BEFORE: OK, after today it's five romance films down, just 35 to go. And I'm counting down to the big day in February that's coming up - of course, I'm talking about the premiere of "The Masked Singer", on February 15. That's it, that's the only big thing coming up on the agenda, except maybe the Puppy Bowl next weekend. I need to think about getting some snacks for the big game...I bet you think I'm kidding, but if I don't care about the two teams in the Super Bowl then I'd rather watch puppies run around a fake stadium and commit "offensive fouls" on the astroturf.
Wait, Valentine's Day, of course. How convenient that day pops up right in the middle of my romance chain... Well, I can't promise that I've got the most appropriate film lined up for that day - I tried "Romance & Cigarettes" last year and that turned out to be a bust. The year before that I watched "Destination Wedding" on 2/14, that was a better fit, but the year before that, it was "Mermaids". OK, so the process is a bit hit or miss - I've learned it's better to not over-think this, and kind of let the chips fall where they may. Which film this year is going to land on the most romantic holiday?
Julie White carries over from "Life Partners",
THE PLOT: Circumstances force a young divorcée to move back in with her parents in suburban Connecticut, where an affair with a younger guy rejuvenates her passion for life.
AFTER: There are only so many romantic plots, after all - so if "Life Partners" is this year's "Duck Butter", than today's film is this year's "Elizabethtown", or maybe this year's "The Last Kiss". I'll just keep going around until I get it right, I guess. This movie is about a recently-divorced woman who moves back in with her parents and tries to start over - she'll also keep going around until she gets it right, I guess.
Divorce sucks, but today's "Love Tip" is to always maybe have some plan to fall back on, don't just define yourself through your marriage or relationship, because that can go away, and without something to do, you may feel lost. OK, you're going to be depressed one way or the other, but at least with a job you've got somewhere to go and maybe a sense of purpose. Did the screenwriter here just forget to give Amy a job, or was part of her character that she tried several different majors and careers and nothing worked out? She's 35 here and doesn't have any kind of profession, no way to make money? OK, now she's got TWO reasons to be all depressed, so yeah, moving back in with Mom & Dad makes perfect sense, especially if they live in Westport, Connecticut. Must be nice.
Her parents have had some financial problems, though - something about the market crashing, but they seem to have recovered and they're renovating the house and investing in artworks, so they can't be doing TOO badly. They're one deal away from financing their retirement and then taking a trip around the world, as long as their daughter doesn't screw things up by sleeping with the teenage stepson of their potential business partner... (WCPGW?)
When we first meet Amy, she supposedly hasn't left the house in three months. (Geez, that's nothing, during the pandemic some of us didn't leave the house for close to a year. I guess it's all relative.) So naturally she's anxious about having no relationship, no career and no plan, and then once she meets this 19-year old actor and starts fooling around with him, it's a whole different story - suddenly she's anxious about people finding out about her fling and this ruining her parents' business deal and retirement plan. Wow, some people just really can't figure out how to be happy. If the genders were reversed, and a 35-year old man started a relationship with a 19-year old girl, we'd kind of understand that, right? I mean, come on, what's a 16-year age difference, he's a millennial and she's Gen X, what's the big deal? So they don't listen to the same music, they can get past that.
The actor's mother thinks he's gay, though, just because he played a gay character in a play. So even when she comes home early and finds them together, naked in the pool, she still doesn't realize what's going on, she thinks it's some kind of post-divorce naked scream therapy, or that her gay son was just bonding in the pool with some naked woman. Umm, sure. (Another film that was released in 2012, back when the lines were clearer, people were either gay or straight and there was less gray area in-between, back before sexual orientation got replaced by gender identity...)
You know what, it's fine, bring on the complicated relationship stuff, because I haven't even seen one love triangle situation yet this year. This is a simple problem, Amy just needs to learn how to relax and just enjoy the relationship she's in, or call it a fling or a rebound or whatever. Maybe smoke some weed for the anxiety and try to enjoy the ride. It's a little unclear at the end if this relationship has a future, what with Jeremy going off to college and all, but that's cool too, if you want them to get back together in the future, then they will, and if you're against that happening, well then they've both moved on to other things. It's open-ended so the filmmakers figured out how to have it both ways. Amy needs to get a job first and then take things from there, OK?
Also starring Melanie Lynskey (last seen in "Don't Look Up"), Blythe Danner (last seen in "The Last Kiss"), Christopher Abbott (last seen in "First Man"), John Rubinstein (last seen in "Being the Ricardos"), Dan Futterman (last seen in "Kill the Messenger"), Sara Chase, Daniel Eric Gold (last seen in "Definitely, Maybe"), Meera Simhan, Damian Young (last seen in "I Care a Lot"), Tori Feinstein, Jimmi Simpson (last seen in "Breaking News in Yuba County"), Dave T. Koenig, Kate Arrington (last seen in "Brittany Runs a Marathon"), Darcy Hicks, Greta Lee (last seen in "Top Five"), Andrea Bordeaux with archive footage of Groucho Marx (last seen in "Can We Take a Joke?"), Chico Marx (ditto) and Harpo Marx (last seen in "Lucy and Desi".
RATING: 6 out of 10 t-shirts from the Gap
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