BEFORE: OK, I know what you're thinking - right now simply EVERYBODY is watching this movie, anybody who didn't watch it during Oscar season has suddenly jumped on the band wagon because of current events. But I have proof, I programmed this into my chain BEFORE Pope Francis passed away, go back and read my review of "Deep Cover" from April 15, you'll see the actor linking that was planned to take me through Ralph Fiennes, that's the proof. And Pope Francis didn't die until April 21, and also, BTW, I was home that day if anyone asks.
In fact, when I programmed this film for today's viewing, the film had left Peacock, and I was pretty pissed about that, now I'd have to rent it from iTunes or YouTube for like $5.99 at least, or purchase it for more. But then the announcement was made that the film would be available on AmazonPrime starting April 22, so I was back in a spot where I could watch it on streaming without paying an additional price. So there you go, I got lucky not once but TWICE, both in my scheduling and the film's streaming availability. Sometimes I just have to program a film and then hope that it becomes available by the date I planned to watch it - and that doesn't always work, but this time it did.
John Lithgow carries over again from "Killers of the Flower Moon". Let's also remember that my scheduling of films does not have any effect on world affairs, I think we've proven that over the years. So I bear no responsibility for what happened to the Pope.
FOLLOW-UP TO: "The Two Popes" (Movie #4,175)
THE PLOT: When Cardinal Lawrence is tasked with leading one of the world's most secretive and ancient events, selecting a new Pope, he finds himself at the center of a web of conspiracies and intrigue that could shake the very foundation of the Catholic Church.
AFTER: As everyone knows, life sometimes imitates art and so in a few weeks there will be a conclave in the real world to determine the next pope. Really, it might have made more sense to sit on this film for another three weeks, but nah, I decided to roll with it, since I already have the path to Mother's Day worked out in my chain. Don't rock the boat, stay on target. It's enough of a coincidence to schedule this one now, just a few days after the pope's death. So I'm taking the win here, even if viewership for this film jumped about 283% after the news broke. Really, the viewing numbers of ANY film are going to jump once it's released on Prime Video, if there's a tie-in with current events, of course you can expect a bigger surge. As of this writing the Pope's funeral is scheduled for tomorrow, Saturday April 26, so really, I couldn't be more on point.
My wife watched this before I did, maybe in March when it was on Peacock, and now of course it's on Amazon - but she said, "You have to watch this, so we can discuss it." and this was the soonest I could link to it, I'm fairly sure about that. Hey, I had some Liam Neeson action movies to watch, that's just how these things go. But let's get into it, let's discuss the fictional conclave before there's one IRL.
Most of this is pretty standard, I think I've seen other films where a pope was selected, and with the way they put a small wooden ball on a tray with every vote cast, if you didn't know exactly what they were doing, you might just think that the Cardinals were playing bingo. Then another priest takes the cast votes and uses a needle to pierce each one, assembling the votes on a big string, like some weird form of Christmas garland to decorate the tree with, even though it's not December. But these are the physical properties of the affair, what's harder to suss out is the process by which the cardinals cast their votes, how they campaign or don't campaign for the job, how each cardinal chooses who they want to vote for, and if there's no clear majority after the votes are cast, they all simply vote again. But who changes their vote, and why? What gives one candidate more of a chance than others? How many rounds of voting will there be? And what makes anyone thing that the next round of voting will be any different than the last?
I get the plotline here, too, the idea was to show us the first round of voting, so we'd know who the key players are in this affair. Naturally, there's an apparent deadlock, so for an explanation for the second, third and fourth rounds being different from the first, the film shows us what happens between the rounds, and how it affects the votes being cast. One of the front-runners is confronted in the cafeteria by a nun from his home country, and apparently she's someone he knew from his past, and it's implied that they maybe had a relationship of some kind. Even if that took place before he was a priest and she was a nun, that could still affect his standing in the current nomination process. So then we get a feel for this, perhaps scandal after scandal is going to knock the candidates down, one by one, and we'll be left with a pope, who could at that point represent the "least worst option" for the church.
It almost feels like the U.S. election primary process, starting out with a large number of candidates and then watching them get eliminated as they either prove to not have broad appeal, or when something scandalous from their past comes to light that seems like it could be a disqualifying revelation. Now, during the Conclave the cardinals are supposed to be sequestered, no contact with the outside world, so the screenwriters had to come up with some perhaps extreme justifications for how Cardinal Lawrence manages to research things or investigate the potential land-mines in the biographies of the candidates. All of the participants needed to surrender their phones and tablets (wait, priests have tablets?) before the lockdown, so that's going to be a problem if Lawrence needs to confirm a few things.
Unlike the U.S. election, though, if a candidate seems to eager to be Pope, that isn't seen as a good thing. These cardinals are all supposed to be equal in the eyes of God, and therefore humble as well. So if a candidate really wants to be Pope, that's essentially a disqualification right there. The right man for the job SHOULD say that while he's qualified and willing to serve, he doesn't feel in his heart that he deserves it. Geez, our election system in the U.S. should function more like this - why can't we elect the BEST person as President and not the one who wants it the most? I've been saying it for years, whoever wants the job doesn't get my support, I would much prefer to vote for the person saying that sure, they COULD do it, but they've really got much better things to do - this would keep the riff-raff out of contention.
Wait, one cardinal is from Africa, and this voting thing turns out to be one big popularity contest, and then somebody finds Lawrence's "burn book" on the other candidates - isn't this just "Mean Girls" set at the Vatican? Only it's a bunch of guys in dresses playing the parts of the teen girls. Am I right? Jeez, why are Catholics so against people dressing in drag, but have no problems with how priests are expected to dress? Just saying.
This isn't a terribly long film, but parts of it are very dry - there are long periods of inactivity between the votes, and sometimes there's drama between the cardinals to fill that space, and well, sometimes there isn't. So I managed to doze off during the most important voting session of all, then when I woke up I had to run the film back to see what I had missed. God damn, that's the whole point of the movie, and I missed it? Thank God for the ability to rewind. So I'm not going to talk at all about who got elected as Pope, or what was revealed about them afterwards. Yeah, there's a subtle clue in there somewhere, but that's all you get from me. Watch it yourself, or just wait a few weeks and watch the real-life version unfold, it's up to you.
This movie would have you believe that the council of cardinals is obligated to elect one of their own members as Pope, because that's who we see get nominated here. But in the real system they technically could nominate anyone - however it seems that over time they've come to see the hierarchy as something of a pyramid in structure, and since the cardinals are the next level down from the pope, I guess it's just easier to move some lucky or well-liked cardinal up to the top.
Can't we just convince Pope Benedict to come back and be pope again? JK.
Directed by Edward Berger
Also starring Ralph Fiennes (last seen in "The Menu"), Jacek Koman (last seen in "Son of a Gun"), Lucian Msamati (last seen in "The International"), Brian F. O'Byrne (ditto), Stanley Tucci (last seen in "The Company You Keep"), Bruno Novelli, Thomas Loibl, Isabella Rossellini (last seen in "Spaceman"), Rony Kramer, Sergio Castellito (last seen in "Paris, Je T'aime"), Valerio Da Silva, Carlos Diehz, Joseph Mydell (last seen in "The Son"), Vincenzo Failla, Garrick Hagon (last seen in "Cry Freedom"), Merab Ninidze (last seen in "Without Remorse"), Madhav Sharma (last seen in "Entrapment"), Loris Loddi (also last seen in "The International"), Roberto Citran (last seen in "Nine"), Antonio Toma, Balkissa Souley Maiga, Romuald Andrzej Klos, (last seen in "The Passion of the Christ"), Willie Jonah (last seen in "The Two Popes").
RATING: 6 out of 10 cigarette butts on the ground (don't they have ashtrays at the Vatican?)
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