A Very Murray Christmas

Year 12, Day 359 - 12/24/20 - Movie #3,700

BEFORE: OK, last film of the year, so there's a lot of set-up I've got to do here.  But first, a look at what I'm also binge-ing right before Christmas.  FOX ran two episodes of a short-lived show called "The Moodys" this past Sunday, but not the other four, which is a questionable programming choice AND probably a warning sign as well.  Six episodes ran in December 2019, and I'm guessing nobody watched it, because there were no more after that.  BUT, it's about a messed-up family in the days leading up to Christmas, and it's got Denis Leary and Jay Baruchel in it, so I tracked down the rest of the episodes on Hulu.  I watched two last night and I'll probably finish off the series tonight.  It's just OK, it's no comedic "This Is Us", for sure, but now I'm 2/3 done with it so I might as well put it out of my misery, and it's seasonally appropriate.

Also last night, after midnight I watched a 3-part mini-series version of "A Christmas Carol" on FX.  This took 3 1/2 hours to watch, so I crashed around 4 a.m., but I'm usually down for any version of Dickens' classic short story (especially "Scrooge" with Albert Finney). Man, this one was DARK - I think the BBC produced this one and FX bought the U.S. rights and aired it in December 2019.  It's peppered with modern-day curse words, and feels more like a Gothic horror film than a Christmas tale - and as you might imagine, in order to turn a short story into a 3 1/2 hour miniseries they had to add a lot of stuff, mostly in the "Christmas Past" section.  In this version, young Ebenezer has to stay at boarding school during Christmas break, not because his abusive father doesn't want him to come home, but because his abusive father worked out a deal for Ebenezer to get free tuition, provided the headmaster gets to molest him over the holidays.  OK, maybe that explains why Scrooge doesn't care to celebrate Christmas.  Then, as an adult, Scrooge agrees to pay for Tiny Tim's operation provided that Mrs. Cratchit comes to his house on Christmas in an "Indecent Proposal" sort of situation.  That's messed up.  He doesn't force himself on Bob Crachit's wife, but he COULD have, and just the fact that she came over to his house and undressed meant that he proved his point about how low people are willing to degrade themselves for money.  What a dick move.

I may watch a couple other versions of "A Christmas Carol" later today, since it is Christmas Eve, and after my 300th film for the year, I'm closing up the Movie Year workshop once again until January 1.  But the main lessons we need to take away from ANY version of Dickens' classic tale are that we need to look back fondly on the good moments of the past, learn from the mistakes of that past, take comfort in the presence of others in the here and now, and if necessary, make changes in our actions and our attitude in order to make the future better.  All of that strikes a chord, perhaps now more than ever.  

But for right now, it's a time for celebration - not in the usual way, as normally I would be driving up to Massachusetts today, stopping at a Connecticut casino for a buffet lunch, playing the slots for a bit, and then arriving at my parents' house for a feast of Chinese food, followed by a Christmas Day full of roast turkey, unwrapping presents and shared desserts.  Absolutely none of that is possible this year, but we've tentatively planned to go visit my parents in late January, so Christmas isn't really cancelled, just postponed.  Today we brought two boxes of COVID emergency meals that were mistakenly left on our front porch over to a community food drop-off, because we're not exactly short on food in the house, and tomorrow we'll cook a Christmas lasagna and try to have a good time.  

Both Rashida Jones AND Jason Schwartzman carry over from "Klaus".  And quite a few of today's stars are making their third appearance for the year, so they'll all qualify for my year-end wrap-up, which I probably should start working on, because there will be a LOT to cover.  Starting with the fact that the chain went unbroken again, from "Whale Rider" on January 1 to today, there were NO BREAKS in the chain, for the second year in a row!  I might be getting good at this linking thing, after all. 

FOLLOW-UP TO: "Always at the Carlyle" (Movie #3,349)

THE PLOT: Bill Murray worries that no one will show up for his TV show due to a terrible snowstorm in New York City. 

AFTER: OK, first I have to have a small internal debate about whether this constitutes a "movie".  What is a movie, exactly?  Netflix refers to this as a "holiday special", but it's not a TV special, or is it?  It's airing on my TV, does that make it a TV show instead of a movie?  I've watched very short movies before, like under an hour, and counted those as movies, so what should I do?  Generally the only hard and fast rule is that TV series and TV mini-series are not allowed here - certainly I didn't count the 3-hour "A Christmas Carol" because that was a 3-part mini-series, even if the episodes were all edited together to resemble a very long film.  BUT I counted the 1990 two-part mini-series "It" as one movie.  So I just don't know.  But Wikipedia lists this as "a 2015 American Christmas musical comedy film", so I'm going to stand behind that - this is a movie.  A short movie, but a movie.  

It's also very easy to think of this as some kind of extension to "Lost in Translation", since it's directed by Sofia Coppola and centers on Bill Murray hanging around in a hotel, feeling depressed and disconnected from society.  But it's not set in Tokyo, it's good old NYC on Christmas Eve, and the hotel is the infamous Carlyle, as portrayed in the documentary I watched last year with its own little celebrity-based subculture.  Bill's scheduled to perform a holiday show in the famous Bemelman's Bar that will be simulcast on TV via satellite, only a terrible blizzard has shut down the city, so there are no subways, no buses, no trains, and most importantly, no fans coming to the show.  Is it really a Christmas show with no audience?  The show's producers think so, they can just run footage of celebrities attending other events, and they believe that the TV audience won't be able to tell the difference.  So that's the plan, the show must go on, except that two minutes in to the broadcast, a power outage shuts everything down.  

This may have been filmed in 2015, but doesn't that sound a lot like 2020?  It's almost a perfect metaphor for the pandemic - so many things have gone wrong this year, and that's terrible, but sometimes there's a tiny silver lining to a disaster, and it means that the pressure's off.  You're stuck at home for weeks on end, and if you still have a job maybe you've figured out a way to work from home.  There's less pressure to dress up, taking showers or getting haircuts becomes somewhat optional, and forget job-hunting, because nobody's hiring right now anyway.  Circle the wagons, hunker down, put on something comfortable and start binge-ing "Game of Thrones" or "The Queen's Gambit" and don't leave the house until 70% of random strangers have been vaccinated - so, when is that, April? May? JUNE?

Back to Bill Murray - the forced cancellation of the Christmas special means that he gets to hang out at the Carlyle until the snowstorm is over, and thankfully he's got musical director Paul Shaffer (this was shortly after Letterman's CBS show folded) and a bunch of celebrity guests with him.  PLUS the chefs at the Carlyle are concerned that the food might spoil without refrigeration, so they're down to cook it all, just to be on the safe side, PLUS there's a well-stocked bar, PLUS there's wedding cake from a celebration that went south.  The point here is that when all seems lost, and there's tragedy taking place all around you, one thing you can do is just take stock of what you've got on hand, and celebrate anyway.  Why not?  The band still played while the Titanic sank, and I'm sure some doomed society types were drinking cocktails the whole time. 

And so this movie is proud to present to you - 

BILL MURRAY'S TIPS FOR SURVIVING CHRISTMAS EVE (during a city-crippling snowstorm, however tips also applicable to a pandemic, contested election season and/or zombie apocalypse):

1. DRINK. This is super-important, I can't stress this enough.  It's early in the day still, so I'm on mulled cider and I'm about to have my first coffee, but I plan to transition to eggnog (the kind with rum in it, and I may add some extra) before dinner-time, and then I've got one bottle left of Heartland Brewery's Old Red Nose Ale, 2017 vintage, down in the basement beer fridge.  I may just have to crack that one open tonight, or perhaps tomorrow.  I bought three bottles last December after dining at their 34th St. brewpub, only to find out on my way out the door that the restaurant would be closing within weeks, and the city-wide chain was reducing from its former glory of four locations to just one in Times Square.  It seemed like a horrible business decision to me at the time, but considering that almost ALL NYC restaurants shut down in April, in retrospect I'm wondering if Heartland Brewery didn't make the right move.  It's almost like they had a crystal ball and foresaw the collapse of the restaurant industry.  

Anyway, get your drink on now, umm, unless you're an alcoholic or a tee-totaller, in which case this is probably not the best time to backslide.  But if you're a drinking person like I am, you'd best get on top of this.  In a few hours you could pass out like Bill Murray, and then you can have a vision of being in your own high-concept holiday special, singing duets with George Clooney and Miley Cyrus.  

2. SING - Holiday music has played a big part in my life these last few decades.  I started with a mix-tape in 1991, that first one had all the classics, as I define them, from Leon Redbone's "Frosty the Snowman" to Stevie Nicks's "Silent Night", Whitney Houston's "Do You Hear What I Hear?" and Bob Seger's "The Little Drummer Boy".  Every year there was a different theme, from jazz to soul to novelty songs, or 70's acts, 80's acts, a cappella groups.  One year it was only songs from former "American Idol" contestants, but mostly I've see-sawed back and forth between classic rock and alternative acts as the theme, because that's just where I've found the most material that speaks to me.  Initially these went out to just a few friends and family members, but then I began giving them to current and former co-workers, ex-college roommates and then amicable postal clerks if I had some left over.  

This year's mix was a real challenge - what was even appropriate?  And I wondered if people would even WANT me to mail them out this year, or if people would even be in the holiday mood this time around.  If ever there's a year to take a pass or call a mulligan or opt out of the "usual" holiday routine, this is probably it.  But then I thought I COULD put something together, maybe choose the right songs and make a nod to the pandemic in a fashion, without addressing it directly.  I heard Train's song "Shake Up Christmas" and thought, "Man, that's just GOT to be my opener."  I spent about a week in October listening to potential tracks (I'll admit, mostly songs that didn't make the cut two years ago...) and it came together rather quickly after that.  Some alt-acts are my top producers, as I bought holiday albums about a decade ago from Sister Hazel, Reverend Horton Heat and Relient K, and I STILL find songs on them that I haven't used and are just right on point for my purposes. I found tracks from a couple of edgier albums from Weezer and Bad Religion that really lit the mix up, then it was just a matter of filling in some of the gaps.

It didn't feel like the right time for "Deck the Halls" or "Jingle Bell Rock", or even "Winter Wonderland" - they just felt too HAPPY, but I thought "Sleigh Ride" and "Let it Snow" could work.  I always have a "nativity" section with "Silent Night", "O Holy Night" and then whatever else I can find that fits in with those, like Sixpence None the Richer's "O Come, O Come Emmanuel" and Bad Religion's "What Child Is This?"  Instead of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town", I included Relient K's "Santa Claus is Thumbing to Town", in which the elves burn down Santa's workshop and the sleigh's broken, so he has to hitchhike all around the world in just one night - that seemed like 2020 in a nutshell to me.  After that, it was just a matter of finding versions of "Silver Bells" and "I'll Be Home for Christmas" that seemed to fit, and I was nearly done. (I noticed that lyrics like "I'll be home for Christmas...if only in my dreams" took on a new meaning when viewed through the eyes of the pandemic and travel bans.)

Umm, except for two things, one song that my wife felt was much too slow and depressing, and Pilate's cover of "Fairytale of New York", a song first recorded by The Pogues.  It's got some salty language in it, spoken by a husband and wife as characters from the 1940's (?) having an argument on Christmas.  The wife sings, "You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap, lousy faggot" and of course, these days we all try to be more sensitive, so this language tends to spark some controversy.  I do send my CD out to friends, some of whom have kids, so although I hate censorship, I figured it was better to err on the side of caution.  And I can't go to everyone's house to explain that the singers are playing characters from a less enlightened time, so therefore the offensive words are being used perhaps ironically, plus the BBC doesn't censor these words when they play the song, so although I COULD defend the use of offensive language, I didn't have the proper labels available before mailing.  So that song was out.  A last-minute re-listen of Sia's Christmas album, purchased two years ago, supplied two substitute songs, and then I was comfortable with the mix.  Check my Twitter feed (@Honky275) and scroll back to Dec. 1 if you want to hear all of this year's songs presented in advent calendar format.  

Bill Murray & company also perform the song "Fairytale of New York", with the lead vocals bouncing between him, Jenny Lewis and David Johansen.  Notably, they skipped the verse with the potentially offensive words, which is one way to get around the problem, only I can't edit the songs for my mix.  I'm guessing this was at the request of Mr. Johansen (aka Buster Poindexter) as some of his best friends are probably scumbags and/or maggots.  But I digress.  They also included the duet "Baby, It's Cold Outside", but remember, this was filmed in 2015, which was a year or two before this song got banned from the airwaves for being just a bit too rapey.  I think the #metoo movement essentially killed this song, right? 

3. HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS AND FAMILY - and it certainly helps if you've got a suite at the Carlyle, and Mr. Paul Shaffer is on hand when you get snowed in.  He probably knows absolutely everybody.  Also, the failed wedding at the hotel means that there's both a singing bride (Rashida Jones) and a singing, drumming groom (Jason Schwartzman) mucking about, plus a house lounge singer (Maya Rudolph) and a bartender (Johansen) to help keep things festive.  It's also quite convenient that singer Jenny Lewis moonlights as a waitress, and that the entirety of the Carlyle's restaurant staff is comprised of the band Phoenix, and they all brought their instruments with them to work - they must have had a gig later.  Phoenix performs "Alone on Christmas Day", and I think I may have to consider that song for inclusion on a future X-mas mix.  

4. TAKE IT ALL IN STRIDE - again, make the best of it, wherever you are and whatever you have on hand.  I spent a few days by myself, post-Christmas, in New York one year when trying to fly between Boston and Cleveland for New Year's Day.  The snow was so bad that I couldn't get to Cleveland, the plane had to land in New York and even after taking a bus from LaGuardia to JFK, I couldn't get out of town.  Most passengers were then stranded in an unfamiliar city and had to hunker down at an airport hotel, but I just went back to my apartment in Brooklyn and decided to try again in a couple days.  My wife (at the time) was already in Cleveland, I just had to call and revise the timetable.  I think that's the way it went down, it was so long ago... It's the holidays, and things are going to go right and things are going to go wrong, just relax and try to have a good time, and hopefully next year all our troubles will be miles away.  Yeah, right.

Think about the good times you had in Christmas Past - all those years where you could travel, and visit family, and the gift exchanges, and those giant holiday meals.  Those all still happened, you can look at photos from previous years, which I think I'll do tonight. Every Christmas back to 2005 is posted on my Flickr account, so maybe some reminiscing is in order.  I also remember that in 2014 (?) my BFF Andy scored a couple tickets to the last "Late Show with David Letterman" Christmas show, which meant that we saw, LIVE, the last time that Jay Thomas knocked a meatball off a Christmas tree with a football, Paul Shaffer did his impression of Cher singing "O Holy Night" on her own Christmas special, and most importantly, Darlene Love performed "Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)" on stage - with extra horns, a string section and plenty of back-up singers.  That was one for the books.  

5. DISPENSE SAGE ADVICE - Murray's been divorced twice, and been in several long-running feuds, so I'm not sure he's the best person to write a relationship guide.  But here he manages to re-unite the Bride and the Groom, by asking them to recall the exact moment, the feeling, when they first knew they were in love with each other.  Then just SING that to the other person and re-connect.  OK, whatever works, but many people find that couples counseling is also productive.  But hey, what else can you expect from America's most eccentric part-time character actor?  

I've also heard that Murray does not have a manager or an agent, and only works when he wants to, since he doesn't have to.  Getting in touch with him to hire him is also a process shrouded in mystery, apparently you have to dial a personal phone number and leave a voice-mail, but then how do you GET that number, if he doesn't have an agent?  Then I think you have to take a ferry up the Hudson, and set off a flare gun at a particular point between Dobbs Ferry and Tarrytown, and just hope that he sees the signal and responds.  Or you could just be Jim Jarmusch, but I think that sounds even harder to do, honestly.  

Well, that's it for regulation play in the Year of Our Lord 2020.  I didn't even get to all the Bill Murray films on my list, like "City of Ember", "The Limits of Control", "On the Rocks" and a documentary called "Bill Murray Stories", which might have given some more insight into this enigmatic man.  But hey, there's always next year.  I'll start on my year-end wrap-up post very soon, to further celebrate this very weird, very messed-up, very inconvenient and terrible and barely survivable year, and then a new season will begin on January 1, right here.  In the meantime, stay safe, don't travel, circle the wagons, start drinking heavily, and have a very Murray Christmas, a safe New Year's, a joyful Toyotathon, a merry Chrysler-mas and a happy Honda-kkah.  (Jesus, car companies, nobody's supposed to be driving anywhere, read the room, already, will ya?)

Also starring Bill Murray (last seen in "The Dead Don't Die"), Michael Cera (last seen in "How to Be a Latin Lover"), George Clooney (last seen in "Between Two Ferns: The Movie"), Miley Cyrus (last seen in "The Night Before"), Dimitri Dimitrov (last seen in "She's Funny That way"), David Johansen (last seen in "Always at the Carlyle), Jenny Lewis, Amy Poehler (last seen in "Are You Here"), Chris Rock (last seen in "Dolemite Is My name"), Maya Rudolph (last seen in "Whitney"), Paul Shaffer (last seen in "David Crosby: Remember My Name"), Julie White (last seen in "Adult Beginners") and the band Phoenix, with archive footage of Johnny Depp (last seen in "Dead Man"), Tom Hanks (last seen in "The Circle"), Ben Kingsley (last seen in "The Wackness"), Paul McCartney (last seen in "Hitsville: The Making of Motown"), Charlize Theron (last heard in "The Addams Family"), Rita Wilson (last seen in "The Chumscrubber").

RATING: 6 out of 10 martinis mixed on the piano