BEFORE: OK, time to wrap up the Summer Music Concert (and Documentary) series - I did warn you that it wasn't going to end well. I ended up going mostly chronologically, so this is where we find ourselves, with a documentary about the biggest (non-) concert event/failure in recent memory. I've had this on the list for a while, because my wife watched it (or one of the two docs about this, I'm not sure which) and recommended it to me. I always say I don't take recommendations, it's not true, I make exceptions for my wife and my best friend and maybe my boss, but since I have my own agenda it usually takes a long while for me to get to them.
A very quick "This Day in Music History", because it's the anniversary of Whitney Houston's birth in 1963, and the anniversary of Jerry Garcia's death in 1995. There's footage of Jerry Garcia in this film, according to the IMDB, so that's why I took a few days off. I still remember the day he died, not because I'm that big of a fan, but because I was on a camping trip with my first wife and some friends, and the news went around about Jerry dying, so there was sort of a Grateful Dead sing-along out in the woods that night - probably the best thing about that trip, which was otherwise a disaster, and I don't think I've been camping since.
Otis Redding carries over from "Muscle Shoals" - and if this film hadn't still been on Hulu, I had another back-up link standing by just in case, I'm going to see Keith Richards again in a couple of days...
THE PLOT: Concert promoters and rapper Ja Rule advertise a high-end festival experience that faily spectacularly when they don't plan for infrastructure to support the venue, artists and guests.
AFTER: OK, I sort of remember the Fyre Festival being in the news back in 2017, something about it not living up to expectations, and there not being enough accommodations for everyone, and there were photos of sub-standard cheese sandwiches being passed off as "gourmet meals", but honestly, I had no idea of the extent of failure here. So my first thought, as a casual observer, is something like "HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" and I'm so glad I didn't care enough at the time to investigate this further. But if I didn't plan to attend Woodstock 25, I certainly wasn't going to take part in something like this, where the (scheduled to appear) headliner was Blink-182. Maybe we'll go out to Jones Beach for one concert a year, if it's an act from the 1980's playing the revival circuit.
And the Fyre Festival then became the ultimate symbol of bad planning and unfortunate circumstances coming together, and it stayed that way until exceeded by the Covid-19 pandemic, during which there are NO concerts at all except virtual ones, plus no political rallies, no attended sporting events, no book readings, no museum tours, no beer festivals, etc. There are supposed to be no big parties taking place either, but every week or so somebody sneaks in an underground party that gets busted on the news. Not helping, guys. But the larger question remains - is it better to put on a terrible concert, or no concerts at all?
So the first documentary (second one to follow tomorrow) about this failed music festival comes into my life against the backdrop of a global pandemic, at a time when I'm also trying to write a book about my experiences at Comic-Con, and this has created sort of a perfect storm of disaster running around my brain, and that leads to a night of Oops! All Stress Dreams, as one might imagine. In the middle of my nighttime imaginations I find myself back at my old job, or in a convention center that's somehow also a casino, and I keep walking around the place looking for the entrance, or once I get in, I can't find that restaurant I really like, but there's no time anyway because I've got to get back to my booth before something goes wrong, and I could get there by driving this van full of people, only I haven't driven a vehicle in years so I'm not even sure I remember how. Meanwhile the convention's closing and the restaurant lines are getting longer and I'm probably going to get fired for my terrible performance. Welcome to my brain, when my guard is down during the night it's just not a good place to be.
During the day, I can remind myself that I'm mostly proud of my convention experiences, I never set out to defraud anyone or even sell anybody a DVD that they might not want, I've got a great record for customer service, and I do my best to make sure our customers are satisfied. And then maybe I can take a step back, review my attitude and state my position clearly for the record, which is: "Suck it up, millennials." I mean really, learn to take it on the chin, you people are young, supposedly resilient, when you go to a bad concert or you get suckered into a vacation experience that turns out to be a scam, that's a learning opportunity, OK? Come talk to me after you've had a bad camping trip that pretty much seals the deal on your first marriage. I'll be all ears after you've had to carry four heavy boxes by yourself to the UPS Store after working at a convention for five days. Or you slip on some ice and face-plant into a mud puddle on your way to your wife's office Christmas party. Until then, I don't want to hear it. You had a bad day, you flew to the Bahamas for a concert and a luxury suite only to find out there was no concert and no luxury suite. (also no bed, no food, no toilets, no medical facilities, no cell phone reception and no refunds). Boo frickin' hoo.
You pick yourself up, dust yourself off and you go on with your life, a little bit poorer and just maybe a little bit smarter, or at least a little less dumb. But no, you're going to get on your Instagrams and your Snapchats and complain about how inconvenienced you were, aren't you? This is what I expect from a generation that always got participation trophies, and never learned the sting of disappointment. We never had jobs like "media influencer" or "YouTube celebrity" when I was coming up, honestly are those even real jobs? But what do you do for WORK? Who's the ultimate representative for this generation, Kendall Jenner? Someone who never worked a god-damned day in her life, who's had everything she ever wanted just handed over to her? Admit it, you all want to be her, or get with her, or both. She's the real con artist here, because everybody keeps giving her money for doing nothing.
Billy McFarland is a con artist, that's for sure. But he's not in jail for putting on a bad concert or for taking advantage of millennials, nor should he. If the youngs were stupid enough to give him their money for premium tickets and accommodations at Fyre Festival, when everything being offered sounded WAY too good to be true, then, really, that's on them. And again, that's a generation where most of its members could use a good kick in the teeth, because that's what experience feels like. Yes, it hurts, but now you'll know better next time, won't you? No, McFarland's in jail for all the other shady things he pulled to raise money to help SAVE the concert, like wire fraud and stock manipulation, bigger and bigger schemes to raise money for the concert expenses after both failing to plan - or was it planning to fail?
We're never really going to be sure about that question, because to know the answer you need to know the man, and he's elusive as all heck. Did he genuinely believe that this concert was going to happen? Doesn't every event in its formative stage sort of seem like it might not come together, and then at the last minute, maybe sort of comes together? Sure, you can make a schedule, create a budget, do a cost-analysis, crowdfund some money, hire a promotions team, get insurance and clearances, and still be unsure that the event's going to be a success. Or, alternately, you can do NONE of those things and really, aren't you in the same exact place, not completely sure if the event's going to happen? Right now we're waiting to hear about New York Comic Con in October - it hasn't been officially cancelled yet, so it's technically in limbo. I've filled out paperwork for a booth in Artists' Alley, but my company hasn't paid for it yet, so will it happen? We still don't know what the virus numbers will be in October, so if the event gets the green light, how much time will we have to prepare? How many people will still want to attend? Will the event be successful or even profitable? Right now, nobody knows.
I know, I know, that's hardly the same thing because the NY Comic-Con is a real event, there's no fraud going on. I'd be worried if they took our money for the booth and had a "no refunds" policy, but that's just not the case. But the way that McFarland kept needing more money, bigger schemes to pay off his previous mistakes, it sort of reminded me of the way the San Diego Con used to work, we'd make maybe $4,000 in cash at our booth, then on the last day we'd have to put down a $1,500 deposit on next year's booth, and that really felt like it was eating into our profits, because it was. Even if the next year we cleared $5,000, putting down $1,750 as a deposit for the next year, plus paying for flights, hotels, shipping, etc. that $5,000 could disappear very quickly. So what was the point? The only way to finally make some money, I determined, was to stop going, stop putting down a deposit on next year's booth, and keep all the money made from the booth. This meant, essentially, getting off the hamster wheel and stopping the madness.
The Fyre Festival can still serve a purpose, provided that the millennials are willing to take it as a symbol of generational wrongdoing and try to learn a few things about personal responsibility. At least do a little bit of research before you book that vacation! But also, look at where FOMO gets you - you were all so willing to throw away a bunch of money that you didn't work for to have an "experience" that was more hype than reality. You could have just stayed home and lit that money on fire, at least that would have been slightly entertaining. Your grandparents probably went to Woodstock, where there was no food, no sanitary facilities, and everybody got rained on and covered in mud - but do you ever hear even ONE person complain about it? No, they all say it was a fantastic experience, one of the best moments of their lives. Well, to be fair, they did have a real concert, and the music was all great, except Sha Na Na was playing for some reason.
But, the conditions at Woodstock were terrible - they all went through it, they learned from it, everybody was looking for peace and love. If the National Guard had come in and tear-gassed everyone, rounded up all the hippies and beat them, they would have endured that too, because hey, they can still tell their kids they saw Jimi Hendrix play "The Star Spangled Banner" live before transitioning into "Purple Haze". I dig the current protest movements, which really started with the women's marches after Trump got elected, and then of course the Black Lives Matter protests came on strong this year. As for the ce-web-rities and influencers who can't be bothered to march and just want to complain about the cheese sandwiches at Fyre Festival, sell it to somebody who's buying. And get a real job while you're at it.
As for Billy McFarland, he's no different from Martin Shkreli or Aubrey McClendon or the Enron guys or Donald Trump. It's all same shit, different day - if they're not looking for the fast-track to success via raising the price of pharmaceuticals, then it's cornering the market on the next Wu-Tang clan album. If Trump Steaks and Trump Air fail, try Trump University and the Trump Foundation. Jail's too good for these scammers, every single one of them. Time to drain the swamp FOR REAL this time, get rid of the people who said they were going to drain the swamp, because all they really wanted to do was to have more of the swamp for themselves. Live your life according to a few basic principles - 50% of everything you read on the web isn't real, 75% of your e-mail is going to be spam, and if anything sounds too good to be true, it almost certainly is.
Also starring Billy McFarland, Ja Rule, Oren Aks, Emily Boehm, Nick Botero, Dave Brooks, Seth Crossno, Jesse Eisinger, Anastasia Eremenko, Daniel "Skywalker" Goldstein, Bella Hadid, Jake Horowitz, Delroy Jackson, Randall Jackson, Maria Konnikova, Ben Meiselas, Austin Mills, Polly Mosendz, Donald Porsutt, Vickie Segar, Michael Swaigen, Jia Tolentino, Ava Turnquest, Felix Vargas, Calvin Wells,
with archive footage of Aziz Ansari (last seen in "What's Your Number?", Rick Astley, Beyoncé (last seen in "Fahrenheit 11/9"), Hailey Bieber (last seen in "Ocean's 8"), Kendall Jenner (ditto), Kim Kardashian West (ditto), Osama bin Laden (last seen in "Vice"), Richard Branson (last seen in "Steve Jobs: The Man in the Machine"), Steve Carell (last seen in "Beautiful Boy"), Stephen Colbert (last seen in "The Last Laugh" (2019)), Barry Corbin (last seen in "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas"), Macaulay Culkin (last seen in "Leaving Neverland"), Pete Davidson (last heard in "The Angry Birds Movie 2"), Johnny Depp (last heard in "Sherlock Gnomes"), DJ EFN, Diplo (last seen in "22 Jump Street"), Pablo Escobar, Jimmy Fallon (last seen in "Whitney"), Jerry Garcia (last seen in "Sound City"), Paul Giamatti (last seen in "Straight Outta Compton"), Elizabeth Holmes (last seen in "The Inventor: Out for Blood in Silicon Valley"), Chanel Iman, Bob Jain, Carola Jain, Jay-Z (last seen in "Quincy"), Kris Jenner, Taran Killam (last seen in "Night School"), Jimmy Kimmel (last heard in "Teen Titans GO! to the Movies"), Jennifer Lawrence (last seen in "X-Men: Dark Phoenix"), Major Lazer, Lil Yachty (last seen in "Long Shot"), Jennifer Lopez (last seen in "Hustlers"), Alyssa Lynch, Grant Margolin, Dave Matthews (last seen in "You Don't Mess With the Zohan"), Aubrey McClendon, Matthew McConnaughey (last seen in "Frailty"), Kate McKinnon (last seen in "The Spy Who Dumped Me"), Trevor Noah, N.O.R.E., Barack Obama (last seen in "Hitsville: The Making of Motown"), Conan O'Brien (last seen in "The Last Laugh" (2016)), Erielle Reshef, Charlie Rose (last seen in "They'll Love Me When I'm Dead"), Morley Safer (last seen in "Morning Glory"), Ben Schwartz (last seen in "How to Be a Latin Lover"), Peter Scolari (last seen in "Dean"), Shanina Shaik, Shepard Smith (last seen in "Bombshell"), Bill Spadea, Elliot Tebele, Donald Trump (last heard in "The Leisure Seeker"), Kanye West, Wendy Williams (last seen in "Fahrenheit 11/9"), Rainn Wilson (last seen in "Shimmer Lake"), Mark Zuckerberg.
RATING: 6 out of 10 rescue flights out of the Bahamas
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