BEFORE: I know, after seeing what I watched last week, you all probably really want to ask me, "Why the hell is THAT film on your list?" It's a question I get asked a lot - or I would if I took questions from the audience. This just looks like a silly, stupid family comedy, though, so why did it even make it to the list? I'm always thinking about next year's holidays, and there's a little section of my list devoted to possible films for Father's Day. In that small sub-section there's a film with Christopher Walken ("One More Time"), and two with Robert De Niro ("Being Flynn" and "City by the Sea"). I've got a few De Niro films on the list, but this film would have been the easiest way to link all those Father's Day films together. I needed to separate this one from the herd, however, to help me link my Thanksgiving films and my Christmas films. Not to worry, though, there's another film with Christopher Walken in it that links to "Being Flynn" via Dale Dickey. So since I don't need THIS one THEN, I'm free to watch it now.
But then why not just come straight here from "Friendsgiving", via Jane Seymour? Ah, but then I would have arrived here too quickly, and I'd have two empty slots to fill. Sure, I could have filled them easily, but you know, all things in due time. I'm right on schedule, don't worry.
Rob Riggle carries over from "True Memoirs of an International Assassin".
THE PLOT: Upset that he has to give up his bedroom when his grandfather moves in, Peter decides to declare war in an attempt to get it back.
AFTER: OK, this one COULD have been a lot worse. It's a movie meant for kids, which means there's a lot of "Home Alone"-style slapstick, physical comedy where De Niro falls down or De Niro gets splatted with ketchup or covered with foam, or worse, he loses his pants (it happens at least twice, and both times the "humor" derives from his character's son-in-law being unlucky enough to view his genitals. Har har.).
If you can get past all that, which was tough for me but I think I survived, there's the makings of a semi-heartwarming story here, where the kid first views his grandfather as the enemy, the old guy who took over his bedroom, the reason he had to relocate to the attic, and eventually through their conflict they realize they're evenly matched, and even form something akin to a friendship as a result of their pranks on each other. I think that's a good thing? Not sure. Then at the VERY end of the film they're back to being adversaries - talk about dropping the ball on the 1-yard line.
Look, it's great that De Niro is still working - but part of me can't believe he's playing grandfather roles now, instead of aging gangsters. I mean, sure, the calendar says he's 79 years old (he was 77 when this was released) but part of me still wants to remember him from "Taxi Driver" or "Raging Bull" or "The King of Comedy" or "Midnight Run", and this is the SECOND film he's been in with "Grandpa" in the title, so I should be used to it by now. And here his character is the father of Uma Thurman's character - didn't they play love interests in "Mad Dog and Glory"? Just saying.
It's a bit sad to see him playing a widower, someone who's lived longer than their spouse, and long enough to have his driver's license taken away, forcing him to move in with his daughter and her family. And there's no time to build a room on to the house, or find him a senior-friendly apartment nearby, or a nursing home, so he's got to take over his grandson's bedroom. Peter, the grandson, holds his grandfather fully responsible for him having to move to the attic, which for some reason his parents couldn't afford to have carpeted or painted or insulated in any way. I can see why the kid is pissed, but it's not his grandfather's fault. It's not like they could SHARE a room. Wait, why couldn't they share a room?
This turns into a battle between two stubborn individuals, and it's clever youth vs. wise army veteran. One has combat training, but the other has experience surviving middle school - OK, we'll call that a wash. The kid has experience with electronics, but the grandfather has experience with tools. Another draw, as the grandson changes the ring tone on his grandfather's cell phone, but the grandfather dismantles all of his grandson's furniture with a power drill. There's a dodgeball showdown/throwdown where they can each bring three friends, but even that proves to be a stalemate - the kids are more agile but the seniors are craftier. But if you told me that someday I'd watch Cheech Marin, Jane Seymour and Christopher Walken bouncing around in a trampoline park, I'd say that would be very strange - maybe some night after eating too many tacos I might dream that?
There's some kind of a narrative problem here, I want to say it feels like there are too many loose ends that never get connected? This "war" features some ground rules that get summarily ignored, for example - one rule is "no collateral damage", meaning that they both promise that the war won't hurt the other family members. But that's what ends up happening, Peter puts a snake in his grandfather's room, for example, and it ends up in his mother's car the next morning. Depending on the type of snake (I'm not an expert) that could have been very harmful to his mother, thus it's a clear violation of the rules of war, but there are no consequences from this.
Another disconnect is the way Grandpa shows up to school to handle Peter's bully from the 8th grade. Once again, a Hollywood film shows that it doesn't know how to properly handle the issue of bullies - having a bigger bully show up to bully the bully is not an acceptable solution to the problem. That's the wrong message to send out to the kids, also, it took place during the war - why would Grandpa want to beat up Peter's bully, when Grandpa was in the middle of his own war with Peter? It's as if he's saying, "Nobody gets to beat up my grandson, except for me!" which is another bizarre message to put out there in a movie. Anyway, adults shouldn't be showing up at a middle school to throw bullies into dumpsters.
The grandfather and grandson call a "truce" during Peter's younger sister's birthday party, which for some reason is Christmas-themed. Sure, kids like Christmas, I get it, but nobody, repeat nobody, throws their kid a Christmas party for their birthday. For one thing, Christmas decorations aren't usually readily available until after Halloween, but OK, let's assume that the parents went to some year-round Christmas store or found them all on eBay or something. Still, why would anybody DO this? It feels more like some screenwriter couldn't decide whether to have the big film climax at a birthday party or a Christmas party and said, "Well, why not do BOTH?" Because that doesn't happen in real life, that's why.
Still, I'm forced to allow that narrative hiccup today, because it's December for me and it kind of justifies me including the film here and now. See, the chain knows, the universe knows. It's still a silly, stupid movie but I'm feeling generous since it's the Christmas season.
Also starring Robert De Niro (last seen in "Mr. Saturday Night"), Uma Thurman (last seen in "Motherhood"), Oakes Fegley (last seen in "The Goldfinch"), Laura Marano (last seen in "Lady Bird"), Cheech Marin (last seen in "George Carlin's American Dream"), Jane Seymour (last seen in "Friendsgiving"), Christopher Walken (last seen in "Romance & Cigarettes"), Juliocesar Chavez, Isaac Kragten, T.J. McGibbon (last seen in "X-Men: Apocalypse"), Poppy Gagnon, Lydia Styslinger, Joe Gelchion (last seen in "Escape Plan 2: Hades"), Colin Ford (last seen in "Captain Marvel"), Faizon Love (last seen in "The Paperboy"), Rutanya Alda (last seen in "Too Big to Fail"), Drew Scheid, Veronica Alicino, James Martin Kelly, Joanie Stewart
RATING: 5 out of 10 self-checkout stations
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