BEFORE: Dave Bautista carries over from "The Man with the Iron Fists", and he's had a good 5-film chain - well, "good" isn't really a word that should be applied to the two "Escape Plan" sequels he was in, but you know what I mean. But with those five appearances, he's tied for FIFTH on the list of the most appearances this year - and it's only been a month! Thanks to all the films from EFO, the leader right now, with 9 appearances, is of course, Bruce Willis. He may be tough to beat this year, we'll have to see how things play out, especially after my documentary break in June/July.
In second place is an actor you may not have heard of, Tyler Jon Olson, but he had bit roles in 7 of those cheapo action movies from EFO Films. In third place, there's a tie between Curtis "50 Cent" Jackson and Michelle Yeoh - she definitely benefited from my last-minute additions like the TWO "Crouching Tiger" films and also "Memoirs of a Geisha". And tied for fifth place with Dave Bautista is Lydia Hull (another bit player from EFO Films) and Willem Dafoe, who's definitely having a moment in Hollywood right now, between "Spider-Man" and "The French Dispatch", both of which I watched, plus I threw three more of his movies into the mix. (I know, he's also in "Nightmare Alley" and "The Card Counter", but I couldn't squeeze those in - I will get to those films, only who knows when?)
I've got some last-minute issues with some of the films in the romance chain - it turns out some of them aren't available on streaming any more, which is bad news for my linking. I'll try to move some things around and give you an update tomorrow on what I'm able to change - but I'm committed to a particular starting point tomorrow, obviously.
THE PLOT: Adaptation of Frank Herbert's science fiction novel about the son of a noble family entrusted with the protection of the most valuable asset and vital element in the galaxy.
AFTER: Last summer, as you may recall, I worked at an AMC Theater in Manhattan, both to earn a little extra cash and to get myself moving again, and out of the house once the pandemic started to ease up - I rode the wave of the theaters re-opening in June, but the job really wore me down (so much sweeping!) so I was out of there by September. Still, I made some friends, or I'd like to think I did, among the younger crowd, mostly a bunch of teens and college-age kids also looking to score a little cash by slinging popcorn. The twenty-something who showed me the ropes, an aspiring actor, was often seen reading a paperback copy of "Dune" and soon came to express to me that he was very excited for the film version, due in October 2021. So I found myself tasked with breaking the bad news to him, that there already WAS a filmed version of "Dune", released in 1984, and, well, it was terrible. So bad, in fact, that even though everyone KNEW at the time the film was directed by David Lynch, he had requested that his name be removed from the film, or else the movie company chose to remove it, so that according to the screen credits, the film was directed by "Alan Smithee", which is known as a pseudonym used in the industry when a director wishes to remain anonymous. (EDIT: Lynch now says he quit and had his name removed because he didn't have "final cut" and he could tell that the studio had edited the film poorly. But it's also possible he did a bad job directing and doesn't want to admit that.)
Years later, cooler heads prevailed, and David Lynch's name was restored to the film's credits, however, the adaptation was still terrible. I mean, if somebody told you that Patrick Stewart, Jose Ferrer, Brad Dourif, Linda Hunt, Sting and half the future cast of "Twin Peaks" appeared in a sci-fi movie, you might be intrigued, but deep in your heart, you have to just know that film CAN'T be any good. David Lynch went on to make "Twin Peaks", "Wild at Heart", "Lost Highway", "Mulholland Dr." and then even more "Twin Peaks", confounding fans of narrative filmmaking at every turn, but still, people kept returning to the biggest question of them all, which was, "Who the HELL thought it was a good idea for him to direct "Dune"?"
It's running on Starz right now, of course, or you can catch it on Prime Video if you have the Starz add-on or plug-in - just don't expect it to be GOOD, it's so bad in its bad-ness that it might be ironically good, or go so far into bad-ness that it kind of loops around to be sort of goodish in a funny way, but it's NOT a good sci-fi movie. They released three different cuts of the film, trying in vain to find one that would connect with audiences, but none of them did at the time. So, naturally, a few years later, the movie developed a cult following, probably among stoners and ironic hipsters, or people who were fans of "Twin Peaks" and wanted to see those same actors in a different setting, I don't know.
Here's part of the problem - the book is massive, like 1,000 pages long, and it's just the first book in a whole SERIES written by Frank Herbert, so there's a massive chronology that needs to be set up, there's a whole timeline of human history in the universe to wade through before the main story even STARTS, and there are dozens of characters, some have weird super-powers, special fighting abilities, there's future technology that does a lot of crazy things, and that's all before getting to the parts with flying fat people covered in boils and giant sandworms that... well, you'll find out.
However, if you want to enjoy the 2021 remake, it's probably NOT a good idea to watch the 1984 bomb version - if you've managed to avoid it so far, you should probably keep doing that. I regret telling my friend at the cinema about the 1984 Lynch version, because he may have been tempted to watch it, and I hope he didn't - the best thing to do after reading the book is to go straight into the 2021 film directed by Dennis Villeneuve, and I wish I had known that back in 1985 or so when I watched "Dune" on rented VHS, thinking it might be the next "Star Wars", which it was NOT. It's not like anybody said at the time, "Hey, this movie really stinks, you should probably skip it, because in about 37 years there's going to be a remake with proper special effects, and it may blow your mind, so you should probably hold out for THAT." I messed up, I watched the David Lynch film on VHS back in the day, and that's just stuff you can't un-see, it messed me up pretty good and I don't think I ever recovered.
Because here's the problem for me - as I watched Timothée Chalamet as Paul Atreides, the whole time I'm thinking about Kyle Maclachlan in the back of my head, how he was so young and so naive at the time, thinking this sci-fi film would be his big break. Same goes for Oscar Isaac, I was really seeing Jurgen Prochnow as the Duke, and instead of Stellan Skarsgard as Baron Harkonnen, I couldn't help but remember how Kenneth McMillan really owned that role, flying around and leaking pus and submerging himself in tubs of goo.
Special effects have come a LONG way since 1984, and I've got to say, the new version LOOKS great - the casting is also spectacular, with Jason Momoa as Duncan Idaho and Dave Bautista as Rabban Harkonnen - those two made me think, "Jeez, I don't even REMEMBER those characters from the David Lynch version, or who played them." (It was Robert Jordan and Paul Smith, who both gave very forgettable performances.). And Javier Bardem as Stilgar, leader of the Fremen? That kicks ass! He was so much better than Everett McGill (Sorry, Big Ed, I gotta be honest.). I still can't stand Zendaya, I just don't see it, sorry - Sean Young played her character, Chani, in the earlier version, so I guess maybe we'll call that a push.
But here's the other big problem, I wasn't starting from scratch here - and I usually recommend going in as cold as possible to a big-budget blockbuster. Like I almost delayed watching "Ready Player One" because I hadn't read the book yet, but then I thought, "Eh, screw it, I'll find out everything in the book from watching the movie, or it may be completely different, but either way, I'm going to be OK." The same applies for "Dune" in 2021, go in as COLD as you can. Sure, read the book if you have time, but if you don't, that's OK too, you'll find out everything in time. Just do not, I repeat, DO NOT watch the 1984 David Lynch version first, it will ruin you. (The soundtrack is by Toto, repeat TOTO - they're a fine band, I even saw them in concert once, but their music just didn't work in a sci-fi film, from what I remember.)
What's weird is that both the 1984 and 2021 versions of the film ended up in the same place, by that I mean they both ENDED in the same place, more or less. Neither film managed to tell the WHOLE story of that giant book in one two-hour film, but the difference is that the 2021 version is planning on doing a "Part Two", and any plans for a sequel to the 1984 film were squelched after audiences stayed away in droves. (EDIT: Sorry, I stand corrected about the 1984 film - it told the whole story in one go, but maybe it SHOULD have ended halfway through and given the audience back their money, really, it was that bad.). Maybe there's a place in the multiverse where David Lynch became a successful sci-fi director, made "Dune 2" and secured a couple special effects Oscars - or maybe in all possible realities, that version just plain stinks.
But as a result, I'm not qualified to judge the plot of "Dune", because I already knew it, there were no surprises for me, because I didn't go into it cold. It looks great, the people in it look great, Jason Momoa kicks ass as Duncan Idaho, and as I said, the film ends in the place where I remember the other version ending, so there are definitely more things coming if they make the sequel, I won't spoil anything here because I know too much. Read the book if you have time, or just wait for the sequel film, that's OK too. This 2021 version seems like a financial hit, even during the late stages of the pandemic, it managed to make money. Almost $400 million at last count, and don't forget, it was already on HBO Max for a MONTH.
Oh, yeah, about that - I kept thinking I should watch this one in the closing days of 2021, but I didn't get to it. Then when 2022 hit, and I was ready for it, it was GONE from HBO Max. My fault, I should have just watched it on New Years Day or something, this crazy strategy of the film being released in theaters with a simultaneous month of streaming SHOULD have made it easier for me to watch the film, only somehow that made it harder. Right after "Spider-Man: No Way Home" I thought maybe I'd also go to the movie theater to see "Dune", only it was gone. (Sure, it's in three Manhattan theaters right NOW, but I couldn't wait, how could I have known it would come back for a theatrical re-release?)
So I watched it via the Academy's streaming site, which is a bit of a no-no, because when I had time to watch it over the last holiday weekend, it wasn't available on HBO Max. Once a film starts streaming, it should stay streaming, if you ask me - this on-again, off-again thing is quite annoying. As penance for my misdeeds, I promise to pay up to $3.99 to rent it on Demand when the time comes, so that I can burn it to DVD. Of course, it's coming BACK to HBO Max on March 10, but isn't that a little weird, premiering on HBO Max TWICE? Jesus, just make up your minds - this strategy only penalizes the true fans willing to pay full-price for a BluRay copy or an early PPV release, but why don't those people just wait two more months and stream it again? It makes no sense.
I've got the day off tomorrow, maybe I'll re-watch the old 1984 David Lynch "Dune" just to remind myself exactly how bad it was.
Also starring Timothée Chalamet (last seen in "The French Dispatch"), Rebecca Ferguson (last seen in "Doctor Sleep"), Oscar Isaac (last seen in "Operation Finale"), Jason Momoa (last seen in "Once Upon a Time in Venice"), Stellan Skarsgard (last seen in "The Man Who Killed Don Quixote"), Stephen McKinley Henderson (last seen in "Fences"), Josh Brolin (last seen in "Sicario: Day of the Soldado"), Javier Bardem (last seen in "Eat Pray Love"), Sharon Duncan-Brewster (last seen in "Rogue One: A Star Wars Story"), Chang Chen (last seen in "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon"), David Dastmalchian (last seen in "The Suicide Squad"), Zendaya (last seen in "Spider-Man: No Way Home"), Charlotte Rampling (last seen in "The Duchess"), Babs Olusanmokun, Benjamin Clémentine, Souad Faress (last seen in "Christopher Robin"), Golda Rosheuvel, Roger Yuan (last seen in "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: Sword of Destiny"), Neil Bell (last seen in "Pan"), Oliver Ryan (last seen in "All the Money in the World"), Elmi Rashid Elmi, Tachia Newall, Joelle Amery, and the voices of Marianne Faithfull (last seen in "Paris, Je t'Aime"), Jean Gilpin, Ellen Dubin (last seen in "Midway"), Joe Walker.
RATING: 7 out of 10 ornithopters (if I hadn't seen the Lynch version, maybe I'd give this an 8, who can say? But I just can't un-ring that bell)
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