Woman", "East of Eden", "The Grapes of Wrath", "Inside Daisy Clover", and "A Star Is Born" (1954).
It's encouraging that I've now seen over 50 of the 300 films on their slate, but it also highlights how much further I've got to go.
THE PLOT: (there's a plot?) Oh, yeah, Tom and Jerry find a treasure map.
AFTER: The release date, 2006, tells the tale. Factor in the time needed to develop and animate an hour-long film, and it's clear this was made to cash in on the success of the "Pirates of the Caribbean" franchise.
But it's essentially nonsense. Yes, even in the cartoon universe there are rules, mostly about when and how often a character can fall down or get blown up, but they're good rules. There's so much stuff here about which pirates only say "Yar!" and which ones have their parrots translate for them, this guy wears a red suit and this guy wears a blue suit (but they're identical cousins, or something) and it's all just so meaningless. It's like blank verse or poetry that doesn't quite rhyme. Or imagine a pirate film whose only frame of reference is other pirate films, just borrowing the trappings and artifices of those stories, while forgetting to tell its OWN story. It would be like a murder mystery that forgets to tell you who did it...
It's a 74-minute film, and I couldn't manage to stay awake. True, I did run out of Mountain Dew, but still, that should tell you something. Who got the treasure? Who cares? Does it even matter?
I could follow this film up with any of several pirate films on the list, like "Cutthroat Island" or "Muppet Treasure Island", but since I'm waiting on those Errol Flynn films, as well as "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides", to air - I'll continue with the cats + dogs for now. But the films have to get better than this, they just have to.
Starring the voices of Mark Hamill (last heard in "Futurama: Bender's Big Score"), Kathy Najimy (last heard in "Wall-E"), Wallace Shawn (last seen in "All That Jazz"), and Charles Nelson Reilly (in his last role, voicing a parrot).
RATING: 2 out of 10 monkeys
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