BEFORE: Immediately after I posted last night, I saw it, the way I could drop this one into the romance chain NOW, not next year, because TWO actors can carry over from "Their Finest", that's Jack Huston AND Jeremy Irons. And one of them will also be here again tomorrow, so it's a no-brainer, I'll just watch "House of Gucci" on the big screen tonight. Provided, of course, that it's not a big crowd, if it's like most of the other award-qualifying guild screenings this month, there may only be two or three people in the theater, and I can manage the screening from within. I'll have to drop out every half hour or so to make sure there are no emergencies going on, but that's no big deal, unless I step out during the big plot twist scene, assuming there is one. Does this film qualify as a romance, though? That's what I'm hoping. "Cyrano", for sure, but this one?
THE PLOT: When Patrizia Reggiani, an outsider from humble beginnings, marries into the Gucci family, her unbridled ambition begins to unravel their legacy and triggers a reckless spiral of betrayal, decadence, revenge, and ultimately...murder.
AFTER: SPOILER ALERT - details ahead from a film that is STILL in theaters, and not streaming anywhere - except I think you can rent it on Amazon for $5.99, but why would you?
Well, I feel I needed to start SOMEWHERE if I was going to get to some more Oscar-nominated films before the Academy Awards are given out on March 27 - my romance chain's now going to take me to March 16, leaving me with just 11 days to catch some relevant films - and the only one I know for sure I can squeeze in would be "Free Guy", nominated for Best Visual Effects. After that I was planning to link to some Nicolas Cage movies, because he got shut out in January when I ran out of room, and I just know he's been disappointed about that. So, Oscar nominees or Nic Cage movies? That's the dilemma. As things stand right now, I've only seen ONE film nominated for Best Picture - "Dune" - but if I do watch "Free Guy", I'll have seen FOUR of the five nominees for Best Visual Effects, that's not bad. And watching "House of Gucci" today means I've seen THREE nominees in the category of Best Makeup and Hairstyling - because I've seen "Dune" and "Coming 2 America", also. Watch, now either "Cruella" or "The Eyes of Tammy Faye" will win in that category. But perhaps "House of Gucci" SHOULD win for Best Makeup, as somebody made Jared Leto look like a middle-aged, balding Italian man! If somebody can win an Oscar for making Christian Bale look like Dick Cheney, then "House of Gucci" should also be a LOCK! You heard it here first, I hope.
The thing is, maybe I should have taken more time to watch movies at work - the theater where I work part-time has run "Belfast" twice and "Licorice Pizza" at least five times, and I worked those screenings - but it's tough to manage the theater if I'm watching the movie, and it's tough to watch the movie if I'm managing the theater, I'm caught in a quandary, except tonight I made an exception. The question becomes, was it worth it?
Yes, on the romance front, at least - the first half hour of this film shows how Maurizio Gucci, the wannabe lawyer and non-heir to the Gucci fashion empire met and fell in love with Patrizia Reggiani, you know, of the truck-driving Reggianis. Maurizio's father, Rodolfo, was convinced Patrizia was a gold-digger, that she tried to entrap Maurizio and only married him for his money. This film is a bit ambiguous on this point, she's shown following him and "accidentally" bumping into him in a library after they danced at a party - but when they got engaged, he had left his father's home and had no money, and worked for HER father washing trucks. Here's the weird part, as played by Adam Driver here, he seemed HAPPY when he was washing those trucks and married to Patrizia with nearly nothing. This fact becomes ironic later, when he's deep into the fashion industry, has millions to burn, and seems quite miserable.
The half-hour of romance in this film is followed, unfortunately, by two hours of various people trying to gain or regain control of the Gucci empire. After Rodolfo (god damn it, but Jeremy Irons would make a GREAT John Waters in a bio-pic, I'm certain of it) kicks out Maurizio, he and his brother Aldo Gucci each control 50% of the company, however Aldo wants to bring his nephew Maurizio back in, figuring with his law degree and truck-washing experience, he'll be an asset to the company, somehow. Aldo also believes his own son, Paolo, is a complete idiot with no eye for fashion - Paolo, shut out by his own father, turns to Rodolfo, who, it turns out, ALSO believes Paolo is a complete idiot with no eye for fashion. Great minds think alike, I guess. But what I just typed out in five minutes takes about an hour to play out on the screen.
With the help of a TV psychic named Pina, Patrizia encourages Maurizio to rise within the ranks of Gucci - and with Patrizia's help and encouragement, he actually starts to get somewhere. The couple moves to New York and has a child, and with the help of the baby granddaughter, they reconcile with Rodolfo, and Maurizio's back in his father's will, just in time. One problem, though, it seems Rodolfo forgot to sign the will before he croaked, if only there were someone around, on hand, close by, who knew how to forge a signature...
Patrizia and her psychic pal continue to manipulate things at the House of Gucci, behind the scenes. Paolo obtains proof that his father, Aldo, has been cheating on his taxes - he trades this information to Patrizia for a promise that he can design his own fashion line. She makes this deal without telling Maurizio first, but then he's got the evidence he needs to send Aldo to jail for a while. Then Patrizia lies to the Italian police and says he's got no right to use the Gucci name or trademarks, and this gets his whole fashion show shut down. Next the tax police come to arrest Maurizio, something about a forged signature - but he escapes on motorcycle to St. Moritz in Switzerland, where he's got another house. His wife and daughter join him for the holidays, but when they come, he's got a few friends over, including an old girlfriend, and jealousy starts to drive a wedge between them.
Before long, Maurizio's sending Patrizia and their daughter back to Milan, because he's got affairs to take care of. Sorry, that's AN affair that he wants to take care of, and honestly, by that time Patrizia's not much fun any more, you have to admit. He'd rather spend his days skiing the slopes with his new girlfriend, but remember, he's rich now, and miserable, it's not like the old days when he was poor, happy and washing trucks. Hmm, what are we, the great non-rich audience supposed to learn from this? Success and fame and fortune only bring you down, right? You'll spend all your time and money chasing expensive artworks, luxurious cars and very swanky real estate, but you simply will NOT be happy. Look, just trust me on this, OK? You migh think, if Bill Gates and Jeff Bezos can't stay married and happy, what chance do the regular folk have? That's actually backwards thinking, you probably have a BETTER chance of being happy then they do, remember, money can't buy love or happiness, it can only rent it.
Time moves on, Maurizio files for a divorce and offers Patrizia a settlement, only she's not the settling kind. And this qualifies their story for inclusion here also, because I do try to look at love from all angles, even break-ups and divorce, those are part of love too. Maurizio hires designer Tom Ford to fill the company with all kinds of new ideas, meanwhile Patrizia hires a couple of hit-men to fill her ex-husband with all kinds of bullets. Ah, romance.
It's hard to say where things went wrong, but I guess nothing last forever - Gucci as a brand is still around, but nobody NAMED Gucci leads the company any more - Aldo and Paolo sold their shares, then died in the 1990's, and every other Gucci is either dead or in prison. Ultimately it's a sad tale, I suppose - and no amount of phony Italian accents is going to make up for that fact, no matter how comical they are. I could only think of Super Mario Bros. when I heard some of the abysmal fake accents throughout this film, I kept thinking Adam Driver would shout out, "It's a-me, Maurizio!"
Gah, how does one score something like this? Because this was directed by Ridley Scott, and it's a serious drama that somebody took very seriously at some point, seriously. But it quickly devolves into caricature and black comedy, of a sort anyway, and thus the end result is very, very difficult to take seriously, perhaps. I'm not saying this is a comedy, no way, it's a true story and a very sad one in parts, NOT a comedy, but somehow...comic? Is that possible? The IMDB Trivia section mentions that the acting style here resembles that of the Commedia dell'arte, an Italian comedic theater style know for using exaggeration and sharply-drawn character types that traditionally made fun of the upper class, and honestly, that's probably the best explanation you're going to get about the WHY of this whole movie.
If I hadn't watched this film tonight, I'm sure there would have been other opportunities - I've got a couple of other Adam Driver films on my list, like "Annette" and "The Last Duel". That's the great thing about my linking system, hope always springs eternal and I can almost believe that I'll get to everything, someday, somehow - but I think I made the right call in knocking this one out tonight. Let's hope so, anyway.
Also starring Lady Gaga (last seen in "The Accidental President"), Adam Driver (last seen in "The Dead Don't Die"), Al Pacino (last seen in "Spielberg"), Jared Leto (last seen in "Lord of War"), Salma Hayek (last seen in "Like a Boss"), Alexia Murray, Vincent Riotta (last seen in "Third Person"), Gaetano Bruno, Camille Cottin (last seen in "Allied"), Youssef Kerkour (last seen in "Lost in London"), Reeve Carney, Florence Andrews, Mehdi Nebbou (last seen in "Body of Lies"), Miloud Mourad Benamara, Andrea Piedimonte Bodini (last seen in "All the Money in the World"), Vincenzo Tanassi, Maura Lamantia, Mia McGovern Zaini, Cielia Rossi Marcelli, Pietro Ragusa, Madalina Ghenea (last seen in "Youth"), Philippe Boa, Ira Fronten, Antonello Annunziata, Paolo De Giorgio, Catherine Walker (last seen in "Leap Year"), Martino Palmisano,
RATING: 5 out of 10 confiscated knockoff handbags
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