Year 2, Day 165 - 6/14/10 - Movie #532
BEFORE: Something a little patriotic for Flag Day - since I don't have a copy of that awful Captain America movie they made back in the 90's, but this is probably just as campy as that though. As any Marvel Comics fan knows, SHIELD is an acronym, just like the Patriot Act (look it up...) or any good defense agency. In the comic books, it originally stood for "Supreme Headquarters, International Espionage, Law-Enforcement Division". But in more recent comics, it stands for "Strategic Hazard Intervention, Espionage Logistics Directorate". However, in the recent Marvel movies (like yesterday's "Hulk" film), it stands for "Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division". Either way, it's a cool acronym.
THE PLOT: Nick Fury is brought back to fight the menace of Hydra after exiling himself in the Yukon since the end of the Cold War. The children of the former Hydra head, Baron Von Stucker, have taken charge of the terrorist organization.
AFTER: A nice coincidence - this morning's film "Planet Hulk" featured Death's Head soldiers, and this film features something called the Death's Head virus.
Starring as Nick Fury - David Hasselhoff? It seems like an odd choice at first, but he actually plays Fury as kind of old and weather-beaten, not like his roles on "Knight Rider" or "Baywatch" - however, this movie ends up being just as campy as those shows, just in a different way. Clearly this was filmed as a TV movie (or a pilot that didn't get picked up), since the spots for commercial breaks are evident - but the Encore WAM! Channel ran this without ads, almost like a real movie.
Since he's not on this season of "America's Got Talent", I have been missing the Hoff - sort of - it's weird that there's a character named Agent Pierce in this film - so when he addresses him, it's almost like he's talking to Piers Morgan on that talent show's panel.
As a comic-book fan, I was a bit confused since Baron Von Strucker's daughter goes by the name of Viper here - in the comic books she and her brother were collectively known as Fenris, and Viper is a completely different female villain. Also, she died in the comic books and her brother survived (most recently known as Swordsman in the Thunderbolts comic), but here her brother bites it, and she lives on.
I wish I could say this was fun to watch, but it wasn't really - and it wasn't even that close to camp or parody. Unfortunately, they played it straight, and it wasn't exciting or action-packed enough to survive with that tone. Like "The Mask" and "The Shadow", this film appeared just before the "X-Men" and "Spider-Man" movies caught on big-time - so it suffers for being just a bit ahead of the curve.
Hmmm...this was written by David S. Goyer, who also wrote the screenplays for the "Blade" films and "The Dark Knight". Interesting...
The role of Nick Fury is now being played in the Marvel movies by Samuel L. Jackson, who's set to assemble the "Avengers" into a team in time for a 2012 release. Fury has been in need of an update, since his history began in World War II comics, leading the Howling Commandos. Even if you assume that he was a Sergeant in WW2 at the age of 25, that would still make him 78 years old in a 1998 movie, and 90 years old now. In the comic books, he's kept young by something called the Infinity Formula, but it's starting to stretch the bounds of believability.
Also starring Lisa Rinna, and no one else I recognized or ever heard of.
RATING: 4 out of 10 refrigerated trucks
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