BEFORE: I'm already 2/3 of the way through October, that's 14 films down and just 7 to go. I'm losing a week's worth of movie-watching by going on vacation, but that's OK, it's always been part of the plan. Pretty great the way it worked out, because I don't think I could have linked together more than 21 films (OK, 19 really) on the horror theme at this point.
David Koechner carries over from "Krampus". Another case where I found an actor who's probably only been in two horror films, and I'm going to exploit that little fact.
THE PLOT: Three scouts, on the eve of their last camp-out, discover the true meaning of friendship when they attempt to save their town from a zombie outbreak.
AFTER: I'm guessing this is a pretty standard sort of zombie movie - naturally, I don't watch a lot of these, and the last one I watched also had a lot of British people having tea parties and fancy balls, so really, there's not much of a frame of reference. But can we come to some agreement on how zombies work, please? One film says that people bitten by zombies won't become full zombies themselves until they eat human brains, and the next film says that the process is nearly instantaneous. One film says people lose their human speech and memories when they turn to zombies, but in this film a zombie ends up singing along with a Britney Spears song - so those memories are still in there somewhere, WTF?
Of course, probably none of this is meant to be taken seriously. And the threats in this film are barely even scary, I mean, sure, the zombies will kill and eat you, but (with a couple of exceptions) most of them move so slowly, that means with enough ammo you could just stand your ground and take all of the head-shots you need. But of course, every gun is bound to run out of ammo at SOME point, so that's when you've got to head for the hills - or at least to the nearest True Value store (nice product placement!) where you can pick up some nail-guns, a weed-whacker, some jerry-rigged flamethrowers, etc.
I'm sorry, but this film just seems so basic, compared to what I've seen lately, both within my horror chain and outside of it. I've seen a giant wolf battling a giant silverback gorilla, I've seen a giant horned Santa Claus monster jumping from house to house to deliver demonic toys, and before that, I watched an octopus puppet milking a cow puppet in a porn video. You want to talk about scary? Jesus, plain old zombies barely even move the needle any more on the weird-o-meter. Once the scouts finally figure out what's going on and arm themselves, it's just a simple takedown montage, really.
Now, if they wanted to make zombies REALLY scary, someone should make a movie about zombie hipsters - "They're here to eat your brain...and gentrify your neighborhood! Roaming the streets with their guitar cases, wandering aimlessly looking for their next gig. They'll cover you with flyers and then spread your brain on their avocado toast! These hipster zombies are all on the paleo diet - which means they'll eat you alive!" Ooof, I just got the chills. That's a movie that would keep me up nights.
Instead, this film just went for really cheap jokes, like having one scout attacked while he's on the toilet, or making fun of the scout master, who's really into Dolly Parton for some reason. Those are just two of a few dozen jokes that don't land, or asides that don't really GO anywhere. Ha, ha, the local strip club is called "Lawrence of A-labia", that's barely funny, it's like a half a joke. Give me a break.
Some of the actors also look too old to be in high-school, I checked, a couple of the stars were 22 or 23 when this was released - one of the high-school girls looked at least 35. (Not the one who played the stripper, I mean the brunette in the car near the beginning).
Sorry, I already realized I didn't like the rom-zom, but it turns out that the zom-com this week was even worse.
Also starring Tye Sheridan (last seen in "The Stanford Prison Experiment"), Logan Miller (ditto), Joey Morgan, Sarah Dumont (last seen in "Don Jon"), Halston Sage (last seen in "Goosebumps"), Cloris Leachman (last seen in "Music of the Heart"), Niki Koss, Hiram A. Murray, Lukas Gage, Drew Droege, Patrick Schwarzenegger (last seen in "Grown Ups 2"), Blake Anderson (last seen in "Game Over, Man!"), Elle Evans, Missy Martinez, Dillon Francis, Cameron Elmore, Sara Malakul Lane.
RATING: 3 out of 10 burnt marshmallows
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