BEFORE: Yes, I realize that I watched "Muppet Treasure Island" before the non-Muppet version. And I have to live with that. There are a lot of different versions of this story, and tonight I'm going with the 2001 version starring Jack Palance because - well, Jack Palance. Linking from "Cutthroat Island", Geena Davis was also in "Stuart Little" with Bruno Kirby, who was also in "City Slickers" with Mr. Palance (last seen in...jeez, "Young Guns" back in 2009)
In other news, my trivia team won last night, for the first time in about a year - so we had our own treasure to divide up at the end.
THE PLOT: A classic tale of pirates and buried gold.
AFTER: You kind of want to see a film of this story remain faithful to the famous novel by Robert Louis Stevenson. So much of pirate lore can be traced back to it, after all... I read the book as a kid, and I've just reviewed the plot summary on Wikipedia. I've determined that this version commits the following storytelling sins, from where I sit:
1) It adds an opening scene with some of the key players on the aforementioned island, during the burying of the treasure. They're not the ones doing the actual burying (Note: If a pirate asks for volunteers to help bury his treasure, say "No" - dead men tell no tales) so why add this scene? The whole suspense of the plot hinges on the mysterious strangers who show up at the Admiral Benbow Inn, and if we already know who they are, all of the plot's mystery is out the window. A major, major character hides in plain sight, and finding out he's really a ruthless pirate is the main reveal of the book. Here we learn the names of all the pirates in the opening scene - dumb move.
2) Too much time is spent on land, particularly on a slapsticky chase scene between one of the pirates and our hero, young Jim Hawkins. This is a 90-minute movie, and it's 40 minutes before the Hispaniola sets sail. That's almost half the film devoted to the set-up, when all the juicy stuff happens at sea.
3) They changed the ending, which really bothers me. With two factions searching for the treasure, it's all about who lives, who dies, and who gets the gold. The final group of players that survives here is quite different from the group left standing at the end of Stevenson's novel. Here we see the benefit of being the only big-name actor in a cast - but an author has already done most of the heavy lifting for you, why discard his plot points?
4) The dialogue seems very clunky, almost as if it were improvised. It seems like they forgot to pack the scripts when they headed out on location to the island, and were just working from a copy of the Cliff's Notes. Come to think of it, that would explain the changed ending, too. Come on - in an entire novel's worth of dialogue, you couldn't lift a few classic lines? What about Long John Silver's famous line, "Them that die'll be the lucky ones!" Where did THAT go?
5) In the final battle, not one person seems to know how to hide behind cover once the shooting starts. No one seems able to die in a convincing manner, either. It feels kind of like they were coming to the end of the location shoot and needed to reduce the cast quickly.
NITPICK POINT: We come to the dreaded "Black Spot" - supposedly, once a pirate receives it, he's marked for death. Why would anyone then reach for it and accept it? For that matter, why would a band of ruthless pirates telegraph their move - why not just attack someone and kill him? Isn't that what ruthless means? The Black Spot is NOT a deathmark, it's a pirate summons. It's a warning that the recipient must meet someone's demand, or face the possibility of death. There IS a way out.
NITPICK POINT #2: With the majority of the cast on the island, Jim sails the ship (OK, the ship kind of drifts, which is also acceptable) to where only he can find it. This should be a beach or a cove or something, but in the film it just seems like the ship is just off some random coast. Wouldn't anyone be able to just walk around the island and find it? Plus a couple key players seem to completely forget about the ship that brought them to the island. Huh? It's one thing to acknowledge that the ship is in the hands of your enemies, but you'd think they would have a plan for taking it back, not just forget about it.
Also starring Kevin Zegers, Patrick Bergin (last seen in "Patriot Games"), Malcolm Stoddard, Christopher Benjamin, David Robb, Walter Sparrow.
RATING: 4 out of 10 leeches
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