BEFORE: Had to do some yard work today, probably my least favorite thing, I should have done it in the fall but I didn't. We have a planter out front that usually has some nice flowers in the spring, though we didn't plant them, and a tree - but it got totally overrun with ivy, just like our backyard gets taken over every year with grape vines. I was just going to trim the ivy that was hanging outside the planter and makes it difficult for my wife to get into the car, but then I saw how many vines there were, climbing up the tree even, and so I went crazy with the clippers, cutting everywhere I could and pulling out as many of the vines as possible. This is a bi-annual ritual in the backyard, but I never realized I had to do this in the front of the house, also. The vines had somehow poked through the brick mortar in some places, I'm not sure how, and had wrapped themselves around the inside of the planter about ten times more than necessary. If I didn't do something, then nothing else would have the chance to grow there in the spring, flowers wouldn't have a chance with all those vines and the tree would probably suffer as well, somehow. Look, I know about as much about gardening as I do about basketball, which is next to nothing, but I know the ivy is an invasive species that will choke out everything else. At least I'm pretty sure. But it took a lot of cutting and sweeping, and that was exercise outside in the cold, so I worked up a sweat, then came inside to warm up and had the chills for a while. Not an encouraging reaction, but it had to be done.
Adam Sandler carries over from "Hustle". I recently made a list of all the famous people that I've encountered over the years, in one way or another, from chance encounters at film festivals or parties or comic-cons years ago to actors and directors who have come to speak on Q&A panels after screenings at the theater where I work now. I wanted to get it all out of my head and into a Word document before I get to the age when I start forgetting things, which is, well, now. Of course Mr. Sandler is on that list, because he attended NYU at the same time I did, though I think he was a senior when I was a freshman or sophomore. We lived in the same dorm but the only time I remember being in the same room was the annual dorm lottery, when students expecting to return to that dorm next year got to draw numbers for room choice. He was, I think, appearing on "The Cosby Show" at the time, and SNL was still a couple of years in the future, but we all kind of knew around the dorm that he was on his way to being famous. That's how I remember it, anyway. The whole cast of "The State" (and later "Reno 911!") performed at a dorm 2 blocks away, and for some reason, Bianca Jagger was in my 16mm film production class.
THE PLOT: Two criminals, Keats and Moses, end their friendship when one turns out to be an undercover cop. Later, the two are forced to work together when Keats is assigned to protect Moses as a witness.
AFTER: Flashing back all the way to 1996 for this one, you can tell that movie directors just didn't know quite what to do with Adam Sandler just yet. This was pre-"Waterboy", pre-"Big Daddy", pre-"Wedding Singer" even. Yeah, this came out after "Billy Madison" and "Happy Gilmore", but I'm willing to consider the fact that it might have been filmed BEFORE those two and some studio shelved it because it was a weird buddy cop action comedy that ultimately wasn't very funny and could have used more action as well. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say this was dusted off AFTER Sandler became famous for a couple successful comedies, and to capitalize on his success, they released it to make a quick buck. Let me check...
OK, maybe not, because the IMDB trivia says that Sandler came up with this idea to work with Damon Wayans when Wayans hosted SNL in 1994 - and a year later, sent him the script for "Bulletproof". So that would be 1995, and "Billy Madison" would have already been released, or perhaps very close to it. My theory doesn't hold water, but then that means that Sandler had two successful comedies but wanted to switch gears and do an action film. OK, whatever, but most of the time if actors have success in one genre they tend to stick with that, but what do I know about acting in different genres? How does that all work out, or does it?
But I guess that's maybe how you get a comedy that isn't very funny and an action film that's not very exciting. What's weird is that Sandler plays Archie Moses, a car thief who then wants to move up in the crime world by smuggling drugs for a guy who then launders the money through his car dealership. Both the actor and the car thief probably should have stayed in their lanes. No good ever comes from trying to get ahead if doing so is beyond your abilities. And his friend "Keats", who was really only pretending to be his friend to infiltrate the drug-dealing organization, pays the price by getting shot in the head during the raid on the warehouse. Shot by Moses, the man he befriended - that should teach him, don't try to make more friends, you probably already have more than you need. Some weird but perhaps helpful lessons in this film...
"Keats", aka Jack Carter, somehow makes a full recovery after the bullet to his brain, and not only gets a steel plate in his head as a result, he falls in love with his physical therapist, Traci. Sure, could happen. Sometime later (the IMDB synopsis says "years later", but I'm not sure it's that long...) Moses is apprehended and agrees to testify against the car dealer/drug lord, but he'll only surrender to Carter, his former friend, and Carter is also tasked with delivering him across the country.
So the two men fly and drive and walk across the country, making this plot feel a little like a low-rent version of "Midnight Run". Colton, the drug lord, has people on his payroll, perhaps even some who work for the police, and so their trip is dangerous because they can't trust anyone, except maybe a very weird motel clerk near Flagstaff. If I saw a man whose wife looked exactly like him, but with long hair, I'd naturally assume that man was a drag queen and was not actually married. Just saying.
There are more complications and Colton holds Traci hostage, there's a big shoot-out at the end and the guy with the steel plate in his head gets some head-butts in, so the injury actually turned out to be quite handy. NITPICK POINT: most people who take a bullet straight on to the forehead probably aren't quite THIS lucky. Duh. And after testifying, Moses wants to go to Mexico and become a bullfighter. Seriously? Oh, no, this can't be taken seriously, in fact I doubt there's very much in this movie that can be taken seriously. What isn't very simple turns out to be quite dumb.
Also starring Damon Wayans (last seen in "The Great White Hype"), James Caan (last seen in "The Kid Stays in the Picture"), Jeep Swenson, James Farentino (last seen in "Ensign Pulver"), Kristen Wilson (last seen in "Walking Tall"), Larry McCoy (last seen in "Malcolm X"), Allen Covert (last seen in "Hubie Halloween"), Bill Nunn (last seen in "Idlewild"), Mark Roberts, Xander Berkeley (last seen in "Seraphim Falls"), Mark Casella, Andrew Shaifer (last seen in "Race to Witch Mountain"), Monica Potter (last seen in "Head Over Heels"), Jonathan Loughran, Steve White (also last seen in "Malcolm X"), Bill Capizzi, Sal Landi, David Labiosa, Scott Hoxby, Paule Stewart, Sven-Ole Thorsen.
RATING: 4 out of 10 1970's porno films
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