BEFORE: For nearly twelve months now, I've planned out my chains -
299 films watched and just one remains.
Though I've wrapped my last presents on this Christmas Eve,
There's just one more hurdle before I can leave.
Scarlett Estevez carries over from "Daddy's Home 2"
And I can drive up to Boston right after this review.
(You're probably wondering, "Can he do this in rhyme?"
And I think I can manage if I have the time.)
So here's the last film of Two Thousand Nineteen,
a familiar story about a villain who's green.
FOLLOW-UP TO: "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" (Movie #360)
THE PLOT: A grumpy Grinch plots to ruin Christmas for the village of Whoville.
AFTER: Back in the 70's I was a pre-teen,
So this is a story I've already seen.
But some people felt that old version was dated,
So in 2017 a new film was created.
Or perhaps you're a bit younger than I was,
and you remember the version where Jim Carrey wore fuzz.
Either way, I question whether this update was needed,
Because really, the same story's just being repeated.
There's a Grinch who hates Christmas and so he attacks
the village of Whoville with his faithful dog, Max.
He sneaks into houses like Santa in reverse
and steals all their presents to make their lives worse.
The Whos wake to find that they've got nothing left
After the Grinch's long night of theft.
But instead of killing their Christmas spirit
The Whos sing out loudly, from afar he can hear it.
He learns that his heart was two sizes too small
Then he brings their stuff back, and they all have a ball.
So now it's in CGI, hooray, whoopee -
From the people who brought you "Despicable Me".
I don't think hip-hop music makes the film stronger,
But I have to admit that it does feel longer.
(If you think about it, Dr. Seuss made it happen
Before there was even a thing they call rappin'.)
The voice-work is fine, the narration's OK
But I think the new sub-plots are just there to delay.
Cindy-Lou sets out to trap Santa Claus -
She really wants to talk to him, well, just because.
I think it also behooves me to mention
The Grinch falls a lot, just to hold kids' attention.
They also added a reindeer named Fred -
Great, another sidekick, shoot me in the head.
The Grinch also has some crazy devices
But beyond that, there aren't too many surprises.
The Grinch's back-story was a new deviation
And I'll have to admit that it gave motivation.
I'm just glad that it's over, and I'm still alive.
And I'm feeling generous, so I'll give it a five.
That's it, I'm done, no more movies this year.
I should be packing my bags, why am I still here?
I'll be back in a week for my annual shakedown
As long as I don't have a Christmas breakdown.
I'll crunch all the numbers, try to make some sense
From the films of this year that were so intense.
Three hundred films, all linked by actor -
Quality often wasn't the determining factor.
Next week, I'll come back and review my creation
But for now, I think I've earned my vacation.
My list is still filled with movies a-plenty
So, God help me, I'll start over in 2020.
(Forgive me for aping the great Dr. Seuss -
I'm not so original, that's my excuse.)
Also starring the voices of Benedict Cumberbatch (last heard in "Mowgli: Legend of the Jungle"), Cameron Seely (last seen in "The Greatest Showman"), Rashida Jones (last seen in "Tag"), Kenan Thompson (last seen in "Going in Style"), Angela Lansbury (last seen in "Mary Poppins Returns"), Tristan O'Hare, Ramone Hamilton, Sam Lavagnino, Pharrell Williams (last seen in "Michael Jackson's Journey from Motown to Off the Wall") and Pentatonix.
RATING: 5 out of 10 cups of coffee
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