Friday, July 10, 2009

The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle

BEFORE: This movie was part of that trend in the past decade where every animated property from the past got its own moderately successful live-action film - "Dudley Do-Right", "George of the Jungle", "Alvin and the Chipmunks"...but it got really bad reviews - so let's see if it's as bad as its reputation. Yes, this counts as a De Niro film since he plays Fearless Leader, and also produced...

THE PLOT: Rocky and Bullwinkle have been seen only in reruns of their cartoon show since its cancellation. Boris and Natasha somehow manage to crossover into reality and team up with Fearless Leader, an evil criminal turned media mogul with some plans up his sleeve. Rocky and Bullwinkle must stop the three of them before they wreak havoc.

AFTER: Well, that was really horrible, start to finish. I think I've found a new low benchmark. The movie is filled with terrible puns (army leaders named General Foods, General Store and General Admission...) and coincidental plot points, combined with animated characters who KNOW that they're animated characters, launched into the "real" world. It worked in "Who Framed Roger Rabbit", but not here.

There's no way this movie makes even a lick of sense - even in the animated world. So there are no trees in the forest - can't an animated character plant some animated acorns to make more animated trees? Why does Bullwinkle have to travel all the way out of the cartoon world to Washington DC to talk to the president about this? Talk to the animator, you'll get faster results!

By all rights, this should have been a career-ender for the actors involved, like Jason Alexander and Rene Russo as Boris + Natasha. There were lots of cameos, like Jonathan Winters (as 3 characters), Carl Reiner, Janeane Garofalo, John Goodman, Kenan + Kel, Jeffrey Ross, Whoopi Goldberg, David Alan Grier and Don "Fr. Guido Sarducci" Novello. But I'm probably not doing those actors any favors by mentioning this.

This had the irreverent humor of the old cartoon, but none of its charm. The best thing I can say about it is, now it's crossed off my list.

RATING: 1 out of 10 state troopers

DENIR-O-METER: 3, mostly for doing a European-accented spoof of his own "You talkin' to me?" lines from Taxi Driver, while in character as Fearless Leader.

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