BEFORE: Well, I've done it, I cracked the code. I stayed up extra late over the holiday weekend and I linked movies like I've never linked before, and I gazed far into the future, all the way to December. I found a path that should get me my "Perfect Year", if everything goes the way I've planned. One solid chain, 300 movies, from January 1 to December 25, no breaks, no linking by character, just actors carrying over in a dizzying cascade. And this will include a month-long documentary break, plus a few other docs worked in with the fiction films, like I did with "I Am Big Bird" and "Being Elmo". So after today, 155 more films in the chain - and I've planned six more trips to the movie theater this year to make it happen, to see "Godzilla: King of the Monsters", "Toy Story 4", "X-Men: Dark Phoenix", "Spider-Man: Far From Home" and "Star Wars: Episode IX". Sorry, all other films that will be released this year, I won't have time for you.
This is really only possible because I really opened up the field this year, I kept track of not only 100 or so films on Netflix, but also I've kept an eye on iTunes - if a documentary I've been meaning to see scrolled off of there I know I can probably still catch it on iTunes. (Plus I finally got Amazon Prime working via the PlayStation, but that's reserved only for special films that aren't available elsewhere...) But I've also really taken advantage of a connection that's given me access to Academy screeners, you may have noticed that this year's films have included a higher-than-usual percentage of films that were Oscar-eligible in 2018 or 2017. But you know what, by the time I get around to linking to one of those screener films, chances are it's also available on premium cable or iTunes, so I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong - seeing the screeners has really just put films on my radar sooner, that's all.
I also got Hulu working on the PlayStation, too, and my wife had set up a watchlist for me there, but I had nothing in it until last week. I found some of the documentaries there that had scrolled off Netflix, so that will be helpful, and then added another 40 or so films of moderate interest - I haven't even worked them into my linking database, and now I don't even really need to, not to make it to the end of the year at least. I guess I'll see you next year, Hulu list.
I had a 50-film gap between "Spider-Man: Far From Home" and the planned start of my October chain, and I just kept slowly choosing linked films from either side of the gap, until the chain met somewhere in the middle. Is it perfect? Probably not, but it manages to get to a great deal of the films on my list that I want to see, like most of the World War 2 films ("Dunkirk", "Churchill", "Darkest Hour") and also FOUR films about King Arthur (though they're not linked directly together, they're a bit spread out). Eight films with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson helped fill the gap, so did five films with Melissa McCarthy and another five with John C. Reilly. Jake Gyllenhaal, John Malkovich, and Joaquin Phoenix look to be key players, but what matters is that I know that a path is possible.
Now, everything's not set in stone, I could change my mind, I could tear apart the chain in two months and try something different. Or a film or two could disappear from streaming without notice, and I'll be left scrambling - I'd like to think that won't happen, but it could and if so, I've got to be ready to repair the damage. Right now there's one too many films in September (turns out there are only 30 days in that month) so I'll either have to delete something, or double-up on documentaries in July and shift everything up a day. And already there's a documentary I want to add, but having a plan like this in place means that for everything I now add, I've got to take something away, or I won't end up where I want to be.
But just knowing there's a plan helps me make a lot of major decisions. Should I go see "John Wick" in the theater, after watching "John Wick 2" next week? Well, no, because that would throw off my count. Was it a good idea to watch "Crazy Rich Asians"? Well, any movie that brings me one step closer to finishing this chain and this Perfect Year is therefore a good idea. Unless my perfectly-linked year leaves me with nothing to link together next year, but I really doubt that will happen - next year could have a bunch of breaks all over the place, but so what? I'm not living for next year, I've got to finish this year the way I want first. In three weeks I'll start the documentary chain, and those are all linked together too, but I might see changes I want to make to the order along the way, you never know - especially if I see archive footage of many people not listed in the IMDB, I could see a better, faster way to get through that chain. Or I could just relax and stay the course, which is much easier to do now that I know I can (probably) link to the end of 2019.
The voice of Jimmy O. Yang carries over from "Crazy Rich Asians".
FOLLOW-UP TO: "The Lego Movie" (Movie #2,096)
THE PLOT: It's been five years since everything was awesome and the citizens are facing a huge new threat: Lego Duplo invaders from outer space, wrecking everything faster than they can rebuild.
AFTER: See, it's OK now that this is another film with a cast of (seemingly) hundreds, and I'm only using two actors (one minor, one major) as links. This is the sort of thing that would really bother me, if I didn't already have a path to the end of the year. Now, who cares? The linking's in place, and I can't really make any mistakes, unless some film that I need manages to disappear from Netflix the week before I want to watch it. But that's only happened, like, a dozen times before, so it couldn't possibly happen again - haven't I suffered enough?
But anyway, this second Lego movie came out earlier in 2019, and I remember debating whether I should go to see it - this is turning out to be a big year for films from writers/directors that I happen to know, and I feel like I should support those people with my ticket purchases. But even though there's a cast of dozens here (not as many cameos as the first Lego film, hmmm...) it didn't seem to fit in with my plans in January, though I picked "Game Night" as a starting point, before long I'd transitioned into more serious fare with films about war in the Middle East, fracking, and a guy communicating through a beaver puppet. (Yeah, that happened.)
So I don't mind paying $5.99 to watch this film on PPV, that's still cheaper than what they're charging me at the cineplex these days, and I get to keep a copy (thankfully I can burn PPV movies to DVD, but if I wait for this film to show up on HBO or Cinemax, that won't be possible). iTunes and Amazon Prime also want to charge $5.99 for this, and that's just for a 30-day rental. So, cable gets $6 from me, I hope at least some of that filters through to my friend and former intern.
Anyway, it's been five years (already) since the first Lego Movie, and things are not going well in Bricksburg, which is now in some kind of post-apocalyptic hellscape. Everything is NOT awesome, most everything is in ruins, and even President Business is escaping to play golf whenever he can (wait, that sounds a little familiar...) Master Builder Emmett Brickowski still maintains his positive attitude, and has built himself a little house that's somehow bigger on the inside than outside, with a firepole that leads to a water-slide that leads to a trampoline room. But the city is repeatedly ravaged by the Duplo invaders, who beam in via the "stair-gate" with their exploding, baby-talking hearts and stars and take whatever they want. A team of DC heroes launched a mission months ago to deal with the invaders, and hasn't been seen since - only Batman, who was on a side-mission of his own at the time, remains in Bricksburg/Apocalypseville. (Even worse, the Marvel + Star Wars heroes are nowhere to be seen, apparently DisneyCorp wouldn't return someone's calls....)
The latest invasion of the Duplos occurs when General Mayhem invades in a spaceship and beams off with 5 key characters - Wyldstyle, Batman, Unikitty, MetalBeard and Benny (the spaceship commander) - leaving only Emmett to either deal with a bunch of minor characters, or lead a solo mission to get his friends back. Naturally, he chooses the latter. But he can't seem to get to the upstairs region without the help of Rex Dangervest, a scruffy hero with a spaceship who commands a team of intelligent dinosaurs (and it's easy to recognize this as a parody combination of Star-Lord from "Guardians of the Galaxy" and Owen from "Jurassic World"). Yep, Chris Pratt plays double-duty as Brickowski and Dangervest, so the rest of the convoluted plot falls into place from there. But did you know that SAG rules say that if an actor records lines as two different characters in one day, then he gets paid twice?
The first "Lego Movie" turned out to be all about a young boy's relationship with his father, and emphasized the dual nature of Lego building, both order and chaos. The father wanted to build a perfect world in the basement, like some men do with train sets, and glue it into place, while the son wanted to use those same bricks to create wild, free designs, and the whole dispute between President Business and Emmett arose from the difference in their approaches. But the sequel is all about that same boy (now a teenager) not wanting to play with his little sister. He's created a hellscape world with his Legos (the boy may still have some issues) and she wants to "invade" the basement with her rainbow/glitter/ice cream characters, and take some Legos back to her room upstairs (the "Systar" system).
But if the two worlds can't find a way to work together, then it could bring about "Armama-geddon", which could place all of the Legos AND Duplos into the dreaded limbo/purgatory world of storage. We've all been there, right? Like, share your toys with your little sister, or nobody gets them. Moms have the real power to take away all the fun, even when Dad is absent or busy, so you all better play nice. This is what the world needs, a Mom - you terrorists stop blowing up buildings in France, or Mom's going to take away ALL the bombs, and then nobody gets them!
Meanwhile, can Lucy and Emmett discover whether Queen Watevra is really all about, is she as "not evil" as she claims to be, before Rex Dangervest gets everything smashed to pieces and brings on Armamageddon? And can everyone learn to play together before that catchy song gets stuck in everyone's head again?
Also starring Will Ferrell (last seen in "The House"), Maya Rudolph (last heard in "The Emoji Movie"), Jadon Sand (last seen in "The Lego Movie"), Brooklynn Prince (last seen in "The Florida Project"), with the voices of Chris Pratt (last seen in "Movie 43"), Elizabeth Banks (ditto), Will Arnett (last seen in "Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping"), Tiffany Haddish (last seen in "Keanu"), Stephanie Beatriz (last seen in "Pee-Wee's Big Holiday"), Charlie Day (last seen in "The Hollars"), Alison Brie (last seen in "The Disaster Artist"), Nick Offerman (last seen in "The Hero"), Richard Ayoade (last seen in "Paddington 2"), Channing Tatum (last seen in "Logan Lucky"), Jonah Hill (last seen in "I Heart Huckabees"), Cobie Smulders (last seen in "Avengers: Endgame"), Jason Momoa (last seen in "Aquaman"), Margot Rubin, Ike Barinholtz (also last seen in "The Disaster Artist"), Ralph Fiennes (last heard in "Kubo and the Two Strings"), Will Forte (last seen in "A Futile and Stupid Gesture"), Bruce Willis (last seen in "Alpha Dog"), Ben Schwartz (last seen in "Runner Runner"), Noel Fielding, Jorma Taccone (last heard in "Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse"), Gary Payton, Sheryl Swoopes, Todd Hansen, Doug Nicholas, Mike Mitchell, Christopher Miller.
RATING: 6 out of 10 sewer babies
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