BEFORE: I'm watching this one current tonight, the last movie I'll watch before I pack up for San Diego, and tomorrow I'll post the last comic-book "catch-up" movie from the spring (Gee, I wonder what it will be...?) before I leave. I'm in luck, because Stan Lee carries over from "Amazing Spider-Man 2", he played a guest at Peter Parker's graduation in that film, and tonight he has a cameo as a patient in a psych ward. That guy sure gets around...
FOLLOW-UP TO: "The Avengers" (Movie #1,144)
AFTER: I sort of forgot that the first "Thor" film made a bold statement about Asgardians, as it sort of depicted the nine worlds of Norse mythology as actual worlds, like different planets, which logically suggests that the Asgardian gods aren't gods at all, just regular old space aliens. Powerful aliens, but still just aliens. Then I dove back into the comic books, where the gods are gods, and the nine worlds act like different dimensions, not planets.
The god/alien references are continued here, as we see the Dark Elves for the first time on film, and they attack Asgard + Earth with spaceships. If you remember, this was the plot that I said SHOULD have been in the "Avengers" film - it would have made more sense for Loki to invade Earth with elves than with the Chitauri (or whatever those things were called). The elves also shoot lasers, which is another affront to comic book customs - this would be a bit like cowboys fighting aliens (Oh, wait, I saw that film too...)
The nine worlds are lining up in some kind of convergence - which sort of goes against the first film's depiction of them as different planets - unless those planets are the nine - sorry, eight - planets in our solar system, there's no way they could "line up". And if they're different dimensions, how is it that different dimensions are lining up, exactly? Someone's got to pick a horse here - what are the nine worlds and how do they move around in relation to each other? I thought they were all linked by a giant tree - so what gives?
There was a time, back in 1987, where a rare alignment of planets in our system were supposedly lining up, I think 6 out of the 8 planets appeared in something akin to a straight line, and this was called the "Harmonic Convergence". This was supposed to usher in some era of great understanding, or else it was going to be the start of the last era, the 25 years leading up to the end of the Mayan calendar in 2012. People gathered in so-called "power centers" around the globe, meditated and sang songs (I'm guessing), and waited for either a wave of good feelings, the end of the world, or at least an alien invasion. The moment came and went, with no change in the human condition whatsoever. Any change in awareness or consciousness was either imaginary or had to be chemically induced, so basically it was just another ordinary day in the very silly 1980's.
But in this film, as the Asgardian worlds line up, this causes spatial anomalies all over London (what a coincidence, this just happens to be the city that our main human characters are all in...) where objects are seen to disappear and re-appear, or travel between Earth and Svartalfheim. The veil between worlds is at its thinnest, so of course that's when Malekith the Dark Elf will make his move. This is, of course, junk science at its best - if this is truly a thing, why don't Surtur and Ymir also attack at the same time, from the worlds of Muspelheim and Niflheim?
Anyway, it's good to know that no actual science was harmed in the making of this film.
Thor's been in the news this week, because Marvel's announced that the real Thor will be taking a break, and he'll be replaced by a female Thor. Actually, they haven't said whether this will be a random woman stepping in, or Thor getting a magical sex change - either one is possible. Hey, they made Loki female for a while a few years back, anything can happen, it's magic. Plus Marvel desperately needs more female readers (or are they just trying to excite the male fans by giving Thor boobs?). Also, Captain America's going to be black for a while, and Wolverine's going to be dead.
Before anyone freaks out, please bear in mind that these are comic book stories - nothing is real, and nothing is permanent. A new writer signs on to each book every few months or so, and changes everything around - then the next writer decides to either keep that storyline going, or erase everything the last guy did and start over. You think they reboot movie franchises too often? Try reading the comics. Superman, Batman, Captain America, Green Lantern, Flash, Spider-Man - they've all "died" at one point or another and writers found ways to bring them back, some more clever than others. This week the press is also going ga-ga over the "death" of Archie - but no reporter managed to point out that this was both a publicity stunt, and a future-set "imaginary" story. (Umm, all of the stories are imaginary, let's try to remember that.) Adult Archie will die at some point in the future, but the adventures of teen Archie will continue. And since he's never shown any signs of aging in the last 50 years, I guess he'll never get old enough to die, now, will he?
By now, everyone's sort of figured out that they need to stay until the VERY end of the credits when watching a Marvel film - this is probably the only post-credits scene this week that makes any lick of sense. At least one of them does, I think the other one sets up "Guardians of the Galaxy", which opens next week.
Also starring Chris Hemsworth (last seen in "Star Trek Into Darkness"), Natalie Portman (last seen in "Everyone Says I Love You"), Tom Hiddleston (last seen in "Midnight in Paris"), Anthony Hopkins (last seen in "Hitchcock"), Christopher Eccleston (last seen in "Elizabeth"), Idris Elba (last seen in "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance"), Ray Stevenson, Zachary Levi (last heard in "Tangled"), Rene Russo (last seen in "Tin Cup"), Jaimie Alexander, Stellan Skarsgard, Kat Dennings, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Alice Krige, Chris O'Dowd (last seen in "Bridesmaids"), with cameos from Chris Evans, Benicio Del Toro.
RATING: 6 out of 10 prison cells
No comments:
Post a Comment