BEFORE: I was supposed to get up early today and go back to Brooklyn, to the FDNY training center so I could get my fire guard certificates updated with the correct address. I tried to get up at 9 am, but something told me to sleep in, largely a desire to not get up at 9 am. Shortly after 11 I was awakened by an alert on my phone, and I swear for a minute I thought that maybe it was a robocall from the President, telling me that a comet is coming to destroy the planet, and I'd been selected for transport to shelter. (I'm still not sure if that would constitute "good news".)
But it wasn't that, it was an alert about a shooting incident on the subway in Brooklyn - not where I needed to go, but at the station where I used to travel to, twice a week, during the before-times. I doubt I would have been in direct danger had I gone to Brooklyn this morning, but the whole subway system is probably messed up with closings and delays, so any travel would be a potential nightmare, plus, oh, yeah, there's still a shooting suspect on the loose, so maybe it's not a good day to leave the house, and accidentally sleeping in turned out to be a solid plan. Nope, I can't adult today, I need TV, comfort food and coffee, plus no more news today.
Look, I get it, the pandemic is essentially over, everybody wants to get out of the house, start living their lives again, we can go to bars and movies and festivals, see friends and try to pick up where we left off. But after two years, there's also a lot of pent-up emotion and aggression, so there's a small percentage of people who've felt inactive, and watching protests and insurrections just isn't enough - that dark part of them wants to get out and commit random acts of violence, invade a Balkan country, whatever. But it's just NOT a good idea, and those things just don't end well, so it's best to keep those urges under control, I think. Or is that asking too much?
Gerard Butler carries over from "Greenland".
THE PLOT: Based on a true story, this film tells the tale of the 1950 U.S. soccer team, who, against all odds, beat England 1-0 in a World Cup match in Brazil. This story is about the family traditions and passions which shaped the lives of the players who made up this team of underdogs.
AFTER: OK, so I'm not a fan of soccer, I barely remember anything about playing soccer when I was a kid (always enforced by gym teachers, never by choice) I don't even care about the World Cup - which I guess takes place this year but in November, not June, because somehow it ended up in Qatar, which is entirely too warm of a venue for soccer unless it's November, and I think there's a whole hinky scandal about how the event ended up in Qatar to begin with. (Bribes were made, FIFA's being investigated, it's a whole dust-up...). I mean, sure, let the Games begin, knock yourself, just don't ask me to care about it - I just sat out TWO Olympics in the past 12 months, because honestly, who cares? There was a pandemic, maybe you heard about it, we've all had bigger concerns than the sport.
But soccer (futbol) is big money, at least in countries that aren't the United States - congrats to the U.S. women's soccer team, though, for winning pay (and back-pay!) equal to the men's salaries. It makes sense, because they've at least won a championship or three, and the U.S. men's team never has. Never. Still, they keep trying, and the USSA or whatever keeps trying to get boy soccer to catch on in America, and that notion is no longer adorable, now it's just kind of pathetic. Just me?
So OK, we can't make a movie about a U.S. men's championship team, because one just doesn't exist, so let's make a movie about a team from 1950 that won ONE game against the U.K.? Seriously? So, their record was 1 and 7 that year? How does that warrant a movie? Is this like a "Bad News Bears" or "Major League" type situation, help me out here. Ah, it's the "ragtag bunch of has-beens and never-weres" coming together as the melting pot of Americans should, to get revenge for the British Imperialism of the 1700's, I guess. Man, talk about holding a grudge. The hotbed of U.S. soccer post World War II was apparently in St. Louis, and those men were mostly of Italian descent, but apparently couldn't cut it in organized crime, as seen in places like New York and Chicago. So, OK, soccer it is - and St. Louis apparently had a reporter dedicated to the soccer beat, which by itself should tell you something about how exciting it isn't to live in the St. Louis area. I've never been there, I'm sure it's nice, but come on, soccer?
Gerard Butler stars as Frank Borghi, the team's goalie, but Butler's Scottish! How did THAT casting come about - I'm sure he's got soccer experience, being from the U.K., but is this where we find ourselves, some casting director is convinced that the audience can't tell the difference between a Scottish actor and an Italian one? He's got dark hair and he's ethnic, so, umm, close enough? I'm kind of insulted for Italians, and I'm merely IBM (Italian By Marriage).
Also, six American men from the Midwest are asked to play on a team with a black immigrant, and not one of them has anything remotely racist to say about that? Of course, this was a very different time, so I find this very hard to believe. Civil rights has come a long way, but I would have trouble believing this if it happened TODAY, let alone in 1950. And Italian men? You'd better believe that several of them were muttering "Moulinyan" to themselves... It wouldn't even really be their fault, it would have everything to do with how they were raised, probably by racist parents - but depicting this would interfere with the portrayal of these athletes as perfect humans, so it's conspicuously absent.
From a technical standpoint, this film was a bit of a rush-job, shot in just 49 days, with a budget that got reduced by the studio from $65 million to $27 million, obviously because somebody believed that a soccer movie wouldn't sell in America. The running time then was cut from a planned two hours and ten minutes down to one hour and forty-two. Really, all they had time for was the one game, forget about filming the entire journey of the team through all of the World Cup games, which I think now uses a Round Robin format - but in 1950 the U.S. team went on to play against Spain and Chile in their matches after the UK game, they lost them both and were sent home. Or, more likely, they stayed in Brazil for the rest of the two weeks and just drank and partied their asses off.
According to the IMDB, this film also plays a bit fast and loose with reality, even with the framing device, which shows an older Dent McSkimming (that St. Louis soccer reporter) telling the story of the 1950 squad to someone at the 2004 MLS All-Star Game, only that would have been impossible, since McSkimming died in 1976. Also, the captain of the U.S. team was Scotsman Ed McIlvenny, not American Walter Bahr. Geez, what other facts did this film get wrong? It's all in the name of telling a good story, but if you're going to say "Based on a true story", why not at least TRY to be as accurate as possible?
Whatever, clearly nobody cares because it's soccer - the film grossed under $400,000 and cost more than $20 million to make, so I'm not the only person who doesn't think this game was such a big deal, in the grand scheme of things.
Also starring Wes Bentley (last seen in "The Best of Enemies"), Jay Rodan, Gavin Rossdale (last seen in "Zoolander"), Costas Mandylor (last seen in "Cosmic Sin"), Louis Mandylor (last seen in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2"), Zachery Ty Bryan (last seen in "The Rage: Carrie 2"), Jimmy Jean-Louis (last seen in "Joy"), Richard Jenik, Nelson Vargas, Craig Hawksley, Bill Smitrovich (last seen in "The Rum Diary"), Patrick Stewart (last seen in "The Wilde Wedding"), Terry Kinney (last seen in "Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile"), John Rhys-Davies (last seen in "Time Lapse"), Maria Bertrand, Marilyn Dodds Frank (last seen in "The Watcher"), Thomas Charles Simmons, Julie Granata, Mike Bacarella, Tia Marrie, Richard Gutierrez, Mike Nussbaum, Nino Da Silva, John Harkes, Tom Brainard, Tim Vickery.
RATING: 4 out of 10 orange slices
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