BEFORE: I worked late on Thursday night, later than usual, so I got home after midnight - staying awake for this one is going to be a challenge. Linking from "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey", once again I'll exploit the Star Wars connection, since Christopher Lee was also in "Star Wars: Episode III" with James Earl Jones (last seen in "Jefferson in Paris"), thanks to one line of dialogue.
THE PLOT: A vengeful barbarian warrior sets off to avenge his tribe and his parents, who were slain by an evil sorcerer and his warriors when he was a boy.
AFTER: Yeah, I fell asleep during this one. You know you're getting old when you can't watch a two-hour movie without taking a nap halfway through. But I don't think it's entirely my fault - there just didn't seem to be much of a story here, nothing that really grabbed my attention. The various accents - Japanese, Austrian, etc. didn't help. When I have to look up the film the next day on Wikipedia to figure out what the plot was, that's usually a bad sign.
Of course, now that I understand what was going on, it all seems completely ridiculous. Snake cults, ritualistic orgies, a woman turning into a demon, a man turning into a snake. Am I supposed to take all this seriously? I know, it's based on a comic book so with that in mind, the answer is probably "No." But again, I just don't see what the big deal was. I mean, a kid's parents get killed in front of him - hello, shouldn't that make him Batman?
Yeah, this is the film that made Schwarzenegger a superstar. So, umm, congratulations?
But it's another movie sin atoned for tonight, the fact that I'd never seen this one before, and it's another one of those "classics" that nearly everyone has seen, and that exists as part of the cultural zeitgeist of the 1980's. So at least I cross another classic off the list, and slowly I'm still digging my way out of the hole that I was in. But now I don't know which is the greater sin - not watching this, or writing about it and admitting that it's somehow culturally relevant. I think in the end, it's just a strange relic from a forgotten time - and I don't mean the Hyborian Age, I mean the 1980's.
Once you see the acting connection that I'm about to make in 2 days, the reason for putting this one here - besides the blatant swordplay/fantasy epic connection to "The Hobbit" - will become clear. What's that mantra again? "This will all make more sense tomorrow." Strange - there were prominent riddles in "The Hobbit", and this film makes reference to the "Riddle of Steel", though I'm still not sure what that is.
NITPICK POINT: So, putting a few stripes of camouflage paint across your face and body makes you completely invisible? That might work if you're hiding in a forest or something, but walking across an otherwise unfurnished room? Geez, that's more unlikely than a guy turning into a snake.
Also starring Arnold Schwarzenegger (last seen in "The Expendables"), Sandahl Bergman, Max von Sydow (last seen in "Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close"), Gerry Lopez, Mako.
RATING: 3 out of 10 snake arrows
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