BEFORE: Jason Statham, yep, carries over again, I can't get rid of this guy, but just one more film with him on my list after this one. Let's find out what he's transporting tonight, hopefully it's something new and exciting. Second film in today's double feature, because I've got extra time today, it being a holiday and all.
Yesterday we drove out to Long Island, just to do a little mall shopping and have lunch at Texas Roadhouse. Thankfully the traffic was not too bad, if a lot of people were driving out to the beaches at least they went out there early, or perhaps they left on Friday night or Saturday, and of course we drove back before there was an end-of weekend traffic nightmare coming back to the city.
THE PLOT: Transporter Frank Martin surfaces in Miami, Florida and is implicated in the kidnapping of the young son of a powerful USA official.
AFTER: Well, it's the rare sequel to a popular film that out-did the original, because they really upped the ante here. They hired name actors for supporting roles! I've heard of people like Jason Fleming, and I've met Matthew Modine IRL, several times in fact. Good to see him getting work, umm, like 20 years ago. Also, the formula is back, Frank has to face off against the female hit-woman protege and also the mid-level criminal before he can face the level boss. See, THAT is how you do it.
Also more of those one-guy-against-many fights and more of that using anything that's handy EXCEPT a gun to take down the bad guys. Lots of prop-fu here, which I'm assuming is another of this franchise's common tropes. Sure, anyone can use a gun, but how many people can use a door, a fire extinguisher and a hospital cart in a fight, basically all the stuff that's just lying around. I'd make a MacGyer reference, but really he was all about building stuff out of random objects, not fighting with them.
Frank's moved on to a new city, Miami, and that means new challenges and new rules. Since the only thing he's "transporting" here is a rich kid coming back from school every day and also going to the pediatrician and such, the rules now are more like "Respect a man's car" and "Always wear your seatbelt." Ho hum, boring, somebody's going to domesticate you one of these days, Frank, and then the rules are going to be:: 1. Friday night is date night 2. No cheating on your partner and 3. Never open your Valentine's Day gift before she opens hers.
Frank seems like he might be interested in hooking up with the kid's mother, but her husband is back in the picture after a year of separation, and sure, there's tension between them but they're trying to make things work. More often than not Frank's driving the kid somewhere so he won't see Mommy and Daddy fight. But when the pediatrician's office is taken over by kidnappers, that doctor's visit is anything but routine, and Frank ends up in a gunfight with the fake doctors and the fake nurse (who for some reason needs to strip down to her undies before she can fire her guns, which sure, it's appreciated but it really doesn't make much sense.
Frank gets the kid home safely, but then gets a call that there's a sniper rifle pointed at the kid, and if he doesn't want the kid to get shot he'll deliver him to the kidnappers - so it sure looks like Frank's in on the job, especially when the parents get a call demanding $5 million in ransom. This time Frank manages to get the bomb off his car in the most unlikely way, before it blows him up, and then he's got to start proving his own innocence while trying to take the kidnappers down. Thus he starts working his way up the chain, as one does. Along the way he learns about the real plan, to inject the kid with a deadly and contagious virus, one that he'll pass along to his father, who's about to speak to a conference of anti-drug officers from around the world, because somebody wants them all dead, most likely the drug cartels.
Great, so now Frank has to track down the only two vials of the antidote and kick-box his way back to the sick kid, who's already passed along the virus to his father, who (NITPICK POINT here) is suddenly feeling really sick, but yet still thinks he should address a conference full of important people. Dude, there's a reason we tell people to stay home when they're sick, can't you make the speech via teleconference or something? I know it's 2005 and Zoom hasn't been invented yet, but still....
Meanwhile Jack takes off after the main villain (well, he didn't just work his way up the chain for nothing, after all) and somehow blows up the Lamborghini he's driving, which propels him on to the plane's landing gear or something (NITPICK POINT #2) and while he can't kill the villain because his blood is full of the antidote, he's perfectly fine with killing the pilot and crashing the plane. Umm, OK, wait, what? (N.P. 3). The plane sinks but Jason Statham once again puts that deep-sea diving ability to use and swims back up to the surface with the level boss.
Well, that's all the transporting that I have time for, I know there's a "Transporter 3" but I just don't have the time or space to get to it - I'm sure they came up with all sorts of great new things for him to transport but I've got to be moving on. Maybe I can circle back some time in the future.
Also starring Alessandro Gassman, Amber Valletta (last seen in "Gamer"), Kate Nauta, Matthew Modine (last seen in "Oppenheimer"), Jason Flemyng (last seen in "The 355"), Keith David (last seen in "American Fiction"), Hunter Clary, Shannon Briggs (last seen in "The Wackness"), Francois Berléand (also carrying over from "The Transporter"), Raymond Tong, George Kapetan, Jeff Chase (last seen in "Pain & Gain"), Gregg Weiner (ditto), Gregg Davis, Marty Wright (last seen in "Any Given Sunday"), AnnaLynne McCord, Reggie Pierre, Elie Thompson, Adam Faldetta, Michael House, Tim Ware (last seen in "The Best of Enemies"), Damaris Justamante (last seen in "Bad Boys II"), Andy Horne, Doug MacKinnon, Marc Macaulay (last seen in "Great Expectations"), Bill Wilson, Robert Small (last seen in "The Mean Season"), Jim R. Coleman (last seen in "The Florida Project"), Paul Tei, Ernest Harden Jr. (last seen in "J. Edgar"), Shelah Marie, Max Osterweis.
RATING: 6 out of 10 shots of the Audi logo (BMWs were so 2002)
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