BEFORE: This was not part of the plan, somehow the now-classic action movie "The Transporter" has fallen below my radar, year after year. And yes, I'm aware that there are only so many days left in the year, only 70 movies can be watched in 2024 after tonight, as per my own rules. But I'm HERE working on a Jason Statham thing, and this movie is airing on Starz - I don't even have to wait for it to air, it's on demand, I just need to push a button, so yeah, I'm going to have to work this in, AND its sequel, because who the heck knows when I'd be able to link to this one again? It stars Jason Statham and a bunch of people I'm not familiar with, even if I may have seen them in a few movies before. It's really a solo film, then, for all intents and linking purposes. This may totally screw me up in December, but I have to do it. And if I make it a double-feature today, then I'll only be one day behind in the September plan. I'll drop something down the line if I have to, but OK, one less skip day in September, I can handle that.
THE PLOT: Frank Martin, who "transports" packages for unknown clients, is asked to move a package that turns out to be alive, and complications arise.
AFTER: Now this guy, I can get behind. Frank Martin, the Transporter, does his job according to three simple rules: 1. Never change the deal, 2. No names, and 3. Never open the package. I watch movies according to three simple rules: 1. Never break the chain, 2. No recommendations from others, and 3. Never read the Wiki plot summary before-hand. See, it's like we're TWINS or something, we're both professionals and great at what we do, only, umm, what he does isn't very nice. The only other difference between us is that I'm no good in a fight. (Trust me, or rather, don't trust me to fight on your behalf.)
So I did a little research into martial arts styles used in movies, and there are a lot of opinions out there, but according to the internet (unreliable, I know) a lot of today's action movies use something of a blend of karate, Muay Thai, judo, tae kwon do, krav maga and others - maybe that's why they call it "mixed" martial arts, because it's a mix of all these things? Sorry if I'm really stupid and just playing catch-up here. But then what do you call it when an action hero uses everything that's in the room as a weapon? Besides unrealistic, I mean - what term is best used for fighting with poles, bicycles, fire extinguishers, and grabbing whatever else is handy, only not guns? I have no idea, I can't even really do an internet search on that.
Statham apparently studied kung fu, karate and jiu-jitsu, but way back in 2002 when this film came out, I'm going to say that a big influence was kickboxing, and Jean-Claude Van Damme was the big proponent of that back then. There are moves in "The Transporter" where Statham jumps up and does the big leg split, or the double-kick to take out two guys at once, and it's kind of like saying, "I know JCVD is getting old now, and here I am, ready to be his successor." Or am I way off base here? And then I think you maybe have to give credit to Jackie Chan for this whole obsession with improvised weapons, also there is a fighting style called Eskrima (or Kali or Arnis) from the Philippines where sticks, knives and other objects all come into play. But I suspect a lot of this fighting style is movie-centric, I'm going to call it "Prop Fu" until I find out there's a better term.
Anyway, back to the plot. We learn about Frank's three rules at the start when he's acting as a getaway driver for a group of bank robbers, only he made the deal for three passengers, and suddenly there are four guys with masks in his car, and that's changing the deal, which is against the rules. Frank had some really fancy driving and some cool stunts planned, and now that there's extra weight in the car, he claims he won't be able to get away from the cops, so he does the most unlikely thing a getaway driver could do, he refuses to drive. The cops are on the way, and the leader of the robbers needs to make a quick decision, he can't kill Frank because the car won't start unless he types in a code (smart!) so he instead kills one of his own gang members so they can make weight. Geez, they could have just pushed the guy out of the car and let him run away, but no, they can't take the chance.
OK, that's one dead bank robber, but good news, the deal is still on. One crazy car chase through the streets of Nice, France then ensues, and Frank's got that cool thing on his car where the license plate rotates and they could have theoretically just disappeared, except the police are now on their trail because SOMEBODY wouldn't start the car. I have to call a NITPICK POINT here, because changing the license plate would be a cool trick for disappearing quickly EXCEPT how many black BMW's also have a big blood-stain on the rear windshield AND contain three guys wearing black knit face-masks? Just saying. BUT there are some really cool stunts here, like jumping the car off a pedestrian overpass and landing it RIGHT in the empty space on a car-carrier. Way cool, and you'd think that would be it, just relax and ride away on the car carrier, but no, the cops figure out where they are, but Frank can then release cars from the carrier to screw up the police cars. The film ends up destroying almost as many police cars as "The Blues Brothers", but I think that film still holds the record in the end.
When Frank manages to avoid the police and the bank robbers reach their destination, where they switch cars and drivers, the lead robber is impressed with Frank, and wants to hire him to drive them all the way to Avignon, but no, that's a violation of Rule 1, that would be changing the deal, so he turns the job down. Later Frank sees on the TV news that the gang was captured because their new driver took a wrong turn. So Frank gets to keep his money, avoided getting arrested, and he's in the clear, because he stuck to his own rules. This is what the criminal transporting business really needed, somebody with OCD or at least the ability to follow directions and rules.
Unfortunately, Frank gets a flat tire, and is forced to stop and open the trunk, which is when he sees that the package is moving. It seems somebody forgot to create Rule 4: No human trafficking. Oh, well, you live and you learn, I guess. But once he knows there's a woman in the bag (really should have been more obvious, given the size and the shape, I mean, COME ON, did he think it was a woman-shaped bag of money? Or did he rationalize it by saying it was probably a mannequin or a sex doll?) then he feels obliged to give her a drink, but then she's got to use the outdoor ladies room, and women on car trips, am I right? Next thing you know she'll want to control the radio and then complain about how Frank's going the wrong way.
The young woman escapes, and then Frank's got to get her back. Some policemen see him make the re-capture, so now they've got to be subdued and put in the trunk, too - and it's getting awful crowded back there. But Frank successfully makes the drop-off, and he learns who he's been working for, and they ask him to do another job, just take this small metal briefcase over to Lyon, just don't mind the ticking, it's a, umm, it's a clock, yeah, right. Never open the package, that's your own rule, right? Just checking. Please deliver this "clock" and really, take your time, no rush and umm, well, don't leave the car, OK? What could possibly go wrong here?
This sort of turns into a game of "You wreck my stuff, I'll wreck yours", which is perfectly understandable when you're dealing with alpha males like this. You blow up my car, I blow up your car. You try to screw me, I'll take your hostage back. (NITPICK POINT #2 though - how does Frank steal that car without noticing there's a woman in the back-seat who's tied to an office chair? How does he even get IN that car without seeing that?). You blow up my house and... OK, not cool man, I just re-decorated the living room and everything. That was a nice house. Well the gloves are off now. Once Frank figures out he's dealing with human traffickers, and there are more immigrants being shipped in from China to be, well, slaves, there's no reason to hold back. This leads to a scene at the docks where there are probably tens of thousands of shipping containers, but Frank tries to find the ONE with the people inside by using a stethoscope. Sure, good luck with that.
Even more improbably, this leads to a prop-fu fight in a bus depot where everyone and everything gets drenched in motor oil and it somehow DOESN'T end with everyone catching on fire. No, instead Frank turns the motor oil to his advantage, all the bad guys are slipping and sliding around, they can't even stand up and they can't grab HIM because he's all oil-slicked up. But he sticks two toothed bicycle pedals on his feet like they're crampons and sure, he's OK and the only guy in the group who can fight, so that's how he's able to take down like 20 guys with a variety of weapons. Ok, sure, whatever, as long as you can sleep at night.
Then there's the final truck chase, which borrows quite liberally from that truck chase in "Raiders of the Lost Ark", although Indy never jumped out of a plane to parachute on to the truck, so that's new. But then Statham hangs off the side of the truck like Indy and even goes UNDER the moving truck like Indy did - so there you go, Jason Statham started out as kind of a combination of Jean-Claude Van Damme and Harrison Ford, at least before he developed his own unique style. The highway gets jammed with broken villains on a last-chance power drive, and finally it's down to just Frank and Mr. Kwai, and well, we all know who's coming out on top, his name is above the title after all. And the Chinese people are rescued from the shipping container, and somehow they're not all carsick from that truck bumping around all over the place. (Sorry, that's got to be N.P. #3)
The only thing really missing here was the anti-hero working his way up the chain to figure out who the top guy was in the criminal organization - maybe this film was released before that was a common theme? Anyway, yesterday's film was all about that, but here they just cut to the chase (literally) and then put the hero up against the top dog pretty early on.
Also starring Shu Qi (last seen in "New York, I Love You"), Francois Berléand, Matt Schulze (last seen in "Boys and Girls"), Ric Young (last seen in "Seven Years in Tibet"), Doug Rand (last seen in "Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets"), Didier Saint Melin, Vincent Nemeth, Tonio Descanvelle (last seen in "The Family"), Laurent Desponds (last seen in "Taken 3"), Matthieu Albertini, Frédéric Vallet, Sandrine Rigaux.
RATING: 6 out of 10 mugshots in the police database
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