BEFORE: I know, I know, what the hell am I doing? First I watch "Cats" and now it's the second "Trolls" film, made for kids. In my defense, I do like to keep track of what stupid ideas animated films are putting into the minds of kids, and I've probably watched WAY worse movies than the first "Trolls" film. This was another film originally scheduled for last year, I had a whole Ron Funches chain planned, with "Once Upon a Time in Venice" and "Killing Hasselhoff" that was also supposed to connect to "Bill & Ted Face the Music", only that Bill & Ted movie didn't play in NYC theaters, which were still closed at the time. So I had to re-work the chain, and it was too long after the re-work, so something else had to be cut, too, and that was "Trolls World Tour". So I'm still sometimes playing catch up with the films I didn't get to in 2020.
Last film in the James Corden chain, and they were all musicals, too - putting this one here will make some more sense tomorrow, as I squeeze in another documentary before I get to "The Suicide Squad".
THE PLOT: When the Queen of the Hard Rock Trolls tries to take over all of the Troll Kingdoms, Queen Poppy and her friends try different ways to save all the Trolls.
AFTER: Look, it could have been a lot worse, that's all I'm saying. This could have been called "Trolls 2: Rock & Troll" or there could have been many horrible puns on "rock trolls" throughout the film. But I guess that wouldn't have worked, because it turns out there's a whole Troll-iverse out there - sure, if you're going to dream, why not dream big - with country music trolls, classical music trolls, funk trolls, techno trolls, K-Pop trolls and smooth jazz trolls. What, no easy listening or adult contemporary trolls? No New Age trolls? There seems to be a part of troll-land based on every major form of American music, and the less popular styles of music, like, say, yodeling, don't get a whole land, because it's just a couple of trolls who practice that.
Yes, the land we saw in the first "Trolls" film was just the tip of the iceberg, and it makes sense now why "Poppy" (daughter of King Peppy) is their leader. Pop music trolls, get it? This explains why they just dance around all day, singing medleys of "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" mixed with "Good Times", right? Though when you think about it, what does "Pop" mean, anyway? Isn't it short for "popular"? So if a lot of people like a country song, then it becomes popular, why isn't that considered a "pop" song, then? You see what I mean, it's a terrible name for a genre of music. It would be like if in addition to Chinese food, Spanish food, French food, we had a category called "edible food". It's ALL edible, so that name wouldn't work. Any style of music can be popular, but not all music can be "pop", it makes less sense the more you think about it. Also, NITPICK POINT, why is there no Jazz land, there's a small "smooth jazz" contingent, but where did that come from in a world where there was no "jazz" to begin with?
It seems that once upon a time, there was only one kind of troll, and one kind of music, played on a six-string harp or lyre, but over time, the trolls developed different tastes and began arguing over what kind of music should be played, so the kingdom split into six parts, and each group of trolls took one of the strings with them. This seemed weird to me at first, because how much music can you play on just one string? But then again, if you've got frets to change the note, then maybe one string is all you need. Also, be glad they didn't call this film "Poppy and the Six Strings".
The problem comes when Barb, a Hard Rock troll, starts to the invade the other kingdoms with her Barb-arians, in order to steal their strings and make sure that Rock is the only type of music played with them, going forward. Since "rock" here means classic rock songs that are easily available for licensing, that means we hear "Crazy Train", "Barracuda" and "Rock You Like a Hurricane". Hmm, those are all decent songs, so maybe it's a mistake to have the villain play better music if you don't want me to root for her. Do I want country music to be replaced by rock? Do I want funk and classical to be taken over by the rockers? Umm, yes, please, I'm not sure I see what the problem is with that. Why is classical still hanging around, anyway? Didn't it peak in like the 1700's? I guess some people still ride horses, even though we have cars now, though I don't see the attraction.
Speaking of things that make less sense the more you think about them, how do Trolls know about K-Pop? "K" stands for "Korean", right? How do they even know what Korea is in the land of the trolls? And "country"? The country being referenced in the name of that music is the good ol' USA, and they shouldn't know what that is, either. The whole concept here is pretty clunky, also not all country music is sad, though some of it admittedly is, and damn you for putting me in a position to defend country music when I don't even like most of it. Hank Williams and Johnny Cash had some pretty good stuff, but the modern stuff is all shite. And don't even get me started on Reggaeton, because I have no idea what it is, and I'll bet that even the biggest reggaeton stars can't even properly describe what it is.
Anyway, there are some mixed messages here, Poppy wants to reach out to the other Troll lands right after she finds out about them, because she assumes they want to get together to party or make mixes or something. Ah, sweet naive Poppy. Branch and King Peppy try to convince her otherwise, because they know that Trolls (people) should just stay in their own countries, not travel anywhere, because interacting with other cultures can only lead to trouble. It's a bit weird that this notion is being put forward in the plot of a kids movie - usually the movie studios are trying to champion diversity and acceptance, and it's even weirder that Branch turns out to be right. Those damn foreigners will take over your country if you let them. Huh? Best to stick to your own kind, defend your borders and let other nations wage war with each other and take each other out. Again, WTF? Was this written by Republicans? I'm surprised part of the plot didn't involve building a giant wall to keep the Rock Trolls out.
Poppy turns out to be right in the end, of course, but it's a LONG road to getting there, even in a relatively short 90-minute movie. Also, kids, remember that you can ONLY like one form of music, so choose it very carefully, and you can never, ever change it. You then must only live and associate with the other people who also share your tastes. Trust me, it's better that way. And also, if somebody sends you an invitation to a party, you should, of course, be very suspicious of their motives. Hey, it's a tough world, best not to take any chances.
A couple of random musings - when you compare the cast list of the first "Trolls" film to this one, it's clear which actors were not invited back to reprise their roles, thanks to the #MeToo and "cancel culture" movements. Also, THIS is how Trolls give birth? Is this canonical or is it just something random that's going to confuse kids, going forward?
Also starring the voices of Anna Kendrick (last seen in "End of Watch"), Justin Timberlake (last seen in "The Bee Gees: How Can You Mend a Broken Heart"), Rachel Bloom (last heard in "The Angry Birds Movie 2"), Ron Funches (last seen in "6 Underground"), Ozzy Osbourne (last seen in "Let's Go to Prison"), Karan Soni (last seen in "Like a Boss"), Anderson .Paak, George Clinton, Mary J. Blige (last seen in "Quincy"), Kelly Clarkson, Sam Rockwell (last heard in "The One and Only Ivan"), Icona Pop, Kunal Nayyar (last heard in "Trolls"), Walt Dohrn (ditto), David P. Smith (ditto), Caroline Hjelt (ditto), Aino Jawo (ditto), Jamie Dornan (last seen in "My Dinner with Hervé"), J Balvin, Kenan Thompson (last heard in "The Grinch"), Kevin Michael Richardson (last heard in "Tarzan & Jane"), Ester Dean (last seen in "Pitch Perfect 3"), Gustavo Dudamel, Anthony Ramos (last seen in "Godzilla: King of the Monsters"), Flula Borg (last seen in "Killing Hasselhoff"), Charlyne Yi (last seen in "All About Steve"), Betsy Sodaro (last seen in "An American Pickle"), Berenice Amador, Jamila Hache, Justin McElroy, Travis McElroy, Griffin McElroy, Da'Vine Joy Randolph (last seen in "Dolemite Is My Name"), Marcella Lentz-Pope, the group Red Velvet, with a cameo from Zooey Deschanel (last seen in "The New Guy")
RATING: 4 out of 10 cheese balls
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