BEFORE: Yesterday I was put in the odd position of having to promote something on social media, in the middle of the Covid-19 virus spreading across America. I wondered, "Is that even appropriate?" But the shift has already happened - the car commercials were first, I think, promoting their new car models while at the same time offering incentives like no interest for four months "due to the current crisis". Umm, gee, thanks, but since we're all homebound and can't go anywhere, who the hell needs a new car right now? It won't be long before other advertising campaigns also adjust their pitches to take advantage of the crisis - streaming services, delivery services and internet services are already made in the shade, but soon every company will be running ads with heart-warming music and "heartfelt" messages of hope and togetherness. Some MAYBE because it's the right thing to do, but others probably just don't want to be behind the curve - sending out messages of hope because it's "trendy", though? That kind of doesn't seem right.
Then I got a text message from the Bernie Sanders campaign, telling me how much better Sanders' Corona virus response plan is than Biden's, how this underscores the need for Medicare for All, and this is what Bernie has been fighting for all his adult life. OK, first off, screw off and remove me from your list. Secondly, he couldn't have been fighting this virus his whole life, because it's a new virus! And finally, how dare you use this "crisis-opportunity" to advance your candidate, at a time when he should be considering dropping out of the race so there can be ONE Democrat left to rally all the party's support to defeat Trump! If he really cared about America, he'd withdraw to increase the chances of Trump losing in November. And why can't the campaign see that the optics of using the sickness and deaths of Americans to get ahead is absolutely shameless and terrible?
After that, I didn't feel as bad about promoting my boss's short film library, which made the School of Visual Arts' list of things for people to binge while quarantined. If you want to see the list, it's here:
https://sva.edu/features/sva-watch-list-13-tv-shows-and-movies-to-binge-during-quarantine
And you can binge-watch the short films of animator Bill Plympton here:
http://www.shoutfactorytv.com/series/plymptoons
Also, one of his features, "Revengeance", which I worked on (and reviewed in this space last year) is available for FREE on Tubi, so why not watch it if you're stuck inside and looking for things to help pass the time? It's here:
https://tubitv.com/movies/506250/revengeance
And here's (part of) what I'm watching to pass the time - last night after my movie, I watched the Netflix comedy special "Marc Maron - End Times Fun" and there were some incredibly dead-on jokes about how humans have broken the planet, trendy dietary supplements, why Iron Man is like nerd Jesus, and the fact we all need to do more than stop using plastic straws and bringing our own bags to the store. Yes, there were authors who predicted a pandemic in various books - but how many stand-up comics had a themed special ready to go? Just one anxious, very lucky guy.
I also binge-watched "Kidding" Season 2 on Showtime, and now I've started "Star Wars: The Clone Wars" Season 7 on Disney+. Thankfully "Top Chef" is back, and "Survivor" and "The Masked Singer" are continuing, both must have shot their whole seasons before the crisis. The late night shows are either still on break or are now unwatchable with no audience to laugh at the jokes - but hey, there's always "Jeopardy!" and FOX's Sunday animation line-up to distract me from the news. If I stay up late watching MSNBC or CNN, I just get depressed. I'm hoping against hope for some better news soon, but I'm not sure when it's going to arrive.
Olafur Darri Olafsson carries over from "The Spy Who Dumped Me", where he played the crucial role of "Finnish backpacker". In retrospect, maybe this film could have fit somewhere in the romance chain but it didn't - probably for these three reasons: A) I didn't realize it centered on a couple going on a trip to celebrate their anniversary B) that would have made the romance chain longer, and it was already too long and C) if I had, then I wouldn't have had this film here, and I wouldn't be able to link to tomorrow's film. So there you go.
THE PLOT: A New York cop and his wife go on a European vacation to reinvigorate the spark in their marriage, but end up getting framed for the death of an elderly billionaire and are forced to go on the run.
AFTER: OK, so now for at least an hour and a half every day, my scheduled movie is a time where I get to stop thinking about the pandemic. Stress can come back during my dreams at night, that's fine, but just leave me alone during movie time, OK? Look, I don't know when movie theaters are coming back, just tell me that I've got a chance of seeing "Black Widow" and "The New Mutants" before October, and I'll be OK with that. Or if they get released to Disney+ and I watch them that way, I'm cool with that, too. In the meantime, I can keep chipping away at the Netflix queue and reducing my watchlist while I'm also "reducing the spread" by not leaving the house. (It's not really the right term, because thankfully I'm not sick, so by leaving the house I won't spread anything, but then again, I won't catch anything either, and then I can't spread THAT. But really, I'm staying inside because I don't want to die, or be held responsible for spreading anything to someone who will die. So how about, "Just stay home and don't be a dick"?)
Tonight we're off again to Europe, virtually, of course, because nobody sane is flying there for real right now. Like yesterday's film, this is about two normal Americans who get caught up in some intrigue and fly to Europe (umm, only not in the same order). Here's it's a married couple, Sandler plays a cop who hasn't told his wife that he's failed the detective exam several times, and can't really shoot a gun worth a damn. Umm, yeah, so not much respect for our first responders today, that's not good. His wife is a hair stylist who's upset that they've never gotten around to taking that European vacation that was supposed to be their honeymoon, and now 15 years have gone by. Right, she's never once complained about this in 15 years, or done anything to help make it happen? That seems a little hard to believe. OK, so they were busy, it's tough to save up the money, but come on, both of you, do SOMETHING, just put aside $100 a month and then maybe you've got it after like three years...
While on the flight to Italy (?) Mrs. Spitz sneaks in to first class and catches the eye of Lord Cavendish, who seems like one of the bad rich guys in the crime novels that she frequently reads. He invites them both to his yacht, where his even richer uncle, Malcolm Quince, is throwing a party to celebrate his engagement to his nephew's former girlfriend. A whole colorful cast of characters is on board the yacht, including Quince's son, an actress, an African colonel, a Maharajah, an Italian racecar driver, the colonel's bodyguard, and Quince's fiancée. When the lights go out and Quince is killed, which person killed him? It's a bit like "Clue" or "The Orient Express" with a list of suspects so diverse and colorful.
But when the yacht reaches Monte Carlo, the Inspector on the case interviews everyone, and decides to focus on the two people who weren't supposed to even be there, the Spitzes. This is a bit illogical, because they have no motive for murder, and the room is otherwise filled with people who could have either inherited Quince's fortune or become dis-inherited if he signed a new will. But for the purposes of comedy, the Spitzes have to be chased across Europe as they investigate the others and figure out who benefited the most by killing Quince, and having the Americans be blamed for it.
It's a little formulaic to cross off the suspects one by one, and this process is made even easier when a few more get killed, but eventually a cop and a crime-novel fan are able to piece everything together and come up with the solution that makes the most sense. The cop also gets the chance to prove that he deserves the rank of detective, which I'll admit was a nice touch. Ending with a car chase is also very formulaic, but it gets the job done. All in all, it's probably one of the better movies that was released as part of Sandler's Netflix deal.
Also starring Adam Sandler (last heard in "Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation"), Jennifer Aniston (last seen in "She's Funny That Way"), Luke Evans (last seen in "Professor Marston & the Wonder Women"), Terence Stamp (last seen in "Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children"), Gemma Arterton (last seen in "The Voices"), David Walliams (last seen in "Tristram Shandy: A Cock and Bull Story"), Dany Boon (last seen in "Joyeux Noel"), John Kani (last seen in "Black Panther"), Adeel Akhtar (last seen in "The Big Sick"), Luis Gerardo Mendez, Shiori Kutsuna (last seen in "Deadpool 2"), Erik Griffin (last seen in "Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates"), Sufe Bradshaw, Molly McNearney, Nicole Randall Johnson (last seen in "In Her Shoes"), Andrea Bendewald, Victor Turpin, Simon Sinn (last seen in "Where the Truth Lies"), Jackie Sandler (last seen in "The Week Of"), Allen Covert (last seen in "Sandy Wexler").
RATING: 5 out of 10 smoke rings
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