BEFORE: OK, this may seem a little weird, because I'm putting a (partially) animated kids movie right in between two films about the porn industry, and another about filmmaking terrorists. What can I say, my linking makes for some strange neighbors sometimes. John Waters made a cameo in his own film "Cecil B. Demented", and he carries over to make another cameo in this film.
I guess it's part of a larger theme week about fame - the chipmunks are singing stars in their film series, right? What's odd is that last night's film had a whole bit about a porn film with a rodent entering a certain body cavity, and now tonight it's a whole bunch of famous singing rats. (Chipmunks are really rats, right?)
I must confess this is being included just to get it off of the list - this film has been languishing down in the "Unlinkables" section of my list for some time. It didn't share actors with ANY of the many animated films I watched this year, and that should tell you something right there.
THE PLOT: Through a series of misunderstandings, Alvin, Simon and Theodore come to believe that Dave is going to propose to his new girlfriend in Miami, and dump them. They have three days to get to him and stop the proposal, saving themselves from losing Dave and gaining a terrible stepbrother.
AFTER: I know, it's supposed to be a movie for kids, and I'm not a kid - nor do I have any kids. But I started this damn Chipmunks series, and I'm going to finish it today. Please PLEASE let this be the last "Chipmunks", movie, OK, Hollywood? We all have to stop letting people go to the movies to see films like this, or else they're just going to keep barfing out more of the same. Hey, if your kids like this movie, that's fine, but you may want to think about getting smarter kids in the long run. If I did have a kid, he or she would probably say something to me like, "How come Alvin, Simon and Theodore can talk and sing, but in their world there are also other animals, including squirrels, that can't?" That's assuming that I raised that kid correctly, with extra love and attention whenever they prove that they're smarter than the other kids their age.
Does this film series ever address this point? I doubt it. Are these 3 (OK, 6) Chipmunks extra special, was there some kind of mutation caused by a radiation leak that granted them intelligence and the power of speech? Are we as viewers just supposed to ignore this, like the people on screen in this wacko universe that's just like our own, except with 6 talking rodents? Now my head hurts.
The film itself is not only powered by misunderstandings, but also by the certainty that the three rats-in-sweaters are NOT going to behave. As soon as Dave, their foster father (apparently) tells them NOT to leave the house, or NOT to leave the hotel room, or NOT to follow him to Florida, you just know that's exactly what they're going to do, right? This is another very important reason to not let your kids see this - each time, the chipmunks are rewarded for NOT obeying the rules. It shouldn't matter if they're trying to fix things each time, a rule is a rule, and each time they transgress then they are punished more severely and have to apologize more sincerely, and after three times it just makes you wonder why there are even rules imposed on them in the first place.
Dismiss
"I know you said not to kill anyone, Dave, but we were just trying to fix things!" would be the ultimate illogical extension of this. I know, it's ridiculous, but that's where my mind tends to go, to take everything to its extreme illogical conclusion.
Part of the plot involves the possibility of Dave getting married, to a woman who has a son, and the first few meetings between the son and the Chipmunks do not go well. This would have been an excellent opportunity to make a statement about bullying, how wrong that is, and how a bully really only hates himself, or is acting out because of troubles at home, but the film just lets that alone - so there are no consquences for the bully, or motivations for him to change his behavior. What a shame, from a narrative standpoint.
And the character who kept getting beaten up by the Chipmunks in the first three films, played by David Cross, did not return - so they had to create a new character, who's an Air Marshal, who follows them and keeps getting injured or falling down or in some other crazy situation. Kudos to the actor who was smart enough to not take the job, and pity the actor who took his place.
And why was the actress who played the girlfriend delivering all of her lines through clenched teeth? She didn't seem to want to be there either, or maybe she got lockjaw after being bitten by a rabid CGI chipmunk? This franchise needs to end ASAP - someone call an exterminator.
Also starring Jason Lee (last seen in "Dreamcatcher"), Kimberly Williams-Paisley, Josh Green, Tony Hale (last heard in "The Angry Birds Movie"), Bella Thorne, Eddie Steeples, Maxie McClintock, Laura Marano, with the voices of Justin Long (last seen in "The Conspirator"), Matthew Gray Gubler (last heard in "Alvin and the Chipmunks: Chipwrecked"), Jesse McCartney (ditto), Christina Applegate (last seen in "The Sweetest Thing"), Kaley Cuoco (last seen in "A Million Ways to Die in the West"), Anna Faris (last seen in "Keanu"), and cameos from Jennifer Coolidge (last seen in "A Series of Unfortunate Events"), Uzo Aduba, Retta, Flula Borg (last seen in "Pitch Perfect 2"), RedFoo.
RATING: 2 out of 10 horrible pop songs that sound even worse when "sung" at chipmunk speed.
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