BEFORE: Curse me for a fool, I missed the connection between Benny Hill and Dick Van Dyke, since they co-starred in "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang" - so by rights, "The Italian Job" should have gone next to this one. This OCD thing always makes me see a better way of organizing the films than the one I ultimately choose. But I'm in luck, because Alec Guinness from "The Lavender Hill Mob" was also in the 1970 film "Scrooge" with Edith Evans, who appears in tonight's film.
Speaking of Christmas, this film concerns a Christmas heist - I'll be watching Christmas-themed films this year, but I've got a different lead-in planned. I guess since we had the Thanksgiving-themed heist last week, this one fits right in. (Damn, why didn't I save my heist films for holiday time? See what I mean?) To further add to the confusion, I bought Easter candy today, and finally brought home that big box of Valentine's Day chocolates that came from someone very special (myself).
That's another OCD minefield, a box of mixed chocolates. How many? 24? Should I eat 12 a night for 2 nights, or 8 a night for three nights? 6 a night for 4 nights? How many are dark chocolate, and how many are milk chocolate? How many are creams, how many are caramels, and how many have nuts? Thank GOD the box had one of those little diagrams telling me what flavor each one is. But how many different ways are there to eat 8 chocolates, and which is the BEST way? What will still leave me a good variety of flavors for tomorrow night? I can see how this could paralyze someone with a worse case than mine - eventually I pick a chocolate strategy and make my first move.
Speaking of strategy, I'm going to try to work in an extra film today, for reasons I'll explain in my next post.
THE PLOT: Miss Vicki's loyal butler, Claude Fitzwilliam, leads the household staff to rob from various businesses by charging goods to various wealthy people and misdirecting the shipments. After a new secretary is hired, she is caught up in the intrigue and falls in love with Fitzwilly.
AFTER: I confess it took me a while to figure out the scam in this one. A (formerly) rich woman's staff pretends to buy a lot of expensive goods from Gimbel's, Lord & Taylor, and other department stores, charging them to the accounts of genuinely rich people, then selling the goods through a fake retail outlet. They've also got a few other scams going, like sending Bibles to the family of recently deceased people, who then feel compelled to send money in return.
The butler/ringleader justifies these crimes by pointing out that insurance covers the thefts, and the money they raise keeps their employer afloat, even though her fortune is long gone. Whatever helps you sleep at night, pal, but let's call this what it is - theft. It's no different than swiping a credit card number and buying retail goods or plane tickets (happened to me last month, the bank caught it in time though). The Bible thing's a little more noble, but it's no different than the charities that send me address labels, calendars and notepads. It's a waste of paper, and pisses me off - why would I send money to a charity when they're only going to waste it on making more calendars and notepads? (ASIDE: a suggestion for the Avon Foundation - it should be the walk "AGAINST" breast cancer, not "for". Make the correction, and we'll talk.)
I don't know, it seems like a long way to go to make a buck. The scheme requires someone on the inside at every major department store, and you'd imagine that each store would eventually get sick of all the claims and start investigating the flaw in the system, and that would logically lead them to whoever was placing the wrong addresses on the boxes. Maybe this is why most stores stopped using these "house accounts" and saw the benefits of credit cards supported by big finance companies. You can still see the old system in a few places today, though - Peter Luger's steakhouse, for example, where they don't take any charge cards, just cash or in-house accounts.
But the schemes here have to support a staff of, what, 20? As well as maintain the house, the utilities, the cost of doing business, and Miss Vicki herself, who insists on writing large checks to various charities. There's just got to be a better way, legal or illegal, to focus one's efforts to raise capital, and without making others bear the cost. I suppose many of the richer people probably have so many bills they may pay them without looking, but that's just another justification.
The Christmas Eve heist, while clever, is still ill-advised. As in "How to Steal a Million", the lead thief uses what he knows about human behavior to get others to do most of the work for him. He works out a way to convince the Gimbel's management to give him their money, which is a thing of beauty. But he put everyone in the store, staff and clientele, at risk. Christmas shopping is dangerous enough as it is - people have been hurt in stampedes in recent years - so creating a near-riot frenzy in the store as a distraction is not cool.
Fitzwilly is first in conflict, then in love with, Miss Vicki's secretary, played by Barbara Feldon. While I'm confessing things, I admit I had the hots for her when I was 12 or 13 and watching reruns of "Get Smart". Watching this film, I can see I had good taste - she plays a great combination of smart and sexy here, with her glasses, page-boy haircut and husky voice, calling to mind a sexier version of Velma from "Scooby-Doo". Oh, yeah, I also had the hots for Velma, plus MaryAnn from "Gilligan's Island", Erin Gray from "Buck Rogers", Wonder Woman, Batgirl, half of "Charlie's Angels", Ann-Margret, Pam Dawber, Morgan Fairchild, Catherine Bach, Loni Anderson, etc. etc. I was a horny little kid in the early 80's.
Also starring Dick Van Dyke (last seen in "Divorce American Style"), John McGiver, John Fielder (last heard in "Piglet's Big Movie"), Norman Fell, Sam Waterston.
RATING: 5 out of 10 misspellings
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