BEFORE: Christina Applegate carries over from "Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip", and it's another one of those weeks where I'm absolutely certain that no one ever, besides me, has watched these particular films in this order. Who watches an animated movie for kids and then follows it up with a film about porn stars and murder? You really should watch out for someone like that, there's probably something very wrong with them.
Speaking of which, I have heard from a reliable source that there will be no more "Chipmunks" films produced, after "The Road Chip", and it's probably just as well. It seems like Alvin's really in trouble this time, some of the Chipettes have accused him of sexual harassment, so his Hollywood career is over, unless he goes to sex rehab and then does the apology publicity tour. It's very sad - but you just can't have someone like that serving as a role model for kids.
THE PLOT: In the investigation of a brutal crime scene, one man was at the center of it all: legendary porn star John Holmes.
AFTER: Way back at the start of this year, I sent out a dedication to Carrie Fisher, who passed away just before Christmas. It took 11 months to finally get to some films with her in them - she turns up tonight in a small role as a religious L.A. woman trying to help get troubled women off the streets - but I didn't expect her to pop up here. This is almost too soon - I've got three more films with her scheduled for next week, including a little sci-fi film you might be anticipating, if you're like me. I'm still 7 films away from linking to "The Last Jedi" - but I'm gonna get back to Carrie in time for next Friday.
This film about John Holmes is a bit of an odd duck - I mean, there's no denying the fact that he was a person of interest in what came to be known as the "Wonderland Murders" (which took place on Wonderland Avenue) and were probably a gangster's retaliation for a robbery by a group of people who were also connected to Holmes. The connection between all the parties involved seems to be that John Holmes liked to come over to their houses, snort a bunch of cocaine, and then leave. Holmes also apparently worked out a deal to trade one person's antique guns for a bunch of drugs, and then may have suggested the plan to go steal the guns back, which then in turn precipitated the murders.
The problem is that being involved in both the heist and the murder plot is probably not the most interesting thing about John Holmes, who was much more famous for his x-rated movies, where he was known for, well, let's just say his size and his endurance. How did he get started in the industry? Once that happened, how did he become so famous? And then what effect did this have on his marriage and his personal life? How did he get addicted to drugs? All of these things I would be curious about, but this film just doesn't seem interested in them.
Instead we have to just assume that someone working in the porn industry probably made a number of bad life choices, and that's a pattern that seems to continue when we're introduced to Holmes as a character. He makes a stop at a house on Wonderland, then leaves his girlfriend in a hotel room, disappears for a few hours, and when he comes back, the news comes on with the story about four people killed in that very same house. Slowly we're shown the events of that night from several different perspectives, and the facts seem to change depending on who's relaying them. And you know I hate movies where I have to assemble the narrative myself from all the pieces, especially when they're not given out in the proper order.
And even when we do piece everything together, it scarcely matters since nearly everyone connected with the case either died in the house in Wonderland, or died a few years later from other causes. Also, several people were arrested and tried for the murders, but hardly anyone served any hard time. Everything about this case just ends up feeling pointless and depressing. Plus I think the director often lost track of this story, because there were a few times where there were flashbacks within flashbacks, and that's a big narrative no-no...this isn't "Inception".
Also starring Val Kilmer (last seen in "The Island of Dr. Moreau") Kate Bosworth (last seen in "Still Alice"), Lisa Kudrow (last seen in "Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising"), Dylan McDermott (last seen in "Olympus Has Fallen"), Josh Lucas (last seen in "Stolen"), Ted Levine (last seen in "Shutter Island"), Tim Blake Nelson (last seen in "Fantastic Four"), Faizon Love, M.C. Gainey (also last seen in "Stolen"), Eric Bogosian, Carrie Fisher (last seen in "Maps to the Stars") Janeane Garofalo (last seen in "Sandy Wexler"), Natasha Greyson Wagner (last seen in "Lost Highway"), Louis Lombardi (last seen in "Runner Runner"), Franky G (last seen in "The Italian Job"), Scoot McNairy (last seen in "Bobby"), Joleigh Fioravanti, George Leonardopoulos, Michelle Borth, Chris Ellis, with a cameo from Paris Hilton.
RATING: 4 out of 10 metal pipes
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