BEFORE: Getting near the end of my future-based films. I don't think this one is post-apocalyptic, but I heard it's pretty weird.
THE PLOT: In the colorful future, a cab driver unwittingly becomes the central figure in the search for a legendary cosmic weapon to keep Evil and Mr Zorg at bay.
AFTER: Wow, I totally didn't understand this one - it's much too weird, and I was never sure exactly what was going on. Was that because it was directed by a Frenchman, Luc Besson? The French aren't exactly known for making great sci-fi films...
As near as I can tell, there's this evil that's heading toward Earth, in the form of a giant fireball. It can only be defeated by the Fifth Element, whatever that is. (the movie never really gets around to explaining what it is...what's neither fire, air, water, and earth?)
The helpful aliens who "borrowed" the Fifth Element from Earth's pyramids are shot down by evil aliens while trying to return it - so humans dig up something from the wreckage of their ship that they turn into a "perfect being", a scantily-clad chick named LeeLoo who talks in a strange language.
She hooks up with a cab driver/former soldier named Korben Dallas (Bruce Willis) and he brings her to a priest, Vito Cornelius, who understands her language - he's not a regular priest, he's a priest whose religion centers around the aliens, the Fifth Element, and these stones from the pyramid that everyone is looking for, especially an evil businessman named Zorg (Gary Oldman). Then things get weird (er).
They all go to this giant space-yacht that orbits a planet of pleasure, where they're supposed to get the stones that will save the Earth (I think...) and while Korben's watching a space opera, Zorg and the evil aliens crash the party to get the stones.
The future here is strange, very colorful, and sexually ambiguous (I think). But it's good to know that in the future cabbies still drive like maniacs, DJs are still incredibly annoying, and love conquers all (I think...)
But if the stones are so important in saving Earth, why take them away from the pyramids in the first place? How about explaining something, anything, I'm not that picky - what was the fifth element? How was she a perfect being? Can a cab driver and a perfect alien being live together, without driving each other crazy?
Also starring Ian Holm, Milla Jojovich, Chris Tucker, Luke Perry, and Tommy "Tiny" Lister (as the President!)
RATING: 2 out of 10 plane tickets
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