Year 13, Day 97 - 4/7/21 - Movie #3,801
BEFORE: KiKi Layne carries over from "Coming 2 America", and passing another "century mark" means it's time for a bit of a check-in, as this means that Movie Year 13 is already 1/3 over. I've come so far since January 1, but there's still a long way to go - and I've only got my chain figured out up until Mother's Day, what happens after that, I have no idea. It's too early to put my October chain together, so I sure can't figure out where it needs to start, so my next best plan is just to pick the next holiday, maybe Memorial Day, and set a target of something appropriate so I can finish putting May's schedule together.
I've got a job interview tomorrow, something part-time at a retail store, right now I don't know if I'll get it or they're just wasting my time, but it's the first contact I've had from any of the employers I targeted - you know, movie theaters, museums, breweries, ice-cream shops, that sort of thing. I'll take something part-time for the summer and see how that goes, something nights and/or weekends that I can do around my daytime job, so I can afford to keep my daytime job. Who knows, maybe I'll burn out and not be able to handle a physical job, since my muscles have pretty much atrophied during the pandemic. (Who am I kidding, it's not like I ever exercised before lockdown...) If nothing else, maybe I can get out of the house more and meet some new people. What good is being vaccinated if I don't do that? It's taking so long for everyone else to get their shots that even though my wife and I can travel, there's really no place to go just yet. But things are improving quickly, in another two months it could be a whole different story - but by then I might be too busy to travel. It's much easier to take time off when you're not working two part-time, I'll bet - but we'll see.
In the meantime, there are still movies that need to be watched - and here's TCM's schedule for tomorrow, Thursday, April 8, day 8 of "31 Days of Oscar":
THE PLOT: A covert team of immortal mercenaries is suddenly exposed and must not fight to keep their identities secret, just as an unexpected new member is discovered.
AFTER: When it comes to superhero movies, I usually say there are two kinds, Marvel and DC. But that's not completely true, there are really THREE kinds, Marvel, DC and everything else - that's anything based on a comic book that wasn't published by one of the big two, such as "Hellboy", "300" or "Men in Black", or IS published by them but somehow outside the MCU or the DCU, like "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen". I'm also aware of several comic-book TV series that are all the rage right now, like "The Boys" and "Umbrella Academy", but I just don't have time to watch them, I haven't even started "The Queen's Gambit" yet - I've been trying, OK?
"The Old Guard" is based on a series from Image Comics, a company that's been in third place in the market for so long that some readers have probably forgotten that it's still in business. Image is known for the "Spawn" and "Witchblade" comics, among others, but those are the only ones that have been successfully turned into movies so far, except I think for "Mystery Men". Wait, I think "Wanted" was also based on one of their comics. Anyway, I'm a 90% Marvel and 10% D.C. man myself, so I wouldn't know. But it does seem like a good time to strike, while the iron is hot, and there's such a potential market for superhero films, at least from the Big Two. Honestly, I'm a bit surprised that Netflix didn't try to turn this into a series instead of a movie, they try to turn everything into a series these days.
Anyway, it's a great idea, to have a team full of heroes who heal quickly and can't die. Hey, do you like Wolverine? Deadpool? Imagine a whole team of Wolverines and Deadpools, even a Lady Wolverine! Wait, Marvel tried that in the comics. Lady Deadpool, too. (It's complicated...) OK, so none of these soldiers have claws, they can just recover from any injury and not die. And the regeneration time isn't that long, so they can usually come back to life JUST after their opponent has confirmed the kill, relaxed, holstered their weapon and turned around. Trust me, it happens a few times in this film, and a few calculations will tell you that a soldier gets tired of looking after a dead body he just killed in exactly 71 seconds, and The Old Guard takes advantage of this - and this bit probably works a lot better in a movie than in a comic book, I'm guessing.
You might think this is a really cool super-power, but as Wolverine and Deadpool are fond of telling people in the comics, it really HURTS. There's nothing about rapid healing or frequent resurrection that counters the pain of all the injuries, apparently. Plus there's also the pain of living for a very long time, and having to watch all the people that you care about grow old and die, while you don't. Sure, you can make new friends and form new families, but eventually you're going to end up alone again, and over time that's a heavy emotional burden.
But here's what didn't work for me here, the motivations of Copley, played by Chiwetel Ejiofor - his character is hard to read, sure, because first he pretends to be a certain type of person, and then it's revealed that he's not that person, but then, who is he? For a long time he's the person who's trying to expose the Old Guard, then he's the guy trying to capture them, and his motivation here has something to do with his deceased wife. Like, why should his wife die but the Old Guard gets to keep on living? I can get behind this, to a degree. But then it's revealed that he's ALSO the guy who's studied their actions over the centuries, and he understands that when they save a person, and that person then goes on to cure a disease, or save ten other people from a fire or something, that the Old Guard's actions have a cumulative positive effect, one that's grown exponentially over time. Huh? How can this character embody both things, both an appreciation for the work that the heroes do AND also be the guy trying to bring them down? This just created a conflict, and it didn't make any sense. Lex Luthor hates Superman, and always works to kill him or discredit him, it wouldn't make any sense for Luthor to admit that Superman does a lot of good work and saves a bunch of people every year. Right?
It also took WAY too long for the group to find their new member, and explain to Nile how she is immortal. Andy shot her IN THE HEAD, she died and came back to life, and she somehow still didn't believe it. Jeezus, what's it going to take? Apparently an extended fight sequence and two more crippling injuries, is she dim or something? I'd like to think that if somebody killed me, and I healed up and came back to life that quick, I'd believe that person when they told me I was immortal.
Beyond that, I just don't think enough HAPPENED in this film, they could have used the two hours a bit more efficiently and got more accomplished. Still, it's a solid start, and I'll say the same thing I said about "The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen", there needs to be a sequel, right away. Don't wait too long, because people have short memories these days, after three years they've moved on to another franchise and forgotten all about you. I'm still waiting for that sequel to "TLOEG", and now Sean Connery's deceased, but they can just use different characters from famous literature, after all, that's what the comic book did in Volume 2. But I guess Charlize Theron's booked up for "Atomic Blonde 2" and the second animated "Addams Family" film. Time's a-wasting!
Also starring Charlize Theron (last heard in "The Addams Family"), Matthias Schoenaerts (last seen in "A Little Chaos"), Marwan Kenzari (last seen in "Aladdin" (2019)), Luca Marinelli, Chiwetel Ejiofor (last heard in "The Lion King"), Harry Melling (last seen in "The Lost City of Z"), Veronica Ngo (last seen in "Bright"), Anamaria Marinca (last seen in "Ghost in the Shell"), Joey Ansah (also last seen in "Aladdin"), Micheal Ward, Natacha Karam, Mette Towley (last seen in "Hustlers"), Shala Nyx, Andrei Zayats, Olivia Ross, Orlando Seale, Simon Chandler (last seen in "Mr. Turner").
RATING: 6 out of 10 bullet holes
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