BEFORE: Well, as they say, it never rains, but it pours. (What is that supposed to mean, exactly, anyway?). A few weeks ago I was frustrated while spending too much time at home again, everybody was either home sick or home trying to not get sick, and the movie theater where I work part-time was closed for winter break, since it's run by an arts college. Now that the Oscar nominations are out (I will try to get to some of those films, I swear, I'm just working the romance beat right now...) there are all kinds of screenings coming up - the nominated films all want to hold special screenings for Academy members, because the more people SEE those films, the better. A lot of the Academy members skew older, and some don't know how this whole streaming thing works, I know this first-hand - so they still want to come out to the movies to see the films on the big-screen.
In January I was lucky to work one shift a week - things got so bad I was overseeing a COVID clinic for the students in the theater lobby on Thursday mornings, starting at 8 am (and I do NOT do mornings well, usually). Now my calendar is suddenly filling up, three or four shifts a week (starting, umm, next week) so I'm going to be exhausted by the end of February. (It also helps that the theater fired one manager notorious for not showing up, and three others moved on to other jobs.). In March I was hoping to drive up and see my parents for the first time since Thanksgiving, I just have to figure out the right weekend to do that - and who knows, maybe my wife and I can steal away to Atlantic City for a weekend, too, I really miss doing that. So please please PLEASE can this finally be the tail end of the last wave?
James Wolk carries over from "You Again".
THE PLOT: Former college frenemies Lauren and Katie move in together in a fabulous NYC apartment and in order to make ends meet, the unlikely pair start a phone sex line together.
AFTER: Thematically, this feels a bit like the successor film to "Zack and Miri Make a Porno", since both films feature regular people making money off the entertainment division of the sex trade. Also, this is the second film this February to have phone sex in the plot (three if you count the obscene phone caller in "A Walk on the Moon"), and I'm not sure if phone sex is even a thing any more, since we all have the internet now. I think we're ALWAYS going to have porn, but then it becomes a question of how it morphs and changes over time. Nobody watches porn on VHS any more, but I still see ads sometimes, late at night, for phone chat lines. Really? Still a thing? I imagine that at least half of the ones still around are just a scam to get your credit card number and then buy a bunch of computers and cell phones at Best Buy.
The title of this film doesn't come from phone sex, though, it sounds more like what people would right on the wall of a bathroom stall, back in the day, when they wanted to mess with a girl's reputation. That's the plot of the 80's song "867-5309 (Jenny)", right? If you're mad at a woman for breaking up with you, you find a busy public bathroom and write a message on the wall "For a good time, call Jenny" (or Sarah, or Elaine, or whatever) and then every desperate or horny guy in town's going to be calling her number to try to have sex with her. But it's probably a waste of time, if you think about it - do you really believe that a woman would write her OWN number on a bathroom wall, because she also is desperate or horny? How did she even get in the men's room to write that? Ah, see, it's probably just a disgruntled ex-boyfriend looking for some payback, but you didn't realize that, did you? If a man had the name and phone number of a woman who was really easy, had some spare time and was looking for more sex partners, why would he share that with everyone, instead of keeping it to himself?
I remember the early days of the internet, when there were chat rooms, a computer version of the phone sex lines. Oh, yeah, sure, the internet chat rooms said they were for football fans, or people who enjoyed the TV show "Friends", but we know what was really going on in there, right? A lot of hot, steamy, virtual sex - in text form. And the communication all happened very slowly, because it's hard to type with just one free hand.
What carries over from yesterday's film, "You Again", is the theme of women being frenemies, or former rivals forced to work together, then learning in the process. In this case Katie and Lauren had some of the same friends in college, but a disastrous drive home after a frat party resulted in a drunk Katie urinating into a cup, then spilling the cup all over Lauren. But after Lauren breaks up with her boyfriend and needs to find a new apartment (honestly, this is a little confusing, because if her boyfriend is going to Italy for a few months, why does she need to move out? I guess it's his name on the lease, but people crash in each other's places all the time in New York - unofficially, she could be a house-sitter for him, but then, I guess, who's going to pay the rent? Maybe his lease was up, but then, why couldn't he have given her a bit more notice?) and Katie's apartment is no longer rent-controlled, both women are teamed up by their mutual friend Jesse - Justin Long playing a gay man, I'm not sure if he succeeded here, it's a tough gig for a straight guy without descending into camp. (Justin, remember, gay people are just people who happen to be gay, you don't need to develop them as a "character" based on stereotypes.)
But one night, Lauren hears noises coming from Katie's room, and she catches Katie on the phone with a customer - and when she hears the terrible deal that Katie has with the phone sex line, she urges her to quit and open up her own phone line, with Lauren acting as her business manager. Well, I suppose there are worse ideas, and with the publishing house of her dreams not hiring at the moment, this does solve two problems, generating income and giving Lauren something to do. As someone forced to re-enter the gig economy, and currently with a part-time job that I couldn't have even imagined having a year ago, I totally get this. No, I'm not working in the sex trade (I wish!) but I did get back on a career track that I jumped off of over 30 years ago, and that's a weird feeling, no matter how you slice it. Being a 53-year-old rookie in any trade was bound to be a bit weird.
The girls hire a new phone sex operator who checks out, passes all their tests, but turns out to be a Jesus freak who drives away half their business - I suppose this could happen, but it's also possible that a bunch of weirdo guys might get off on being called dirty sinners, so I'm not really that sure why they fired her. Meanwhile, Katie's got a developing relationship with one of her callers, and they decide to meet in the real world to see if there's anything there - after all, their most recent calls have been about just talking and getting to know each other, without the dirty talk. So, maybe that's one way to find love? Also meanwhile, Lauren's parents come to visit her and they wonder why there are so many dildos scattered around the apartment.
After a very interesting summer working the phone lines, Lauren finally does get that offer from the publishing company - all it took was for her to loosen up a bit, apparently, not be so uptight and maybe have some raunchy experiences. This sort of hearkens back to "She's All That", when Laney's art improved after a boy started showing an interest in her - I wonder how many people know about this "secret" that Hollywood rom-coms are showing us, if you're in love you can be much more productive at your job! I think, though, it's more likely that if you have your relationship issues sorted out, that's at least one thing you're not constantly worrying about, i could see how that might make it easier to get something done at the office. Or art studio. Or phone-sex call center.
Lauren surprises herself by taking the publishing job, but Katie sees this as a betrayal of their friendship, and the girls don't talk for a while. Lauren's boyfriend returns from Italy and wants to get back together with her, after a fling with a hot-tempered Italian woman - he knows the secret, apparently, if he's got a steady relationship he'll do much better at his job! But Lauren doesn't want to go back to being boring and predictable again, not after getting a taste of the exciting world of sex fantasies. Katie takes things to the next level with her regular caller, but really, what both women want to do is re-connect with each other, so they do - in a phone conversation FULL of innuendos, their reunion sounds almost exactly like two people having phone sex, or even real sex! Jesus, will you two girls just get a room already?
Also starring Ari Graynor (last seen in "Like a Boss"), Lauren Miller Rogen (last seen in "Like Father"), Justin Long (last seen in "After Class"), Sugar Lyn Beard (last seen in "Game Over, Man!"), Mimi Rogers (last seen in "Hope Springs"), Don McManus (last seen in "The Onion Movie"), Nia Vardalos (last seen in "Connie and Carla"), Mark Webber (last seen in "Save the Date"), Seth Rogen (last seen in "The Oath"), Kevin Smith (last seen in "Scream 3"), Martha MacIsaac (last seen in "Battle of the Sexes"), Ken Marino (last seen in "Goosebumps"), Lawrence Mandley, Steven Shaw (last seen in "Suburbicon").
RATING: 6 out of 10 pole dances (you know, they're great for the abs!)
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