BEFORE: Just about one year ago, I was already into my annual Doc Block and I'd started with some sports movies - the one about Venus and Serena Williams, "Hoop Dreams", and "When We Were Kings", which was about the Muhammad Ali boxing match against George Foreman, held in Zaire, Africa and called "The Rumble in the Jungle". Well, we've got another jungle fight tonight, only this one's between Idris Elba and a fierce lion. Call me crazy, but my money's on Idris Elba, who carries over from "No Good Deed".
THE PLOT: A father and his two teenage daughters find themselves hunted by a massive rogue lion intent on proving that the Savanna has but one apex predator.
AFTER: Who knows, maybe I should have held on to this one, because it links to "Daddy's Little Girls", which is a potential Father's Day film. BUT I'm just not sure yet which Father's Day films I'm going to be able to get to this year, the chain has not seen fit to reveal this to me just yet. Once the oracle (really, it's just one of those Magic 8-Balls) gives me some guidance, or when I get close enough to Mother's Day, I can work out the path to Father's Day. But since we may drive down to North Carolina for a week, I'm not sure yet how many steps need to be in that part of the chain, I'll count when we get a little closer, but there's no point in blocking it until I know how many days long that section needs to be. But thematically this one would have worked as a Father's Day film, because it's all about a dad trying to re-connect with his two daughters, while also protecting them from a giant crazed lion.
We're always told that the female lions are the aggressors, the hunters, but this film would suggest otherwise. The "Uncle Martin" character who's supposed to be the lion expert breaks it down a different way, that the lionesses are the food hunters, but the males protect the pack, I guess while the lionesses are hunting? I apologize, I don't know if the term "lioness" is considered derogatory and outdated now, like "actress" is. Do they prefer "female lions" or should I not be presuming what their gender is, based on the length of their hair? Perhaps some of the ones without manes identify as male lions, you never know these days. Honestly I don't want to get close enough to ask them what their pronouns are, but it scarcely matters. I still prefer actor and actress as terms, but I get that it's a little weird, we don't have lawyers and lawyeresses, or doctors and doctorettes, so why the need to have two different names for male and female actors? I guess I'm with the gender-neutral people on this one for grammar rules alone, though.
But anyway, of course this film is just "Jaws" with a lion instead of a shark, when you get right down to it. And a Land Rover instead of a boat, sure. You guys make all the changes you need to the plot and scenery if that helps you believe you're breaking new ground here. But an animal film rings the same no matter how you dress it up, just like badminton, volleyball and ping pong all hearken back to tennis. I think tennis came first, or else doubles tennis is just team ping pong played while standing on the table, as George Carlin once pointed out. So this is "Jaws" on land, but with a lion, final answer.
The lion is the last remaining member of his pack, the rest were killed by poachers. So Uncle Martin tells us that this lion could be seeking revenge, and he blames ALL humans for what happened to his family, and he's apparently killed an entire village of people as a start. Only lions "don't do this", according to Martin, so we either have to deduce that what we know about lions is wrong, or this is a very unusual lion, one who thinks in human terms, if that makes sense. Do animals understand concepts like "revenge" or "blame", or is it all just survival of the fittest, and killing because of hunger? I don't know, what do I look like, a zoologist? These questions are above my pay grade, dude.
There's SO MUCH frantic talking between Nate Samuels and his daughters that it's very difficult for the film to build up suspense - more quiet moments might have made the film scarier, but this father and his daughters debate EVERY SINGLE ACTION they do, five times over, and that's the most wearying thing about the film. Nobody ever seems to listen to each other, though, which might be the point, but it's also very aggravating. If Nate says, "You two stay in the car!" you'd think that would be simple enough for the daughters to follow, but you also just know that at some point one's going to step out of the car, maybe for a very good reason, or maybe it's just to advance the plot, but it also means that every action that takes place was telegraphed by a previous line of dialogue about how dangerous it would be to do THAT VERY THING. So great, I know your family needs to re-connect, it's evident in the fact that everybody is talking talking talking to each other and nobody is listening.
This family goes through hell, they're tracked down again and again by the lion, who I'm guessing has an incredible sense of smell. Every time they think they might be safe, nope, it's one of those "he's right behind me, isn't he?" moments. Repeat as necessary until we hit 90 minutes. And it was all for what, so they could pose for a photo in front of their dead mother's favorite tree? So not worth it - why couldn't they just learn Photoshop and pose somewhere else, and just make the photo with a computer? It would have been a lot easier and safer.
OK, it's slightly better and less outrageous than "Cocaine Bear", but I realize that's not saying too much.
Also starring Iyana Halley (last seen in "Licorice Pizza"), Leah Jeffries, Sharlto Copley (last seen in "Hardcore Henry"), Naledi Mogadime, Martin Munro, Daniel Hadebe (last seen in "The Woman King"), Liyabuya Gongo, Thapelo Sebogodi, Chris Langa, Mduduzi Mavimbela, Chris Gxalaba, Tafara Nyatsanza, Ronald Mkwanazi, Thabo Rametsi (last seen in "The Giver").
RATING: 5 out of 10 photographs taken by a REAL camera, not a phone
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