BEFORE: There were three sequels to "The Dirty Dozen", which were made-for-TV movies, and while I don't have copies of the first two, the Encore War channel's been running the final (Fatal) one, so I added it to my DVD of the original classic film. Ernest Borgnine and Telly Savalas carry over from last night - but Savalas is playing a different character, since his Maggott character was one of the fatalities in the original Dirty Dozen mission.
THE PLOT: A team of renegade soldiers of World War II try to avoid the constitution of the IV Reich.
AFTER: I'm OK with a TV movie appearing in the countdown, and I'm (mostly) OK with the recruitment of a lot of 70's TV stars to fill the ranks of the Dirty Dozen (presumably a lot of the Dozen died in movies #2 and #3, also).
I'm even OK with the plot - 12 of Hitler's best and brightest young officers are sent by train to the Middle East, to form Germany's Fourth Reich (if needed) - it's sort of a reversal of the plot seen in "Valkyrie". I sort of doubt that Hitler would name his successor in 1943, but I'm willing to entertain the notion.
But I can't abide sloppy storytelling. Things are pretty by-the-numbers as the Dozen are recruited and trained (at least the film moves a lot faster than last night's), and the inclusion of a possible traitor among the ranks is an interesting twist. Then the Dozen parachute into enemy territory, and take the train. I'm down with that...
But then the Germans try to block the train's progress with a rail car full of gasoline, and while the train is able to stop in time, it's the plot that runs off the rails. Leading to the following:
NITPICK POINT #1: The Germans obviously put the gasoline car there to blow up the train, or at least to block it. Then the Nazis disappear. Why don't they wait around to witness the explosion, or if the explosion never comes, why not take the opportunity to attack the blocked train?
NITPICK POINT #2: Major Wright (Savalas) has his men push the gasoline car BY HAND away from their train (to where, exactly? 30 feet ahead of the train?), and then changes his mind, determining that the gas car has some value (he knows the train runs on coal, right?) so he has them push it back, again BY HAND. (he knows that the train moves forward on the track, right?)
NITPICK POINT #3: The train, with the gas car coupled in front of the engine (because THAT'S safe...) keeps moving down the track, to where the Nazis have blocked the track with trucks and such. Great news for the Americans, they're driving a train with an impromptu gas bomb in front. The Nazis throw mortars at the gas car, and they HIT IT, but it fails to explode. But one touch against a Nazi truck, and it blows sky-high. It's one of those Hollywood explosions, that takes place just when the heroes need it to.
NITPICK POINT #4: The Nazi commander, seeing the train with the improvised bomb approaching, decides the best course of action (and I swear this is true) is to try and stop it by shooting it with a machine gun. Yeah, good luck with that.
Also starring Jeff Conaway (RIP, as of earlier today), Erik Estrada (last seen in "Airport 1975"), Ernie Hudson (last seen in "Going Berserk"), Heather Thomas, John Matuszak, and Ray "Boom Boom" Mancini. Is this a war movie or an episode of "Love Boat"?
RATING: 3 out of 10 parachutes
No comments:
Post a Comment