BEFORE: Who am I mad at today? Well, cable channels who can't admit they are running repeats against the Winter Olympics, so they're taking old episodes of shows I like, adding a few pop-up messages or trivia questions and then marking the episode as "New" so my DVR is forced to record it. There's a special place in hell for you, basic cable programmers. Remember, Dante's 8th circle of the Inferno is all about Fraud.
I'm steamed at UPS, too, for losing customs documents on a very important package to France, but most of my rage is now directed at Citibank, who closed all of their NYC branches yesterday due to "inclement weather", but they closed at 1 pm, after the snow had stopped and the streets were cleared, and things were starting to melt. Why open during the worst of the storm, forcing employees to brave the harsh conditions to get to work, only to close in the afternoon once things were looking up? Not all transactions can be done via ATM, so I was forced to walk through the slush for 45 minutes to visit 3 Citibank branches to deposit a check for work, with a sign on each branch directing me to the next branch, which was also closed. Thanks for nothing, giant banking corporation.
OK, I'll admit I didn't research this plot first before slotting it here, I only scheduled it for today because it has "Heart" in the title. So let's see how I did. Natalie Portman carries over from "Anywhere But Here".
THE PLOT: A pregnant 17-year-old rebuilds her life after being abandoned by her boyfriend at a Wal-Mart in Sequoyah, Oklahoma.
AFTER: Well, I did say that the romance chain from here on out would be fraught with difficulty, and this sure fits the bill. It almost seems like someone was trying to test how much misery and human suffering could be depicted in one film. To be fair, there is a love story here, but it takes a LONG chain of events to get to it, and then even when it gets there, it veers off into another direction for a while, due to denial on the part of the characters who are perfectly matched.
In the meantime, we're presented with a pregnant teen being abandoned by her boyfriend and giving birth in a Wal-Mart, which leads to a massive amount of shoplifting, if you think about it, and then we've got a case of mistaken identity which leads to her sponging off strangers for a while, until she can get her life together, which really is the main challenge of the film. It's an odd choice to depict a character who doesn't seem to want things to get better, not at first at least - so she chooses to just hang out in front of the hospital after giving birth. That's your plan? Sorry, but a lack of a plan does not count as a plan.
The foil character is a woman who's got a whole brood of kids, who suffers through one disastrous relationship after another, each of which produces at least one more child. So, she's a nurse who can't seem to figure out birth control? Again, another odd choice. Everyone is sort of stumbling through life, hoping that one of the twists of fate that keeps befalling them will somehow benefit them, which inevitably it does, but in the end those feel more like screenplay quirks that help to propel the plot, and keep the characters out of the poorhouse.
Without giving away the details, Oklahoma seems like a pretty terrible place to live and raise a family. Perhaps giving birth in a Wal-Mart isn't such a bad idea after all, given the conditions of the local hospitals and the apparent intelligence of the nursing staff. Some small consolation is that if you look like Natalie Portman, you will lose your baby weight in just under a month. So there's that.
We also learn that one small lie can set in motion a chain of events filled with misery, heartbreak and despair. And another small lie can separate people who are meant to be together, and people tell these small lies because they feel they have to, or they feel they're not good enough, or they're afraid to face their futures. So, umm, don't tell lies. And don't steal, unless you're pregnant, I guess.
NITPICK POINT: Novalee keeps a journal of how much money she "owes" Wal-Mart. Even though she later gets a job there, that doesn't really count as paying them back, unless she's working for free. Adding a short scene where she paid back the store would have gone a long way toward making her a more sympathetic character.
NITPICK POINT #2: So, Wal-Mart in Oklahoma doesn't have any security guards, night watchmen, or closed-circuit cameras? Good to know.
Also starring Ashley Judd (last seen in "Twisted"), Stockard Channing (last seen in "Up Close and Personal"), James Frain, Dylan Bruno, Joan Cusack (last heard in "Arthur Christmas"), Keith David (last seen in "The Chronicles of Riddick"), with a cameo from Sally Field (last seen in "Lincoln").
RATING: 4 out of 10 alarm clocks
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