Friday, January 12, 2018

Warcraft

Year 10, Day 12 - 1/12/18 - Movie #2,812

BEFORE:  Ben Foster carries over from "The Finest Hours" for his third appearance in a row - he and Chris Pine have already made the 2018 year-end countdown by appearing in three films, and we're not even 2 weeks in!  My scheduling for the rest of January is going to be pretty random - a fantasy film could be followed by a Western, which in turn could be followed by a war movie or a boxing film.  By February 1 I'll be back on some thematic as well as actor-based linking.


THE PLOT: As an Orc horde invades the planet Azeroth using a magic portal, a few human heroes and dissenting Orcs must attempt to stop the true evil behind this war.

AFTER: No, no, you can't get me to sympathize with orcs!  You can get me to root for the bank robbers in a heist film, but this is where I draw the line, this is a complete bastardization of everything that J.R.R. Tolkien stood for, where orcs are concerned.  They're nasty, evil creatures and telling me that there are "good" ones is a lot like saying there were "good people on both sides" at a Nazi counter protest.  Oh, yeah, that did happen last year, didn't it?

I've never played the Warcraft game - it's a video game, right?  Geez, remember when video games were based on movies, instead of the other way around?  Maybe that would have helped me to understand this film better, but I just don't have that kind of time.  If I had more time I'd be playing the Lego Marvel Heroes video game, or I'd be trying to finally finish Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas, which I had to put on hold about 9 or 10 years ago.  So without any of that background, this film is a confusing mess.

Like, just because the Orcs got taken from their ruined world and were sent to Azeroth against their will, I'm supposed to feel sorry for them, and forgive them for killing humans?  It's not going to happen.  They probably destroyed their own world, when they weren't busy being evil and orcs.  And who brought them to Azeroth anyway, was it the Guardian?  And if so, then how come he doesn't remember doing it?  And why is he so bad at being the Guardian?  Can anyone explain anything to me in a coherent manner?

The fact that this is titled "Warcraft: The Beginning" on IMDB is very troubling - this means that there will be more of these films, and just like with the "Underworld" franchise, they will become more elaborate with their own mythology and make less and less sense as the story unfolds.  That whole series was a nightmare, like why should I care if vampires and werewolves are fighting each other?  And why do I have to root for one over the other, when I can choose "neither"? I don't

I'm sorry, but I'm from old-school fantasy gaming, where the only good orc is a dead orc.  That sound you're hearing is J.R.R. Tolkien, spinning in his grave.  But then, I suppose this is the sort of film you get after the "Lord of the Rings" and "Harry Potter" franchises wrap up, and dozens of copycat films spring up...

Also starring Travis Fimmel, Paula Patton (last seen in "Idlewild"), Dominic Cooper (last seen in "Dracula Untold"), Ben Schnetzer (last seen in "Snowden"), Ruth Negga (last seen in "Jimi: All Is by My Side"), Anna Galvin, Callum Keith Rennie (last seen in "Fifty Shades of Grey"), Burkely Duffield, Ryan Robbins, Dean Redman (last seen in "Godzilla"), Glenn Close (last seen in "102 Dalmatians") and the voices of Toby Kebbell, Robert Kazinsky, Clancy Brown, Daniel Wu, Terry Notary, Michael Adamthwaite,

RATING: 3 out of 10 battle-axes

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