BEFORE: I hope everyone had a pleasant Valentine's Day, I apologize that my movie selection turned out to be about teen pregnancy, abandonment and sexual molestation. I think today's film is just about casual sex, so there's that.
My wife and I stayed in on Valentine's Day, we had already gone out to dinner on Wednesday night to our usual place. But coming back on the subway, our 6 train was delayed leaving Grand Central and I looked out onto the platform, and there was my ex-wife, waiting for the 4 train. I waved, but she didn't see me - the symbolism of that is not lost on me - but it was like a visit from the Ghost of Valentine's Day past.
Natalie Portman carries over from "Where the Heart Is" and completes a hat trick.
THE PLOT: A guy and girl try to keep their relationship strictly physical, but it's not long before they learn that they want something more.
FOLLOW-UP TO: "Friends With Benefits" (Movie #1,195)
AFTER: Before I review the film, I'm going to put my near-encounter with my ex to work here - it was a reminder to me that when you add my two relationships together, 7 years and 17.5, the cumulative total is more than half my age. Meaning that I've spent more of my life in relationships than out of them - does this make me an expert? Far from it, I try not to dispense relationship advice because everyone is different, relationships are complicated, and situations have an annoying habit of changing over time.
Besides, there's usually no way of giving out advice without relying on blanket statements or absolutes - "men are always looking for this", or "women are more emotional than men". And the problem with blanket statements is that someone only needs to find one exception, and the whole argument is torpedoed. "Should I commit?" "Should I settle?" I don't know, you have to work that out for yourself, because it's your relationship and you will be most impacted by your decision. I can't even say that I hate all absolute statements or the people who make them, because that in itself would constitute one.
But this is a time of year where people tend to deal in absolutes, and I generally find that ridiculous. "I will love you forever!" (impossible) "The perfect person for me is out there somewhere!" (possible, but unprovable) "I'm going to find that perfect person and love them forever!" Congratulations, you just added a set of impossible parameters to an unprovable concept. Good luck with that.
Perhaps you've heard me point out that a relationship involves work - ideally it should be work that feels effortless, and work that you enjoy doing. I like to think of relationships in terms of jobs because no one ever gets hired at a job and says, "This is the perfect job for me, and I'm going to work at it forever!" Instead they say, "I love this job, it feels right for me, I'd like to see where this goes, but I reserve the right to change jobs if necessary." How much more realistic would it be if we could say to each other on Valentine's Day, "I love you, this feels right, I'd like to see where this goes, but I reserve the right to change partners if necessary." OK, maybe that last part should remain unspoken, but come on, it's usually part of the deal.
John Lennon once was asked about how long the Beatles would be famous, and he quipped, "You can say 10 years, but once you've said that, you'll be lucky if you last 6 months." I think this is a much more healthy attitude. A relationship only lasts while both people are on the same page, and if one turns the page, the other one either rolls with the changes, or gets left behind. It's kind of like a staring contest, which only lasts until one person blinks, or gets tired of playing the game.
But that's not why you called, is it? This film features two people who can't get on the same page, so they've opted for a casual relationship, vowing to end things at the first sign of actual attraction or anything close to emotion. They have different reasons for choosing this set-up, he's just had his heart broken, and she's a busy medical resident with no time for the demands of a relationship. I suspect there's more to her story that we're not seeing, she even says that when in a relationship she's not a nice person. Either there's some abuse in her history, or she's prone to jealous rage, but the movie never goes there. However, it's worth pointing out that this is the third film in a row where Portman plays a woman who keeps turning down the very obvious loving relationship she's presented with.
So, they take a shortcut, finding a way to get the physical aspect of love while getting by without the mental or emotional aspects. He even correctly predicts that eventually one of them is going to want more. First it's him, then later it's her. I sort of appreciated that every time the characters thought they had a handle on how things were going, they sort of shifted again, which seems possible. And the situation designed to subvert emotion and jealousy ends up mired in it, which also seems quite possible.
In my case - I was presented with a wife who was attracted to other people. It happened to be women she was attracted to, but the principle is the same regardless of gender. I had to make a choice, allow her to explore her feelings for other people, or try and put a stop to it. Either way, the road taken was going to be the one that defined my future, and the road not taken was always going to make me wonder about it. Perhaps if I had been a less jealous person, I could have turned a blind eye to her extramarital activity, but who knows, in the end the result might have been the same. Instead I held on too tightly, which forced her to define herself, and at that point I was willing to chew my own leg off to get out of that trap.
What the characters in this film end up learning about relationships is something that you can't teach, and you can't learn unless you live through it - how to have a relationship without holding on too tightly, and without letting go either. It's kind of like when you try to lean back in a chair and balance it on just the back legs - if you lean too far back you'll fall over, but if you don't lean back enough, you'll fall forward and then you're not leaning at all. But if it's your chair, and you know your own center of gravity, it can be done, and with enough practice, it can appear effortless, even though it's anything but.
NITPICK POINT: I get that she's a very busy doctor - but what's the reason why she can't work pleasuring herself into her schedule? That would be even quicker, right? She wouldn't have to call or text someone else...
Also starring Ashton Kutcher (last seen in "New Year's Eve"), Kevin Kline (last seen in "A Midsummer Night's Dream"), Greta Gerwig (last seen in "Greenberg"), Lake Bell, Olivia Thirlby (last seen in "United 93"), Jake Johnson (last seen in "A Very Harold & Kumar 3-D Christmas"), Cary Elwes, (also last seen in "New Year's Eve"), Ludacris (ditto) , Mindy Kaling (last heard in "Wreck-It Ralph").
RATING: 5 out of 10 donut holes
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