Bad Santa 2

Year 12, Day 355 - 12/20/20 - Movie #3,697

BEFORE: I'm back from my pre-winter break, just in time to celebrate the Solstice, or perhaps Toyota-thon or Bizarro Christmas, since this is in no way anything close to a regular year.  More on the impending holidays in a bit. 

First, the good news, the Kickstarter campaign was a success, we hit our goal on the last day, with just over two hours to spare.  The momentum was rolling and we had something of a Twitter cascade among my boss's fans - and they are out there - so we ended up going OVER our goal, which was great.  Considering that we did this in the middle of a pandemic, when everyone's a bit short on cash, and even restaurants have GoFundMe pages so they can stay in business, the fact that we succeeded was a very nice surprise. We sort of hit a wall or a plateau halfway through, but we were able to pivot, offer up some more tangible physical rewards like signed books and animation art from his older short films, and I think that did the trick.  Plus there are still people out there willing to support independent film, which is great news, because it means I get to keep my job for the next year, at least, and I don't have to go back on unemployment, and I'll reassess the old career options again maybe a bit down the road.  

Mentally, I'm a wreck, because anything stressful like working a Comic-Con or a Kickstarter campaign takes its toll, and I just want to curl up in a fetal position and sleep for maybe a week straight, only I can't exactly do that, can I?  So I need to busy myself with getting that last bunch of Christmas cards out, playing phone games and watching various TV shows to take my mind off the news of the day.  I just watched the Season 2 finale of "The Mandalorian", and it was killer, eh?  No spoilers here, but get bingeing on it if you're not up to speed.  I also finished "Iron Fist" on Netflix, and then started on "Happy" which aired on Syfy a couple years back, only I didn't bother with it.  But I figured with only 18 episodes, if I watched three per night I could knock it off in a week's time, and then I'm still chipping away at the Netflix list, even if I'm not watching movies. 

I also re-watched "Bad Santa" a few nights ago, to get ready for today, and that's where I started to notice a convergence of sorts.  Patton Oswalt voices the lead animated character in "Happy", and Patton (among other notable people) was very helpful in tweeting about our Kickstarter campaign.  I've never met Patton, but I'm a big fan, and he did a voice for an animated short I worked on, "The Loneliest Stoplight".  I submitted his SAG paperwork for that film, and arranged a re-record with him via e-mail.  He came to our Comic-Con booth once, in disguise, only I was on a break at the time, of course.  Anyway, Patton starred in "Happy", and the show's first season happened to be Christmas-based, with a villain character who abducted children, and who was called Very Bad Santa.  And that brings me back around to "Bad Santa".  

The first "Bad Santa" is a holiday classic in my house, and I don't know why it took 13 years to bring out a sequel.  It was released in 2003, and caused a bit of a stir because the main character is a mall Santa who drinks heavily, robs department stores with his LP elf partner, and has a relationship with a woman who digs the whole Santa suit thing.  It struck a chord with me because I know the Santa fetish thing is real, I was working a Halloween party back in 2001, and I was dressed in a Santa suit.  Since I was monitoring the door, I didn't get much of a crack at the refreshments, but one waitress at the restaurant paid particular attention to me, and she kept bringing me food and beverages.  Now, I was about a week away from getting married for the second time, so I certainly didn't encourage any advances, and nothing came of it.  That would be like getting the football to the 1-yard line and then dropping it - but my co-workers were encouraging me to do something, since I wasn't married yet.  Mmmm, that's not the way I roll - but I just made a mental note that if I were ever single again, a Santa suit might come in handy around the holidays. You know, as an ice-breaker.  Somehow it's the ultimate fantasy for some women (maybe some men, too, I don't know...) with the whole "sit on Santa's lap" and "tell me what you want" thing going on.  I could get more vulgar here, but I won't.  Just go listen to "Santa Baby" or "Back Door Santa", or realize that part of the reason Santa's so jolly is that he knows where ALL the naughty girls live, plus he sees them when they're sleeping, and when they're awake...

Anyway, with the good news comes the bad, I had to call my parents and break the news that we would have to cancel our travel plans.  If we drive up to Massachusetts on Christmas Eve, even if we forgo the usual Foxwoods Casino stop, we'll have to stop somewhere for gas and snacks, and that means we won't be able to fully control our exposure, and THAT means I'd be exposing my parents to some level of risk, and my parents are almost 80, so if they get the COVID they're convinced they'll be checking out.  So for probably the first time in my life, I'm not traveling for Christmas, and my wife and I will just be celebrating at home.  I sent out my Christmas mix CDs, and I was feeling Christmas-ey when I put that together a month ago, but maybe less so now.  

But perhaps that will change as I close out the year - three of my last four films for 2020 are Christmas-based.  We'll start with Billy Bob Thornton carrying over from "ZZ Top: That Little Ol' Band from Texas" and we'll go from there.  I could have included the film "A Million Little Pieces" here, he's in that too, but then I'd have to drop the last film in the Christmas chain, and I don't want to do that now.  Four films to go to make a "perfect year", and a mistake now would also be like dropping that ball on the 1-yard line.  

I've had this one on my list for a few years now, and I think I missed it if it ran on Netflix or Amazon Prime or some other streaming format.  Planning to reach a particular Christmas movie at the start of the year is a bit like aiming at a moving target, I can only control the linking so much at a time, and in January or April I don't quite know where I'm going to be at the end of October, plus my list is ever-changing - so I've aimed at "Bad Santa 2" several times, and missed. (My process these last couple of years has been to just keep about a dozen Christmas movies on the list, and try to end with at least one or two of them.) This year I'm hitting it, and fortunately it's also available on cable, Movies on Demand, at just the right time, further proof that to everything, there is a season, turn, turn, turn.  More about this when I write my year-end wrap-up, which is coming up very soon.

THE PLOT: Fueled by cheap whiskey, greed and hatred, Willie teams up again with his angry little sidekick, Marcus, to knock off a Chicago charity on Christmas Eve. 

AFTER: Isn't this always the way?  You enjoy a movie, then when you find out there's going to be a sequel, maybe you get really excited about it, because surely if you loved one movie, you're probably going to love what comes next in the story.  Only that doesn't always happen, and there are usually warning signs that the film you did like was really a one-off, some magic combination of cast and creators managed to catch lightning in a bottle, and though the second film has elements and echoes of the first film, different personnel are involved, the new writer or director decided to take things in a different direction, and each new installment in a franchise manages to supply a set of diminishing returns.  OK, it doesn't ALWAYS happen, but I think perhaps more often than not, and that's how we ended up with so much hate for Star Wars: Episode IX.  

To be fair, it would be impossible for many reasons to re-capture the spirit of "Bad Santa".  For starters, two of the people that made that movie great were John Ritter and Bernie Mac, and they're no longer with us, and that's sad to say on both counts.  Lauren Graham decided not to (or was unable to) return as Willie Soke's Santa-loving girlfriend, and that's also a shame.  When Willie's narration near the start of the film mentions how much life is a big ball of suckage, it's true to character, but it also highlights how much is missing from the first film.  New directions are fine, but then the film tries to return to form, and Willie teams up with his old elf robbery partner, in a blatant attempt to mirror the past.  There were a hundred directions that a sequel could have gone in without going right back to the old "dress up like Santa and crack a safe" bit.  

To be fair, it's a new city, Chicago, and a new mark - a charity instead of a department store.  And I'll accept the addition of both Kathy Bates and Christina Hendricks, but it's a lot to ask them to help carry this tired same-old-story.  But hey, they got the same actor back to play "The Kid", aka Thurman Merman, and somehow he got thirteen years older and didn't change a bit - still looks and acts like a chubbier, more naive, younger Will Ferrell.  In the first film he was just a fat kid who got bullied and seemed completely clueless, since then the whole world sort of shifted and now when we say someone's on "the spectrum", we're all supposed to bend over backwards and let those people act up or be clueless or break things and not hold them accountable.  Just as Willie couldn't tell in the first film whether Thurman was stupid, naive or always messing with him, as a 21-year old, it's still impossible to get a read on Thurman, for the same reasons.  He's like a savant in some areas, but in other ways can't seem to wrap his head around how the world works, but hey, he knows how to make sandwiches, and they say if you love what you do, you'll never work a day in your life. 

Thurman considers Willie to be his family, but in the first film he also thought Willie was Santa - umm, or did he?  I just re-watched "Bad Santa" and it's not really clear, perhaps by intention.  Did he think Willie was the real Santa at first and then figure it out?  Or did he know all along, or not know all along?  Did he figure it out and then forget?  I keep going back and forth.  Anyway, he's 21 now and still checks in with Willie in his own clueless fashion, and then later in the film somehow travels by bus from Phoenix to Chicago, just to continue being that completely clueless thorn in Willie's side.  With his grandmother deceased and his father, umm, still in jail (?) Thurman doesn't want to spend Christmas alone, of course. 

There are two kinds of families, the ones we're born into and the ones that we form ourselves, over time.  Willie Soke has problems with both kinds - linking up with his ex-partner who tried to pull a double-cross in the last film brings him to Chicago and back in contact with his mother, for the first time in decades.  There's a complicated history there, but let's just say Willie was born to a very young woman who was deep into con games and safecracking herself, and it's equally tough to get a read on her here, does she genuinely want to re-connect with her estranged son, or does she just need his help to pull off the big heist, since she's older and can't hear the tumblers on a safe lining up any more?  Either way, it's an uneasy alliance triangle between Bad Santa, Bad Elf, and Bad Santa's Mother/Mrs. Claus.  Any Tarantino fan should be able to see the Mexican standoff coming as they rob a charity before the corrupt philanthropist in charge can do the same.  (If you steal money from bad people, that's not a bad thing, right?  Or is it?)

Fans of the first film know that Willie can't stay sober for long, for that matter he can't stay away from plus-size women and a particular sex position.  Well, at least he's consistent.  Marcus is supposed to be the brains of the operation, but he can't be trusted, not by a long-shot.  At least with Willie's mom, Sunny Soke, the audience has no frame of reference, so at least that can keep us guessing.  So this is clearly set in the same universe as the first film, where nearly everyone is corrupt or some kind of addict or is selfish in some way, and yes, that applies to every child who sits on Santa's lap and tells him what they want for Christmas.  If you ask me, and I know you didn't, if we're looking for answers about why this world is the way it is, how we ended up with the "ME" generation and Instagram influencers and a bunch of entitled millennials who think the world owes them everything, we need to look at the whole Santa Claus thing differently.  Parents still bring their kids to visit Santa (OK, this year it's all virtual, but work with me here) or write letters (now e-mails, I suppose) to Santa to put in requests for Christmas gifts.  And parents maintain the illusion that Santa will then visit and bring them what they want.

It's gone on for decades now, and maybe this concept should got the way of things like Prohibition, slavery and riding horses - because it's created an overwhelming mass of children who think that at Christmas time, they're going to get something for nothing, and that's just not how the world works.  And children who expect something for nothing become adults who expect something for nothing, and that's where we find ourselves, with an appalling lack of people who donate their time, money or services to noble causes.  How different would the world be if parents told their kids that Santa would only bring them something special not just because they behaved or weren't "naughty", but only if they went above and beyond to do something charitable for others?  If a parent feels that they HAVE to give their kids something for Christmas, because their parents did the same, then it's a never-ending cycle of rewards, often given out to undeserving people.  Kids need to learn that hard work and dedication brings success, not just putting their hands out to a fat guy in a red suit.  You want something from Santa Claus?  OK, kid, tell me what you did this year that really made the world better, had a positive impact, and just staying out of trouble or getting good grades doesn't qualify.  Those kids with gumption, the ones that run events that raise money for charity, or who speak out against gun violence or climate change, THOSE are the kids that should get presents from Santa.  Raise that bar and let's find the kids who are willing to rise to the challenge.  

I'm getting off track here, let me try to get back to the film.  You could say that Willie's had a hard time at life, but hey, at least he looks good - I think Billy Bob might have gone all macrobiotic or super-vegetarian or something.  He doesn't look a thing like that guy who starred in "Sling Blade" back in the day.  Kathy Bates, on the other hand, looks like 10 miles of bad road, but I'm not sure if that's her or just her character, who may have led a rough life.  I still have many questions, like why did it take somebody 13 years to make a sequel?  It's not anything like a record, but most movie franchises prefer to strike while the iron is hot.  Were there problems at Miramax from the whole Weinstein thing, or did Terry Zwigoff, the first film's director, have some kind of option that eventually expired?  I'm going to go read up on the back-story of "Bad Santa 2" and try to figure it all out.  Ah, it seems that the sequel was in development hell for six years, and that started in 2009, six years after the release of the original film.  Many writers and many rewrites later, that's how you end up with something that's this "by the numbers", with so many beats that are common to every other heist film.

It's not QUITE as bad as "Jay and Silent Bob Reboot" when it comes to just duplicating the events of the previous film, but it's pretty darn close.  It's sad that Willie never learned any lessons from the events of the first film, and that the main message here seems to be that "Life sucks a big giant dick".  The only upside is that he eventually decides to earn an honest living (everybody deserves a few second chances, and there will always be work for people willing to mop floors), but how long will that last?  Probably just until another group of rotating writers manages to cobble together a "Bad Santa 3".  

Also starring Kathy Bates (last seen in "Richard Jewell"), Tony Cox (last heard in "Strange Magic"), Christina Hendricks (last heard in "All-Star Superman"), Brett Kelly (last seen in "Trick 'r Treat"), Ryan Hansen (last seen in "Central Intelligence"), Jenny Zigrino, Jeff Skowron (last seen in "The Good Shepherd"), Octavia Spencer (last seen in "Fathers & Daughters"), Mike Starr (last seen in "Cat's Eye"), Ranae Lee, Kevin Fyfe (last seen in "War Machine"), Tyrone Benskin (last seen in "The Glass Castle"), Christopher Tyson, Marc-André Boulanger. 

RATING: 6 out of 10 AA meetings