The Reaping

Day 158 - 6/7/09 - Movie #158

BEFORE: I was just up in Newport, RI for the annual Chowder Cook-Off. After watching so many movies about the end of humanity, it was nice to get outside, get a bit of sun and sample 23 or 24 different versions of chowder in three categories (Clam, Seafood, and Creative). However, there were THREE different tomato-based chowders in the "Clam" category this year, which I believe is a sign of the coming apocalypse. It just goes to show how an event can go downhill when my friends and I, the official arbiters of good taste, take a year off from attending the event. If I were in charge, any chowder not cream-based would automatically be relegated to the Creative section (aka "Variety Chowders"). One must have standards, after all.

On the train back to NY, I rode in Amtrak's "Quiet Car", where cell phone use is a no-no (except for quiet texting) and even loud talking is frowned upon. The man sitting next to me declared himself the official "library monitor" for the car, and stood up and YELLED whenever someone was talking too loud. I didn't dare point out that he himself was breaking the silence - I even wondered if my Bugles chips were too crunchy for this guy. Where was he when I needed him at the Dennis DeYoung concert?

Almost finished with the armageddon/apocalypse theme - only one type remaining: the biblical Good Ol' Religious Prophesies (or GORP, for short).

THE PLOT: A former Christian missionary, who specializes in debunking religious phenomena, investigates a small town which seems to be suffering from the 10 biblical plagues.

AFTER: Again, I'm not an expert on today's horror movies - I'm more of an "Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein" kind of guy. So I'm a little put off by a supposedly scientific investigator who gets started by a whistling teakettle (really?). I know these sudden noises are meant to startle the audience, but come on.... Also, her "investigation" proceeds at a snail's pace, while a little girl is being blamed for bringing on the plagues. She also has these odd visions and nightmares about her dead husband and daughter - maybe she should take some time off and get her head together, instead of investigating a situation almost exactly like the one in which her daughter died (what are the odds of that...?)

Actually, the movie mentions the possible scientific causes of the "Exodus" plagues, and gets it ALMOST right. There was a fascinating TV special in 2006 on the History Channel called "The Exodus Decoded", which theorized that the plagues of Egypt were caused by the eruption of a volcano near Santorini, Greece, and a related underground earthquake that could have released toxic gas into the Nile River to turn it blood-red, and this would have killed the fish. Since the fish eat frog eggs, this would have led to the overabundance of frogs, which would have died and led to the flies, etc. etc. Meanwhile the volcanic ash caused the plague of darkness, and toxic fumes from the river would have crept low into town at night, killing the first-born children who slept on the first floor of Egyptian houses. ("The Reaping" screenwriters prefer to blame the plagues of Egypt on a bacteria, rather than a volcano. Maybe they didn't see that show...)

I prefer to think that the Exodus story is real, but that Moses didn't "call his shot" - he merely went to the Pharaoh and said that God would cause some bad mojo to come down on Egypt if he didn't let his people go - we don't know how much time passed between Moses' threat and the first plague. So when disaster (eventually) struck, Moses was all over that like white on rice. There's a big difference between Babe Ruth saying "I'm gonna hit a home run for you tomorrow, kid!" and him pointing to the center-field bleachers during the fifth-inning. The first prediction is quite feasible, given Ruth's home-run totals, the second becomes the stuff of baseball legend.

Most prophets succeed due to a combination of luck and sheer volume. If I send out 100 letters to people claiming that I can predict the outcome of baseball games, all I have to do is make sure that 50 letters say "The Red Sox will win their first game" and 50 say "The Red Sox will lose their first game." I'll be right on half of the letters - then to those 50 people, I send 25 of them a letter that says "The Red Sox will win their second game", and the other 25 get the opposite letter. And so on, until after 5 games I've got three suckers who got the right letter 5 times in a row, and they'll be convinced that I've got "the gift". Similarly, Moses seemed like a genius, but only after disaster struck.

But try explaining science to the bunch of Southern yokels in this movie (one of whom has an Irish accent, which never gets explained...). A former missionary who debunks religious phenomena is a great idea for a character - it's just too bad that the movie forces her to do a complete reversal of her beliefs in order to advance the plot.

RATING: 6 out of 10 plagues