BEFORE: Well, this is a bit weird - I'm not following the Queen Latifah link, because obviously she's not in tonight's movie, but she DOES play "The Equalizer" on TV. Remember that the movie franchise is based on an old TV show, which starred Edward Woodward, but then they turned it into a series of movies with Denzel Washington. And then while the movies were still being made, someone else also re-booted the TV series at the same time. So it's a franchise in two mediums simultaneously, which I don't think is supposed to happen, I can't think of one other franchise that's active on TV screens and movie screens at the same time. (Sure, there are Marvel cartoon shows like "Spider-Man" and the Avengers happening concurrently with the MCU films, but I don't think that's quite the same. Maybe "Star Trek" or "Superman" qualifies, there was probably a Star Trek series airing at some point while the senior citizen cast was making films.
Anyway, Dakota Fanning carries over from "The Secret Life of Bees" since Queen Latifah doesn't. Hey, she co-starred in movies with two different Equalizer actors... If you think these coincidences are weird, just wait, I've got a doozy coming up in a few days - two different films with the SAME title (released 20 years apart) will be viewed within a three-film span.
THE PLOT: Robert McCall finds himself a new home in Southern Italy but he discovers his friends are under the control of local crime bosses. As events turn deadly, McCall knows what he has to do - become the local protector by taking on the mafia.
AFTER: OK, I'm back from my travels and I'm back on my late-night movie watching schedule. When I combine my nocturnal nature with the fact that I've been subsisting most of this month on event food, I realize that my lifestyle has come to resemble that of a raccoon. A large percentage of what I ate in May came from food that other people didn't finish or were about to throw away - either from my wife's plate when she felt too full to finish, or from a presentation at the theater when there was leftover food. I'm calling this the "Trash Panda Diet", perhaps I could market it. The problem, though, is that I'm developing a more panda-like body type, so I think maybe I need to cut out the regular meals and ONLY live on the leftovers from the catered events. It sure is cheaper than eating food from Popeye's or Taco Bell four times a week - but visiting Waffle House several times last week probably didn't help. Last night's dinner was five small slider burgers left from a WNBA event - but I didn't eat anything else when I got home at 12:30 am, so I'm still putting yesterday in the "win" column, as the five sliders (probably?) added up to just ONE regular-sized burger. No events for me this week, with the holiday weekend coming up so I'm returning to regular human food, but still, I need to get the portion sizes under control somehow.
Really, it's a case of mind over matter - can I train myself, after all this time, to maybe just eat enough to survive, and not overeat, which is bad for me in the long run? I've done it before, but it requires striking a difficult balance. Which brings me to "Equalizer 3" which faced a similar task in delivering an action-almost-packed movie, if that makes sense. Really, this film shouldn't be wall-to-wall action like a James Bond or John Wick film, they've taken time before to show us WHO Robert McCall is and WHY he does what he does. Sure, he can take out an entire room full of bad guys by doing that thing where he grabs one guy's gun and makes him shoot all his friends, then himself. But also there has to be a purpose in doing this, even if we don't really learn what the purpose is until very close to the ending.
We usually don't question James Bond's motives, because the instructions are vague but also clear - take out the super-villain with the secret lair and a bunch of lasers who is threatening to destroy the world. HOW James does that is really up to him, if he thinks he can accomplish that by sleeping with the villain's girlfriend, and getting tied up to a big bullseye with a laser pointed at him, that's fine, James, you do you. We'll trust you when you say it leads to the proper result. But the Equalizer is held to a higher standard, he has to act according to a moral code, and if that means dropping a dime to the CIA on an Italian smuggling ring, that's what he's got to do. Here he not only has to topple the first domino, he's got to see that the next one falls and the one after that, to insure that the good citizens of Altamonte get to live their lives in peace and the members of the Camorra mob end up dead. He's got the skills to make it happen, so basically the bad guys are all dead here, they just don't know it yet. It's hard work, though - did you think the situation was going to equalize itself? Not likely.
So McCall does that thing where he takes down a whole winery full of bad guys by himself. But he does get shot in the process, and after failing to get away, due to a loss of blood, an Italian policeman finds him in his car and delivers him to Enzo, a doctor who saves his life. Even better, he doesn't report the shot man, only that he performed surgery on a man who "fell down" (well, he's not wrong, Robert did fall down after getting shot) and hoping that he's saved the life of a good man, and not a bad man. Enzo also lets Robert live with him while he recovers, and they become friends, also Robert falls in love with the quaint little town and decides to stay a bit longer. (What could POSSIBLY go wrong here?)
After his anonymous call to the CIA, a team of operatives learns that the winery was a front for a drug-smuggling operation, also the source of major cyber-attacks, and also I think they caused the pandemic and rigged the last election (no, not the 2020 one). Meanwhile a group of mobsters is forcing villagers on the Amalfi Coast to sell their property cheap so they can build fancy hotels, probably using their drug money to fund the construction, which would itself be a form of money laundering, perhaps. So it's three crimes at once, these guys are very efficient and they don't fool around - but maybe that's how you turn your criminal empire into a legitimate business one, aka the "reverse Trump" plan. Then down the road they probably lie about the square footage of the properties, reducing it when it's time to pay taxes and also increasing it when they're trying to get bank loans. Classic.
Where the mobsters make their big mistake is by firebombing the fish store where Robert shops, and man, he really liked those fish. Also, they beat up Gio, who was the policeman who saved Robert's life in the first place. These mistakes are made by Marco, the younger brother of the head gangster, but Robert simply has to kill him, because you don't mess with the Equalizer's friends or his fish. Wait, what? No, that's right, don't mess with his fish.
But now Vincent, the lead mobster is really mad because someone killed his brother - so he drives into town and starts beating up Gio again, and threatening to shoot everyone until his brother's killer steps forward. Meanwhile the CIA are closing the noose on the gangster's operation, so really, Robert just needs to keep him occupied for a while, he's going down one way or the other, but you know, the CIA has rules and regulations they have to follow. If Robert could just get the drop on him, this really could go a lot faster. Robert reveals himself, but avoids dying because all the citizens whip out their phones and start filming Vincent. Hey, Robert loves Altamonte, and it looks like its citizens love him back, he gets to live another day.
Before Vincent can plan a return visit, the Equalizer sneaks into his mansion at night, and takes down his bodyguards, one by one. Now he's a sitting duck, I guess he got a little too reliant on his underlings to protect him, and now Robert just needs to figure out what method of killing him would be the absolute most ironic one to use. It's going to happen, and it might be painful or it might not, it might be slow or it might be quick, but it really only feels like justice if it's ironic, like rain on his wedding day or a free ride when he's already paid. The CIA also claims victory by shutting down the drug-smuggling ring and the terrorists it supported, but also the Equalizer gets a new friend in the CIA and a new place to live in Italy. In exchange, he just has to give up tea for coffee and American football for soccer, but hey, we all have to make sacrifices.
"Equalizer 3" is the last film planned for this franchise, they completed the trilogy after COVID and that looks like a wrap, but hey, never say never. This sequel took in more than double its budget, so that's considered a success and they may choose to greenlight another one - they're also talking about making a prequel with either another actor or by de-aging Denzel, so we'll see. I guess the TV show just had its series finale, but honestly I wasn't following it - I sure didn't have time in 2021 to pick up another show.
Another weird tie-in with current events tonight, as President Trump claimed about a week ago that he just invented the word "equalizing", with regards to the balance he wants to bring to drug prices in the U.S. when compared with prices in other countries. Umm, then I'm not sure how three movies and 2 TV shows used the word before, if he only invented it last week. Even if his proposed stupid equalization works, though, it won't bring down drug prices in the U.S. - instead he wants to increase the drug prices in the other countries, which doesn't help U.S. citizens at all, and also would be something that he couldn't even begin to be able to control. Just saying.
Directed by Antoine Fuqua (director of "Shooter" and "What's My Name: Muhammad Ali")
Also starring Denzel Washington (last seen in "Gladiator II"), Eugenio Mastrandrea, David Denman (last seen in "Men, Women & Children"), Gaia Scodellaro, Remo Girone (last seen in "Ford v Ferrari"), Andrea Scarduzio (last seen in "Mission: Impossible - Dead Reckoning Part One"), Andrea Dodero, Daniele Perrone, Zakaria Hamza, Manuela Tasciotti, Dea Lanzaro, Sonia Ben Ammar (last seen in "Scream" (2022)), Alessandro Pess (last seen in "House of Gucci"), Adolfo Margiotta (last seen in "Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny"), Niccolo Senni (last seen in "The Young Messiah"), Giampiero Rotoli (ditto), Bruno Bilotta (last seen in "Mafia Mamma"), Jay Natelle (ditto), Adriano Sabrie, Salvatore Ruocco, Marco Giuliani, Simona Distefano, Mauro Cremonini, Agostino Chiummariello, Mariarosaria Mingione, Marco Cicalese, Doris von Thury, Diego Riace, Lucia Zotti, Giorgio Antonini, Massi Furlan (last seen in "Jumanji: The Next Level"), Simon Rizzoni, with archive footage of Melissa Leo (last seen in "Alone Together").
RATING: 6 out of 10 pain levels
No comments:
Post a Comment