Employee of the Month

Year 13, Day 175 - 6/24/21 - Movie #3,878

BEFORE: This is another one that's been on the list for seemingly forever, maybe it's only been a little over a year, but it sure FEELS like it's been on my list a long time.  Or that I've been avoiding it for a long time, more likely.  An aversion to Dane Cook, probably.  He hasn't headlined too many movies, so I'm guessing there are a lot of people who feel that same way about him.

Sean Whalen carries over from "An American Pickle". 

THE PLOT: A slacker competes with a repeat winner for the "Employee of the Month" title at work, in order to gain the affections of a new female employee. 

AFTER: But how funny is it that this movie finally rises to the top of my watchlist, after me openly avoiding it for SO LONG, just a week or two after I started a second job at a movie theater?  Now, I can't really say much about the quality of the job, because that's against company policy, the handbook was quite clear on that.  But I will say that I'm actively looking for something better, or at least different, so that should give you some idea.  I don't mind working on nights and weekends, except that I'm still keeping my day job, so my schedule is now that I either work 6 hours in an office, followed by 7 or 8 hours in a movie theater, or if the two jobs don't fall on the same day, then I may work 7 or 8 hours in the theater, and dash home in the early a.m. to get 5 or 6 hours of sleep before I have to get up and go to the office.  Either way, I feel like I'm working fireman's hours, which is like 12 hours on the job and then 1 or even 2 days off. 

As I write this, it's after 3 am because I just got home from working the late night shift, the theater started showing "Fast & Furious 9" or whatever the hell they're calling this one, at 7 pm on Thursday, on three screens out of seven, and that means one show got out at 1:45 am.  The concession staff all help pitch in to sweep the last few theaters, because that means that everyone can leave a little earlier, like maybe at 2 am instead of 2:15.  But the help is always appreciated.  It should only take me about 30 minutes to get home, but this week the L train is having track maintenance done, so I have to hop on a shuttle bus at some point, and that takes longer, because subways don't have to weave through traffic, but buses do.

Anyway, enough about my problems - I'm just trying to put my head down and do what I have to do to get through the next month, or two months, or until I can find a better job and transition out of this one.  It's supposedly an employee's market right now, as the pandemic comes to an end, there's apparently a desperate shortage of workers willing to take minimum wage jobs, and that's how I got the crazy idea to go back into the movie theater business, which I last worked in as an usher over thirty years ago.  I'm older now, and I can't stand on my feet for as long as I used to, PLUS I'm out of shape because of the pandemic.  Ahh, who am I kidding, I'm out of shape because that's my consistent lifestyle, not exercising.  Well, at least I'm consistent. 

The main character here is a similar lazy slacker, who just wants to do his job, get paid and not advance in the company.  I should empathize with this character, only he's played by Dane Cook, so I don't want to do that.  His rival at the big box store (Super Club) is the cashier who always goes above and beyond, he rings up all the items with flair and he's been named Employee of the Month 17 times in a row, and once he gets to 18 then he wins a new car (yeah, right...) and the store manager passes his resume over to corporate, or something.  It's probably all a scam just to get the other store employees to work harder, right?  They have no intention of letting him win that car...

What's also weird about the car is - what the HELL is it doing in a big box store?  I know some of the chains like Sam's Club or Price Club sell tires, but not cars.  But there are actually quite a few gags in this film concerned with what this store in New Mexico (?) or Arizona (?) sells - like we see shotguns on the shelves, and one lady is buying a coffin for her husband.  These are very unlikely items, and I know they're gags, but these are "Airplane!"-style gags, and they seem out of place here.  Or they're a sign that simply nothing about this film should be taken seriously, but in the end, it's your call. 

Do you believe that there are hot women who get hired as cashiers, who then have some kind of weird fetish where they want to sleep with whoever wins "Employee of the Month"?  Yeah, it sounds unlikely. Most women would aim higher, or they'd base their choice of sexual partner on other things, like a sense of humor or a nice face or a chiseled frame.  Show me the real person, anywhere, who thinks "Whoa, he made employee of the month at his job, quick, let me tear his clothes off!"  Yet that is what this film's storyline wants up to believe.  Zack the Slacker sets out to take down perennial EotM Vince, just to get with Hot Amy.  Dude, it's not a thing, you probably have a shot with her, just by being nice and showing interest in her!  

I think there are a lot of successful men (and women too, trying to be non-gender specific here...) who seem to "trade up" with partners as they progress in their careers.  Once they have a little more money and a better job title, or perhaps become more famous, they tend to drop the partner they're with and hook up with a younger, perhaps prettier (or more handsome) one.  To some extent this may be just natural, as relationships are always beginning and ending, as they will, but in some cases it's so obvious, like with, umm, Chris Pratt or Bill Clinton.  Terrible examples, perhaps, but I include Bill Clinton because he got a lot more adulterous tail as he advanced from Governor to President, and the women got prettier as he went along.  So clearly there's a class of person (or there was, before the #metoo movement) who wait until they become famous to cheat or trade up.  

But I'm getting away from the movie.  Things start to spiral out of control as Vince finally has a rival for the title of "Employee of the Month" - it seems that the few dozen other employees who work for Super Club just aren't trying very hard?  This seems unlikely, it feels more like some screenwriter just wanted to concentrate on two characters, and in dumbing this competition down for the audience, created a situation where only TWO of the store employees ever get noticed or rewarded for their work ethic, or for going above and beyond for the customers.  OK, so maybe 98% of the store's employees just have stopped caring or trying, but it feels JUST a little convenient and forced here that there are only two viable candidates for the reward, in a store with dozens of workers.  Just sayin' - probably a NITPICK POINT.  

Zack manages to get a fair number of gold stars JUST for trying a bit harder than usual to do well, and then once Vince realizes he's got some competition, keeps messing up as he tries to sway the competition in his favor, so at the end we've got a dead heat, leading to the most ridiculous price-checking competition - mixed with an even more ridiculous obstacle course run through the store - to determine the winner.  No spoilers here, but it's pretty obvious who the movie wants you to root for, the lovable slacker over the entitled douchebag.  

Also starring Dane Cook (last seen in "Waiting..."), Jessica Simpson (last seen in "The Dukes of Hazzard"), Dax Shepard (last seen in "CHIPS"), Tim Bagley (last seen in "Otherhood"), Andy Dick (last seen in "Jim & Andy: The Great Beyond"), Brian George (last heard in "Batman: The Killing Joke"), Harland Williams (last heard in "The Addams Family"), Efren Ramirez (last seen in "Casa de mi Padre"), Marcello Thedford (last seen in "The Angriest Man in Brooklyn"), Danny Woodburn (last seen in "Things You Can Tell Just by Looking at Her"), Barbara Dodd, Victor Izay, Alison Raimondi, with archive footage of Cary Elwes (last seen in "We Don't Belong Here"), Robin Wright (last seen in "Wonder Woman 1984") and the voice of Peter Falk (last seen in "Undisputed").

RATING: 4 out of 10 softball uniforms