BEFORE: Willem Dafoe carries over from "The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day". I'm sorry if that's a spoiler, but if you haven't seen the ending of yesterday's film, then I guess you're not a true fan of the Boondock Saints. So I should probably issue a SPOILER ALERT right now, because even just knowing WHO is in this Spider-Man movie can tell you a lot about WHAT happens in it. Of course I had to keep track of the whole cast in order to GET here, though I suppose I could have linked here from "The French Dispatch" once I found out that Tony Revolori had a small role in that film. But then I would have missed out on the "Boondock Saints".
But if you don't already know what happens in this film, which means maybe you were living under a rock or off-planet for a while, because it's already been discussed at length online, plus the whole plot and cast list is up on the IMDB and Wikipedia. Read such things at your own peril. I myself was sorely tempted to work this film into December's line-up instead of January, but I was committed to getting two Christmas films in, and this was the earliest I could get back to the MCU, I swear.
I went back to the AMC Theater where I worked all last summer, and managed to NOT watch any movies, except for the closing credits and post-credit scenes from, well, all of them. (When I did see "Black Widow", I did it in a different AMC Theater, a nicer one...). So this was all a bit weird, going back to the place I worked 6 or 7-hour shifts, sweeping up and emptying trash cans, just to see a movie. AND I think this was the first time I bought popcorn there, plus I bought nachos on the way home for my wife - I think that was what she liked most about me working there, getting nachos once a week.
FOLLOW-UP TO: "Spider-Man: Far from Home" (Movie #3,300)
THE PLOT: With Spider-Man's identity now revealed, Peter asks Doctor Strange for help. When a spell goes wrong, dangerous foes from other worlds start to appear, forcing Peter to discover what it truly means to be Spider-Man.
AFTER: Unfortunately none of my former work-friends were at the theater when my movie let out, they were all either off today or home sick - that's probably because I went to the noon matinee, and I didn't work that many early shifts, mostly late nights. So I made friends with the younger crowd, the college students who worked until closing and stayed late to clean the concessions stand. But I spoke to the ladies who work during the day, some of them trained me how to work the box office and they still remember me - they asked me if I liked the "Spider-Man" movie, which I'm sure has been VERY popular around there, and I had to take a minute to explain how it was simultaneously a LOT to take in, a whirlwind action film, but also, on a different level, a grand disappointment. Maybe I expect too much from the Marvel movies, or maybe it's just that the whole franchise went so over-the-top with "Infinity War" and "Endgame" that they can't ever top that, or get past that whole incident with "The Blip". Jesus, that was like five movies ago, why are we still ON THIS?? I get that half the Earth's population disappeared for five years, which screwed everybody up, and then they came BACK, which screwed everybody up even more. But we've all got to move on sometime.
The way that the "Spider-Man" films adjusted to the Blip was extremely suspect - in order to maintain some continuity within Peter Parker's world, it wasn't just Peter that turned to ash and then came back, it was EVERY single one of his friends, just so when they came back to the next "Spider-Man" movie, he would still be in the same school grade with the same people. But for each one, they had a 50% chance of blipping out, and an equal chance of NOT blipping, so the odds of every person connected to Peter Parker being a blipper and not a non-blipper, well, let's just say it defies logic, reason, and math. Wouldn't at least ONE of his friends have survived and graduated high school on the first try?
I've seen this happen with the Marvel comic books, especially when a character appears in multiple books, like when Spider-Man was on the Avengers team but also had his solo book, and you get the feeling that the various writers are just too lazy to talk to each other or have a meeting - Spider-Man could be off in space with the Avengers, fighting Thanos or Skrulls, meanwhile he's also battling the Rhino or the Shocker in his own book. How can he be in two places at once? Well, he can't, but every story takes place during "story time", which is whatever convenient time there is for a story to take place. Did he fight the Rhino before going to space or after he came back? The answer is: it doesn't matter, and you've already spent more time thinking about this than the writers did.
The big crossovers are the WORST, it's not like when I was a kid and the main heroes and villains got teleported into space to fight in something called the "Secret Wars" on another planet. The heroes came back and some of them were different, team-line-ups were different, costumes were different (this is where Spidey first got his black "alien" costume, which became Venom) and every comic book moved ahead, only a few days had passed on Earth, but I think it had been a few weeks or months for the heroes. OK, so maybe that's not that different from "The Blip" after all. But at least there was some level of coordination between the cross-over event and the other books, I guess it helps if the Editor-in-Chief of Marvel writes the cross-over event.
What moviegoers instead have received, over the years, is a lot of indifference and silence over the Spider-Man movies. Hey, we watched three movies where Tobey Maguire played Spider-Man, and now he's being played by Andrew Garfield. Is this the same character, or a different character, or what? Is this thing even ON, is anybody listening? Now he's being played by another new actor, should I throw out my old "Amazing Spider-Man" DVD's or what? Still no response? Is there even anybody in charge of this franchise at all? This nightmare of continuity problems has also been echoed in the comics over the years, every time a new writer takes over, he (or she, I guess, but really, it's a boys club) wants to write HIS take on Spider-Man, bring something new to the table, so Peter Parker has been a solo hero, an Avenger, a part-time member of the Fantastic Four, a student, a photographer, a scientific genius, a corporate CEO, he's been married, single, an expectant father, then (through a deal with the DEVIL to save his aunt's life, God how I wish I was kidding about this...) boom, he's single again. I guess you don't want to bring the prospect of divorce into a kids' comic book, but is making a deal with the devil really a better alternative? No, it is not.
My point is that every time a new writer takes over, the character's life changes, and it's not always for the better. What one writer-god giveth, the next can taketh away, especially if he doesn't like it. And yes, one writer did a ground-breaking story about Spider-Man revealing his identity to the world - honestly, it had been getting to the point where nearly every Avenger or X-Man knew his real name, plus a number of super-villains who for some strange reason, never saw fit to blackmail him or call him out. And you guessed it, the next writer didn't like that little wrinkle in Peter Parker's story, so he retconned it away, with a magic spell from Dr. Strange, which made everybody forget it. Sure, it doesn't make any sense, because this information was on video, printed in news stories, also people's brains just don't work like that, but again, it's fiction and the comic-book universe is a malleable and imperfect system. Then the NEXT writer decided that a handful of people SHOULD remember Spider-Man's identity, like just MJ and the Human Torch and the rest of the Fantastic Four, and Wolverine and Captain America, and oh, god, it's happening again, isn't it?
But that's the jumping-off point here, Spider-Man has to deal with his identity being revealed to the world by Mysterio in the last film, and then J. Jonah Jameson reporting it. Then this becomes VERY problematic for Peter, his girlfriend, his aunt, his best friend, because people, on the whole, are horrible and half of them are blaming him for the death of Mysterio, who was a bad guy pretending to be a good guy. Geez, you save the world a few times with the Avengers, but all everybody remembers is that day with the drones where something bad happened, I don't even remember what it was. So Peter goes to visit Dr. Strange, asks him to cast this spell of forgetfulness (oh, if only it were that easy...) but something goes wrong. You could say that Peter made a mistake by not specifying exactly what he wanted the spell to do, but Dr. Strange (who here really acts like a bitchy asshole) also didn't take the time to ask for clarification - if the spell has such bad repercussions, maybe the spellcaster should have been more careful. And if it was possible for Peter talking to disrupt the spell, maybe he should have told him to be quiet? Just saying.
Bottom line, something goes wrong and the spell starts pulling in characters from the multi-verse, good and bad, all of whom know that Spider-Man and Peter Parker are one and the same. And this isn't just some cash-grab, some too-late attempt to make those other five films with Maguire and Garfield relevent again - well, actually that's exactly what this feels like. Someone, long after the fact, is saying here, "Oh, those films took place in different realities, and now we've determined that characters can cross over between the realities, provided that the actors who played them are available and willing to reprise their roles." It's hardly even a case of "too little, too late", in fact it feels more like "too MUCH, too late". On another level, it feels like a way to bring some of that good feeling and cross-pollination from "Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse" into the main MCU. And it's a chance to see those characters again, like Dr. Octopus, Green Goblin, Electro and Sandman.
But that got me thinking - if there is a multi-verse, and other realities that are close to being the MCU but have small differences, why aren't there ALREADY versions of those characters in the MCU? We learned from the "Loki" show that there's a Loki in every reality, he's (or she's) just a bit different in each one. So where's the MCU Green Goblin, or is he just a normal Norman Osborn, sane CEO of a chemical and pharmaceutical company? Where is the MCU Electro, or Sandman, why are they only in ONE universe each, and they only know each other if they come from the same one? I know, I know, I'm overthinking this and maybe I'm the only person who cares about this. But there was a Venom in the Maguire Spider-Verse, and it's not the same one who's been in two solo films that may (or may not) take place in the MCU. Again, the Sony company's silence over where everything happens is practically deafening - they all take place in "story time" so shut up and eat your popcorn.
Another alternative, dare I say a better alternative, would be to make the real MCU versions of these villains, bring them each back with a twist, and make a movie where Spider-Man fights them as a team, the Sinister Six. Yes, there are only FIVE villains fought here, but six is just one more... Then they might all work together and there wouldn't be this awkward period of everybody figuring out who everybody else is and where they come from, which, quite honestly, feels like it takes up about half of "No Way Home". But this is where the overall direction of the Marvel movies is heading, by default, to bring about the next big movie, "Doctor Strange in The Multiverse of Madness". Which gets totally teased at the end of THIS film, so tune in next time, crime-solvers, same time, same channel, also your princess is in ANOTHER castle.
I think the worst part here is knowing that the story isn't leading the way here, the story is what results from not just too many writers working on Spider-Man films over the years, but too many parent companies getting involved. It's the war between Sony and Marvel that caused the Spider-Man and X-Men films to not be connected to the main MCU in the first place, and that's a damn shame. I shouldn't have to navigate through a corporate structure to figure out why Spider-Man can't play with the other heroes, right? But that's why we are where we are, with somebody trying to connect all the Spider-Men and their enemies into one story, and again, if I'm being honest, it's all a big mess. Once you open the door on this whole multi-verse stuff, there's no telling what's going to come through - and I'm thinking about that "Space Jam" sequel, which I haven't seen, but I know that in the background, watching the Looney Tunes play basketball, are all the Warner Bros. characters like Jack Sparrow and the Joker. Watching basketball? WHY, for god's sake, WHY? Joker's got nothing better to do than cross universes and watch Bugs Bunny dribble? That's a multiverse of madness, for sure. Next we'll have James Bond fighting the shark from "Jaws" to impress Scarlett O'Hara.
Maybe you see this film differently, maybe to you this was more of a "Greatest Hits" compilation album, but if you think about it a band's greatest hits album would have the most appeal to the newer fans, not the old stalwarts, the tried-and-true old-timers who have been listening to the band since the beginning, and maybe those people prefer songs in the order found on the band's earlier records, even the "deep cuts" that didn't connect with some people in the audience. That's kind of how I feel as an older Marvel fan, the sound's just not the same or the songs have taken on different meanings among the younger crowd, and does anybody even GO to rock concerts any more? I guess they do, but they all need to be back at the rest home before 9 pm, I bet you. But so does the band, if you're seeing one of the nostalgia acts like the Rolling Stones or Journey. Which may mean it's time to pack it in, guys.
So if you're bummed that this is the last appearance in the MCU for certain characters, just remind yourself that it's all because their contracts ran out. I'm sorry if that's a cynical thing for me to say, but that's where I find myself. Also, remember that any character can come back, if a writer wants them to and the actor is available - the comics pull this crap all the time, not too long ago one writer killed off Black Widow, I mean she was like "snapped her neck" dead. Literally the next week, another writer found a way to bring her back, I mean, then what WAS the point? And we've seen this happen in the MCU too, of course - while I was walking out of "Avengers: Infinity War", after seeing Thanos snap half the population out of existence, I just knew there had to be a way to bring them all back, you can't just kill that many people and leave that hanging there. The Avengers who died in "Endgame" aren't gone either, flashback stories are still possible, and a clever enough writer can bring anybody back, even them. And by "clever" I mean smarter than the writer of "Wonder Woman 1984".
Right now in the Batman books, for example, Alfred, Bruce Wayne's butler/mentor, is dead. And I don't mean, "Oh his plane crashed in the jungle and they haven't found a body" dead, I mean real, crushed by a super-villain dead. A couple of writers have hinted about bringing him back, I mean at one point he was even a walking zombie for two issues. So it's possible, they'll do it eventually, I'm sure, it's just a matter of time. Even if they don't, there will probably be some kind of reboot in five years or so, and they'll just have him back, like he never left. In reality nobody lives forever, but in comic books nobody DIES forever, except for Uncle Ben Parker.
The better news is that the Marvel / Netflix universe has now been connected to the MCU - see, the universe was big enough to hold several franchises, and nobody got hurt. First one character from "Daredevil" turned up in the Disney+ "Hawkeye" show, and now there was another one here. So my time watching those shows wasn't wasted after all - unlike, say, the time I spent watching "Cloak & Dagger" and "The Gifted".
Also starring Tom Holland (last seen in "The Devil All the Time"), Zendaya (last seen in "Spider-Man: Far from Home"), Jacob Batalon (ditto), Benedict Cumberbatch (last seen in "The Current War: Director's Cut"), Jon Favreau (last seen in "Very Bad Things"), Jamie Foxx (last seen in "Project Power"), Alfred Molina (last seen in "Dead Man"), Benedict Wong (last seen in "The Personal History of David Copperfield"), Tony Revolori (last seen in "The French Dispatch"), Marisa Tomei (last seen in "The Watcher"), Andrew Garfield (last seen in "Silence"), Tobey Maguire (last seen in "Brothers"), Angourie Rice (also last seen in "Spider-Man: Far from Home"), Arian Moayed (last seen in "Rock the Kasbah"), Paula Newsome (last seen in "Reign Over Me"), Hannibal Buress (last heard in "The Secret Life of Pets 2"), Martin Starr (last seen in "Honey Boy"), J.B. Smoove (last seen in "Clear History"), J.K. Simmons (last seen in "Contraband"), Rhys Ifans (last seen in "Nanny McPhee Returns"), Charlie Cox (last seen in "The Theory of Everything"), Thomas Haden Church (last seen in "Hellboy" (2019)), Gary Weeks (last seen in "Instant Family"), Cristo Fernandez, Jorge Lendeborg Jr. (last seen in "Brigsby Bear"), with archive footage of Jake Gyllenhaal (last seen in "End of Watch") and a cameo from (redacted, sorry, but last seen in "Capone").
RATING: 6 out of 10 news helicopters
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ReplyDeleteThe real problem with the Spiderman films (and comic books) is they are not driven by a single writer, but by the businessmen/suits. There is no consistent story, and they just change the story's character and direction on any whim they think will make them more money. I was perplexed that they kept retelling Spider-man's origin story, with uncle Ben. Was that the sign that we were supposed to forget the previous movies? It really bugged me (no pun intended) as the Garfield Spiderman arc was getting into what happened with Peter Parker's parents, which was never covered in any previous story that I know of.
ReplyDeleteSeems odd to me that Stan Lee (or whoever) choose to make Peter Parker live with his Aunt and Uncle. Was that to lessen the blow when Uncle Ben died? Was that the same reason that Luke Skywalker was living with his Aunt and Uncle (before Lucas decided to make his father Darth Vader), so that it would be easier to accept that Luke was never going to return to Tatoonie (was he planning on living on Alderan? Where would he and Ben have stayed, if the planet was never destroyed?)